Jeta \u00ebsht\u00eb e \u00e7muar, k\u00ebt\u00eb e dim\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb, e kemi d\u00ebgjuar q\u00ebkur kemi filluar t\u00eb kuptojm\u00eb at\u00eb \u00e7ka thuhet, por rrall\u00eb njer\u00ebz e kuptojn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb deri n\u00eb momentin kur u ndodh di\u00e7ka. Nj\u00eb nd\u00ebr k\u00ebta persona jam un\u00eb. Kur jet\u00ebn e kisha ashtu si\u00e7 duhet, nuk dija ta vler\u00ebsoja. Tani e kujtoj at\u00eb koh\u00eb e mendoj se sa egoiste kam qen\u00eb.
\nTani jam nj\u00eb grua 40 vje\u00e7e. I mbusha para pak dit\u00ebsh 40 vjet\u00ebt e ndoshta prandaj vendosa dhe ta shkruaj historin\u00eb time, sepse ndihem pak si melankolike. Kam nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb, djal\u00eb, i cili ka dy vjet q\u00eb studion n\u00eb Skoci. \u00cbndrra ime ka qen\u00eb q\u00eb ai t\u00eb fitonte nj\u00eb burs\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb dhe me shum\u00eb pun\u00eb, ia arrita. Q\u00ebkur kam mbaruar shkoll\u00ebn, kam b\u00ebr\u00eb pun\u00eb shum\u00eb t\u00eb mira e me rrog\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb. U diplomova n\u00eb matematik\u00eb dhe asnj\u00ebher\u00eb nuk kam mbetur pa pun\u00eb. Burri ishte shum\u00eb i mir\u00eb. Ishim dashuruar n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb dhe e donim nj\u00ebri-tjetrin, mir\u00ebpo ai ishte pak si indiferent ndaj meje, nuk ishte aq i p\u00ebrkushtuar dhe un\u00eb nuk e duroja dot k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb. M\u00ebrzitesha shum\u00eb nga indeferentizmi i tij dhe vet\u00ebm ziheshim, por m\u00eb e keqja \u00ebsht\u00eb se edhe tani q\u00eb e mendoj, m\u00eb duket se ai e kishte fajin. N\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb librat e filmat lexojm\u00eb e shohim se njeriu q\u00eb mbahet af\u00ebr, nuk gabon kurr\u00eb, ndjehet m\u00eb i qet\u00eb. E \u00e7\u2019faj mund t\u00eb kisha un\u00eb?
\nMir\u00ebpo e keqja nuk m\u00eb erdhi nga kjo. Rreth mosh\u00ebs 36 vje\u00e7are kisha shum\u00eb probleme me sh\u00ebndetin e kryesisht, problemet gjinekologjike. Kishte kaluar nj\u00eb koh\u00eb e gjat\u00eb q\u00ebkur kisha lindur dhe pas lindjes s\u00eb djalit, kisha provuar t\u00eb mbetesha shtatz\u00ebn\u00eb, por edhe nj\u00ebher\u00eb q\u00eb mbeta, abortova kur isha 10 jav\u00ebshe. Dy dit\u00eb pas abortit isha mir\u00eb, pastaj kisha temperatur\u00eb e menj\u00ebher\u00eb m\u00eb shtruan n\u00eb spital. Isha n\u00eb gjendje shum\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00eb sepse kisha qaf\u00ebn e mitr\u00ebs jo n\u00eb rregull dhe ajo nuk i linte mbeturinat t\u00eb dilnin jasht\u00eb, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb vet\u00ebm pas tre jav\u00ebsh mjekimi intensiv, munda t\u00eb dilja nga spitali. Q\u00eb nga ajo koh\u00eb, nuk kisha b\u00ebr\u00eb asnj\u00eb kontroll.
\nNuk kisha patur shqet\u00ebsime, p\u00ebrve\u00e7 koh\u00ebs kur po flas. Shqet\u00ebsimet filluan t\u00eb shtoheshin dhe me zor t\u00eb madh shkova t\u00eb b\u00ebja nj\u00eb vizit\u00eb.
\nSapo mbarova vizit\u00ebn, doktori m\u00eb tha se duhet t\u00eb filloja menj\u00ebher\u00eb mjekimin dhe pas tij, t\u00eb konsultohesha me nj\u00eb mjek kirurg. N\u00eb at\u00eb \u00e7ast, u stepa, por ai m\u00eb siguroi se ishte nj\u00eb operacion i thjesht\u00eb.
