{"id":9330,"date":"2015-05-20T16:00:12","date_gmt":"2015-05-20T14:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=9330"},"modified":"2015-05-20T11:23:07","modified_gmt":"2015-05-20T09:23:07","slug":"kam-emocione-nuk-komunikoj-dot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2015\/05\/kam-emocione-nuk-komunikoj-dot\/","title":{"rendered":"Kam emocione, nuk komunikoj dot"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>&#8211; P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje doktor Jashari. Jam nj\u00eb djal\u00eb 25 vje\u00e7, q\u00eb kam nj\u00eb problem me komunikimin. Jam i ndrojtur kur flas me njerez t\u00eb rinj e sidomos me vajzat. Me shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb jam aktiv dhe n\u00eb \u00e7do fush\u00eb ata m\u00eb marrin mendim, m\u00eb k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb sugjerime madje, por kur bie fjala p\u00ebr vete, nuk di t\u00eb flas bindsh\u00ebm ose qart\u00eb. Kam emocione dhe shpesh m\u00eb ndodh t\u00eb mos komunikoj dot, pasi nuk di \u00e7far\u00eb t\u00eb bisedoj. P\u00ebr shembull, ka nj\u00eb vit q\u00eb flas me nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb n\u00eb telefon. Ne njiheshim q\u00eb m\u00eb par\u00eb, por jo nga af\u00ebr. Tani, kur e takoj, nuk jam n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb flas e t\u00eb krijoj nj\u00eb bised\u00eb interesante me t\u00eb. Bisedoj pak p\u00ebr tema serioze dhe largohem se kam emocione e nuk m\u00eb vjen asgj\u00eb n\u00eb mendje p\u00ebr t\u00eb folur. Kjo gjendje m\u00eb streson dhe nuk di si ta ndihmoj veten p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb m\u00eb aktiv dhe gazmor n\u00eb komunikim. Ju fal\u00ebnderoj shum\u00eb p\u00ebr ndihm\u00ebn.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em><u>Dr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist: <\/u><\/em><\/strong>&#8211; I nderuar djal\u00eb 25 vje\u00e7ar, po ta them q\u00eb n\u00eb fillim se ti qenke djal\u00eb i aft\u00eb dhe me vlera, por me sed\u00ebr t\u00eb tepruar. Edhe pse nuk ke shkruar shum\u00eb, e kuptoj shum\u00eb mir\u00eb gjendjen t\u00ebnde, por mos harro se noti vet\u00ebm n\u00eb uj\u00eb m\u00ebsohet. Un\u00eb kam trajtuar e \u00e7liruar shum\u00eb t\u00eb rinj me ndrojtje, sidomos me vajzat, por edhe me ankth social apo si\u00e7 kam qejf ta quaj un\u00eb, \u201cankth performance\u201d. \u00c7udit\u00ebrisht, ky lloj ankthi ndeshet m\u00eb shum\u00eb te moshat e reja dhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb te djemt\u00eb sesa te vajzat. Deri diku ai quhet \u201cnormal\u201d, por edhe kur \u00ebsht\u00eb i tepruar, ai \u00ebsht\u00eb ankth i trajtuesh\u00ebm dhe ne psikolog\u00ebve na p\u00eblqen se me t\u00eb nuk na vete puna \u201cd\u00ebm\u201d, pra, ia dalim gjithmon\u00eb me k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj ankthi, por si\u00e7 \u00ebsht\u00eb lajm i mir\u00eb se \u00ebsht\u00eb i sigurt\u00eb trajtimi me psikoterapi, ashtu \u00ebsht\u00eb lajm i keq fakti se mbi 80 % e klient\u00ebve me ankth social, p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb vet\u00eb specifik\u00ebs s\u00eb ankthit q\u00eb u krijojn\u00eb bisedat me nj\u00eb t\u00eb panjohur, qoft\u00eb edhe psikolog, nuk vijn\u00eb p\u00ebr trajtim. Ata 20 % q\u00eb vijn\u00eb, miq\u00ebsohen menj\u00ebher\u00eb me ne psikolog\u00ebt dhe kur trajtohen, m\u00ebsojn\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb