T\u00eb dashur lexues, un\u00eb do t\u2019ju tregoj nj\u00eb histori ndryshe nga ato q\u00eb keni d\u00ebgjuar a lexuar m\u00eb par\u00eb. Un\u00eb q\u00eb po ju shkruaj jam nj\u00eb grua intelektuale dhe me nj\u00eb karrier\u00eb pothuajse t\u00eb realizuar. Kam nj\u00eb familje t\u00eb nd\u00ebrtuar mbi baza t\u00eb forta, pra, deri k\u00ebtu \u00e7do gj\u00eb n\u00eb rregull. Kam nj\u00eb pun\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb, sht\u00ebpi dhe sigurisht, nj\u00eb makin\u00eb. F\u00ebmij\u00ebt jan\u00eb t\u00eb rritur. Djali studion jasht\u00eb vendit dhe vajza \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb gjimnaz. Un\u00eb tani jam n\u00eb mosh\u00eb t\u00eb mesme, por mundohem ta mbaj veten dhe t\u00eb mos bie e t\u00eb dukem p\u00ebr mosh\u00ebn q\u00eb kam.
\nHistoria filloi kur n\u00eb zyr\u00ebn ku punoj un\u00eb erdhi nj\u00eb koleg i ri. N\u00eb fakt, tamam i ri, sepse kishte vet\u00ebm pak vite q\u00eb kishte mbaruar shkoll\u00ebn. Ai nuk ia dinte edhe aq shum\u00eb pun\u00ebs, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb m\u2019u desh mua ta ndihmoja. Ishte nj\u00eb djal\u00eb i zgjuar dhe shum\u00eb shpejt ia mori dor\u00ebn pun\u00ebs. Ky ishte edhe nj\u00eb plus p\u00ebr mua q\u00eb t\u00eb mos humbisja koh\u00eb p\u00ebr ta m\u00ebsuar. Me th\u00ebn\u00eb t\u00eb drejt\u00ebn, para tij ishte n\u00eb at\u00eb vend pune nj\u00eb grua e cila nuk e di pse asnj\u00ebher\u00eb nuk e b\u00ebri pun\u00ebn tamam. Nga nj\u00ebri vesh i hynin e nga tjetri i dilnin ato q\u00eb i thoja. Tani ndjehesha m\u00eb rehat. Ia kisha treguar edhe burrit k\u00ebto dhe ai u g\u00ebzua se m\u00eb n\u00eb fund nuk do ta m\u00ebrzisja me problemet q\u00eb m\u00eb dilnin n\u00eb pun\u00eb. Dit\u00ebt po kalonin dhe un\u00eb ndjehesha shum\u00eb komode n\u00eb pun\u00eb. Dhe, meqen\u00ebse puna po ecte, ne kishim m\u00eb shum\u00eb koh\u00eb t\u00eb lir\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb bisedonim.
\nN\u00eb bised\u00eb kuptova se ai kishte nj\u00eb jet\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb. E \u00ebma ishte e paralizuar dhe babi i kishte vdekur. Motr\u00ebn e kishte nj\u00eb gjimnaz, pra, sa vajza ime. M\u2019u dhimbs kur tregonte p\u00ebr familjen e tij dhe sidomos, kur ia shikoja syt\u00eb e bukur me lot. K\u00ebshtu, nga dhembshuria apo ndonj\u00eb gj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, ne u miq\u00ebsuam shum\u00eb. Pinim kafe bashk\u00eb dhe, si pa e kuptuar, na kalonte gjith\u00eb dita s\u00eb bashku.
\n– Ti je nj\u00eb grua e p\u00ebrsosur, – m\u00eb tha nj\u00eb dit\u00eb ai, – Sa keq m\u00eb vjen q\u00eb ime m\u00eb nuk mund t\u00eb ec\u00eb, q\u00eb dhe ajo t\u00eb tregoj\u00eb sa e zonja \u00ebsht\u00eb!
\n– M\u00eb par\u00eb, a punonte?
\n– Po. Ka mbaruar shkoll\u00ebn e lart\u00eb dhe ka punuar disa vite si m\u00ebsuese. M\u00eb pas, kur vdiq babi, ajo nuk e mori dot veten dhe nga lig\u00ebshtimi, u paralizua.
\nE k\u00ebshtu, bisedat tona ishin t\u00eb k\u00ebndshme dhe dal\u00ebngadal\u00eb, u b\u00ebn\u00eb shum\u00eb t\u00eb af\u00ebrta. Ai m\u00eb tregonte \u00e7do gj\u00eb q\u00eb b\u00ebnte pasdite dhe un\u00eb, instiktivisht i tregoja \u00e7do gj\u00eb q\u00eb b\u00ebja. Filluam t\u00eb tregonim edhe p\u00ebr gj\u00ebrat e vogla. Madje, nj\u00eb dit\u00eb, kur m\u00eb pa t\u00eb m\u00ebrzitur, ai e kuptoi menj\u00ebher\u00eb dhe m\u00eb tha:
\n– \u00c7\u2019ke q\u00eb je e m\u00ebrzitur? Ke probleme n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi?
