{"id":4652,"date":"2014-10-22T11:59:04","date_gmt":"2014-10-22T09:59:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=4652"},"modified":"2014-10-22T11:59:04","modified_gmt":"2014-10-22T09:59:04","slug":"pse-jam-vazhdimisht-i-merzitur","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2014\/10\/pse-jam-vazhdimisht-i-merzitur\/","title":{"rendered":"Pse jam vazhdimisht i m\u00ebrzitur?"},"content":{"rendered":"

– I nderuar Dr. Demiri, dua nj\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje m\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebr veten time. Nuk m\u00eb mungon asgj\u00eb e megjithat\u00eb, ndihem i m\u00ebrzitur. Me siguri, t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt do t\u00eb donin q\u00eb t\u00eb ishin si un\u00eb, por nuk jan\u00eb e megjithat\u00eb, shum\u00eb prej tyre jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb g\u00ebzuar se un\u00eb. Po ashtu, shoh shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz t\u00eb m\u00ebrzitur, sidomos t\u00eb rinj dhe m\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb si obsesion q\u00eb t\u00eb gjej se pse. Ju lutem, m\u00eb ktheni nj\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje: Pse shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz ndihen t\u00eb m\u00ebrzitur? Me respekt, Toni.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist:<\/em><\/strong> – I nderuar Toni, p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00ebsuar se p\u00ebrse ti ndihesh i m\u00ebrzitur, do t\u00eb duhej t\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebja tri teste: 1. At\u00eb t\u00eb deprimimit, 2. T\u00eb ankthit 3. T\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00ebs s\u00eb t\u00eb menduarit. Analiza psikologjike e k\u00ebtyre tri testeve, nxjerr t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00ebn n\u00ebse ke sadopak depresion, ankth, apo m\u00ebnyra t\u00eb t\u00eb menduarit \u201ckatastrofizues\u201d, q\u00eb duhen rregulluar. Mos u \u00e7udit, ne psikolog\u00ebt argumentojm\u00eb se nuk kan\u00eb aq r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi ndodhit\u00eb n\u00eb vetvete, pasi m\u00eb shum\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi ka m\u00ebnyra se si ne i mendojm\u00eb ato, r\u00ebnd\u00ebsia q\u00eb u japim ndodhive. Por, meq\u00eb ti m\u00eb pyet n\u00eb t\u00ebr\u00ebsi se p\u00ebrse shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz ndihen t\u00eb m\u00ebrzitur, edhe un\u00eb do t\u00eb flas duke p\u00ebrmendur n\u00eb aspektin psikologjik, ca nga arsyet m\u00eb kryesore:<\/p>\n

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  1. F\u00ebmija i brendsh\u00ebm.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \u00c7do njeri, n\u00eb \u00e7do mosh\u00eb, ka edhe pjes\u00ebn prej \u201cf\u00ebmije\u201d brenda vetes. F\u00ebmija si f\u00ebmija, do p\u00ebrk\u00ebdhelur e llastuar, por shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz nuk e b\u00ebjn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb, pra, nuk e duan fort k\u00ebt\u00eb \u201cf\u00ebmij\u00eb\u201d q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb vetvetja, gjendja shpirt\u00ebrore. Sa her\u00eb shoh njer\u00ebz t\u00eb m\u00ebrzitur, m\u00eb vjen t\u2019u them: \u201cKujdes, ke l\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb rrug\u00eb \u201cf\u00ebmij\u00ebn\u201d t\u00ebnd dhe t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt po ta masakrojn\u00eb\u201d. Vazhdimisht kam shkruar se \u00e7do njeri duhet ta mbaj\u00eb vet\u00eb n\u00eb dor\u00eb gjendjen e vet shpirt\u00ebrore, t\u00eb mos e l\u00ebr\u00eb at\u00eb t\u00eb bjer\u00eb, t\u00eb mos na b\u00ebhet si zakon i keq m\u00ebnyra q\u00eb ve\u00e7 m\u00ebrzitemi dhe k\u00ebrkojm\u00eb nga t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt, pasi m\u00ebrzitja na i bllokon fuqit\u00eb dhe aft\u00ebsit\u00eb, kurse t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt, kushdoqofshin ata, nj\u00eb dit\u00eb ose do t\u00eb vdesin e s\u2019do t\u2019i kemi m\u00eb (si p\u00ebr shembull, prind\u00ebrit), ose mund t\u00eb na braktisin… Pra, mbajeni mend: Ajo q\u00eb s\u2019na braktis kurr\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb vetvetja!<\/p>\n

