– P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje, doktor Jashari! Koh\u00ebt e fundit, familjet shqiptare po b\u00ebhen gjithnj\u00eb e m\u00eb shum\u00eb familje b\u00ebrthamore. Cilat jan\u00eb familjet m\u00eb t\u00eb lumtura, ato tradicionale apo ato burr\u00eb e grua e f\u00ebmij\u00eb? Po ata q\u00eb jetojn\u00eb n\u00ebp\u00ebr familje tradicionale, si mund ta shmangin p\u00ebrplasjen e brezave? Po k\u00ebshtu, koh\u00ebt e fundit n\u00eb Shqip\u00ebri ka nj\u00eb tendenc\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019iu shmangur martes\u00ebs. Martesa ka filluar t\u00eb b\u00ebhet e frikshme p\u00ebr njer\u00ebzit; ata q\u00eb jan\u00eb t\u00eb pamartuar, jan\u00eb n\u00eb dilem\u00eb n\u00ebse duhet t\u00eb martohen apo jo. Cili mendoni ju se \u00ebsht\u00eb shkaku pse kemi frik\u00eb t\u00eb nd\u00ebrtojm\u00eb familje? A mund t\u00eb ndikoj\u00eb ana financiare? Me respekt, Toni nga Fieri.
\nDr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist: – I nderuar Toni nga Fieri! Ti na b\u00ebn shpesh pyetje t\u00eb tilla, si nj\u00eb sociolog i mir\u00eb. N\u00eb lidhje me pyetjen e par\u00eb, dua t\u00eb them se familja tradicionale ka shum\u00eb t\u00eb mira e ndoshta vet\u00ebm t\u00eb mira, pasi nuk ka gj\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb bukur sesa nd\u00ebrthurja e brezave. Me sa duket, vet\u00eb Universi e ka b\u00ebr\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb njeriun: Nj\u00eb qenie jo vet\u00ebm humane, por edhe biosociale. Integrimi i brezave \u00ebsht\u00eb gj\u00eb e bukur, por edhe nj\u00eb domosdoshm\u00ebri. T\u00eb lutem, kujtoje dram\u00ebn me shum\u00eb kuptim \u201cKupa e drunjt\u00eb\u201d dhe, n\u00ebse nuk e ke par\u00eb, blije k\u00ebt\u00eb kaset\u00eb e shihe, se ajo e ka p\u00ebrgjigjen brenda. Edhe nga p\u00ebrvoja kam kuptuar se i z\u00eb \u201cgjynahu\u201d ato \u00e7ifte q\u00eb p\u00ebr rehatin\u00eb e vet braktisin brezat paraardh\u00ebs dhe m\u00eb pas e paguajn\u00eb shtrenjt\u00eb indiferentizmin e tyre, nga brezat pasardh\u00ebs. Nj\u00eb studim t\u00eb till\u00eb e ka b\u00ebr\u00eb psikologia kliniciste Entela Isufi e cila do ta ket\u00eb edhe librin e par\u00eb t\u00eb saj. Studimet ajo i ka b\u00ebr\u00eb si nj\u00eb v\u00ebzhguese e kujdesshme kryesisht te kop\u00ebshti i saj privat dhe nj\u00ebkoh\u00ebsisht, shkoll\u00eb 9 vje\u00e7are. Njer\u00ebzit, pra, me men\u00e7uri duhet t\u00eb nd\u00ebrtojn\u00eb ura bashk\u00ebpunimi e komunikimi me brezat, sepse brezat nuk vijn\u00eb si nga ndonj\u00eb planet tjet\u00ebr. Madje, sa her\u00eb q\u00eb i qortojm\u00eb brezat, t\u00eb mos harrojm\u00eb se \u00e7do brez, ka b\u00ebr\u00eb p\u00ebr brezin pasardh\u00ebs shum\u00eb m\u00eb tep\u00ebr nga \u00e7\u2019kan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb prind\u00ebrit e tyre ndaj k\u00ebtij brezi. Porse, ura t\u00eb tilla s\u2019mund t\u00eb nd\u00ebrtojn\u00eb ata t\u00eb cil\u00ebt nuk kan\u00eb paqe as n\u00eb shpirtin e tyre, pasi ka njer\u00ebz q\u00eb jan\u00eb si n\u00eb konflikt jo vet\u00ebm me t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt, por edhe me vetveten. Ashtu si\u00e7 plagosen boksier\u00ebt nga goditjet, ashtu edhe k\u00ebta, si n\u00eb nj\u00eb ndeshje boksi, \u201cplagosen\u201d nga brenda me veten e tyre. Ka