As vet\u00eb nuk e di se ku po e gjej gjith\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb guxim p\u00ebr t\u00eb shkruar k\u00ebto rreshta. Dhimbja q\u00eb kam n\u00eb shpirt \u00ebsht\u00eb e pashpjegueshme dhe do \u00e7ante \u00e7do shk\u00ebmb, por kjo zemra ime po duron. Nuk e kuptoj se \u00e7far\u00eb po m\u00eb ndodh dhe as vet\u00eb nuk e di se si po jetoj. Po t\u00eb kisha pasur ndonj\u00eb shpres\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb ardhmen, mbase edhe p\u00ebr mua gj\u00ebrat do t\u00eb ishin m\u00eb t\u00eb lehta, por n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb pik\u00eb, kur shpresa vdiq e para, \u00e7far\u00eb m\u00eb ka mbetur m\u00eb?<\/p>\n
Kam dy muaj q\u00eb kam humbur f\u00ebmij\u00ebn tim n\u00eb nj\u00eb abort t\u00eb pad\u00ebshiruar dhe mjek\u00ebt m\u00eb than\u00eb q\u00eb nuk mund t\u00eb mbetem m\u00eb shtatz\u00ebn\u00eb. E \u00e7\u2019fatkeq\u00ebsi m\u00eb e madhe mund t\u2019i bjer\u00eb nj\u00eb njeriu? Por, ajo q\u00eb m\u00eb tmerron m\u00eb shum\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb kur t\u2019ia them bashk\u00ebshortit. Ai e di q\u00eb un\u00eb e kam humbur f\u00ebmij\u00ebn, por nuk e di q\u00eb un\u00eb nuk mund t\u00eb lind m\u00eb. Jam e sigurt\u00eb q\u00eb sapo ta marr\u00eb vesh, do t\u00eb m\u00eb l\u00ebr\u00eb. O Zot, m\u00eb ndihmo! Shkruaj dhe lot\u00ebt m\u00eb rr\u00ebshqasin pa pushim mbi faqe. P\u00ebr dy muaj kam r\u00ebn\u00eb 8 kilogram\u00eb. Nuk ha asgj\u00eb gjith\u00eb dit\u00ebn dhe po bie n\u00eb depresion. E ku ka mallkim m\u00eb t\u00eb madh sesa t\u00eb mbetesh pa f\u00ebmij\u00eb? \u00cbsht\u00eb e tmerrshme t\u00eb jesh 25 vje\u00e7e dhe t\u00eb dish se nuk mund t\u00eb kesh f\u00ebmij\u00eb kurr\u00eb n\u00eb jet\u00ebn t\u00ebnde. Si do t\u00eb jet\u00eb jeta ime pa nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb? T\u00eb gjith\u00eb thon\u00eb se f\u00ebmij\u00ebt jan\u00eb motivi i jet\u00ebs, se ata e b\u00ebjn\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb bukur nj\u00eb \u00e7ift. Po jet\u00ebn time, \u00e7far\u00eb do ta zbukuroj\u00eb tani? \u00cbsht\u00eb e tmerrshme ta ndjesh brenda trupit t\u00ebnd at\u00eb qenie t\u00eb vog\u00ebl q\u00eb t\u00eb rritet dhe t\u00eb mos kesh mund\u00ebsin\u00eb ta njoh\u00ebsh kurr\u00eb. Nuk jua shpjegoj dot me fjal\u00eb se \u00e7far\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb ta provosh ndjesin\u00eb e m\u00ebm\u00ebsis\u00eb dhe pastaj ta dish se nuk mund ta p\u00ebrjetosh kurr\u00eb v\u00ebrtet nj\u00eb gj\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb. Si mund t\u00eb jetoj un\u00eb tani? Ku ta gjej forc\u00ebn q\u00eb ta b\u00ebj jet\u00ebn time t\u00eb bukur, t\u00eb ket\u00eb nj\u00eb kuptim? Si do ta rigjej lumturin\u00eb me bashk\u00ebshortin? M\u00eb duket sikur asgj\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb jet\u00eb m\u00eb e bukur p\u00ebr mua, nuk do t\u00eb jetoj m\u00eb asnj\u00eb dit\u00eb t\u00eb lumtur. Fundi i martes\u00ebs sime \u00ebsht\u00eb \u00e7\u00ebshtje dit\u00ebsh. E v\u00ebrteta do t\u00eb merret vesh, dhe un\u00eb, ve\u00e7 f\u00ebmij\u00ebs s\u00eb humbur tashm\u00eb, do t\u00eb humbas edhe bashk\u00ebshortin.