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    1. D\u00ebshira p\u00ebr perfeksion<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz jan\u00eb rritur me d\u00ebshiren p\u00ebr perfeksion dhe me frik\u00ebn ndaj gabimeve e t\u00eb metave. Por, po t\u00eb ishim t\u00eb pagabuesh\u00ebm, ne nuk do t\u00eb kishim vend n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb planet. Edhe vet\u00eb pejgamber\u00ebt kan\u00eb qen\u00eb t\u00eb gabuesh\u00ebm. Mania vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u00eb gjetur t\u00eb meta te vetja dhe te t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt mund t\u00eb na kthehet n\u00eb obsesion dhe pastaj, e gjejm\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb di\u00e7ka p\u00ebr t\u2019u m\u00ebrzitur. Edhe kur pun\u00ebt na shkojn\u00eb mbar\u00eb, s\u2019jemi t\u00eb qet\u00eb, sepse shqet\u00ebsohemi p\u00ebr problemet e s\u00eb nes\u00ebrmes, pra, k\u00ebrkojm\u00eb perfeksion e siguri t\u00eb tepruar. B\u00ebhemi t\u00eb ndjesh\u00ebm e shum\u00eb t\u00eb ndikuar nga t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt e t\u00eb metat, i vuajm\u00eb gabimet e t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve deri ngjarjet q\u00eb ndoshta s\u2019kan\u00eb lidhje me ne. Mos u \u00e7udit, m\u00eb kan\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb ca gra se deri edhe vet\u00ebvrasja e Bihterit te telenovela: \u201cDashuri e ndaluar\u201d, i ka b\u00ebr\u00eb ato t\u00eb ndihen t\u00eb m\u00ebrzitura. Eh, k\u00ebto telenovelat, me ato ngjarjet shto uj\u00eb e shto miell, jo vet\u00ebm q\u00eb krijojn\u00eb var\u00ebsi, por edhe i trembin njer\u00ebzit me dramacitetin e tepruar kur njeriu i mbindjesh\u00ebm e q\u00eb nuk p\u00ebrballet sa duhet me jet\u00ebn jasht\u00eb, vazhdimisht thot\u00eb me vete: \u201cJa, se \u00e7\u2018ndodh!\u201d. \u00c7do gj\u00eb ndodh, deri n\u00eb shk\u00ebputje nga realiteti, i cili tashm\u00eb quhet shum\u00eb i friksh\u00ebm.<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Abuzimi me substancat<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz, duke dashur ta ngren\u00eb disi gjendjen shpirt\u00ebrore, p\u00ebrdorin alkool, duhan, shum\u00eb kafe apo drog\u00ebra farmacie, krijojn\u00eb var\u00ebsi prej tyre dhe nuk e kuptojn\u00eb se alkooli e duhani jo vet\u00ebm q\u00eb shtojn\u00eb ankthet, por me kalimin e koh\u00ebs, mund t\u00eb shtyjn\u00eb n\u00eb shfaqje depresioni e n\u00eb var\u00ebsi t\u00eb keqe. T\u00eb vjen v\u00ebrtet shum\u00eb keq kur sheh goca t\u00eb reja apo gra t\u00eb bukura me cigaret q\u00eb i thithin gjith\u00eb qejf sikur t\u00eb duan t\u00eb afrojn\u00eb plakjen, s\u00ebmundjet apo vdekjen. Disa shkojn\u00eb n\u00eb farmaci e marrin ila\u00e7e pa recet\u00eb, kur edhe kurat bimore apo terapit\u00eb e \u00ebmbla un\u00eb nuk ua jap pa konsult\u00eb, pasi edhe ila\u00e7et 100 % bimore e pa asnj\u00eb efekt an\u00ebsor, nuk jan\u00eb si uj\u00ebt e burimit, plus q\u00eb kushtojn\u00eb nga ana financiare. T\u00eb marr\u00ebsh ila\u00e7e t\u00eb tepruara, do t\u00eb thot\u00eb ta blesh t\u00eb keqen me para…<\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Mungesa e dashuris\u00eb dhe e seksit<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Shoh shum\u00eb raste kur njer\u00ebzit jan\u00eb lidhur duke e kujtuar seksin p\u00ebr dashuri, ose jan\u00eb t\u00eb dashuruar, por nuk p\u00ebrshtaten seksualisht. N\u00eb t\u00eb dyja rastet, kemi t\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb me iluzionet e ndjenjave dhe t\u00eb ndjesive. