Kam lexuar q\u00eb vajzat, kur b\u00ebhen n\u00ebna, jan\u00eb luanesha. M\u00eb p\u00eblqen pa mas\u00eb kjo shprehje dhe mendoj se \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, por ka raste q\u00eb k\u00ebto \u201cluaneshat\u201d, kthehen n\u00eb lepuj.
\nKur isha adoleshente, kuptohet, isha shum\u00eb e lumtur, e bukur, plot gjall\u00ebri, gazmore si gjith\u00eb rinia dhe, nd\u00ebrsa vazhdoja shkoll\u00ebn e mesme, u njoha me nj\u00eb djal\u00eb. M\u00eb ndiqte vazhdimisht, m\u00eb buz\u00ebqeshte, m\u00eb p\u00ebrsh\u00ebndeste e nj\u00eb dit\u00eb m\u00eb shoq\u00ebroi rrug\u00ebs p\u00ebr n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi. Pas disa dit\u00ebsh, m\u00eb ftoi p\u00ebr kafe. Ishte shum\u00eb i k\u00ebndsh\u00ebm, i dashuruar dhe shikimi i tij sikur m\u00eb digjte. Sa her\u00eb shikimet tona p\u00ebrplaseshin, skuqesha e t\u00ebra. Sigurisht q\u00eb shoku i ri ma vuri n\u00eb dukje shum\u00eb \u00ebmb\u00ebl, duke m\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb se i p\u00eblqente kjo pjes\u00eb e imja sepse tregonte se isha shum\u00eb e sinqert\u00eb. N\u00eb fakt, kjo ishte e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, por sinqeriteti nuk ishte i dyansh\u00ebm. Vazhduam disa koh\u00eb t\u00eb pinim kafe derisa nj\u00eb dit\u00eb, kur po ktheheshim, m\u00eb hodhi krahun n\u00eb qaf\u00eb dhe m\u00eb puthi n\u00eb faqe. Gjith\u00eb trupi m\u2019u drith\u00ebrua nga kjo puthje, e cila do t\u00eb pasonte me t\u00eb tjera e t\u00eb tjera. K\u00ebshtu, ne u lidh\u00ebm e vazhduam t\u00eb dashuruar m\u00eb nj\u00ebri-tjetrin p\u00ebr tre vjet. Ishim shum\u00eb mir\u00eb bashk\u00eb, nuk ishte xheloz, edhe pse un\u00eb shkoja me shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb e shkoll\u00ebs n\u00eb kinema apo pabe. Zakonisht ishte shum\u00eb i kujdessh\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u00eb respektuar oraret e kthimit n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi, q\u00eb t\u00eb mos binte n\u00eb sy te shoq\u00ebria apo familja ime. Shum\u00eb rrall\u00eb m\u00eb vononte, por edhe kur ndodhte, vonohesha vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr pak minuta. Edhe vendet ku m\u00eb \u00e7onte nuk m\u00eb dukeshin t\u00eb r\u00ebndomta, ishte shum\u00eb romantik, shfryt\u00ebzonte \u00e7do bukuri t\u00eb natyr\u00ebs p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur. Me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb q\u00eb kishte bot\u00eb t\u00eb pasur shpirt\u00ebrore, kishte edhe goxha formim. Shum\u00eb njohuri t\u00eb p\u00ebrgjithshme q\u00eb kisha filluar t\u2019i neglizhoja n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb, ai p\u00ebrpiqej t\u00eb m\u2019i nguliste me biseda. Me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb q\u00eb isha dashuruar k\u00ebmb\u00eb e kok\u00eb me k\u00ebt\u00eb djal\u00eb dhe gj\u00ebrat ishin shum\u00eb t\u00eb bukura derisa nj\u00eb dit\u00eb i thash\u00eb se kisha dyshime se isha shtatz\u00ebn\u00eb.
\n– Si mund t\u00eb ndodh\u00eb kjo? Ne i kemi llogaritur mir\u00eb dit\u00ebt… \u2013 m\u00eb tha. – Apo ke harruar t\u00eb marr\u00ebsh pilul\u00ebn. Me siguri, e ke b\u00ebr\u00eb kastile!
