{"id":9864,"date":"2015-07-01T16:00:44","date_gmt":"2015-07-01T14:00:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=9864"},"modified":"2015-07-01T13:12:19","modified_gmt":"2015-07-01T11:12:19","slug":"me-kerkon-ta-bejme-treshe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2015\/07\/me-kerkon-ta-bejme-treshe\/","title":{"rendered":"M\u00eb k\u00ebrkon ta b\u00ebjm\u00eb treshe"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>&#8211; Kam probleme me t\u00eb dashurin, sepse kur kryejm\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie, gjat\u00eb eksitimit, m\u00eb k\u00ebrkon q\u00eb midis nesh t\u00eb jet\u00eb edhe nj\u00eb mashkull tjet\u00ebr. Ai e p\u00ebrs\u00ebrit shpesh k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb dhe kur debatoj, ai vet\u00ebm hesht. E kam provokuar dhe shoh se nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb thjesht\u00eb fantazi e tij, por e d\u00ebshiron k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb. Si ka mund\u00ebsi? Nuk e kupton ai q\u00eb po m\u00eb largon nga vetja? Gjithashtu, k\u00ebrkon t\u00eb martohet me mua&#8230; Un\u00eb dua t\u00eb ndahem prej tij, edhe pse e kam dashur sepse po ma b\u00ebn marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnien t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb dhe t\u00eb neveritshme. \u00c7far\u00eb mendimi m\u00eb jepni? Me respekt, Ola. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em><u>Dr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist:<\/u><\/em><\/strong> &#8211; Kujdes, ai mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb edhe provokues apo manipulator pasi ndoshta do q\u00eb t\u00eb shoh\u00eb se sa e \u201cvendosur\u201d tregohesh ti p\u00ebr t\u00eb mos u \u201cshthurur\u201d. Ve\u00e7se po t\u00eb jet\u00eb k\u00ebshtu, ai b\u00ebn shum\u00eb gabim q\u00eb vepron n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb. Ky \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb supozim i imi pasi un\u00eb nuk kam nga ta di pse ai k\u00ebrkon q\u00eb bashk\u00eb me ju si \u00e7ift t\u00eb futet edhe nj\u00eb mashkull i tret\u00eb, pra, bashk\u00eb me t\u00eb, t\u00eb jet\u00eb edhe nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr. Pa dyshim q\u00eb ai mund t\u00eb ket\u00eb par\u00eb n\u00eb porno seks treshe dhe k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj fantazie e ka menduar aq shpesh sa tani ai nuk dallon dot se deri ku shtrihet \u201cnormalja\u201d e fillon \u201cperversja\u201d. E kam dhe nj\u00eb mendim tjet\u00ebr t\u00eb cilin po e them si me dyshim: ti m\u00eb thua q\u00eb ai do (k\u00ebrkon) q\u00eb t\u00eb martohet me ty. Po t\u00eb jet\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, \u00e7\u2019do t\u2019i duhej atij nj\u00eb i tret\u00eb, ose si\u00e7 thuhet, \u00e7\u2019i duhet ara me tre q\u00e9? Megjithat\u00eb, ai mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb biseskual, dometh\u00ebn\u00eb si\u00e7 i quan populli \u201cdeledash\u201d. Di nj\u00eb rast kur nj\u00eb grua e till\u00eb \u201cbiseksuale\u201d e pun\u00ebsoi t\u00eb dashur\u00ebn e saj te sht\u00ebpia dhe si me lezet, dal\u00ebngadal\u00eb e futi edhe at\u00eb n\u00eb krevatin ku ishte me t\u00eb shoqin. Kjo bot\u00eb ka plot \u00e7udira, por ai nuk kupton se duke dashur q\u00eb t\u00eb ket\u00eb edhe nj\u00eb mashkull, jo vet\u00ebm q\u00eb po k\u00ebrkon \u201cqiqra n\u00eb hell\u201d, por po t\u00eb humbet edhe ty. Ai beson se duke