N\u00ebse dikush do t\u00eb m\u00eb kishte th\u00ebn\u00eb gjat\u00eb koh\u00ebs q\u00eb isha adoleshente q\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb ardhmen mund t\u00eb b\u00ebhesha lesbike, do t\u00eb kisha hezituar pak, por n\u00eb fund do ta kisha besuar. N\u00ebse dikush do t\u00eb m\u00eb kishte th\u00ebn\u00eb pes\u00eb vjet m\u00eb par\u00eb q\u00eb nj\u00eb dit\u00eb do t\u00eb puthja dik\u00eb q\u00eb kishte dyfishin e mosh\u00ebs time, do ta kisha besuar, por m\u00eb besoni se, n\u00ebse dikush do t\u00eb m\u00eb kishte th\u00ebn\u00eb disa vite m\u00eb par\u00eb q\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb t\u00eb ardhme do t\u00eb isha futur n\u00eb nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie dhe do t\u00eb kisha shkat\u00ebrruar nj\u00eb martes\u00eb, p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb isha e sigurt\u00eb q\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb ndodhte kurr\u00eb.<\/p>\n
Kam kaluar nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebri dhe adoleshenc\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb, pasi jam rritur me prind\u00ebr t\u00eb divorcuar, p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb tradhtis\u00eb s\u00eb babait tim me nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb re n\u00eb mosh\u00eb, prandaj tradhtin\u00eb e kam urryer gjithmon\u00eb. Ishte gj\u00ebja e fundit q\u00eb m\u00eb vinte nd\u00ebrmend kur mendoja se nj\u00eb dit\u00eb do t\u00eb lidhesha me dik\u00eb. Mendoja, po t\u00eb m\u00eb ndodhte, a do t\u00eb isha aq e fort\u00eb sa n\u00ebna ime q\u00eb e p\u00ebrballoi si nj\u00eb heroin\u00eb at\u00eb situat\u00eb? P\u00ebr mua, tradhtia ishte di\u00e7ka shum\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00eb dhe gjat\u00eb ndarjes s\u00eb tyre un\u00eb kalova nj\u00eb periudh\u00eb mjaft t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb. Tradhtia jo vet\u00ebm m\u00eb shkat\u00ebrroi familjen, duke m\u2019i larguar prind\u00ebrit nga nj\u00ebri-tjetri, por m\u00eb vuri edhe p\u00ebrball\u00eb vuajtjes s\u00eb n\u00ebn\u00ebs sime dhe m\u00eb b\u00ebri t\u00eb urreja babain, me t\u00eb cilin nuk pata kurr\u00eb nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie t\u00eb af\u00ebrt. Ai krijoi nj\u00eb familje tjet\u00ebr me at\u00eb me t\u00eb cil\u00ebn tradhtoi n\u00ebn\u00ebn dhe nga ai moment, ai u b\u00eb i huaj p\u00ebr mua.<\/p>\n
Nuk i harroj sot e k\u00ebsaj dite lot\u00ebt e n\u00ebn\u00ebs sime q\u00eb ndihej e zhvler\u00ebsuar si fem\u00ebr dhe e zhg\u00ebnjyer si grua. Babai im, q\u00eb nga ajo dite q\u00eb u largua me t\u00eb, nuk u b\u00eb m\u00eb i gjall\u00eb, sikur edhe t\u00eb pyeste p\u00ebr mua e jo m\u00eb t\u00eb kontribuonte n\u00eb rritjen time. Kalova nj\u00eb adoleshenc\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb. P\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb arsye, gjith\u00e7ka mund t\u00eb b\u00ebja n\u00eb jet\u00eb, vet\u00ebm t\u00eb tradhtoja dhe t\u00eb prishja nj\u00eb familje, nuk do ta kisha b\u00ebr\u00eb kurr\u00eb. Por nuk thon\u00eb kot, \u201ckurr\u00eb mos thuaj kurr\u00eb\u201d. Sot q\u00eb po shkruaj k\u00ebt\u00eb let\u00ebr, i kam b\u00ebr\u00eb t\u00eb dyja, kam tradhtuar dhe kam shkat\u00ebrruar nj\u00eb familje. M\u00eb vjen keq dhe m\u00eb vjen turp ta pranoj, por mbi k\u00ebto veprime kam nd\u00ebrtuar lumturin\u00eb time.<\/p>\n