\nKishim dy vjet q\u00eb provonim t\u00eb b\u00ebnim f\u00ebmij\u00eb, por asgj\u00eb. Un\u00eb nisa t\u00eb b\u00ebhesha merak. M\u00eb dukej sikur nuk isha n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb b\u00ebhesha n\u00ebn\u00eb dhe u m\u00ebrzita shum\u00eb. Burri m\u00eb thoshte q\u00eb t\u00eb mos nxitohesha p\u00ebr t\u00eb dal\u00eb n\u00eb p\u00ebrfundime dhe, pik\u00ebrisht at\u00ebhere kur nuk e prisja, un\u00eb mbeta shtatz\u00ebn\u00eb. Q\u00eb n\u00eb fillim t\u00eb shtatzanis\u00eb, nuk ndihesha mir\u00eb. Isha e k\u00ebputur dhe vazhdimisht n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb fik\u00ebti, por mendova se gjith\u00e7ka do t\u00eb ishte kalimtare. Shkova vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb her\u00eb te mjeku, kur isha 3 muajshe. Ai m\u00eb k\u00ebshilloi t\u00eb b\u00ebja regjim shtrati sepse isha n\u00eb rrezik d\u00ebshtimi. E ndoqa k\u00ebshill\u00ebn e tij aq sa munda. E \u00e7ova shtatzanin\u00eb deri n\u00eb muajin e pest\u00eb dhe pik\u00ebrisht at\u00ebhere kur mendoja se e kisha kaluar m\u00eb t\u00eb keqen, ndodhi ajo q\u00eb nuk duhej t\u00eb ndodhte. Isha duke dal\u00eb n\u00eb oborr, kur ndjeva nj\u00eb therje t\u00eb fort\u00eb n\u00eb bark. Shkova n\u00eb tualet dhe pash\u00eb se kisha hemoragji. U tmerrova. Thirra v\u00ebllain sepse e dija q\u00eb ishte pran\u00eb dhe mund t\u00eb m\u00eb \u00e7onte n\u00eb spital me makin\u00eb. Ai erdhi dhe m\u00eb \u00e7oi n\u00eb spital. Kisha dhimbje t\u00eb tmerrshme. Erdhi edhe ime m\u00eb me motr\u00ebn e vog\u00ebl. Shkuam n\u00eb urgjenc\u00eb. Kur u p\u00ebrmenda, m\u00eb than\u00eb se e kisha humbur f\u00ebmij\u00ebn, madje ishte rrezikuar dhe jeta ime, por ata kishin b\u00ebr\u00eb t\u00eb pamundur\u00ebn q\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00eb shp\u00ebtonin. Vet\u00ebm qaja.
\nMamit tim i kishin th\u00ebn\u00eb se nuk mund t\u00eb lindja m\u00eb kurr\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb, por ajo nuk kishte zem\u00ebr t\u00eb ma thoshte. Erdhi edhe im shoq. Ai u p\u00ebrpoq t\u00eb m\u00eb qet\u00ebsonte duke m\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb se do t\u00eb b\u00ebnim f\u00ebmij\u00eb tjet\u00ebr dhe se do ta hidhnim pas krah\u00ebve k\u00ebt\u00eb histori, nd\u00ebrsa mua m\u00eb kalonte nd\u00ebrmend se sa shum\u00eb ishim munduar p\u00ebr ta nisur k\u00ebt\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb. Pyesja veten n\u00ebse do t\u00eb arrija t\u00eb mbetesha prap\u00eb shtatz\u00ebn\u00eb, sikur ta dija se \u00e7far\u00eb m\u00eb priste. P\u00ebrpara se t\u00eb dilja nga spitali, mami erdhi me nj\u00ebrin prej mjek\u00ebve. Ai m\u00eb tha se duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebhesha e fort\u00eb dhe t\u2019i g\u00ebzohesha faktit q\u00eb isha akoma gjall\u00eb. K\u00ebto fjal\u00eb duhej t\u00eb sh\u00ebrbenin p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00eb p\u00ebrgatitur p\u00ebr lajmin e hidhur, por a ka gj\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrgatit p\u00ebr nj\u00eb lajm t\u00eb till\u00eb?