\nKjo m\u00eb shushati dhe mbeta pa p\u00ebrgjigje. Arrita t\u00eb thoja vet\u00ebm se un\u00eb isha ve\u00e7 17 vje\u00e7e… M\u00eb shtr\u00ebngoi krahun si morset\u00eb dhe m\u00eb futi n\u00eb nj\u00eb rrugic\u00eb. Nuk e di se si njeriu mund t\u00eb shnd\u00ebrrohet n\u00eb bish\u00eb brenda dy-tre minutave, por kjo i ndodhi atij mu p\u00ebrpara syve t\u00eb mi. M\u00eb q\u00eblloi me nj\u00eb grusht barkut dhe menj\u00ebher\u00eb m\u00eb mbajti nga supet p\u00ebr t\u00eb mos r\u00ebn\u00eb sepse pa nj\u00eb \u00e7ift q\u00eb po afroheshin dhe b\u00ebri sikur po m\u00eb p\u00ebrqafonte. Sapo ato kaluan, u p\u00ebrpoqa t\u00eb ikja; e dija q\u00eb goditjet s\u2019do t\u00eb kishin fund n\u00ebse do t\u00eb rrija aty, por ishte e pamundur t\u00eb ikja nga krah\u00ebt e tij. Nuk m\u00eb q\u00eblloi m\u00eb, por nxori telefonin dhe b\u00ebri nj\u00eb telefonat\u00eb.
\nE shokuar nga veprimi i tij, nga dhimbja jo p\u00ebr veten time, por p\u00ebr f\u00ebmij\u00ebn ton\u00eb fatkeq, nga frika e tmerri se \u00e7far\u00eb m\u00eb priste me von\u00eb me k\u00ebt\u00eb njeri, nuk munda t\u00eb d\u00ebgjoja asgj\u00eb \u00e7far\u00eb tha apo i than\u00eb, megjith\u00ebse e kisha shum\u00eb pran\u00eb. Ashtu, duke m\u00eb shtr\u00ebnguar krahun, ai m\u00eb \u00e7oi n\u00eb nj\u00eb kafe me oborr.
\n– Ulu me shpin\u00eb nga njer\u00ebzit, – m\u00eb tha. E kishte vendosur q\u00eb t\u00eb mos i linte lot\u00ebt t\u00eb thaheshin m\u00eb edhe sot e k\u00ebsaj dite. – Do t\u00eb flas mbasdite me nj\u00eb doktoresh\u00eb q\u00eb njoh dhe do t\u00eb shkosh n\u00eb klinik\u00ebn e saj private q\u00eb t\u00eb abortosh. Orarin do ta l\u00eb p\u00ebr nes\u00ebr ose pasnes\u00ebr paradite, s\u2019do t\u00eb shkosh n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb, po do mbyllim k\u00ebt\u00eb pun\u00eb, – m\u00eb tha. \u2013 Orarin do t\u00eb ta nis me mesazh mbasdite.
\nE gjith\u00eb bota ime u shemb. Jo se un\u00eb isha e lumtur p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb shtatzani n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb mosh\u00eb, por mendoja se me nj\u00eb njeri t\u00eb hajrit familjar \u00e7do problemi i dilet n\u00eb krye. Mes lot\u00ebsh, nuk arrija as t\u00eb mendoja, as t\u00eb kund\u00ebrshtoja, ve\u00e7se gjith\u00e7ka q\u00eb kisha rrotull e shihja si t\u00eb mjegullt. P\u00ebr mua kishin mbaruar dit\u00ebt e bukura, kishte ikur shk\u00ebndija q\u00eb m\u00eb ndizej kur e shihja n\u00eb cepin e rrug\u00ebs tek m\u00eb priste t\u00eb dilja.
\n– O Zot! Nuk arrij t\u00eb kujtoj as ato \u00e7aste t\u00eb bukura q\u00eb kam kaluar me ty… – i thash\u00eb.
\n– Aq m\u00eb mir\u00eb, – m\u00eb tha, – nuk ka \u00e7\u2019t\u00eb duhet t\u00eb kujtosh asgj\u00eb timen tashm\u00eb.
\nNuk arrita ta analizoja t\u00eb plot\u00eb pohimin e tij, por di q\u00eb m\u00eb dhembi m\u00eb shum\u00eb se grushti q\u00eb m\u00eb dha sapo u kthyem n\u00eb rrugic\u00eb. Po p\u00ebrpiqesha t\u00eb qet\u00ebsoja d\u00ebnesat, por ishte e pamundur.