rreth k\u00ebtij lloj ankthi, rreth vetes, rreth vlerave t\u00eb tyre, pushojn\u00eb s\u00eb qeni \u201cviktima\u201d dhe b\u00ebhen shkenc\u00ebtar\u00eb mjaft t\u00eb aft\u00eb \u201cmenaxhues\u201d. E prandaj ka gjithmon\u00eb nj\u00eb her\u00eb t\u00eb par\u00eb q\u00eb, si\u00e7 thuhet, e \u201cthyen akullin\u201d. E v\u00ebrteta \u00ebsht\u00eb se p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsisht, njer\u00ebzit me ankth social kan\u00eb nj\u00eb zgjuarsi gati hyjnore dhe nj\u00eb shpirt t\u00eb madh e t\u00eb gjer\u00eb, por ata k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb sakt\u00ebsira deri n\u00eb detaje, sidomos ndaj vetes. Ky lloj ankthi apo fobie sociale, si t\u00eb gjitha fobit\u00eb, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e \u201clindur\u201d edhe kur t\u00eb duket sikur s\u2019do t\u00eb shp\u00ebtosh dot kurr\u00eb prej tij, por \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e \u201cm\u00ebsuar\u201d, n\u00eb saje t\u00eb ngacmueseve specifik\u00eb e t\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebritur q\u00eb ti djal\u00eb tani ke merak (ose i ke marr\u00eb shum\u00eb merak) pak e nga pak sepse reagimet e tyre me ankth t\u00eb kan\u00eb shqet\u00ebsuar shum\u00eb, pra, t\u00eb kan\u00eb \u201cdjegur\u201d. Ruajna Zot, kur kjo ndodh edhe n\u00eb seksin e \u201cher\u00ebs s\u00eb par\u00eb\u201d, kur djali ndoshta i trembur dhe tep\u00ebr i p\u00ebrqendruar p\u00ebr performanc\u00ebn seksuale, pra, p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb nj\u00eb p\u00ebrshtypje sa m\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb befas, nuk arrin t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb dot seks. N\u00ebse ky lloj fenomeni p\u00ebrs\u00ebritet, djali dal\u00ebngadal\u00eb bindet se \u00ebsht\u00eb i paaft\u00eb si mashkull, edhe m\u00eb keq, impotent dhe ndodh q\u00eb ik\u00ebn e mbyllet larg vajz\u00ebs, n\u00eb \u201cfatkeq\u00ebsin\u00eb\u201d e tij t\u00eb fsheht\u00eb. K\u00ebshtu, i t\u00ebrhequr, pa guxuar m\u00eb tej t\u00eb provoj\u00eb, duke mos u p\u00ebrballur e duke mos marr\u00eb njohurit\u00eb psikoseksologjike, ai mund t\u00eb vazhdoj\u00eb t\u00eb mbetet i t\u00ebrhequr p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb ankthit e turpit. Kjo p\u00ebrkohshm\u00ebri e p\u00ebrs\u00ebritur mund t\u2019i b\u00ebhet si nj\u00eb p\u00ebrhershm\u00ebri e zgjatur e q\u00eb populli s\u2019ka ditur t\u2019i v\u00ebr\u00eb em\u00ebr tjet\u00ebr, por s\u00ebmundje ose magji.<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; Me psikoterapi ata kuptojn\u00eb se jan\u00eb futur si pa e kuptuar n\u00eb at\u00eb rreth vicioz i cili duhet thyer pasi kjo lloj \u201cimpotence\u201d nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb reale, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, por fallco, e induktuar, e autosugjestionuar (p\u00ebr keq) ose hipokondrike (nga frika). Ashtu si te t\u00eb gjitha simptomat e ankthit, vepron edhe k\u00ebtu ajo q\u00eb quhet \u201cpsikosomatikja\u201d. Kjo ndodh ngaq\u00eb p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb mendimit se do t\u00eb d\u00ebshtoj\u00eb, se do t\u00eb turp\u00ebrohet p\u00ebrs\u00ebri etj., gjaku grumbullohet te truri e vete pak te penisi dhe ky i fundit mbetet i paerektuar.