Kur zemra jon\u00eb belb\u00ebzon n\u00eb fillim t\u00eb nj\u00eb lidhjeje, \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb kuptosh n\u00ebse ajo flet gjuh\u00ebn e dashuris\u00eb, por jan\u00eb disa gj\u00ebra q\u00eb mund t\u00eb na e tregojn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb. Kat\u00ebr psikolog\u00eb na zbulojn\u00eb sjelljet q\u00eb tregojn\u00eb se \u00abun\u00eb dashuroj v\u00ebrtet\u00bb. Sigurisht, \u00ebsht\u00eb dashuria me shikim t\u00eb par\u00eb, befasuese, por q\u00eb nganj\u00ebher\u00eb zgjat fare pak. Pastaj \u00ebsht\u00eb edhe dashuria q\u00eb lind ngadal\u00eb, e cila do pak koh\u00eb t\u00eb zbulohet. Kjo lloj dashurie nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb pak premtuese, por m\u00eb e dyshimt\u00eb n\u00eb shfaqjet e saj. \u00cbsht\u00eb ajo p\u00ebr t\u00eb cil\u00ebn i themi nj\u00eb shoqeje\/shoku n\u00eb vesh: \u00abMendoj se kam r\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb dashuri…\u00bb. Kjo pasiguri tregon luft\u00ebn q\u00eb b\u00ebhet brenda nesh. \u00abJan\u00eb t\u00eb shumt\u00eb element\u00ebt q\u00eb na t\u00ebrheqin te tjetri: Mir\u00ebnjohje, besim, ndjenj\u00eb paqeje, g\u00ebzimi dhe po aq, edhe ato q\u00eb na largojn\u00eb prej tij: Frik\u00eb nga refuzimi, var\u00ebsia, se nuk jemi gati\u00bb, konstaton nj\u00eb psikolog. Nga kjo rrjedh edhe \u00abk\u00ebrcimi\u00bb yn\u00eb n\u00eb dashuri, tre hapa para, nj\u00eb pas, nj\u00eb lloj valsi-hezitim q\u00eb tregon shpesh nj\u00eb shkall\u00eb t\u00eb lart\u00eb interesimi! Ja, pra, ju d\u00ebshifrojm\u00eb shenjat e k\u00ebsaj dashurie q\u00eb lind dhe q\u00eb ende belb\u00ebzon…<\/p>\n
1. Faqet e kuqe
\nShpesh, n\u00eb dashuri, \u00ebsht\u00eb trupi ai q\u00eb flet i pari, megjith\u00ebse ne p\u00ebrpiqemi t\u00eb injorojm\u00eb shenjat q\u00eb ai na d\u00ebrgon. \u00abAnkthi nxit prodhimin e adrenalin\u00ebs, q\u00eb shkakton nj\u00eb p\u00ebrshpejtim t\u00eb ritmit t\u00eb zemr\u00ebs, nj\u00eb djersitje t\u00eb tepruar. Por, n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn koh\u00eb, ndjenja dashurore b\u00ebn q\u00eb trupi t\u00eb \u00e7liroj\u00eb dopamin\u00ebn, serotonin\u00ebn, endorfin\u00ebn, t\u00eb kund\u00ebrtat e adrenalin\u00ebs. K\u00ebto hormon\u00eb dashurie shkaktojn\u00eb zgjerim t\u00eb en\u00ebve t\u00eb gjakut, gj\u00eb q\u00eb skuq faqet, bile edhe qaf\u00ebn. K\u00ebto skuqje t\u00ebrheqin v\u00ebshtrimin, sidomos qafa, q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb zon\u00eb e brisht\u00eb te njer\u00ebzit. N\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb pavet\u00ebdijshme, kur ne biem n\u00eb dashuri me dik\u00eb, i paraqesim tjetrit k\u00ebt\u00eb zon\u00eb, duke p\u00ebrkulur kok\u00ebn: Shenj\u00eb braktisjeje dhe besimi.