\n– Qet\u00ebsohu! Si do t\u00eb shkosh k\u00ebshtu n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi? – m\u00eb thosh me at\u00eb z\u00ebrin e acart\u00eb, q\u00eb tashm\u00eb po m\u00eb fuste krup\u00ebn.
\n– Nuk ka \u00e7\u2019t\u00eb duhet ty qet\u00ebsia ime. Do arri, t\u00eb g\u00ebnjej si\u00e7 kam g\u00ebnjyer t\u00eb gjitha her\u00ebt e tjera p\u00ebr ty. Sa her\u00eb jam vonuar sadopak, m\u00eb ke m\u00ebsuar t\u00eb g\u00ebnjej, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb m\u00eb m\u00ebso edhe k\u00ebt\u00eb her\u00eb, – i thash\u00eb.
\nSi mund t\u00eb shk\u00ebrmoqet gjith\u00e7ka brenda 1 ore, si mundet q\u00eb nj\u00eb krijes\u00eb e pafajshme t\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrmbys\u00eb gjith\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb dukur mrekulli. O Zot, edhe mua m\u00eb dukej sikur m\u00eb kishte filluar num\u00ebrimi p\u00ebrs\u00eb prapthi; as i bukur nuk po m\u00eb dukej m\u00eb, as xhentil s\u2019po m\u00eb dukej. Nuk e kuptoj se si gjith\u00e7ka q\u00eb kisha adhuruar tek ai njeri tashm\u00eb m\u00eb duket se ka qen\u00eb ose budallall\u00ebk i imi, ose shtirje totale nga ana e tij. Pas nj\u00eb ore arrita t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn t\u00eb mos qaja dhe ika n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi. U justifikova q\u00eb m\u00eb kishin ardhur periodat e kisha dhimbje dhe u shtriva p\u00ebr t\u00eb qar\u00eb. \u00c7far\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebja? T\u00eb fikja telefonin dhe t\u00eb mos merrja mesazhin e tij? T\u2019i p\u00ebrgjigjesha mesazhit dhe t\u2019i thoja q\u00eb nuk pranoja t\u00eb shkoja? Aq e re sa isha, a isha gati t\u00eb rrisja nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb vet\u00ebm? Si do ta priste k\u00ebt\u00eb lajm familja ime? \u00c7far\u00eb duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebj? K\u00eb t\u00eb pyesja? Askujt nuk i tregoja dot p\u00ebr hallin tim. Si adoleshente, fillova t\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrroja sikur gj\u00ebrat t\u00eb kishin shkuar ndryshe, ai ta kishte pritur mir\u00eb lajmin e t\u00eb g\u00ebzohej q\u00eb do t\u00eb b\u00ebheshim prind\u00ebr, megjith\u00ebse un\u00eb shum\u00eb e re. Po \u00ebnd\u00ebrroja veten me nj\u00eb bebe shum\u00eb t\u00eb bukur n\u00eb krah\u00eb, kur zilja e mesazhit ma nd\u00ebrpreu k\u00ebt\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrrim…
\nM\u00eb shkruante se m\u00eb priste t\u00eb nes\u00ebrmen n\u00eb or\u00ebn 8.30 si edhe vendin sakt\u00ebsisht se ku do t\u00eb takoheshim. Po p\u00ebrpiqesha t\u00eb mendoja, jo t\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrroja si m\u00eb par\u00eb. Gjith\u00eb nat\u00ebn u p\u00ebrpoqa t\u00eb mblidhja fjal\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb mund t\u2019i ndryshoja mendjen t\u00eb mos abortonim f\u00ebmij\u00ebn. M\u00eb n\u00eb fund, mendoja se i kisha b\u00ebr\u00eb gati ato pak fjal\u00eb q\u00eb ta merrja me t\u00eb mira dhe t\u00eb ndryshoja vendimin, sigurisht t\u00eb tijin, sepse un\u00eb n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast isha vet\u00ebm roboti q\u00eb do t\u00eb b\u00ebja \u00e7\u2019t\u00eb m\u00eb thoshte.
\nN\u00eb m\u00ebngjes, sa e pash\u00eb nga larg, e kuptova q\u00eb fjal\u00ebt e mia s\u2019do t\u00eb kishin pik\u00eb vlere. M\u00eb kot u rreka t\u2019i thoja \u201cmir\u00ebm\u00ebngjes\u201d, pasi nuk mora p\u00ebrgjigje p\u00ebrve\u00e7se nj\u00eb t\u00ebrheqje t\u00eb dhunshme p\u00ebr krahu.