vepruar si \u201cpika e ujit\u201d q\u00eb dal\u00ebngadal\u00eb e shpon edhe gurin, ai me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb nuk e di se ty po ta b\u00ebn marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnien t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb e ndoshta t\u00eb neveritshme. Mendimi im \u00ebsht\u00eb se ai ka probleme edhe me formimin e tij si karakter, si individ, pra, edhe me \u201cgatimin\u201d n\u00eb fush\u00ebn e ndjenjave. Ai nuk ka nj\u00eb identitet t\u00eb past\u00ebr seksual dhe kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb keq sesa kur si\u00e7 thuhet n\u00eb popull, \u201ci ka t\u00eb dyja, por asnj\u00ebrin tamam\u201d. \u00c7do mashkull q\u00eb b\u00ebn di\u00e7ka t\u00eb re apo do q\u00eb t\u2019i shtoj\u00eb di\u00e7ka menus\u00eb \u201cseksuale\u201d duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb kujdes me \u201cllogarit\u00eb\u201d, pasi duhet t\u00eb parashikoj\u00eb edhe efektin e asaj q\u00eb b\u00ebn ose si\u00e7 themi ne psikolog\u00ebt, t\u2019i ruhet \u201creaksionit\u201d t\u00eb ndjenjave te femrat, t\u00eb cilat aq sa tolerante mund t\u00eb duken n\u00eb t\u00ebr\u00ebsi, po aq \u201cstrikte\u201d dhe nd\u00ebshkuese jan\u00eb kur u b\u00ebn \u201creaksion\u201d ajo q\u00eb ua fut n\u00eb sfond e ajo s\u2019e g\u00eblltit sfer\u00ebn e seksit pasi mund t\u00eb p\u00ebsojn\u00eb traum\u00eb emocionale, reaksion t\u00eb fort\u00eb t\u00eb ndjenjave e zhg\u00ebnjim aq t\u00eb madh sa rikuperimi mund t\u00eb rezultoj\u00eb i v\u00ebshtir\u00eb.<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; Dhe n\u00ebse k\u00ebto raste, nuk paraqiten p\u00ebr ndihm\u00eb te psikologu, mund t\u2019u lindin forma ankthi, makthe, mendime obsesive aq sa mos respekti ndaj vetes dhe p\u00ebr shkaktarin, mund t\u2019i \u00e7oj\u00eb deri n\u00eb neveri ndaj seksit e ndaj atij vet\u00eb. Jeta seksuale \u00ebsht\u00eb shpesh e brisht\u00eb te femrat e moralshme dhe t\u00eb edukuara dhe nuk duron \u201cperversitete\u201d. Dikush mendon se \u201cdo t\u00eb m\u00eb doj\u00eb p\u00ebrderisa m\u00eb ka dashur, s\u2019ka nga t\u2019ia mbaj\u00eb\u201d, por nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb tamam k\u00ebshtu. P\u00ebr ta kuptuar m\u00eb mir\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb \u201creaksionin\u201d e ndjenj\u00ebs, mjafton t\u00eb them se mua m\u00eb kan\u00eb ardhur \u00e7ifte ku martesa \u00ebsht\u00eb tronditur sikur t\u00eb ket\u00eb r\u00ebn\u00eb \u201cbomba\u201d vet\u00ebm sepse burri apo gruaja p\u00ebr hir t\u00eb \u201csinqeritetit\u201d dhe \u201cpendes\u00ebs\u201d (s\u00eb tepruar) ka treguar ndonj\u00eb flirt apo lidhje paramartesore. N\u00eb nj\u00eb rast, vet\u00ebm pse burri i ka treguar s\u00eb shoqes se n\u00eb rini kishte shkuar me nj\u00eb lyp\u00ebse me ngjyr\u00eb, kjo gj\u00eb asaj i kujtohej papushim aq shpesh dhe orgazmat i kishin l\u00ebn\u00eb sh\u00ebnden\u00eb. Edhe vet\u00eb Grei, te \u201c50 hijet e Greit\u201d sado \u201ctalent\u201d q\u00eb ishte n\u00eb seks nuk mundi ta b\u00ebnte t\u00eb dashur\u00ebn e tij t\u00eb duronte at\u00eb q\u00eb s\u2019durohej e nuk pranohej p\u00ebr t\u00eb. Po t\u00eb gjente ndonj\u00eb fem\u00ebr t\u00eb \u201cgatuar\u201d si mazokiste, me siguri q\u00eb ai do ta kishte at\u00eb ashtu si\u00e7 e donte. Pastaj vet\u00eb autorja rreket m\u00eb kot t\u00eb na tregoj\u00eb se si Grei do t\u00eb reflektoj\u00eb duke u trajtuar me psikolog