\nPas mjekimit, meqen\u00ebse nuk kisha p\u00ebrmir\u00ebsime, duhej t\u00eb operohesha. Djali im at\u00ebher\u00eb nuk ishte n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb t\u00eb mesme dhe u m\u00ebrzit shum\u00eb. E qet\u00ebsova duke i th\u00ebn\u00eb se ishte nj\u00eb gj\u00eb shum\u00eb e vog\u00ebl, madje mjek\u00ebt do ta kryenin operacionin shum\u00eb shpejt. Vet\u00eb grat\u00eb e kuptojn\u00eb se si do t\u00eb kryej (nuk do t\u00eb \u00e7ahesha n\u00eb bark). Kur ia thash\u00eb burrit, ai reagoi si\u00e7 mund t\u00eb reagonte vet\u00ebm ai.
\n– Vet\u00eb e ke fajin, duhej t\u00eb ishe kontrolluar m\u00eb shpesh. – tha, sikur un\u00eb t\u00eb doja t\u00eb s\u00ebmuresha.
\nN\u00eb fakt, m\u00eb m\u00ebrziti me k\u00ebt\u00eb q\u00eb tha, por tashm\u00eb m\u00eb duhej t\u00eb mendoja se si t\u2019ia thoja n\u00ebn\u00ebs e cila ishte e vjet\u00ebr dhe e s\u00ebmur\u00eb me tension. Mendova t\u00eb mos i thoja gj\u00eb. U thash\u00eb motrave q\u00eb t\u2019i thonin nj\u00eb g\u00ebnjesht\u00ebr. Shkova te n\u00ebna nj\u00eb dit\u00eb para operacionit dhe i thash\u00eb se do t\u00eb ikja me disa shoqe p\u00ebr qejf. Ajo ishte me t\u00eb vjetr\u00ebn dhe menj\u00ebher\u00eb m\u00eb tha:
\n– I ke th\u00ebn\u00eb burrit? Se, pastaj, ku i dihet!
\n– Po, n\u00ebn\u00eb, rri pa merak. Si do t\u00eb shkoja pa i th\u00ebn\u00eb atij?
\n– Mir\u00eb, – m\u00eb tha, – ke nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr ndonj\u00eb lek?
\n– Jo, – i thash\u00eb – faleminderit. – Dhe e putha fort, edhe pse doktori me kishte siguruar se ishte nj\u00eb minioperacion.
\nAjo gjithmon\u00eb k\u00ebshtu m\u00eb thoshte, a i kisha marr\u00eb leje burrit dhe a kisha lek\u00eb, edhe pse e dinte se isha mir\u00eb nga gjendja ekonomike.
\nT\u00eb nes\u00ebrmen u shtrova n\u00eb spital dhe nga ora 12, \u00e7do gj\u00eb kishte mbaruar. M\u00eb kishin ardhur motrat, babi e djali, sepse burri nuk kishte marr\u00eb dot leje. K\u00ebshtu ishte ai. Merrte leje p\u00ebr ndonj\u00eb das\u00ebm a p\u00ebr t\u00eb shkuar me shok\u00ebt p\u00ebr drek\u00eb, kurse p\u00ebr rastin tim nuk kishte marr\u00eb. Ai tha se \u201ci thash\u00eb shefit, por nuk m\u00eb la\u201d. E kush e beson? Un\u00eb jo, p\u00ebr vete.
\nNejse, un\u00eb e kisha pranuar ashtu si\u00e7 ishte. Operacionin e kishin b\u00ebr\u00eb vet\u00ebm me mpirje lokale si\u00e7 i thon\u00eb doktor\u00ebt, q\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb me nj\u00eb gjilp\u00ebr\u00eb q\u00eb b\u00ebhet n\u00eb shpin\u00ebn kurrizore dhe mpin t\u00eb gjith\u00eb pjes\u00ebn e poshtme t\u00eb trupit nga mesi e posht\u00eb. Sipas tyre nuk kishte nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr m\u00eb tep\u00ebr mpirje. Pas operacionit, doktori erdhi tek un\u00eb dhe m\u00eb tha se \u00e7do gj\u00eb kishte shkuar p\u00ebr mrekulli. Tashm\u00eb, nuk kisha asnj\u00eb problem. M\u00eb duhej t\u00eb rrija disa or\u00eb shtrir\u00eb derisa t\u00eb m\u00eb \u00e7mpiheshin k\u00ebmb\u00ebt. Njer\u00ebzit e mi t\u00eb af\u00ebrt u larguan dhe mua, nga qet\u00ebsuesit, m\u00eb zuri gjumi.