\nMjekja po na priste. Sapo mbet\u00ebm vet\u00ebm, m\u00eb paralajm\u00ebroi p\u00ebr pasojat e nj\u00eb aborti n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb mosh\u00eb kaq t\u00eb re sa isha un\u00eb, por i thash\u00eb q\u00eb nuk kisha zgjidhje tjet\u00ebr… Pas 3 or\u00ebsh, kur m\u00eb doli narkoza, \u201ci dashuri\u201d m\u00eb priste n\u00eb cep t\u00eb rrug\u00ebs q\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00eb shoq\u00ebronte p\u00ebr n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi. Ishte zbutur sepse nuk kishte m\u00eb hall, po p\u00ebrpiqej t\u00eb tregohej i dashur me mua, bile m\u00eb tha edhe q\u00eb gj\u00ebrat do ktheheshin si m\u00eb par\u00eb se do t\u00eb ishim t\u00eb lumtur e ku e di un\u00eb sa shum\u00eb bro\u00e7kulla nxirrte goja e tij e sh\u00ebmtuar. U p\u00ebrpoq t\u00eb justifikohej se isha shum\u00eb e re dhe se asnj\u00ebri prej nesh nuk ishte gati t\u00eb b\u00ebhej prind, se ishte p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsi e madhe t\u00eb rrisje f\u00ebmij\u00eb… Sa fjalim i bukur kur e d\u00ebgjon dhe nuk je i p\u00ebrfshir\u00eb vet\u00eb! Fatmir\u00ebsisht, rruga po mbaronte sepse nuk po e duroja dot m\u00eb.
\nAf\u00ebr sht\u00ebpis\u00eb sime, kur zbrita, i thash\u00eb me nj\u00eb fytyr\u00eb prej t\u00eb vdekuri si\u00e7 dukesha n\u00eb ato momente, por me z\u00eb t\u00eb eg\u00ebr q\u00eb shprehte gjith\u00eb at\u00eb \u00e7ka ndjeja, q\u00eb t\u00eb mos m\u00eb afrohej m\u00eb. Ai e kishte mbaruar misionin e tij.
\nSigurisht, erdhi shpesh e m\u00eb thoshte se duhet ta takoja, duhet t\u00eb flisninm q\u00eb t\u00eb sqaroheshim, m\u00eb priste n\u00eb rrug\u00eb, her\u00eb m\u00eb e fliste e her\u00eb jo, gjithnj\u00eb me q\u00ebllimin q\u00eb t\u00eb pajtoheshim, por sinqerisht, p\u00ebr mua ishte e pamundur t\u00eb harroja at\u00eb \u00e7ka kishte ndodhur.
\nSi mund t\u00eb harroja k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb t\u00eb tmerrshme q\u00eb kisha b\u00ebr\u00eb? M\u2019u duk se librat sikur ma mbyllnin pak plag\u00ebn, aty gjeta prehje p\u00ebr t\u00eb mbajtur gjall\u00eb at\u00eb pak \u201cshpirt adoleshenteje\u201d q\u00eb m\u00eb kishte mbetur. Tashm\u00eb, jam n\u00eb fakultet, kan\u00eb kaluar 3 vjet nga ajo q\u00eb ndodhi, por ajo plag\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb e hapur. Edhe pse n\u00eb libra lexoj shum\u00eb histori t\u00eb ngjashme me timen, plaga ime vazhdon t\u00eb m\u00eb dhemb\u00eb, si t\u00eb jem e vetmja n\u00eb bot\u00eb q\u00eb e kam p\u00ebrjetuar… D.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Kam lexuar q\u00eb vajzat, kur b\u00ebhen n\u00ebna, jan\u00eb luanesha. M\u00eb p\u00eblqen pa mas\u00eb kjo shprehje dhe mendoj se \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, por ka raste q\u00eb k\u00ebto \u201cluaneshat\u201d, kthehen n\u00eb lepuj. Kur isha adoleshente, kuptohet, isha shum\u00eb e lumtur, e bukur, plot gjall\u00ebri, gazmore si gjith\u00eb rinia dhe, nd\u00ebrsa vazhdoja shkoll\u00ebn e mesme, u njoha me […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[94],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3638","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-histori-nga-jeta"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3638","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3638"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3638\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3638"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3638"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3638"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}