\u00c7far\u00eb ju ngre nervat? Kund\u00ebr kujt drejtohet zem\u00ebrimi juaj: Vetes, t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve apo bot\u00ebs, padrejt\u00ebsive dhe absurditeteve t\u00eb saj? Ky test do t’ju mund\u00ebsoj\u00eb t\u00eb identifikoni burimin e zem\u00ebrimit tuaj, p\u00ebr ta v\u00ebn\u00eb m\u00eb n\u00ebn kontroll. Psikologu yn\u00eb m\u00eb pas do t’ju jap\u00eb disa pista, p\u00ebr ta qet\u00ebsuar…<\/p>\n
1. N\u00eb restorant, nj\u00eb kamerier nuk ju kushton v\u00ebmendje. Mendimi juaj i par\u00eb:
\na. Nuk e \u00e7an kok\u00ebn p\u00ebr mua.
\nb. M\u00eb ka harruar.
\nc. Nuk e b\u00ebn si duhet pun\u00ebn e tij.<\/p>\n
2. P\u00ebr t\u00eb qet\u00ebsuar zem\u00ebrimin tuaj:
\na. Flisni me dik\u00eb ose shkruani at\u00eb q\u00eb ndjeni.
\nb. Rrini m\u00ebnjan\u00eb, p\u00ebr t\u2019u relaksuar dhe menduar.
\nc. P\u00ebrpiqeni t\u00eb mendoni p\u00ebr gj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, t\u00eb merreni me di\u00e7ka.<\/p>\n
3. N\u00ebse vazhdojn\u00eb gjat\u00eb, drejt \u00e7\u2019lloj ndjenje do t\u2019ju shtynin zem\u00ebrimet tuaja:
\na. Paranoj\u00ebs (\u201cNuk mund t\u00eb kesh besim tek askush\u201d)
\nb. Depresionit (\u201cDi\u00e7ka nuk shkon tek un\u00eb\u201d)
\nc. Mizantropis\u00eb (\u201cBot\u00eb m…\u201d)<\/p>\n
4. Deviza juaj:
\na. \u201cNuk dua t\u2019ia di n\u00ebse m\u00eb duan, dua t\u00eb m\u00eb respektojn\u00eb\u201d.
\nb. \u201cNuk dua vet\u00ebm t\u00eb m\u00eb duan, por edhe t\u00eb m\u00eb respektojn\u00eb\u201d.
\nc. \u201cDua vet\u00ebm t\u00eb m\u00eb duan\u201d.<\/p>\n
5. Nj\u00eb shok nuk ju merr n\u00eb telefon, me gjith\u00eb mesazhet q\u00eb i keni \u00e7uar…
\na. Nervozoheni: \u201cMund t\u00eb b\u00ebnte nj\u00eb p\u00ebrpjekje!\u201d.
\nb. Pyesni veten: \u201c\u00c7\u2019t\u00eb keqe kam b\u00ebr\u00eb? Mos i ka mbetur hatri p\u00ebr di\u00e7ka?\u201d
\nc. Jeni e zhg\u00ebnjyer: \u201cNuk mund t\u00eb mb\u00ebshtetesh te t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt…\u201d<\/p>\n
6. N\u00ebse zem\u00ebrimi juaj ka vajtur shum\u00eb larg dhe keni th\u00ebn\u00eb fjal\u00eb t\u00eb ashpra:
\na. Zem\u00ebroheni ndaj atij q\u00eb jua ka shkaktuar nj\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb till\u00eb.
\nb. Ndjeheni n\u00eb siklet kundrejt personit q\u00eb ka p\u00ebsuar humorin tuaj t\u00eb keq.
\nc. Keni frik\u00eb se lidhja do t\u00eb jet\u00eb d\u00ebmtuar n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb pandreqshme.<\/p>\n
7. N\u00eb nj\u00eb plazh t\u00eb qet\u00eb, nj\u00eb familje shum\u00eb e zhurmshme vjen e ulet pran\u00eb jush. Ju i thoni vetes:
\na. Po vete t\u2019i pyes mos duan t\u00eb ulen edhe n\u00eb peshqirin tim!