p\u00ebr ta ndryshuar. Nuk ka psikolog n\u00eb bot\u00eb q\u00eb b\u00ebn t\u00eb mundur ndryshimin e identitetit seksual, prandaj habitem si nuk ka pyetur psikolog\u00ebt ajo ose si nuk e kan\u00eb k\u00ebshilluar, pasi nj\u00eb sadist e maniak seksual si Grei, mund t\u00eb \u201cndryshoj\u00eb\u201d vet\u00ebm n\u00eb form\u00eb si p\u00ebr shembull, mund t\u00eb \u201cstopoj\u00eb\u201d p\u00ebrkoh\u00ebsisht seksin, por nuk mund t\u00eb ndryshoj\u00eb shijet apo identitetin e tij seksual. Tek un\u00eb ka ndodhur q\u00eb m\u00eb vijn\u00eb homo apo lesbike q\u00eb duan t\u00eb ndryshojn\u00eb, kurse un\u00eb pasi u b\u00ebj \u201ctestin\u201d dhe dal n\u00eb p\u00ebrfundimin profesional psiko-seksologjik, se jan\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb, i b\u00ebj ta pranojn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb e t\u00eb mos luftojn\u00eb si me \u201cmullinjt\u00eb\u201d e er\u00ebs\u201d, pra, ta pranojn\u00eb e t\u2019i g\u00ebzohen identitetit t\u00eb tyre (si t\u00eb \u201cgatuar\u201d). Vijn\u00eb djem e vajza t\u00eb trembur se mos jan\u00eb homoseksual\u00eb, homofobik\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebt edhe sikur t\u00eb duan, sikur t\u00eb paguajn\u00eb miliarda apo t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb pederasti apo lesbiz\u00ebm \u00e7do dit\u00eb, nuk mund t\u00eb b\u00ebhen e as t\u00eb jen\u00eb homo apo lesbike, pavar\u00ebsisht se kujtojn\u00eb se jan\u00eb, por d\u00ebshirat i kan\u00eb p\u00ebr seksin tjet\u00ebr. N\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha rastet q\u00eb do t\u00eb duhej asistenca e psikologut p\u00ebr ta futur mendjen n\u00eb shina. T\u00eb mos b\u00ebjm\u00eb \u201cshum\u00eb prova\u201d me jet\u00ebn e sh\u00ebndetshme seksuale, por t\u00eb g\u00ebzohemi me at\u00eb q\u00eb na \u00ebsht\u00eb dh\u00ebn\u00eb e q\u00eb e kemi, ta ruajm\u00eb e ta sh\u00ebndoshim, pasi jeta e sh\u00ebndeti seksual jan\u00eb pjesa integrale m\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme e jet\u00ebs dhe e sh\u00ebndetit t\u00ebr\u00ebsor. N\u00ebse ti vajz\u00eb let\u00ebrshkruese do q\u00eb t\u00eb mos e humbas\u00ebsh k\u00ebt\u00eb t\u00eb dashur b\u00ebjini 2-3 seanca s\u00ebbashku me psikologun p\u00ebr t\u00eb par\u00eb se kush jeni nga po ecni e ku duhet t\u00eb arrini. Ka gjithmon\u00eb di\u00e7ka p\u00ebr ta b\u00ebr\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb edhe k\u00ebtu.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8211; Kam probleme me t\u00eb dashurin, sepse kur kryejm\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie, gjat\u00eb eksitimit, m\u00eb k\u00ebrkon q\u00eb midis nesh t\u00eb jet\u00eb edhe nj\u00eb mashkull tjet\u00ebr. Ai e p\u00ebrs\u00ebrit shpesh k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb dhe kur debatoj, ai vet\u00ebm hesht. E kam provokuar dhe shoh se nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb thjesht\u00eb fantazi e tij, por e d\u00ebshiron k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb. Si ka mund\u00ebsi? [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9864","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9864"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9864\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9864"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9864"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9864"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}