Jam 33 vje\u00e7e dhe q\u00eb prej nj\u00eb viti, bashk\u00ebjetoj me nj\u00eb burr\u00eb 55 vje\u00e7ar. Mendoj se kam gjetur lumturin\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, pavar\u00ebsisht se p\u00ebr t\u00eb arritur at\u00eb, m\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb dashur t\u00eb shkel mbi parimet e mia dhe t\u00eb l\u00ebndoj disa njer\u00ebz. M\u00eb besoni, m\u00eb vjen keq p\u00ebr ta, por me sa duket, \u00e7do gj\u00eb e ka nj\u00eb \u00e7mim dhe ky paska qen\u00eb \u00e7mimi i lumturis\u00eb sime. N\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 23 vje\u00e7are, kur sapo kisha mbaruar shkoll\u00ebn e lart\u00eb, u fejova me nj\u00eb djal\u00eb dy vjet m\u00eb t\u00eb madh se veten. N\u00eb at\u00eb koh\u00eb m\u00eb dukej zgjedhja e duhur. Ishim n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb bashk\u00eb, prandaj edhe fejesa erdhi natyrsh\u00ebm. Ishte m\u00eb shum\u00eb nj\u00eb form\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb v\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb dijeni familjet sesa d\u00ebshir\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb nxituar rreth krijimit t\u00eb nj\u00eb familjeje. Pes\u00eb vjet m\u00eb von\u00eb, ngela shtatz\u00ebn\u00eb. N\u00eb momentin e par\u00eb q\u00eb e mora vesh, ndjeva nj\u00eb lloj frike, sepse ndihesha shum\u00eb e pap\u00ebrgatitur. E-ja, n\u00eb momentin q\u00eb e mori vesh, u lumturua pa mas\u00eb dhe donte q\u00eb ta mbaja, ose m\u00eb sakt\u00eb, nuk m\u00eb tha asnj\u00eb fjal\u00eb q\u00eb mund ta hiqja. Un\u00eb mendoja m\u00eb gjat\u00eb, se e kishim jet\u00ebn p\u00ebrpara dhe nuk doja q\u00eb t\u2019u futeshim halleve q\u00eb n\u00eb at\u00eb mosh\u00eb. K\u00ebshtu, veprova sipas kok\u00ebs sime, shkova e abortova at\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb dhe E-s\u00eb i thash\u00eb se b\u00ebra disa analiza dhe mjekja m\u00eb detyroi q\u00eb ta hiqja p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb nj\u00eb problemi q\u00eb atij ia shpjegova n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb detajuar. Nuk e kuptoj dot as tani se si arrita n\u00eb nj\u00eb koh\u00eb aq t\u00eb shkurt\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebja di\u00e7ka t\u00eb till\u00eb dhe se hyra n\u00eb gjynah edhe me E-n\u00eb, edhe me foshnjen e pambrojtur.<\/p>\n
E-ja u m\u00ebrzit shum\u00eb dhe m\u00eb k\u00ebrkonte t\u2019i jepja shpjegim se duhej ta kisha sqaruar m\u00eb par\u00eb me t\u00eb dhe un\u00eb u justifikova me faktin q\u00eb nuk doja ta m\u00ebrzisja. N\u00eb koh\u00ebn q\u00eb isha e fejuar me E-n\u00eb, un\u00eb jetoja sa n\u00eb sht\u00ebpin\u00eb e tij, sa n\u00eb sht\u00ebpin\u00eb time, prandaj e pata at\u00eb liri q\u00eb t\u00eb kryeja at\u00eb abort dhe E-ja t\u00eb mos ishte i pranish\u00ebm. Ishte gabimi m\u00eb i madh q\u00eb e hoqa at\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb. B\u00ebra nj\u00eb krim. Tre vjet m\u00eb von\u00eb, asgj\u00eb nuk kishte ndryshuar n\u00eb jet\u00ebn ton\u00eb, por di\u00e7ka ndryshoi n\u00eb ndjenjat tona, t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn p\u00ebr mua. Pas vite t\u00eb t\u00ebra sorollatjesh, m\u00eb n\u00eb fund fillova pun\u00eb. Ishte nj\u00eb pun\u00eb prej v\u00ebrteti, ndryshe nga pun\u00ebt q\u00eb kisha b\u00ebr\u00eb deri at\u00ebhere. Aty nisi t\u00eb ndryshonte jeta ime. Me t\u00eb fejuarin shkoja mir\u00eb, edhe pse nuk kishim ato emocionet e fillimit t\u00eb lidhjes, kur mezi prisnim t\u00eb takoheshim. Kishim mbi 7 vjet t\u00eb lidhur, ajo flaka e par\u00eb ishte shuar dhe kishte mbetur vet\u00ebm vler\u00ebsimi p\u00ebr nj\u00ebri-tjetrin. Ish-i fejuari im as sot nuk e pranon k\u00ebt\u00eb, por jam e bindur