{"id":9913,"date":"2015-07-07T18:30:08","date_gmt":"2015-07-07T16:30:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=9913"},"modified":"2015-07-07T13:53:11","modified_gmt":"2015-07-07T11:53:11","slug":"ndihem-kudo-e-lodhur-dhe-e-bezdisur","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2015\/07\/ndihem-kudo-e-lodhur-dhe-e-bezdisur\/","title":{"rendered":"Ndihem kudo e lodhur dhe e bezdisur\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>&#8211; I nderuar doktor Demiri, problemin tim do ta quaja t\u00eb karakterit social, \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb tep\u00ebr nj\u00eb ankth, sesa ndrojtje dhe turp. Kam kuptuar k\u00ebto koh\u00ebt e fundit se ne q\u00eb vuajm\u00eb nga ankthi, \u00ebsht\u00eb mir\u00eb q\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb \u201cpresion\u201d t\u00eb brendsh\u00ebm ta mbajm\u00eb p\u00ebr vete sepse n\u00ebse ia rr\u00ebfen dikujt, si\u00e7 ndodhi me mua, ai nuk i shp\u00ebton rasti t\u00eb t\u00eb etiketoj\u00eb ankthioze, sepse njer\u00ebzit jan\u00eb paragjykues e t\u00eb bezdissh\u00ebm. Ndihem shum\u00eb keq, ndihem e lodhur dhe e bezdisur. \u00c7far\u00eb m\u00eb k\u00ebshilloni?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&#8211; Shpesh kam shkruar p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb ankthin social dhe p\u00ebrgjigjet e kaluara ju mund t\u2019i gjeni, pasi gazeta jon\u00eb e dashur \u201cIntervista\u201d tani gjendet edhe n\u00eb internet. Ju e keni th\u00ebn\u00eb bukur k\u00ebt\u00eb fjal\u00ebn \u201cpresion i brendsh\u00ebm\u201d, pasi problemi ka t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb vet\u00ebm me ju brenda p\u00ebr brenda, pra, ai \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm n\u00eb mendjen tuaj. Reagime t\u00eb tilla turpi, skuqje, zverdhje, djersitje etj. i kan\u00eb shumica e njer\u00ebzve t\u00eb mbindjesh\u00ebm, por juve sikur ju \u201cdjeg\u201d di\u00e7ka p\u00ebrbrenda pasi ju \u00ebsht\u00eb krijuar ky ankthi e ju b\u00ebr\u00eb obsesion (vesvese) dhe ju jep nj\u00eb siklet t\u00eb madh e reagime t\u00eb tilla trupore si bllokim, tharje goje, mornica, m\u00ebrzitje e gjendje t\u00eb till\u00eb sikur gjendesh n\u00eb nj\u00eb hon t\u00eb err\u00ebt. Sikleti shtohet edhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb duke dashur q\u00eb t\u00eb dukesh e qet\u00eb e t\u00eb mos biesh n\u00eb sy e nga kjo mundet q\u00eb njeriu t\u00eb flas\u00eb edhe pa pushuar e t\u00eb b\u00ebhet llafazan koti sepse ka frik\u00eb se mos i shkon kot biseda e ndihet p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebs. Un\u00eb e kuptoj thell\u00eb hallin tuaj, edhe pse ky lloj ankthi \u00ebsht\u00eb plot\u00ebsisht i trajtuesh\u00ebm me psikoterapi, ndaj lum ata t\u00eb pak\u00ebt q\u00eb e k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb ndihm\u00ebn e bashk\u00ebpunimin me psikoterapeutin. Them t\u00eb pak\u00ebt sepse shumic\u00ebn nuk i l\u00eb vet\u00eb ky lloj ankthi q\u00eb t\u00eb vijn\u00eb, duke kujtuar se do t\u00eb duken t\u00eb \u201cdob\u00ebt\u201d, \u201cqesharak\u00eb\u201d apo \u201cbudallenj\u201d. Shumica e tyre e marrin p\u00ebr keq \u00e7do gj\u00eb. Po t\u2019u thuash me shaka \u201chomo\u201d ata kujtojn\u00eb se duken si t\u00eb till\u00eb. Ata q\u00eb vijn\u00eb, qet\u00ebsohen shum\u00eb kur u shpjegojm\u00eb se kjo nuk ka lidhje as me t\u00eb qenit i dob\u00ebt, budalla, frikacak apo homo, por me \u201cgatimin\u201d e tyre dhe me rrug\u00ebn jet\u00ebsore, pasi ata n\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb nuk kan\u00eb lindur me k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj ankthi, por u \u00ebsht\u00eb ngjitur, pra, e kan\u00eb \u201cm\u00ebsuar\u201d at\u00eb n\u00eb saje t\u00eb ngacmuesve t\u00eb jasht\u00ebm specifik\u00eb dhe reagimeve t\u00eb tyre skajore e t\u00eb pazakonta. Prandaj k\u00ebta klient\u00eb nuk duhet ta quajn\u00eb veten t\u00eb s\u00ebmur\u00eb, pasi ankthizioteti s\u2019ka t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb me s\u00ebmundjet; ai \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm m\u00ebnyr\u00eb e t\u00eb menduarit, t\u00eb reaguarit, t\u00eb vepruarit me keqp\u00ebrshtatje. Gjat\u00eb 15 seancave ne i trajtojm\u00eb ata duke i b\u00ebr\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb njohin problemin dhe t\u00eb mos e vuajn\u00eb aq shum\u00eb pse e kan\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb gjendje, pra, ta pranojn\u00eb si ndonj\u00eb \u201csfide\u201d, si shqet\u00ebsim, por jo rrezik.