\n– Jam z\u00ebn\u00eb me burrin – nuk e di si m\u00eb dol\u00ebn k\u00ebto fjal\u00eb, por si duket isha shum\u00eb e m\u00ebrzitur dhe mezi prisja t\u00eb gjeja nj\u00eb njeri q\u00eb t\u00eb zbrazesha.
\nJo q\u00ebllimisht e ula kok\u00ebn n\u00eb supin e tij dhe ai m\u00eb p\u00ebrqafoi. \u00c7do gj\u00eb erdhi natyrsh\u00ebm dhe pa asnj\u00eb sforcim. Ndjeva ngroht\u00ebsi dhe p\u00ebr disa \u00e7aste, nuk l\u00ebviza. Pastaj ngrita kok\u00ebn dhe e pash\u00eb. Syt\u00eb tan\u00eb u ndesh\u00ebn dhe kjo ishte nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr gj\u00eb q\u00eb un\u00eb e b\u00ebra pa dashje. Ai u afrua tek un\u00eb dhe m\u00eb puthi e un\u00eb iu p\u00ebrgjigja puthjes s\u00eb tij. Menj\u00ebher\u00eb reflektova dhe u t\u00ebrhoqa. Oh, jo! \u00c7\u2019po b\u00ebnim k\u00ebshtu?! Edhe ai u t\u00ebrhoq.
\n– M\u00eb fal! – tha ai menj\u00ebher\u00eb. – nuk doja.
\n– Edhe un\u00eb kisha faj! Nuk duhet t\u00eb t\u00eb ngat\u00ebrroja ty n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb…
\n– Jo s\u2019ka gj\u00eb! Un\u00eb kisha faj! – tha ai p\u00ebrs\u00ebri.
\n– Mos ta zgjasim m\u00eb se kush ka faj. T\u00eb dy u t\u00ebrhoq\u00ebm nga nj\u00ebri-tjetri instiktivisht…
\nDhe mua, p\u00ebr \u00e7udi, m\u00eb p\u00eblqeu kjo puthje. Nga reagimi i tij kuptova se i p\u00eblqeu edhe atij, por kjo ishte e pamundur t\u00eb vazhdonte. Ai, nga mosha, mund t\u00eb ishte djali im.
\nU ndjeva mir\u00eb, por reflektova menj\u00ebher\u00eb. Ishte nj\u00eb t\u00ebrheqje nga momenti apo ishte nj\u00eb ndjenj\u00eb q\u00eb po lindte nga af\u00ebrsia q\u00eb kishim krijuar n\u00eb pun\u00eb? Nuk e di se si mund t\u00eb ndodhte nj\u00eb gj\u00eb e till\u00eb.
\nAt\u00eb dit\u00eb u mundova t\u00eb mos i rrija shum\u00eb af\u00ebr, megjith\u00ebse ishte gati e pamundur sepse ne ishim m\u00ebsuar t\u00eb punonim bashk\u00eb e t\u00eb ishim gjat\u00eb gjith\u00eb orarit t\u00eb pun\u00ebs t\u00eb pandar\u00eb. Ajo dit\u00eb kaloi n\u00eb pun\u00eb, por n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi, un\u00eb isha shum\u00eb e stresuar. Me burrin nuk flisja nga z\u00ebnka e m\u00ebparshme dhe n\u00eb mendje kisha vet\u00ebm at\u00eb q\u00eb ndodhi mes meje dhe kolegut aq t\u00eb ri n\u00eb mosh\u00eb. Gjithmon\u00eb i kam urryer lidhjet me mosha m\u00eb t\u00eb reja, q\u00eb i shihja n\u00eb jet\u00ebt e VIP-ave, ama tani ndjeja nj\u00eb si boshll\u00ebk n\u00eb kraharor, por edhe kisha nj\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00eb ta p\u00ebrjetoja p\u00ebrs\u00ebri at\u00eb moment.
\nDit\u00ebn tjet\u00ebr nuk shkova n\u00eb pun\u00eb. Mora shefin n\u00eb telefon dhe ai, pa nj\u00eb, pa dy, m\u00eb tha se mund t\u00eb rrija derisa t\u00eb b\u00ebhesha mir\u00eb. Nuk mungoja ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb ai m\u00eb dha leje pa problem. Pas pak m\u00eb mori n\u00eb telefon kolegu.