se k\u00ebshtu ishte edhe nga ana e tij. Nuk isha keq me t\u00eb fejuarin, por nuk kisha \u201cflutura n\u00eb stomak\u201d, mungonte surpriza n\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnien ton\u00eb. Nisa t\u00eb krijoja shoq\u00ebri t\u00eb re. Deri n\u00eb at\u00eb koh\u00eb isha shoq\u00ebruar m\u00eb s\u00eb shumti me njer\u00ebz af\u00ebr mosh\u00ebs sime, por n\u00eb pun\u00eb un\u00eb isha m\u00eb e vogla, t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt ishin m\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdhenj, gjysma e tyre mund t\u00eb kishin mosh\u00ebn e prind\u00ebrve t\u00eb mi.<\/p>\n
Aty u njoha me A-n\u00eb, i cili \u00ebsht\u00eb sot bashk\u00ebjetuesi im. Ai kishte shum\u00eb humor, e vendoste gjithmon\u00eb veten n\u00eb qend\u00ebr t\u00eb v\u00ebmendjes, ishte i lirsh\u00ebm dhe dinte t\u00eb arg\u00ebtohej. Edhe pse kishte dyfishin e mosh\u00ebs sime, m\u00eb dukej shum\u00eb t\u00ebrheq\u00ebs, ndoshta p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb asaj siguris\u00eb q\u00eb e kishte pjes\u00eb t\u00eb natyr\u00ebs s\u00eb vet, nd\u00ebrsa shumic\u00ebs s\u00eb djemve t\u00eb rinj, u mungon. U miq\u00ebsova shpejt me t\u00eb, pa e menduar se \u00e7\u2019rrug\u00eb mund t\u00eb merrte kjo miq\u00ebsi. Kujt do t\u2019i shkonte nd\u00ebrmend se mund t\u00eb lidheshim? Mua, kurrsesi! Ishim t\u00eb hapur me nj\u00ebri-tjetrin. Ai m\u00eb tregonte p\u00ebr familjen e tij, p\u00ebr vajz\u00ebn, q\u00eb e kishte pak vite m\u00eb t\u00eb vog\u00ebl se un\u00eb. P\u00ebr t\u00eb fliste pothuajse gjithmon\u00eb. Duke qen\u00eb se nuk u nis p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00eb joshur, nuk ma fshehu q\u00eb ishte i martuar dhe q\u00eb kishte familje. Sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb koh\u00eb kalonim me nj\u00ebri-tjetrin, aq m\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb b\u00ebnte p\u00ebr vete. Arrita tek ajo pik\u00eb q\u00eb nuk doja ta pranoja as vet\u00eb se kisha simpati p\u00ebr t\u00eb dhe se po m\u00eb t\u00ebrhiqte \u00e7do dit\u00eb e m\u00eb shum\u00eb. Thuajse 3 vjet m\u00eb par\u00eb, pasi festuam Krishtlindjet me koleg\u00ebt e pun\u00ebs, u ofrua t\u00eb m\u00eb shoq\u00ebronte me makin\u00eb. At\u00eb nat\u00eb e tradhtova t\u00eb fejuarin. Ishte m\u00eb e fort\u00eb se un\u00eb dhe nuk munda t\u2019i rezistoja A-s\u00eb. Kur shkova n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi, ndihesha keq. Nuk doja ta p\u00ebrs\u00ebrisja gabimin e asaj nate, por nuk i thosha dot jo atij gabimi. T\u00eb dy e dinim q\u00eb po gabonim, por nuk frenoheshim dot. Nuk i k\u00ebrkuam asgj\u00eb nj\u00ebri-tjetrit, por p\u00ebr mua ishte e kot\u00eb t\u00eb vazhdoja me t\u00eb fejuarin. I thash\u00eb se nuk isha vajza q\u00eb kishte njohur tet\u00eb vjet m\u00eb par\u00eb, q\u00eb nuk ndjehesha gati t\u00eb krijoja nj\u00eb familje me t\u00eb dhe u ndam\u00eb. Ai nuk m\u00eb besoi, m\u00eb akuzoi se e tradhtoja, gj\u00eb q\u00eb un\u00eb nuk e pranova, edhe pse ishte e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb. Si\u00e7 ndodh n\u00eb k\u00ebto raste, m\u00eb quajti kurv\u00eb. Nga ana tjet\u00ebr, as q\u00eb m\u00eb shkonte nd\u00ebrmend t\u2019i k\u00ebrkoja A-s\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebnte edhe ai t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn gj\u00eb, t\u00eb ndahej nga gruaja. E kuptoja q\u00eb nuk ishim n\u00eb pozita t\u00eb barabarta dhe nuk doja t\u00eb shkat\u00ebrroja nj\u00eb familje. Ashtu si pa e kuptuar kaloi m\u00eb shum\u00eb se nj\u00eb vit