<\/p>\n<p>Ankthi social v\u00ebrtet nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb rrezik, por \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb pengues dhe ta \u201cnxin\u201d jet\u00ebn, t\u00eb kusht\u00ebzon, nuk t\u00eb l\u00eb q\u00eb ta shijosh jet\u00ebn, ndaj duhet hequr, ashtu si \u201cferrat\u201d t\u00eb cilat pasi i ke shkelur mir\u00eb e mir\u00eb, mund t\u00eb ec\u00ebsh mbi to edhe k\u00ebmb\u00ebzbathur. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb arsyeja pse k\u00ebta njer\u00ebz t\u00eb zgjuar e tep\u00ebr t\u00eb mir\u00eb me k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj ankthi pasi informohen e st\u00ebrviten duke u p\u00ebrballur, b\u00ebjn\u00eb \u00e7udira m\u00eb pas dhe e shijojn\u00eb jet\u00ebn si ai q\u00eb si\u00e7 thot\u00eb populli, vet\u00ebm ai q\u00eb ka qen\u00eb n\u00eb burg apo i pushtuar, ia di vlerat liris\u00eb. Ata \u00e7lirojn\u00eb aft\u00ebsit\u00eb e veta dhe potencialin e madh q\u00eb p\u00ebr fat t\u00eb keq, si\u00e7 thon\u00eb fetar\u00ebt, \u201cshejtani\u201d ua ka bllokuar duke u krijuar vesvese. Ata m\u00ebsojn\u00eb t\u2019ua kthejn\u00eb shpin\u00ebn vesveseve e t\u00eb merren me besim te vetja e te Zoti, merren me pun\u00eb t\u00eb mira e t\u00eb dobishme dhe jo \u201ce lagu, s\u2019e lagu\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; Nj\u00eb nism\u00eb e re, nj\u00eb pun\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb pasion e lodhje sikur i nxjerr ata nga ky \u201chon\u201d i err\u00ebt. Ata n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet ekspozimit progresiv g\u00ebzohen pa mas\u00eb pasi pak e nga pak n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet pun\u00ebs e dhimbjes arrijn\u00eb t\u00eb durojn\u00eb pa e patur problem si m\u00eb par\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb e mendonin si nj\u00eb penges\u00eb t\u00eb pakap\u00ebrcyeshme, ose si\u00e7 thot\u00eb populli, fitojn\u00eb guximin e humbur dhe e \u201c\u00e7ajn\u00eb ferr\u00ebn\u201d. Ata m\u00ebsojn\u00eb edhe at\u00eb q\u00eb quhet \u201cb\u00ebrjen t\u00eb pandjesh\u00ebm\u201d me pak fjal\u00eb, ne me an\u00eb t\u00eb psikologjis\u00eb s\u00eb ashtuquajtur t\u00eb \u201cneveritjes\u201d, ua b\u00ebjm\u00eb si t\u00eb zakonshme ato fjal\u00eb apo mendime t\u00eb cilat ata i konsiderojn\u00eb p\u00ebr vese t\u00eb tmerrshme dhe skuqen vet\u00ebm duke i menduar. Ata kuptojn\u00eb se k\u00ebto mendime apo fantazi t\u00eb \u201ck\u00ebqija\u201d nuk jan\u00eb prodhim i mendjes son\u00eb, ato vijn\u00eb, shpesh edhe befas, por ajo q\u00eb ne kemi n\u00eb dor\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb mos shqet\u00ebsohemi sepse nuk jemi as q\u00eb i prodhojm\u00eb as q\u00eb i d\u00ebshirojm\u00eb ato, por ato vijn\u00eb si n\u00eb kund\u00ebrshtim e mospranim me nd\u00ebrgjegjen e moralin ton\u00eb, vijn\u00eb ashtu si mjegulla, ndaj edhe le t\u2019i l\u00ebm\u00eb t\u00eb ikin pa u \u201cp\u00ebrfshir\u00eb\u201d n\u00eb to. Klient\u00ebt m\u00ebsojn\u00eb edhe ca t\u00eb drejta t\u00eb tyre \u201ct\u00eb mbrapshta\u201d, t\u00eb cilat nuk i kan\u00eb ditur m\u00eb par\u00eb se i kan\u00eb si p\u00ebr shembull, ti ke t\u00eb drejt\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebsh gabime, t\u00eb flas\u00ebsh edhe kur t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt nuk ta k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb, ose t\u00eb mos flas\u00ebsh edhe kur t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt ta k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb t\u00eb flas\u00ebsh etj. plot 37 t\u00eb tilla.