\nZ\u00ebri, gjithashtu, ndryshon. Grat\u00eb kan\u00eb tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb ngren\u00eb tonin, t\u00eb flasim me nj\u00eb z\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb mpreht\u00eb, nd\u00ebrsa burrat flasin me z\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb ngjirur, me q\u00ebllim joshjen reciproke. N\u00eb rast dyshimi, jini t\u00eb sigurt\u00eb se \u00abtrupi ka arsyet e tij, q\u00eb arsyeja i injoron\u00bb, si\u00e7 thoshte Paskali.<\/p>\n
2. Ngatht\u00ebsia
\nNe p\u00ebrpiqemi t\u00eb tregohemi interesant\u00eb dhe b\u00ebjm\u00eb gafa nga m\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshmet. Ne duam t\u00eb biem n\u00eb sy dhe derdhim got\u00ebn… \u00abNj\u00eb mbr\u00ebmje do t\u00eb darkoja m\u00eb nj\u00eb burr\u00eb q\u00eb m\u00eb p\u00eblqente shum\u00eb, n\u00eb nj\u00eb restorant indian. Mbi tavolin\u00eb kishte perime edhe nj\u00eb spec t\u00eb vog\u00ebl djeg\u00ebs, q\u00eb un\u00eb e mora p\u00ebr spec t\u00eb zakonsh\u00ebm. E kafshova dhe gjuha m\u2019u fry menj\u00ebher\u00eb si tullumbace. At\u00eb nat\u00eb p\u00ebrfunduam n\u00eb urgjenc\u00eb!\u00bb, tregon nj\u00eb grua. Psikologu sheh n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb d\u00ebshmi forc\u00ebn e d\u00ebshir\u00ebs n\u00eb form\u00eb bruto, nd\u00ebrsa n\u00eb gjuh\u00ebn q\u00eb ka marr\u00eb flak\u00eb, nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb shk\u00eblqyer p\u00ebr t\u00eb penguar daljen e fjal\u00ebve, p\u00ebr t\u00eb l\u00ebn\u00eb emocionet t\u00eb flasin vet\u00eb. \u00abT\u00eb gjitha k\u00ebto \u00abaksidente\u00bb jan\u00eb nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb jo e drejtp\u00ebrdrejt\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019i th\u00ebn\u00eb tjetrit se na turbullon, se na b\u00ebn t\u00eb humbasim vet\u00ebdijen n\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb nj\u00eb sinjal i fort\u00eb q\u00eb d\u00ebrgojm\u00eb, megjith\u00ebse n\u00eb pamje t\u00eb par\u00eb kjo duket si di\u00e7ka q\u00eb na ul pik\u00eb\u00bb, thot\u00eb nj\u00eb psikolog.
\n\u00ab\u00cbsht\u00eb nd\u00ebrgjegjja jon\u00eb q\u00eb luan me ne, duke na b\u00ebr\u00eb numra!\u00bb, thot\u00eb nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr.<\/p>\n
3. Taktikat
\nDashuria q\u00eb lind \u00ebsht\u00eb e mbushur me dyshime e vuajtje dhe nganj\u00ebher\u00eb, me taktika qesharake p\u00ebr t\u2019i maskuar k\u00ebto. Ne b\u00ebjm\u00eb sikur nuk e d\u00ebgjojm\u00eb zilen e telefonit, pretendojm\u00eb se jemi t\u00eb z\u00ebn\u00eb at\u00eb mbr\u00ebmje, nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb nuk kemi asgj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb dhe pastaj m\u00ebrzitemi. \u00c7far\u00eb fshehin k\u00ebto inskenime? \u00abFrik\u00ebn se mos zbulohemi, se mos na refuzojn\u00eb. K\u00ebtu \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb loj\u00eb narcizizmi yn\u00eb. K\u00ebto takika tregojn\u00eb shpesh nj\u00eb n\u00ebnvler\u00ebsim t\u00eb vetes\u00bb. Shtojm\u00eb k\u00ebtu se ne ecim n\u00eb terren t\u00eb panjohur, t\u00eb detyruar t\u00eb mendojm\u00eb n\u00eb vend t\u00eb tjetrit, t\u00eb sillemi ashtu si ne mendojm\u00eb se ai do t\u00eb donte t\u00eb silleshim, gj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb cil\u00ebn nuk jemi t\u00eb sigurt\u00eb! N\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast, nuk jemi t\u00eb natyrsh\u00ebm. P\u00ebr fat t\u00eb mir\u00eb, psikologu na qet\u00ebson: \u00abAsnj\u00eb strategji nuk i reziston dashuris\u00eb. Indiferenca funksionon vet\u00ebm n\u00ebse jemi relativisht t\u00eb shk\u00ebputur\u00bb.<\/p>\n