njer\u00ebz q\u00eb u buron mir\u00ebsia edhe nga syt\u00eb, ashtu si\u00e7 ka njer\u00ebz q\u00eb i bren zeheri nga brenda, aq sa t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb q\u00eb t\u2019u ik\u00ebsh me vrap. Q\u00eb nga emri e kuptojm\u00eb se sa e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme \u00ebsht\u00eb harmonia n\u00eb mes t\u00eb brezave dhe paqja shpirt\u00ebrore. Kjo t\u00eb b\u00ebn q\u00eb, kur hyn n\u00eb sht\u00ebpin\u00eb t\u00ebnde, n\u00eb ambientin familjar mbushesh me atmosfer\u00eb e harmoni. Sipas Ligjit t\u00eb Karm\u00ebs, at\u00eb q\u00eb ti nuk e b\u00ebn si\u00e7 duhet, ose e b\u00ebn keq, ajo t\u00eb kthehet mbrapsht e sikur t\u00eb z\u00eb, e vuan. Ndaj, q\u00eb t\u00eb marrim, m\u00eb par\u00eb duhet t\u00eb japim e q\u00eb t\u00eb na durojn\u00eb, duhet t\u00eb durojm\u00eb. N\u00ebse je si n\u00eb gjendje \u201clufte\u201d me veten dhe t\u00eb duket sikur vet\u00ebm t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt jan\u00eb shkaku, as nuk mund t\u00eb jap\u00ebsh e as nuk mundesh q\u00eb t\u00eb marr\u00ebsh. N\u00eb k\u00ebto raste, n\u00eb popull p\u00ebrdoret shprehja: \u00cbsht\u00eb si uthulla dhe e ka z\u00ebn\u00eb gjynahu i prind\u00ebrve.
\n– Dihet se njeriu e humbet paqen shpirt\u00ebrore kur nuk shlyen nj\u00eb borxh ose kur b\u00ebn gj\u00ebra n\u00eb kund\u00ebrshtim me parimet dhe bindjet e tij. N\u00ebse nj\u00eb njeri e kupton se nuk po e merr dot \u201challall\u00ebkun\u201d e prind\u00ebrve t\u00eb vet, at\u00ebhere ai, edhe po qe se nuk e ka frik\u00eb Zotin, p\u00ebrs\u00ebri do t\u00eb ket\u00eb frik\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb quhet \u201cmodeli i keq\u201d, t\u00eb cilin ia kopjojn\u00eb pasaardh\u00ebsit, q\u00eb do t\u00eb jen\u00eb edhe \u201chakmarr\u00ebsit\u201d p\u00ebr ta. K\u00ebt\u00eb e tregoi aq bukur drama \u201cKupa e drunjt\u00eb\u201d, aq sa aktorja brilante Rajmonda q\u00eb luante rolin e nuses, filloi t\u00eb ndjehej e \u201csulmuar\u201d edhe n\u00eb jet\u00ebn jasht\u00eb rolit, p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb rolit t\u00eb saj, edhe pse pamja e saj e \u00ebmb\u00ebl dhe shpirti q\u00eb ka, jan\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019u admiruar. Roli i saj flet shum\u00eb, pasi edhe pse ajo duket sikur \u00ebsht\u00eb krejt e justifikuar me ato q\u00eb b\u00ebn e thot\u00eb, thell\u00eb n\u00eb nd\u00ebrgjegje, kjo nuse e di se po i hyn n\u00eb hak dikujt, po b\u00ebn nj\u00eb gjynah ndaj nj\u00eb plaku t\u00eb mo\u00e7\u00ebm q\u00eb po e detyron t\u00eb shkoj\u00eb me dhimbje n\u00eb azil. Pra, ajo e ndjen se duke i b\u00ebr\u00eb nj\u00eb padrejt\u00ebsi \u201ct\u00eb drejt\u00eb\u201d dikujt, thell\u00eb p\u00ebrbrenda e di q\u00eb padrejt\u00ebsia \u00ebsht\u00eb e keqe dhe e d\u00ebnueshme, pasi ajo \u201cg\u00ebrric\u201d e nuk mund t\u00eb gjesh paqe me veten. K\u00ebt\u00eb ajo e kuptoi ca m\u00eb mir\u00eb, kur e bija e saj vendosi ta ruante kup\u00ebn e drunjt\u00eb t\u00eb gjyshit p\u00ebr pleq\u00ebrimin e saj. N\u00eb trupin e njeriut gjendet nj\u00eb organ i cili, kur ai nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb form\u00eb, i gjith\u00eb trupi t\u00eb b\u00ebhet \u201cvrer\u201d dhe ky organ \u00ebsht\u00eb zemra. Si\u00e7 thot\u00eb populli: Iu \u201cprish\u201d