<\/p>\n<p>Ata m\u00ebsojn\u00eb shum\u00eb \u00e7udi t\u00eb bukura t\u00eb tilla, por nga ana tjet\u00ebr, m\u00ebsojn\u00eb se si t\u00eb jen\u00eb e t\u00eb ndihen vetvetja, t\u00eb ndjejn\u00eb e t\u00eb shprehin ndjenjat dhe emocionet e tyre si t\u00eb ligjshme. Ata m\u00ebsojn\u00eb t\u2019i \u201cnxjerrin\u201d e t\u2019i shprehin sikletet e tyre, t\u00eb mos \u00e7ajn\u00eb kok\u00ebn pse t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt i qeshin apo i ironizojn\u00eb ose nuk i pranojn\u00eb. Gjat\u00eb nd\u00ebrrimit t\u00eb \u201croleve\u201d ata p\u00ebrvet\u00ebsojn\u00eb afirmimet pozitive n\u00eb t\u00eb menduar e n\u00eb t\u00eb folur t\u00eb cilat dal\u00ebngadal\u00eb z\u00ebvend\u00ebsojn\u00eb pjes\u00ebn e \u201ckeqe\u201d, duke u b\u00ebr\u00eb automatike, pra, zhvendos\u00ebse. Seancat jan\u00eb edhe t\u00eb bukura, edhe interesante, shpeshher\u00eb edhe plot humor. Psikoterapia n\u00eb grup \u00ebsht\u00eb edhe m\u00eb e bukur pasi asnj\u00ebri nuk beson se tjetri e ka k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj ankthi, secili kujton se vet\u00ebm ai i ka k\u00ebto, madje e beson veten si nj\u00eb rast \u201cunik\u201d e t\u00eb pakorrigjuesh\u00ebm. Nd\u00ebr t\u00eb tjera, klienti m\u00ebson se si t\u00eb mos jet\u00eb dyshues e xheloz, se si t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb e t\u00eb marr\u00eb komplimente pasi k\u00ebta njer\u00ebz i kan\u00eb shum\u00eb t\u00eb nevojshme komplimentet, por nuk marrin sepse nuk japin (nga turpi ose se mos t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt kujtojn\u00eb sikur po tallen dhe jan\u00eb t\u00eb detyruar t\u00eb betohen p\u00ebr ato q\u00eb thon\u00eb) e pra, sipas ligjit t\u00eb karm\u00ebs, ajo q\u00eb ne japim, transmetojm\u00eb, na kthehet pas, na vlen, na sh\u00ebrben dhe e shijojm\u00eb. Nd\u00ebr t\u00eb tjera, ata m\u00ebsojn\u00eb se si t\u00eb mos b\u00ebhen \u201clexues\u201d t\u00eb k\u00ebqinj t\u00eb mendjes s\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve. P\u00ebr ta kuptuar k\u00ebt\u00eb, le t\u00eb kujtojm\u00eb at\u00eb barcalet\u00ebn se si nj\u00eb shofer vajti p\u00ebr t\u2019i k\u00ebrkuar krikun nj\u00eb kolegut t\u00eb vet taksist e gjat\u00eb gjith\u00eb rrug\u00ebs mendoi p\u00ebrgjigjet m\u00eb negative t\u00eb mundshme q\u00eb mund t\u00eb jepte ai dhe, sapo shoku i hapi der\u00ebn, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u2019i k\u00ebrkonte krikun, ai i tha: \u201ct\u00eb dhjefsha krikun!\u201d. Ai tjetri u habit dhe e mori p\u00ebr t\u00eb dehur, por kur e mori vesh t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00ebn, jo vet\u00ebm q\u00eb i dha krikun, por ia rregulloi edhe gom\u00ebn e ky tjetri, gati i turp\u00ebruar nga mir\u00ebsia e tij, i tha: \u201cm\u00eb fal se kam folur me veten dhe kam dh\u00ebn\u00eb ca p\u00ebrgjigje t\u00eb tuat pa t\u00eb pyetur ty, ndaj edhe t\u00eb shava krikun\u201d&#8230; Kjo do t\u00eb thot\u00eb \u201clexues\u201d i keq i mendjes s\u00eb tjetrit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8211; I nderuar doktor Demiri, problemin tim do ta quaja t\u00eb karakterit social, \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb tep\u00ebr nj\u00eb ankth, sesa ndrojtje dhe turp. Kam kuptuar k\u00ebto koh\u00ebt e fundit se ne q\u00eb vuajm\u00eb nga ankthi, \u00ebsht\u00eb mir\u00eb q\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb \u201cpresion\u201d t\u00eb brendsh\u00ebm ta mbajm\u00eb p\u00ebr vete sepse n\u00ebse ia rr\u00ebfen dikujt, si\u00e7 ndodhi me mua, ai [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9913","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9913","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9913"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9913\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9913"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9913"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9913"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}