\nKur m\u00eb doli gjumi, pash\u00eb se ishte err\u00ebsuar. Te koka e krevatit po rrinte djali im dhe burri, i cili kishte pak q\u00eb kishte ardhur. E harrova munges\u00ebn e tij gjat\u00eb gjith\u00eb dit\u00ebs dhe i thash\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00eb ngrinte pak nga krevati. B\u00ebra t\u00eb ngrihesha, por nuk ngrihesha dot. K\u00ebmb\u00ebt akoma nuk m\u00eb ishin \u00e7mpir\u00eb. Thirr\u00ebm infemieren dhe ajo b\u00ebri nj\u00eb gjest habie, sepse pas gjith\u00eb asaj kohe, normalisht duhej t\u00eb ecja e t\u00eb shkoja n\u00eb banj\u00eb. Lajm\u00ebroi menj\u00ebher\u00eb doktorin dhe ai m\u00eb vizitoi, por kur ai m\u2019i prekte k\u00ebmb\u00ebt, un\u00eb nuk ndjeja asgj\u00eb. Erdh\u00ebn edhe shum\u00eb doktor\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00eb e shum\u00eb vizita, por p\u00ebrfundimi ishte vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb: Kur m\u00eb kishin b\u00ebr\u00eb gjilp\u00ebr\u00ebn n\u00eb shpin\u00eb, padashur m\u00eb kishin prekur nj\u00eb nerv dhe k\u00ebshtu, k\u00ebmb\u00ebt e mia tashm\u00eb ishin t\u00eb paralizuara. Ishte nj\u00eb gj\u00eb e tmerrshme! Isha shtruar n\u00eb spital p\u00ebr disa or\u00eb ose m\u00eb s\u00eb shumti nj\u00eb dit\u00eb dhe tani po dilja nga spitali me karroc\u00eb invalidi. Askush nuk e kishte besuar k\u00ebt\u00eb, madje disa njer\u00ebz m\u00eb kishin th\u00ebn\u00eb se kjo mund t\u00eb kalonte me mjekime dhe me ndonj\u00eb ila\u00e7 popullor, se nuk kisha nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb operohesha, por nuk i d\u00ebgjova, u besova doktor\u00ebve.
\nNuk kisha \u00e7\u2019t\u00eb b\u00ebja. Paska qen\u00eb fati im! Shkova n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi dhe mendoja se si do t\u2019ia thoja n\u00ebn\u00ebs. Babi ia kishte th\u00ebn\u00eb p\u00ebrpara dhe e kishte p\u00ebrgatitur paksa, por kur m\u00eb pa ashtu, asaj i ra t\u00eb fik\u00ebt. E kisha g\u00ebnjyer se do t\u00eb shkoja p\u00ebr pushime dhe tani po m\u00eb shihte n\u00eb karroc\u00eb…
\n– M\u00eb vjen keq q\u00eb t\u00eb g\u00ebnjeva n\u00ebn\u00eb!
\n– Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb aty puna bij\u00eb, por si mund t\u00eb eci un\u00eb kur vajza ime nuk ec\u00ebn? E \u00e7\u2019m\u00eb duhet jeta tani?
\n– Mos u m\u00ebrzit, doktor\u00ebt m\u00eb kan\u00eb dh\u00ebn\u00eb shum\u00eb shpresa.
\n– E pse duhej t\u00eb ishte k\u00ebshtu f\u00ebmija im m\u00eb i urt\u00eb? – qante ajo pa pushim. Edhe djali q\u00eb rrinte n\u00eb kolltuk, qante me lot. Edhe motrat, gjithashtu. N\u00eb at\u00eb dhom\u00eb, vet\u00ebm burrit tim nuk i kishte ndryshuar aspak ritmi i jet\u00ebs. Rrinte e shihte me v\u00ebmendjen m\u00eb t\u00eb madhe televizorin.
\nEdhe pse isha n\u00eb nj\u00eb hall m\u00eb t\u00eb madh, ai m\u00eb m\u00ebrziste shum\u00eb. Q\u00eb nga ajo dit\u00eb un\u00eb nuk kam ecuar akoma me k\u00ebmb\u00ebt e mia. Ka pak q\u00eb po p\u00ebrdor paterica, por \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb dhe m\u00eb duhet nj\u00eb njeri q\u00eb ta kem me vete, sepse lodhem shpejt. Burri gjat\u00eb gjith\u00eb fizioterapis\u00eb as nuk erdhi me mua dhe as m\u00eb ndenji af\u00ebr. Vet\u00ebm kur ishte puna t\u00eb b\u00ebnte dokumentet e djalit, u mor me to, pavar\u00ebsisht se lek\u00ebt i kisha kursyer un\u00eb q\u00eb m\u00eb par\u00eb. Pas operacionit un\u00eb humba pun\u00ebn dhe kisha vet\u00ebm pensionin q\u00eb m\u00eb jepte shteti. Fati i madh ishte se kisha punuar m\u00eb par\u00eb dhe kisha lek\u00eb.