dhe A nisi t\u00eb m\u00eb fliste p\u00ebr nj\u00eb jet\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt. Pa ia k\u00ebrkuar, m\u00eb thoshte se do ta linte gruan, por nuk i merrja seriozisht fjal\u00ebt e tij. T\u00eb gjith\u00eb burrat e martuar thon\u00eb se do t\u2019i l\u00ebn\u00eb grat\u00eb, por n\u00eb fund, asnj\u00ebri nuk e b\u00ebn. Nuk ma mori mendja se nj\u00eb dit\u00eb, ai do t\u00eb vinte dhe do t\u00eb m\u00eb thoshte se donte t\u00eb jetonte me mua dhe se po ndahej nga gruaja. At\u00eb dit\u00eb i thash\u00eb se nuk ishte e nevojshme t\u00eb ndahej nga gruaja p\u00ebr t\u00eb q\u00ebndruar me mua, por ai e kishte vendosur. Pati me t\u00eb bij\u00ebn pothuajse t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtat probleme q\u00eb kisha un\u00eb dikur me tim at\u00eb. M\u00eb vinte keq p\u00ebr t\u00eb, edhe pse kjo mund t\u00eb ting\u00eblloj\u00eb hipokrite. Doja t\u00eb shkoja t\u00eb jetoja me t\u00eb sepse e doja dhe e dua akoma sot, por nuk kisha se si t\u2019ia thoja mamit tim. E dija q\u00eb ajo nuk do t\u00eb m\u00eb kuptonte. Duke e zbuluar pak t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00ebn, i tregova p\u00ebr lidhjen time. Q\u00eb nga ajo dit\u00eb, edhe pse reagoi shum\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb nga \u00e7\u2019e prisja, ime m\u00eb nuk reshti kurr\u00eb s\u00eb m\u00eb th\u00ebni se edhe un\u00eb jam tradhtare, nj\u00ebsoj si im at\u00eb.<\/p>\n
Por… njeriu qenka qenie egoiste, nuk vendoska gj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr ve\u00e7 lumturis\u00eb s\u00eb vet. Edhe un\u00eb shkela mbi parimet e mia p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb e lumtur, sepse tek e fundit, nj\u00eb jet\u00eb kemi. Ndoshta do t\u00eb ishte rasti q\u00eb ta mir\u00ebkuptoja edhe at\u00eb q\u00eb b\u00ebri im at\u00eb vite m\u00eb par\u00eb, por meq\u00eb jam egoiste, at\u00eb nuk e mir\u00ebkuptoj dot dhe tim at\u00eb nuk e fal dot, q\u00eb nuk m\u2019u gjend pran\u00eb viteve t\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebris\u00eb. Nuk do t\u00eb kisha dashur t\u00eb l\u00ebndoja ask\u00ebnd, por ja q\u00eb nuk mund t\u2019i thosha \u201cjo\u201d shansit p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb e lumtur. I mir\u00ebkuptoj t\u00eb gjitha paragjykimet q\u00eb mund t\u00eb keni p\u00ebr mua, pasi t\u00eb lexoni historin\u00eb time, por mua kjo gj\u00eb m\u00eb b\u00ebn t\u00eb lumtur dhe nuk ia mohoj dot vetes…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
N\u00ebse dikush do t\u00eb m\u00eb kishte th\u00ebn\u00eb gjat\u00eb koh\u00ebs q\u00eb isha adoleshente q\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb ardhmen mund t\u00eb b\u00ebhesha lesbike, do t\u00eb kisha hezituar pak, por n\u00eb fund do ta kisha besuar. N\u00ebse dikush do t\u00eb m\u00eb kishte th\u00ebn\u00eb pes\u00eb vjet m\u00eb par\u00eb q\u00eb nj\u00eb dit\u00eb do t\u00eb puthja dik\u00eb q\u00eb kishte dyfishin e mosh\u00ebs […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[94],"tags":[282],"class_list":["post-6992","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-histori-nga-jeta","tag-histori-nga-jeta-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6992","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6992"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6992\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6992"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6992"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6992"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}