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb edhe arsyeja pse mbi 30 % e grave nuk arrijn\u00eb n\u00eb orgaz\u00ebm, kur n\u00eb bot\u00ebn e kafsh\u00ebve nuk ka asnj\u00eb rast q\u00eb femra t\u00eb mos e arrij\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb gjendje shum\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme nga e cila p\u00ebrfitojn\u00eb shum\u00eb sh\u00ebndeti, psikika, shpirti, organet dhe e t\u00ebr\u00eb gjendja shpirt\u00ebrore. Dashuria dhe seksi p\u00ebrhapen domosdoshm\u00ebrisht dhe shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz, sidomos t\u00eb rinj, ose nuk jan\u00eb n\u00eb gjendje t\u2019ia sigurojn\u00eb vetes ato, ose ia sigurojn\u00eb n\u00eb ca m\u00ebnyra t\u00eb gabuara si \u201c\u00e7\u2018t\u00eb dal\u00eb p\u00ebrpara\u201d ose sipas tipit Don Zhuanesk apo fenomenit \u201cBovariz\u00ebm\u201d. N\u00ebse nuk jemi n\u00eb gjendje ta fitojm\u00eb dashurin\u00eb e t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve, duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb nj\u00eb analiz\u00eb dhe t\u00eb shohim se \u00e7far\u00eb nuk shkon. Analiza b\u00ebhet te psikologu, i cili nd\u00ebr t\u00eb tjera, na m\u00ebson se shum\u00eb vet\u00eb e k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb dashurin\u00eb nga t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt n\u00eb vend q\u00eb ata ta b\u00ebjn\u00eb p\u00ebrpjekjen q\u00eb ta fitojn\u00eb e meritojn\u00eb at\u00eb. Mungesa e seksit n\u00eb mosh\u00eb t\u00eb rritur \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb boshll\u00ebk e d\u00ebm si\u00e7 mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb edhe tejskaji tjet\u00ebr, seksi i tepruar si ndonj\u00eb lloj sporti ose var\u00ebsia nga seksi. Seksi i tepruar nuk t\u00eb l\u00eb t\u00eb \u201csublimohesh\u201d, pra, q\u00eb energjit\u00eb e tua t\u2019i harxhosh m\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebr pun\u00eb, krijimtari etj. Mungesa e seksit, edhe m\u00eb keq…<\/p>\n

            \n
          1. Inkurajimi i gabuar<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            \u00c7\u2019\u00ebsht\u00eb kjo? Na kan\u00eb sjell\u00eb disa prind\u00ebr n\u00eb fakultetin e psikologjis\u00eb ca f\u00ebmij\u00eb q\u00eb s\u2019jan\u00eb p\u00ebr psikolog\u00eb, nuk kan\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb quhet IQ (koeficient intelekti) dhe nuk mund t\u00eb b\u00ebhen psikolog\u00eb, edhe pse lodhen e p\u00ebrpiqen shum\u00eb. K\u00ebshtu, ata, duke dashur t\u00eb arrijn\u00eb nivele t\u00eb pamundura, t\u00eb inkurajuar gabimisht edhe nga prind\u00ebrit, mund t\u00eb thyhen dhe t\u00eb zhyten n\u00eb depresion. Fenomeni psikologjik \u201cinkurajim i gabuar\u201d gjendet m\u00eb shpesh te biznesmen\u00ebt. \u00c7do biznesmen, edhe pse mund t\u00eb ket\u00eb fitim ditor aq sa marrin n\u00eb nj\u00eb muaj punonj\u00ebsit e tij, mund t\u00eb trembet sadopak nga r\u00ebnia, pasi t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt e shohin at\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb n\u00eb ngjitje dhe ai vetveten po ashtu, ndaj nuk i lejohet aspak zbritja, r\u00ebnia. Ndaj t\u00eb vjen p\u00ebr t\u00eb qeshur kur pun\u00ebtori i tij i g\u00ebzohet asaj rroge t\u00eb vog\u00ebl, kurse ai nuk i g\u00ebzohet nj\u00eb fitimi t\u00eb madh vet\u00ebm sepse ky fitim nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb ai q\u00eb ishte m\u00eb par\u00eb. Ndaj ne psikolog\u00ebt themi q\u00eb secili duhet t\u00eb ec\u00eb sipas mund\u00ebsive t\u00eb tij, pse jo, edhe me pasigurit\u00eb e tij dhe t\u00eb mos b\u00ebj\u00eb krahasime, por t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqet me ato q\u00eb ka dhe q\u00eb arrin. N\u00ebse ne nuk k\u00ebnaqemi me ato q\u00eb kemi, nuk do t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqeshim as me ato q\u00eb do t\u00eb donim t\u00eb kishim.<\/p>\n