\nb. Epo mir\u00eb, po vete un\u00eb pak m\u00eb larg…
\nc. Do t\u2019i b\u00ebj t\u00eb largohen duke u hequr si e \u00e7mendur: Duke b\u00ebr\u00eb zhurma t\u00eb \u00e7uditshme me goj\u00eb, duke folur me vete…<\/p>\n
8. Keni qen\u00eb d\u00ebshmitar\/e e nj\u00eb padrejt\u00ebsie dhe nuk keni nd\u00ebrhyr\u00eb. I thoni vetes:
\na. Pse nuk l\u00ebvizi asnjeri?
\nb. Pse nuk b\u00ebra gj\u00eb un\u00eb?
\nc. Pse njer\u00ebzit jan\u00eb kaq t\u00eb dhunsh\u00ebm dhe t\u00eb k\u00ebqinj?<\/p>\n
9. N\u00eb pun\u00ebn tuaj, ju zem\u00ebron m\u00eb shum\u00eb…
\na. Bllokimi: Ju kan\u00eb penguar t\u00eb flisni n\u00eb mbledhje.
\nb. D\u00ebshtimi: Nuk e keni gjetur dot zgjidhjen e nj\u00eb problemi profesional.
\nc. Padrejt\u00ebsia: Nj\u00eb koleg m\u00eb pak kompetent \u00ebsht\u00eb ngritur n\u00eb karrier\u00eb n\u00eb vendin tuaj.<\/p>\n
10. Njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb ju zem\u00ebrojn\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb jan\u00eb:
\na. Egoist\u00ebt (q\u00eb nuk u kushtojn\u00eb v\u00ebmendje t\u00eb sinqert\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve).
\nb. Mashtruesit (q\u00eb i marrin t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt p\u00ebr budallenj)
\nc. Arrogant\u00ebt (q\u00eb i shohin t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt nga lart-posht\u00eb).<\/p>\n
Rezultatet:
\nN\u00ebse keni m\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje a. Ju zem\u00ebroheni me t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt
\nMungesa e respektit, vler\u00ebsimit, konsiderat\u00ebs, bile edhe n\u00eb detajet m\u00eb t\u00eb vogla, ju zem\u00ebrojn\u00eb shum\u00eb. Keni k\u00ebrkesa shum\u00eb t\u00eb larta ndaj njer\u00ebzve q\u00eb ju rrethojn\u00eb. Nuk k\u00ebrkoni vler\u00ebsim apo admirim (megjith\u00ebse nuk e p\u00ebrbuzni k\u00ebt\u00eb!), por mendoni se i detyrohemi nj\u00ebri-tjetrit nj\u00eb minimum mir\u00ebsjelljeje n\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet njer\u00ebzore. P\u00ebr ju, respekti reciprok \u00ebsht\u00eb e vetmja m\u00ebnyr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb jetuar n\u00eb shoq\u00ebri dhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb mir\u00eb nga gjendja shpirt\u00ebrore. Kjo, sepse vler\u00ebsimi i t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve \u00ebsht\u00eb burim vler\u00ebsimi edhe p\u00ebr veten dhe shum\u00eb prej zem\u00ebrimeve tuaja jan\u00eb t\u00eb lidhura me k\u00ebto l\u00ebndime. N\u00ebse nuk ju respektojn\u00eb, ju mendoni se nuk ia vlen t’ju respektojn\u00eb, gj\u00eb q\u00eb nuk i p\u00eblqen askujt. Ju rrezikoni t\u00eb futeni shum\u00eb shpejt n\u00eb konflikte. \u00cbsht\u00eb normale t\u00eb mos e pranosh munges\u00ebn e respektit, por ka raste q\u00eb ajo nuk b\u00ebhet me q\u00ebllim, por p\u00ebr hutim, neglizhenc\u00eb… N\u00ebse n\u00eb nj\u00eb situat\u00eb zem\u00ebrimi juaj \u00ebsht\u00eb i dobish\u00ebm sepse e b\u00ebn lidhjen t\u00eb evoluoj\u00eb, ka n\u00ebnt\u00eb situata t\u00eb tjera ku ai \u00ebsht\u00eb helmues dhe e d\u00ebmton lidhjen, duke e v\u00ebn\u00eb at\u00eb mbi bazat e fyerjes dhe mosbesimit reciprok.