<\/p>\n<p>Ta dhash\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb shembull, i nderuari let\u00ebrshkrues, p\u00ebr ta kuptuar se si ti je futur pa kuptuar e dal\u00ebngadal\u00eb n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rreth vicioz kur flet me vajzat, edhe pse je aktiv e i zgjuar dhe ata ty t\u00eb marrin mendime e t\u00eb k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb sugjerime p\u00ebr \u00e7do gj\u00eb. Ty t\u00eb duket e pakuptueshme se si ti, papritur, gjendesh si n\u00eb nj\u00eb \u201cvalle\u201d t\u00eb keqe dhe para nj\u00eb vajze, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb ta \u00ebmb\u00eblsosh muhabetin, do q\u00eb t\u00eb largohesh sa m\u00eb par\u00eb. Largimi p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb turpit dhe emocioneve p\u00ebrb\u00ebn at\u00eb q\u00eb quhet \u201ckeqp\u00ebrshtatje\u201d, si nj\u00eb lloj kompulsioni q\u00eb e mban gjall\u00eb obsesionin (fiksimin, merakun) ose si\u00e7 thon\u00eb besimtar\u00ebt, duke ikur, ti ia b\u00ebn qejfin \u201cshejtanit\u201d i cili t\u00eb thot\u00eb \u201cik se po le nam\u201d, kur q\u00ebllimi i tij k\u00ebtu nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb ndihmoj\u00eb, por t\u00eb t\u00eb prish\u00eb pun\u00eb. Duke mos ikur e duke biseduar jo vet\u00ebm tema serioze, por edhe ato q\u00eb quhen \u201choka-koti\u201d apo gallat\u00eb, p\u00ebr t\u00eb cilat ka nevoj\u00eb njeriu, ti do t\u00eb m\u00ebsohesh e do t\u00eb p\u00ebrballesh, do t\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebhet kjo si nj\u00eb gj\u00eb e zakonshme e natyrore, ashtu si noti, t\u00eb cilin, pasi e ke m\u00ebsuar, edhe pse s\u2019e ke pasur \u201ct\u00ebndin\u201d (dometh\u00ebn\u00eb, natyror) nuk e harron kurr\u00eb. M\u00eb sip\u00ebr p\u00ebrmenda fjal\u00ebn \u201cvalle e keqe\u201d sepse ti ndihesh n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj gjendjeje ngaq\u00eb nga nj\u00ebra an\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqesh t\u00eb dukesh e t\u00eb tregohesh i qet\u00eb, edhe pse nuk je, kurse nga ana tjet\u00ebr p\u00ebrpiqesh t\u00eb gjesh e t\u00eb thuash fjal\u00eb t\u00eb men\u00e7ura e interesante aq sa ke frik\u00eb se mos \u201cshuhet\u201d biseda e nuk do t\u00eb dish p\u00ebr \u00e7far\u00eb t\u00eb flas\u00ebsh.<\/p>\n<p>Mos q\u00ebndro si i shtr\u00ebnguar n\u00eb vetvete, mos ki ego e sed\u00ebr t\u00eb tepruar dhe krenari fallco. Mos rri si ndonj\u00eb i pashpres\u00eb dhe si i \u201cmarr\u00eb peng\u201d nga kjo lloj \u201cpengmarrjeje\u201d emocionale, por b\u00ebji nja 8 apo 10 seanca me psikoterapi. Besoj se u kuptuam.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8211; P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje doktor Jashari. Jam nj\u00eb djal\u00eb 25 vje\u00e7, q\u00eb kam nj\u00eb problem me komunikimin. Jam i ndrojtur kur flas me njerez t\u00eb rinj e sidomos me vajzat. Me shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb jam aktiv dhe n\u00eb \u00e7do fush\u00eb ata m\u00eb marrin mendim, m\u00eb k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb sugjerime madje, por kur bie fjala p\u00ebr vete, nuk di t\u00eb flas bindsh\u00ebm [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9330","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9330"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9330\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9330"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9330"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9330"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}