zemra pasi paqja e njeriut nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka q\u00eb instalohet nga jasht\u00eb, ajo gjendet brenda n\u00eb zem\u00ebr. Edhe me fe thuhet se atij q\u00eb i mungon but\u00ebsia i mungojn\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha t\u00eb mirat. Kam lexuar jet\u00ebshkrimet e shum\u00eb njer\u00ebzve t\u00eb m\u00ebdhenj e me veti t\u00eb \u00e7muara p\u00ebr shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb dhe rezulton se roli i gjysh\u00ebrve ka q\u00ebn\u00eb vendimtar n\u00eb formatimin e mir\u00ebrritjen e tyre dhe n\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb un\u00eb do ta quaja \u201clumturia f\u00ebminore\u201d. P\u00ebr nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb t\u00eb rritur pa ngroht\u00ebsin\u00eb gjysh\u00ebrore e prapa shpin\u00ebs s\u00eb prind\u00ebrve, n\u00eb lidhje me f\u00ebmij\u00ebrin\u00eb etj. do t\u00eb p\u00ebrdorja fjal\u00ebt: F\u00ebmij\u00ebri pa f\u00ebmij\u00ebri. N\u00eb lidhje me martes\u00ebn: Nuk ka g\u00ebzim m\u00eb t\u00eb madh sesa martesa dhe dashuria kur njeriu e d\u00ebbon egoizmin nga zemra dhe duket sikur jeton p\u00ebr t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt m\u00eb shum\u00eb sesa p\u00ebr veten. Por, shum\u00eb nga martesat e sotme nuk jan\u00eb t\u00eb tilla pik\u00ebrisht sepse ato nuk krijohen mbi baz\u00ebn e dashuris\u00eb dhe respektit reciprok, por m\u00eb shum\u00eb mbi baz\u00ebn e \u201cllogarive\u201d dhe nevojave ekonomike. Nj\u00eb martes\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb, p\u00ebr q\u00ebllime ekonomike, Tolstoi e ka quajtur \u201cprostitucion bashk\u00ebshortor\u201d ku nj\u00ebra pal\u00eb shitet p\u00ebr ato t\u00eb shkretat interesa. Me kalimin e koh\u00ebs, ai fillon dhe i k\u00ebrkon ato gj\u00ebra q\u00eb i ka neglizhuar si dashuria e respekti reciprok dhe \u00ebsht\u00eb e pamundur q\u00eb ai ta g\u00ebnjej\u00eb veten si n\u00eb adoleshenc\u00eb. Ndaj edhe lindin \u201crebelimet\u201d dhe nevoja p\u00ebr liri q\u00eb ngjan si nj\u00eb nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr \u00e7lirim. Ndaj ka aq shum\u00eb divorce ose martesa t\u00eb \u201cvdekura\u201d sepse ato nd\u00ebrtohen pa \u201cthemele\u201d dhe… ah, \u201ct\u00ebrmeti\u201d jet\u00eb i rr\u00ebzon ata. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
– P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje, doktor Jashari! Koh\u00ebt e fundit, familjet shqiptare po b\u00ebhen gjithnj\u00eb e m\u00eb shum\u00eb familje b\u00ebrthamore. Cilat jan\u00eb familjet m\u00eb t\u00eb lumtura, ato tradicionale apo ato burr\u00eb e grua e f\u00ebmij\u00eb? Po ata q\u00eb jetojn\u00eb n\u00ebp\u00ebr familje tradicionale, si mund ta shmangin p\u00ebrplasjen e brezave? Po k\u00ebshtu, koh\u00ebt e fundit n\u00eb Shqip\u00ebri ka nj\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6986","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6986","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6986"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6986\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6986"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6986"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6986"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}