              \n
            1. Mungesa e kushteve t\u00eb jetes\u00ebs, e pun\u00ebs, etj.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              Shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb gjith\u00e7ka p\u00ebr t\u2019i siguruar vetes kushte jetese, pun\u00ebsimi e profesioni etj., arrijn\u00eb e qahen ose b\u00ebjn\u00eb bla bla bla n\u00ebp\u00ebr klube. Q\u00eb t\u00eb arrijm\u00eb q\u00ebllimet tona, duhet t\u00eb kalojm\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb ne psikolog\u00ebt e quajm\u00eb \u201czona e dhimbjes\u201d. Duke qen\u00eb pasiv\u00eb dhe inert\u00eb, asgj\u00eb nuk mund t\u00eb arrijm\u00eb. Kur dikush niset p\u00ebr emigrim apo nis nj\u00eb sht\u00ebpi, krahas urimit \u201crrug\u00eb e pun\u00eb t\u00eb mbar\u00eb\u201d un\u00eb i jap edhe k\u00ebshill\u00ebn: \u201cB\u00ebhu pak \u201ckatil\u201d i vetes\u201d. E kuptoni vet\u00eb, sepse rehatia s\u2019t\u00eb sjell asgj\u00eb. A nuk thot\u00eb populli, \u201cmbaj e mos u qaj\u201d? Shum\u00eb t\u00eb rinj, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u00eb studiojn\u00eb e t\u00eb p\u00ebrgatiten p\u00ebr t\u00eb ardhmen, kan\u00eb prirje p\u00ebr loj\u00ebra e qejf, duke e \u00e7uar d\u00ebm koh\u00ebn, e cila \u00ebsht\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb shum\u00eb e \u00e7muar. Mosha e rinis\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb mosha m\u00eb e bukur, kur njeriu duhet t\u00eb p\u00ebrgatitet p\u00ebr jet\u00ebn e ardhme, mir\u00ebpo duke mos u p\u00ebrgatitur e duke i gjuajtur me \u201ctop\u201d parat\u00eb e prind\u00ebrve p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb qejf, ata mbeten si peshku n\u00eb t\u00eb that\u00eb, nuk kan\u00eb aft\u00ebsit\u00eb e duhura p\u00ebr t\u00eb krijuar kushte jetese bashk\u00ebkohore, nuk jan\u00eb n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb gjejn\u00eb apo t\u00eb mbajn\u00eb nj\u00eb pun\u00eb dhe n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb pashmangshme, thyhen… Kujtoni fabul\u00ebn \u201cGjinkalla dhe milingona\u201d… Shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz, pasi vijn\u00eb te psikologu e b\u00ebjn\u00eb nj\u00eb analiz\u00eb t\u00eb sakt\u00eb, fitojn\u00eb edhe 5 mjetet psikologjike p\u00ebr t\u00eb shnd\u00ebrruar jet\u00ebn e vet n\u00eb besim, kurajo, rezultate e krijueshm\u00ebri, q\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb: Lumturi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

              – I nderuar Dr. Demiri, dua nj\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje m\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebr veten time. Nuk m\u00eb mungon asgj\u00eb e megjithat\u00eb, ndihem i m\u00ebrzitur. Me siguri, t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt do t\u00eb donin q\u00eb t\u00eb ishin si un\u00eb, por nuk jan\u00eb e megjithat\u00eb, shum\u00eb prej tyre jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb g\u00ebzuar se un\u00eb. Po ashtu, shoh shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz t\u00eb m\u00ebrzitur, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4652","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4652","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4652"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4652\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4652"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4652"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4652"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}