\n– Mir\u00ebm\u00ebngjes! Mora vesh se nuk je mir\u00eb. \u00c7far\u00eb ke?
\n– Jo asgj\u00eb, gjendje gripale. Ndoshta ndonj\u00eb viroz\u00eb.
\n– Un\u00eb u shqet\u00ebsova kur nuk erdhe n\u00eb pun\u00eb…
\n– Nuk ke pse t\u00eb shqet\u00ebsohesh, jam mir\u00eb. Faleminderit p\u00ebr telefonat\u00ebn.
\n– Po \u00e7\u2019\u00ebsht\u00eb ajo fjal\u00eb? Si do t\u00eb punoj un\u00eb vet\u00ebm sot pa ty? – b\u00ebri nj\u00eb pauz\u00eb t\u00eb shkurt\u00ebr ai dhe m\u00eb pas shtoi: – Uroj t\u00eb jesh mir\u00eb nes\u00ebr e t\u00eb vish!
\n– Faleminderit! – i thash\u00eb shkurt dhe e mbylla un\u00eb e para telefonin. Q\u00ebndrova vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb dit\u00eb n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi dhe dola n\u00eb pun\u00eb t\u00eb nes\u00ebrmen. Gjat\u00eb pun\u00ebs nuk i lash\u00eb shum\u00eb hap\u00ebsir\u00eb, ndaj n\u00eb pushim, kur po pinim kafen e drek\u00ebs, duhej t\u00eb flisja me t\u00eb.
\n– Ajo q\u00eb ndodhi ishte nj\u00eb shenj\u00eb. – tha ai.
\n– \u00c7\u2019shenj\u00eb?
\n– Po ja, q\u00eb tregon se ne jemi shum\u00eb t\u00eb af\u00ebrt dhe duhet t\u00eb afrohemi edhe m\u00eb tej.
\n\u00c7do fjal\u00eb e tij m\u00eb b\u00ebnte ta besoja edhe un\u00eb se nuk kishte kthim prapa.
\n– Un\u00eb jam e madhe dhe i di k\u00ebto pun\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb sesa ti. K\u00ebto gj\u00ebra jan\u00eb t\u00eb ndaluara dhe duhet t\u00eb sillemi si t\u00eb rritur e jo si f\u00ebmij\u00eb. E di se je i ri dhe mendon se je i dashururar, por k\u00ebto jan\u00eb kalimtare.
\n– Nuk ke pse t\u00eb m\u00eb ofendosh e t\u00eb m\u00eb thuash se jam f\u00ebmij\u00eb. Un\u00eb ta kam treguar sa i pjekur jam.
\nNga kjo bised\u00eb nuk u zgjidh asgj\u00eb. Shkova n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi dhe kuptova se akoma mendoja p\u00ebr t\u00eb, ndaj vendosa t\u00eb b\u00ebja \u00e7far\u00eb t\u00eb ishte m\u00eb mir\u00eb, ose t\u00eb veproja sipas rastit.
\nKur ra rasti t\u00eb shkonim n\u00eb nj\u00eb udh\u00ebtim, ndodhi ajo q\u00eb un\u00eb nuk e besoja se do t\u00eb ndodhte. Edhe pse d\u00ebshiroja shum\u00eb t\u00eb afrohesha edhe m\u00eb me t\u00eb, e dija se ishte nj\u00eb gj\u00eb q\u00eb do t\u00eb m\u00eb sillte shum\u00eb telashe. Mir\u00ebpo, ia vlente. Ato dy dit\u00eb n\u00eb Firence ishin dy dit\u00ebt m\u00eb t\u00eb lumtura t\u00eb jet\u00ebs sime. Un\u00eb ndjehesha e dashuruar dhe ai, gjithashtu. Edhe ishte i ri n\u00eb mosh\u00eb, asgj\u00eb nuk prishi ky fakt. Ajo ndjenj\u00eb mes nesh ishte magjike dhe nuk do ta prishte asgj\u00eb n\u00eb bot\u00eb. Kur u ktheva n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi, ndjehesha tep\u00ebr n\u00eb form\u00eb.
\nAq shum\u00eb isha e p\u00ebrfshir\u00eb n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb dashuri sa nuk kisha menduar se si do t\u00eb veproja kur t\u00eb kthehesha n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi e t\u00eb takoja burrin. At\u00eb e kishte marr\u00eb malli shum\u00eb p\u00ebr mua. Edhe mua m\u00eb kishte marr\u00eb, por jo aq shum\u00eb sa her\u00ebt e tjera. Megjithat\u00eb, un\u00eb e doja dhe kisha nj\u00eb lloj dashurie q\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00ebrhiqte gjithmon\u00eb drejt tij.
\n– Si ia kalove, zem\u00ebr?