4. Rezistenca
\n\u00abJo, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb tipi im! Pastaj \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb her\u00ebt, shum\u00eb von\u00eb, shum\u00eb…\u00bb. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb shenj\u00eb e pagabueshme, ose pothuajse e till\u00eb, e nj\u00eb dashurie q\u00eb lind: Rezistenca q\u00eb tregojm\u00eb ndaj saj. \u00abKur jemi p\u00ebrball\u00eb nj\u00eb partneri q\u00eb nuk u korrespondon kritereve tona t\u00eb nd\u00ebrgjegjshme, por q\u00eb na destabilizon n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb pand\u00ebrgjegjshme, ne e humbasim dhe p\u00ebrpiqemi me t\u00eb gjitha forcat t\u00eb rikthehemi n\u00eb \u00abrrug\u00ebn e drejt\u00eb\u00bb duke arsyetuar\u00bb. Shtojm\u00eb k\u00ebtu se jemi t\u00eb trembur edhe nga d\u00ebshira jon\u00eb, s\u00eb cil\u00ebs nuk kemi tendenc\u00eb t\u2019ia v\u00ebm\u00eb veshin n\u00eb shumic\u00ebn e koh\u00ebs, prandaj duam t\u00eb largohemi me vrap. Kjo marramendje shoq\u00ebrohet me nj\u00eb ndjenj\u00eb paniku: \u201cKjo q\u00eb po m\u00eb ndodh \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb e bukur, na p\u00ebshp\u00ebrit nj\u00eb z\u00eb i vog\u00ebl… Po sikur t\u00eb mos zgjas\u00eb? M\u00eb mir\u00eb t\u00eb largohemi nga kjo lumturi q\u00eb, mendojm\u00eb ne, nuk e ka jet\u00ebn e gjat\u00eb\u201d…<\/p>\n
5. P\u00ebrfytyrimi i s\u00eb ardhmes
\nNj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr shenj\u00eb e dashuris\u00eb q\u00eb lind \u00ebsht\u00eb ta mendojm\u00eb veten n\u00eb nj\u00eb t\u00eb ardhme t\u00eb lumtur, qoft\u00eb ajo edhe prozaike. \u00abDuke e menduar veten n\u00eb nj\u00eb situat\u00eb ku tjetri na do dhe d\u00ebshiron, kap\u00ebrcejm\u00eb pengesat e pasiguris\u00eb q\u00eb karakterizon nj\u00eb dashuri q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb duke lindur\u00bb. Megjithat\u00eb, psikolog\u00ebt na k\u00ebshillojm\u00eb t\u00eb jemi t\u00eb kujdessh\u00ebm ndaj k\u00ebtyre imagjinatave, q\u00eb tregojn\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb nj\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb dashuruar sesa nj\u00eb dashuri t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb. \u00abNuk kam besim te k\u00ebto skenare ku tjetri nuk z\u00eb shum\u00eb vend dhe duhet t\u00eb hyj\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb kuad\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrcaktuar. T\u00eb duash do t\u00eb thot\u00eb t\u00eb jesh gati t\u2019i l\u00ebsh vend edhe tjetrit, jo vet\u00ebm n\u00eb kanape!\u00bb.<\/p>\n
6. Zbukurimi i situat\u00ebs
\nKur ne takojm\u00eb dik\u00eb q\u00eb na p\u00eblqen, kemi tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb minimizojm\u00eb pengesat dhe t\u00eb zmadhojm\u00eb gj\u00ebrat pozitive. \u00abV\u00ebshtroni dy partner\u00eb, te t\u00eb cil\u00ebt \u00ebsht\u00eb duke lindur dashuria. Ata habiten me pikat e p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebta t\u00eb nj\u00ebri-tjetrit: \u00abKur ishe i vog\u00ebl, i kaloje pushimet n\u00eb Durr\u00ebs? Edhe un\u00eb!\u00bb dhe t\u00eb shohin te kjo nj\u00eb shenj\u00eb t\u00eb d\u00ebrguar nga qielli\u00bb, thot\u00eb psikologu. \u00abDashuria ka aft\u00ebsin\u00eb t\u00eb zbukuroj\u00eb lidhjen, por edhe t\u00eb na b\u00ebj\u00eb t\u00eb dukemi m\u00eb t\u00eb bukur, me an\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00eb procesi t\u00eb idealizimit t\u00eb tjetrit. Nj\u00eb efekt dyt\u00ebsor q\u00eb rrezikon t\u00eb na b\u00ebj\u00eb t\u00eb verb\u00ebr\u00bb.