\nPastaj, ai m\u00eb tha se nuk mund t\u00eb b\u00ebja m\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb. E pyeta n\u00ebse ishte i sigurt\u00eb dhe n\u00ebse jasht\u00eb shtetit mund t\u00eb gjeja ndonj\u00eb kur\u00eb, por ai nuk m\u00eb dha asnj\u00eb shpres\u00eb. Mami u p\u00ebrpoq t\u00eb m\u00eb q\u00ebndronte af\u00ebr. I thash\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb mos i tregonte askujt sepse nuk isha akoma gati q\u00eb ta b\u00ebja k\u00ebt\u00eb bised\u00eb me bashk\u00ebshortin tim dhe ajo ma ka ruajtur sekretin, por m\u00eb thot\u00eb vazhdimisht se duhet t\u00eb flas me burrin dhe t\u00eb mendojm\u00eb qoft\u00eb edhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb adoptuar nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb, por mua m\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb fiksuar nj\u00eb bised\u00eb q\u00eb kemi b\u00ebr\u00eb dikur… Ra muhabeti te f\u00ebmij\u00ebt e adoptuar dhe ai u shpreh kategorikisht kund\u00ebr, madje m\u00eb tha se po t\u2019i ndodhte atij t\u00eb mos b\u00ebnte dot f\u00ebmij\u00eb, m\u00eb mir\u00eb do t\u00eb pranonte t\u00eb rrinte pa f\u00ebmij\u00eb sesa t\u00eb rriste f\u00ebmij\u00ebn e dikujt tjet\u00ebr, q\u00eb mund t\u2019i sillte probleme m\u00eb pas.
\nKjo \u00ebsht\u00eb historia ime. Ndihem e d\u00ebrrmuar, e shkat\u00ebrruar nuk kam m\u00eb asnj\u00eb arsye p\u00ebr t\u00eb jetuar, aq sa mendoj ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb q\u00eb mjek\u00ebt do t\u00eb kishin b\u00ebr\u00eb mir\u00eb t\u00eb mos m\u00eb shp\u00ebtonin. T\u00eb pakt\u00ebn, nuk do t\u00eb isha n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb situat\u00eb t\u00eb pashpres\u00eb. Pyes veten si do t\u00eb ishte f\u00ebmija q\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb kem kurr\u00eb, n\u00ebse do t\u00eb m\u00eb ngjante mua apo t\u00eb atit. Do t\u00eb ishte nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb i qet\u00eb apo grindavec? Si do t\u00eb shkonte n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb? K\u00ebto dhe shum\u00eb pyetje t\u00eb tjera rrotullohen n\u00eb mendjen time, por e di se jan\u00eb pyetje q\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb marrin kurr\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje…<\/p>\n
Blerta<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As vet\u00eb nuk e di se ku po e gjej gjith\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb guxim p\u00ebr t\u00eb shkruar k\u00ebto rreshta. Dhimbja q\u00eb kam n\u00eb shpirt \u00ebsht\u00eb e pashpjegueshme dhe do \u00e7ante \u00e7do shk\u00ebmb, por kjo zemra ime po duron. Nuk e kuptoj se \u00e7far\u00eb po m\u00eb ndodh dhe as vet\u00eb nuk e di se si po jetoj. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":6312,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[94],"tags":[254],"class_list":["post-6311","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-histori-nga-jeta","tag-histori-personale"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6311","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6311"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6311\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6312"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6311"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6311"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6311"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}