\n\u00c7far\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebni: Vazhdoni t\u00eb jeni t\u00eb ndjesh\u00ebm p\u00ebrsa i p\u00ebrket cil\u00ebsis\u00eb s\u00eb mir\u00eb t\u00eb lidhjeve dhe respektit reciprok, por n\u00eb rastin e nj\u00eb l\u00ebndimi (ose t\u00eb ndjenj\u00ebs subjektive t\u00eb l\u00ebndimit!), p\u00ebrpiquni m\u00eb par\u00eb t\u00eb kuptoni \u00e7far\u00eb e shtyn tjetrin t\u00eb sillet n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb, t\u00eb relativizoni deri n\u00eb \u00e7’pik\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00eb p\u00ebr ju kjo dhe t\u00eb reflektoni n\u00eb m\u00ebnyra t\u00eb tjera veprimi: Duke folur me tjetrin, duke i shprehur ndjenj\u00ebn tuaj…<\/p>\n
N\u00ebse keni m\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje b. Ju zem\u00ebroheni kund\u00ebr vetes
\nKur d\u00ebshtoni ose mendoni se d\u00ebshtoni, kur ju kritikojn\u00eb, ose kur ju \u00ebsht\u00eb krijuar kjo p\u00ebrshtypje, juve ju pushton zem\u00ebrimi, sidomos ndaj vetes suaj. Jeni i\/e aft\u00eb t\u00eb jeni i\/e but\u00eb dhe mir\u00ebkuptues\/e ndaj t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve, por ndaj vetes jeni i\/e rrept\u00eb dhe k\u00ebrkues\/e. Nganj\u00ebher\u00eb bile tregoheni t\u00eb dhunsh\u00ebm dhe shfaqni d\u00ebshir\u00ebn p\u00ebr t\u00eb d\u00ebnuar veten, p\u00ebr t’i b\u00ebr\u00eb keq asaj. Keni k\u00ebrkesa shum\u00eb t\u00eb larta ndaj vetes. Pas zem\u00ebrimit tuaj, q\u00ebndrojn\u00eb frik\u00ebrat tuaja: Se mos zhg\u00ebnjeni, se mos nuk jeni n\u00eb lart\u00ebsin\u00eb e duhur, se do t’ju gjykojn\u00eb keq, etj. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm d\u00ebshira p\u00ebr t\u00eb vepruar si duhet q\u00eb ju v\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb presion kaq t\u00eb madh, por edhe frika se mos veproni keq. Nga kjo lind nevoja p\u00ebr t’u mbrojtur, duke mos d\u00ebshtuar kurr\u00eb.
\nProblemi juaj \u00ebsht\u00eb s\u00eb pari ai i perfeksionizmit lodh\u00ebs dhe absurd. Vija e holl\u00eb q\u00eb e ndan t\u00eb \u201cmir\u00ebn\u201d nga \u201ce p\u00ebrkryera\u201d do t\u2019ju sjell\u00eb shum\u00eb stres. K\u00ebshtu, pra, mund t\u00eb merrni flak\u00eb shpejt, duke ndjekur ekuacionin e njohur: Stres+d\u00ebshtim=zem\u00ebrim t\u00eb shpejt\u00eb. Kur kjo ndjenj\u00eb largohet, ju l\u00eb t\u00eb brisht\u00eb dhe t\u00eb destabilizuar emocionalisht, sepse u hap rrug\u00ebn gjendjeve shpirt\u00ebrore t\u00eb dhimbshme dhe k\u00ebmb\u00ebngul\u00ebse (shqet\u00ebsimit, trishtimit, ndjenj\u00ebs s\u00eb fajit…).