\nMegjithat\u00eb, ne nuk duhet ta mbushim kok\u00ebn me p\u00ebrrallat e princit t\u00eb kalt\u00ebr dhe t\u00eb mos e v\u00ebm\u00eb re realitetin. \u00abKa vajza q\u00eb m\u00eb thon\u00eb se, n\u00ebse partneri i tyre nuk u thot\u00eb kurr\u00eb \u00abt\u00eb dua\u00bb, kjo do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se ai nuk e mendon… Edhe verb\u00ebria ka kufijt\u00eb e saj!\u00bb. Shum\u00eb vet\u00eb e kujtojn\u00eb veten t\u00eb dashuruar, nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb jan\u00eb t\u00eb dashuruar me konceptin e dashuris\u00eb. N\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast, tjetri ndodhet aty p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrmbushur nj\u00eb nevoj\u00eb. Si ta kuptojm\u00eb at\u00ebhere n\u00ebse b\u00ebhet fjal\u00eb p\u00ebr dashuri? Kjo ndjenj\u00eb i shp\u00ebton gjithmon\u00eb kontrollit ton\u00eb. \u00abN\u00ebse ndjejm\u00eb se situata \u00ebsht\u00eb jasht\u00eb kontrollit ton\u00eb, n\u00ebse ajo na b\u00ebn t\u00eb verb\u00ebr, apo na budallalleps, at\u00ebhere \u00ebsht\u00eb e sigurt\u00eb se \u00ebsht\u00eb dashuri. Kjo ndjenj\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb eksperienca m\u00eb interesante e jet\u00ebs son\u00eb njer\u00ebzore. At\u00ebhere, ta l\u00ebm\u00eb m\u00ebnjan\u00eb rezistenc\u00ebn dhe ta l\u00ebm\u00eb veten n\u00eb \u00abm\u00ebshir\u00ebn\u00bb e saj\u00bb, na inkurajon psikologu. Nj\u00eb dashuri q\u00eb lind, ka gjithmon\u00eb brenda edhe aventur\u00ebn.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Kur zemra jon\u00eb belb\u00ebzon n\u00eb fillim t\u00eb nj\u00eb lidhjeje, \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb kuptosh n\u00ebse ajo flet gjuh\u00ebn e dashuris\u00eb, por jan\u00eb disa gj\u00ebra q\u00eb mund t\u00eb na e tregojn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb. Kat\u00ebr psikolog\u00eb na zbulojn\u00eb sjelljet q\u00eb tregojn\u00eb se \u00abun\u00eb dashuroj v\u00ebrtet\u00bb. Sigurisht, \u00ebsht\u00eb dashuria me shikim t\u00eb par\u00eb, befasuese, por q\u00eb nganj\u00ebher\u00eb zgjat fare […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4464","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-intimitet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4464","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4464"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4464\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4464"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4464"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4464"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}