\n– Shum\u00eb mir\u00eb! U k\u00ebnaq\u00ebm dhe tani ndjehem sikur kam rilindur – m\u00eb dol\u00ebn pa dashje m\u00eb shum\u00eb fjal\u00eb se\u00e7 duhej.
\n– Po pun\u00eb, a mbarove t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn? Ti po flet sikur kishe shkuar p\u00ebr pushime e jo p\u00ebr pun\u00eb. – tha burri.
\n– Po, p\u00ebr pun\u00eb, por edhe u k\u00ebnaqa shum\u00eb, sepse ishte nj\u00eb vend shum\u00eb i bukur dhe m\u00eb ndezi nj\u00eb magji si qytet.
\nAi nuk dyshoi m\u00eb tep\u00ebr dhe k\u00ebshtu kaloi.
\nKur u takuam n\u00eb pun\u00eb me kolegun, ndjehesha si nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb e vog\u00ebl. Shk\u00ebmbenim shkime dhe mezi prisnim rastin t\u00eb takoheshim e t\u00eb rrinim af\u00ebr nj\u00ebri-tjetrit. Nj\u00ebher\u00eb, pasi kishim b\u00ebr\u00eb dashuri n\u00eb nj\u00eb motel, i thash\u00eb:
\n– A ndjehesh si n\u00eb fillim kur nisi kjo?
\n– Jo, – tha ai, – ndjehem m\u00eb ndryshe.
\n– Si m\u00eb ndryshe?
\n– N\u00eb fillim e nisa si nj\u00eb t\u00ebrheqje e thjesht\u00eb koleg\u00ebsh, nd\u00ebrsa tani ndjehem i dashuruar.
\nEdhe un\u00eb ashtu ndihesha dhe ndihem akoma. Kjo dashuri \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebrrallore n\u00eb shum\u00eb kuptime. E para se vet\u00ebm n\u00eb p\u00ebrralla ndodhin k\u00ebto dashuri q\u00eb nuk jan\u00eb normale dhe e dyta, se ajo ka shum\u00eb magji brenda.
\nNdoshta nga ana e tij, m\u00eb von\u00eb, jam e sigurt\u00eb p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb, do t\u00eb ket\u00eb zbehje dhe un\u00eb menj\u00ebher\u00eb do t\u00eb t\u00ebrhiqem q\u00eb ai t\u00eb gjej\u00eb fatin e tij dhe ta nd\u00ebrtoj\u00eb jet\u00ebn ashtu si\u00e7 duhet. K\u00ebt\u00eb edhe ia kam shprehur nj\u00eb her\u00eb, kur ai po shikonte nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb q\u00eb punon n\u00eb zyr\u00ebn ton\u00eb.
\n– P\u00ebr t\u00eb dy, kjo dashuri ka nj\u00eb limit. N\u00eb momentin q\u00eb ti do t\u00eb kesh nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb shk\u00ebputesh, do t\u00eb m\u00eb thuash dhe duhet t\u00eb ndahemi.
\n– \u00c7\u2019jan\u00eb ato fjal\u00eb? Un\u00eb t\u00eb dua! – tha ai.
\n– E di se m\u00eb do dhe un\u00eb t\u00eb dua, por ti duhet t\u00eb krijosh familjen t\u00ebnde. Tani ndjehemi mir\u00eb, e di, por kur ti t\u00eb duash, un\u00eb jam gati p\u00ebr t\u00eb t\u00eb l\u00ebn\u00eb t\u00eb lir\u00eb.
\nE \u00e7uditshme q\u00eb burri im nuk ka nuhatur asgj\u00eb. Nganj\u00ebher\u00eb mundohem t\u00eb kuptoj se si \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebrteta: Nuk e di apo nuk do q\u00eb ta dij\u00eb? Nejse, tani jam e dashuruar dhe dua ta shijoj n\u00eb \u00e7do moment k\u00ebt\u00eb dashuri; nuk dua t\u00eb mendoj m\u00eb gjat\u00eb.<\/p>\n
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T\u00eb dashur lexues, un\u00eb do t\u2019ju tregoj nj\u00eb histori ndryshe nga ato q\u00eb keni d\u00ebgjuar a lexuar m\u00eb par\u00eb. Un\u00eb q\u00eb po ju shkruaj jam nj\u00eb grua intelektuale dhe me nj\u00eb karrier\u00eb pothuajse t\u00eb realizuar. Kam nj\u00eb familje t\u00eb nd\u00ebrtuar mbi baza t\u00eb forta, pra, deri k\u00ebtu \u00e7do gj\u00eb n\u00eb rregull. Kam nj\u00eb pun\u00eb t\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[94],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4698","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-histori-nga-jeta"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4698","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4698"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4698\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4698"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4698"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4698"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}