\n\u00c7far\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebni: Ruajeni shqet\u00ebsimin q\u00eb keni p\u00ebr t\u2019i b\u00ebr\u00eb mir\u00eb gj\u00ebrat, por si nj\u00eb ideal dhe jo si nj\u00eb k\u00ebrkes\u00eb. Pranojini t\u00eb metat tuaja me buz\u00ebqeshje dhe jo si nj\u00eb d\u00ebnim. Pastaj, n\u00ebse \u00ebsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme p\u00ebr ju, p\u00ebrpiquni t\u2019i b\u00ebni t\u00eb evoluojn\u00eb, por mos harroni se p\u00ebr nj\u00eb periudh\u00eb t\u00eb gjat\u00eb kohe, ndryshojm\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb mjedis t\u00eb but\u00eb sesa n\u00eb nj\u00eb klim\u00eb dhune. Me nj\u00eb fjal\u00eb, m\u00eb mir\u00eb vet\u00ebkuptim sesa vet\u00ebd\u00ebnim. Dhe, mos e dhunoni veten, jeta \u00ebsht\u00eb goxha e dhunshme edhe pa k\u00ebt\u00eb…<\/p>\n
N\u00ebse keni m\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje c. Ju zem\u00ebroheni kund\u00ebr bot\u00ebs dhe shoq\u00ebris\u00eb
\nKa shum\u00eb gj\u00ebra n\u00eb bot\u00eb q\u00eb ju nervozojn\u00eb dhe ju revoltojn\u00eb: Dhuna kundrejt m\u00eb t\u00eb dobt\u00ebve, padrejt\u00ebsia dhe budallall\u00ebku n\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha format e tij… A \u00ebsht\u00eb ky nj\u00eb lloj idealizmi? A vjen zem\u00ebrimi juaj nga fakti se do t\u00eb donit nj\u00eb bot\u00eb ndryshe? Po, sigurisht, por nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm kjo. Ajo q\u00eb ju zem\u00ebron \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithashtu bindja se mjafton pak gj\u00eb, pak p\u00ebrpjekje nga t\u00eb gjith\u00eb ne, q\u00eb jeta k\u00ebtu t\u00eb jet\u00eb m\u00eb e bukur, m\u00eb e leht\u00eb, m\u00eb e drejt\u00eb. Ju do t\u00eb donit m\u00eb pak pasivitet dhe indiferenc\u00eb p\u00ebrball\u00eb egoizmit dhe dhun\u00ebs. Ju e shihni dhun\u00ebn si nj\u00eb veg\u00ebl p\u00ebr t\u00eb ndryshuar bot\u00ebn: \u201cN\u00ebse askush nuk reagon, nuk thot\u00eb gj\u00eb, gjith\u00e7ka do t\u00eb vazhdoj\u00eb k\u00ebshtu si \u00ebsht\u00eb…\u201d.
\nKy zem\u00ebrim mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb i sh\u00ebndetsh\u00ebm, me kusht q\u00eb t\u00eb kanalizoj\u00eb shum\u00eb shpejt energjin\u00eb e tij t\u00eb madhe n\u00eb vendim, q\u00eb bota t\u00eb ndryshoj\u00eb dhe jo t\u00eb kthehet n\u00eb sharje e st\u00ebrbetime, t\u00eb brendshme apo t\u00eb jashtme. Ne m\u00ebsohemi shpejt me zem\u00ebrimet e p\u00ebrs\u00ebritura q\u00eb jan\u00eb t\u00eb padobishme. Zem\u00ebrimi \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb sinjal i mir\u00eb alarmi, por qet\u00ebsia m\u00eb pas, me kalimin e koh\u00ebs, p\u00ebrfaq\u00ebson nj\u00eb karburant m\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb p\u00ebr veprimet tona.
\n\u00c7far\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebni: Bota \u00ebsht\u00eb e gjer\u00eb dhe e larmishme. P\u00ebrpiquni t\u00eb pranoni diversitetin e mendimeve te qeniet njer\u00ebzore, ashtu si\u00e7 pranoni biodiversitetin edhe n\u00eb natyr\u00eb (po, ekzistojn\u00eb grenxat, gjemba\u00e7\u00ebt dhe ciklonet) sepse t\u00eb pranosh, nuk do t\u00eb thot\u00eb t\u00eb aprovosh apo t\u00eb dor\u00ebzohesh, por t\u00eb p\u00ebrgatitesh p\u00ebr t\u00eb vepruar m\u00eb mir\u00eb, pa zem\u00ebrime dhe gjeste t\u00eb padobishme, duke e riinvestuar energjin\u00eb e zem\u00ebrimit n\u00eb motivim dhe angazhim.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00c7far\u00eb ju ngre nervat? Kund\u00ebr kujt drejtohet zem\u00ebrimi juaj: Vetes, t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve apo bot\u00ebs, padrejt\u00ebsive dhe absurditeteve t\u00eb saj? Ky test do t’ju mund\u00ebsoj\u00eb t\u00eb identifikoni burimin e zem\u00ebrimit tuaj, p\u00ebr ta v\u00ebn\u00eb m\u00eb n\u00ebn kontroll. Psikologu yn\u00eb m\u00eb pas do t’ju jap\u00eb disa pista, p\u00ebr ta qet\u00ebsuar… 1. N\u00eb restorant, nj\u00eb kamerier nuk ju […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4251","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-test"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4251","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4251"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4251\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4251"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4251"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4251"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}