\nJeta m\u00eb kishte mbaruar sakaq. B\u00ebja nj\u00eb jet\u00eb t\u00eb larmishme, pas pune dilja me shoqet (t\u00eb cilat q\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha m\u00eb braktis\u00ebn), shkoja n\u00eb plazh, p\u00ebr ski e gjithfar\u00eb k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsish, kurse tashm\u00eb isha mbyllur n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi, pa njeri…
\nN\u00ebna e p\u00ebrjetoi shum\u00eb keq paraliz\u00ebn time, por ende jeton dhe madje m\u00eb ka ndihmuar shum\u00eb p\u00ebr gjith\u00e7ka. Po t\u00eb mos kishte qen\u00eb ajo, babi, motra e djali do t\u00eb kisha b\u00ebr\u00eb ndonj\u00eb gj\u00eb e t\u00eb ikja fare nga kjo bot\u00eb, por dashuria q\u00eb ata m\u00eb dhan\u00eb, m\u00eb b\u00ebn\u00eb q\u00eb ta festoj 40 vjetorin.
\nBurri ka ndryshuar shum\u00eb. Her\u00eb vjen e her\u00eb jo n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi. Nuk ka asgj\u00eb q\u00eb ta t\u00ebrheq\u00eb t\u00eb vij\u00eb aty. Ai s\u2019m\u00eb kishte dashur kur isha tamam e jo m\u00eb tani, mir\u00ebpo un\u00eb do t\u00eb luftoj q\u00eb t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn t\u00eb eci me nj\u00eb pateric\u00eb. Sa her\u00eb kujtoj vitet q\u00eb kam kaluar me shum\u00eb intensitet, mendoj se i kam jetuar n\u00eb at\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb, q\u00eb t\u00eb kaloj k\u00ebto t\u00eb tjerat k\u00ebshtu pa l\u00ebvizur, por un\u00eb jam shquar gjithmon\u00eb p\u00ebr shum\u00eb kurajo dhe guxim, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb shum\u00eb shpejt do t\u00eb ngrihem n\u00eb k\u00ebmb\u00eb, derisa t\u00eb b\u00ebhem ashtu si\u00e7 isha.
\nP\u00ebr burrin nuk do t\u00eb kem nevoj\u00eb, por prap\u00eb se prap\u00eb nuk dua q\u00eb mbi djalin ton\u00eb t\u00eb bjer\u00eb edhe dhimbja e divorcit. P\u00ebr momentin, kam si pik\u00ebsynim vet\u00ebm t\u00eb eci. B\u00ebj st\u00ebrvitje ashtu si\u00e7 m\u00eb thot\u00eb fizioterapisti dhe me k\u00ebmb\u00ebnguljen time, jam e sigurt\u00eb se do t\u2019ia arrij…
\nKaq p\u00ebr tani. Do t\u2019ju shkruaj p\u00ebrs\u00ebri kur t\u00eb eci me k\u00ebmb\u00eb dhe t\u00eb kem arritur t\u00eb nis pun\u00ebn, q\u00eb t\u00eb mos jetoj m\u00eb me pensionin e shtetit. Mir\u00eb u d\u00ebgjofshim!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Jeta \u00ebsht\u00eb e \u00e7muar, k\u00ebt\u00eb e dim\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb, e kemi d\u00ebgjuar q\u00ebkur kemi filluar t\u00eb kuptojm\u00eb at\u00eb \u00e7ka thuhet, por rrall\u00eb njer\u00ebz e kuptojn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb deri n\u00eb momentin kur u ndodh di\u00e7ka. Nj\u00eb nd\u00ebr k\u00ebta persona jam un\u00eb. Kur jet\u00ebn e kisha ashtu si\u00e7 duhet, nuk dija ta vler\u00ebsoja. Tani e kujtoj at\u00eb koh\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[94],"tags":[254],"class_list":["post-7223","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-histori-nga-jeta","tag-histori-personale"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7223","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7223"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7223\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7223"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7223"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7223"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}