Un\u00eb q\u00eb po ju shkruaj jam nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb 17 vje\u00e7are. Shpeshher\u00eb i kam lexuar historit\u00eb nga jeta q\u00eb botohen n\u00eb gazet\u00ebn tuaj, por asnj\u00ebra prej tyre nuk ngjason me historin\u00eb time. Vendosa q\u00eb un\u00eb t\u00eb tregoj problemin tim, q\u00eb ju miq t\u00eb k\u00ebsaj gazete t\u00eb m\u00eb ndihmoni duke m\u00eb treguar m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn se si mund ta heq k\u00ebt\u00eb ankth q\u00eb m\u00eb ka mb\u00ebrthyer. Un\u00eb jam vajza e vog\u00ebl e familjes dhe kam edhe tre motra t\u00eb tjera, t\u00eb cilat jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdha sesa un\u00eb. Dy jan\u00eb t\u00eb martuara, nj\u00ebra \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb shkoll\u00ebn e lart\u00eb dhe un\u00eb jam n\u00eb vitin e dyt\u00eb t\u00eb gjimnazit. Pa folur m\u00eb tej p\u00ebr detaje t\u00eb tjera po ju tregoj se ku q\u00ebndron problemi im dhe pasojat q\u00eb po p\u00ebrjetoj \u00e7do dit\u00eb. Kur linda un\u00eb, babi im, vendosi t\u00eb m\u00eb v\u00ebr\u00eb emrin e n\u00ebn\u00ebs s\u00eb tij, pasi ajo e kish l\u00ebn\u00eb at\u00eb jetim q\u00ebkur babi im kishte qen\u00eb 17 vje\u00e7 dhe gjyshi nuk ishte martuar m\u00eb. Gjyshja, e cila nuk jeton m\u00eb, e kishte emrin Merushe dhe t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtin em\u00ebr babi ma vendosi edhe mua. Un\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb nuk e dija, deri n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 15 vje\u00e7e, kur n\u00ebna ime m\u00eb tregoi se emri im u regjistrua m\u00eb shum\u00eb me d\u00ebshir\u00ebn e gjyshit, pasi ai pretendonte se \u00e7do dit\u00eb i dilte n\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrr gruaja e vdekur, e cila i thoshte: \u201cUn\u00eb do t\u00eb vij p\u00ebrs\u00ebri n\u00eb jet\u00eb dhe do jem n\u00eb familjen tuaj\u201d.
\nK\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb un\u00eb e d\u00ebgjova nga goja e mamit dhe nga kureshtja e pyeta edhe gjyshin, i cili m\u00eb konfirmoi fjal\u00ebt q\u00eb m\u00eb kish th\u00ebn\u00eb mami im. Q\u00eb prej asaj dite, shpirti im nuk ka ndjer\u00eb m\u00eb qet\u00ebsi, m\u00eb dukej sikur brenda meje nuk ishte shpirti im, por shpirti i gjyshes dhe, q\u00eb prej asaj dite, un\u00eb nuk isha m\u00eb vetvetja. Kisha filluar t\u00eb rrija e menduar dhe t\u00eb mos flisja ose flisja shum\u00eb pak. N\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrr m\u00eb dilte gjithmon\u00eb nj\u00eb plak\u00eb, e cila pretendonte se ishte gjyshja ime dhe m\u00eb thoshte: \u201cUn\u00eb jam brenda teje, ti kurr\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb shp\u00ebtosh prej meje\u201d. Kjo situat\u00eb ishte v\u00ebrtet e tmerrshme… Kisha frik\u00eb t\u00eb flija gjum\u00eb, se mos m\u00eb dilte ajo plak\u00eb n\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrr dhe me tmerronte. Kishin kaluar gati dy muaj dhe un\u00eb vet\u00eb kisha filluar ta kuptoja se ky fakt kishte filluar t\u00eb b\u00ebhej shum\u00eb problematik p\u00ebr mua. N\u00eb dit\u00ebn e dit\u00eblindjes sime, kur mbusha 16 vje\u00e7e, erdh\u00ebn hallat dhe m\u00eb uruan. Po k\u00ebshtu, edhe xhaxhallar\u00ebt. Ata, \u00e7do vit, kishin ardhur dhe e kishin b\u00ebr\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb, por ajo dit\u00eb nuk e di se pse m\u00eb dukeshin ndryshe bisedat, n\u00eb urimet dhe p\u00ebrk\u00ebdheljet e tyre. Shikoja se ato m\u00eb donin m\u00eb shum\u00eb se motrat e mia. T\u00eb gjith\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb e kuptoja p\u00ebrse e b\u00ebnin, sepse ato m\u00eb donin ngaq\u00eb un\u00eb mbaja emrin e n\u00ebn\u00ebs s\u00eb tyre. Un\u00eb isha vajza m\u00eb e p\u00ebrk\u00ebdhelur si prej tyre, ashtu edhe prej babait tim, por kjo gj\u00eb m\u00eb bezdiste shum\u00eb. Pik\u00ebrisht at\u00eb dit\u00eb kur un\u00eb e dija edhe arsyen pse kishin at\u00eb dashuri ndaj meje, nuk mund t\u2019i duroja dot. N\u00eb nj\u00eb moment b\u00ebrtita me t\u00eb madhe:
\n\u201cBoll m\u00eb, me k\u00ebt\u00eb falsitet!\u201d.
\nN\u00ebna m\u2019u afrua dhe po m\u00eb pyeste se \u00e7far\u00eb pata dhe un\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebri vazhdova: \u201cJu nuk m\u00eb doni mua, por emrin q\u00eb un\u00eb mbaj\u201d.
\nT\u00eb gjith\u00eb u habit\u00ebn me sjelljen time, por un\u00eb fillova t\u00eb qaja me t\u00eb madhe duke iu drejtuar babit tim: \u201cPse ma vendose pik\u00ebrisht mua k\u00ebt\u00eb em\u00ebr? Pse duhet ta g\u00ebzoj un\u00eb emrin e n\u00ebn\u00ebs t\u00ebnde q\u00eb dhe ajo vet\u00eb nuk e g\u00ebzoi?\u201d.
\nHallat filluan t\u00eb m\u00eb thonin se duhet ta kisha p\u00ebr nder q\u00eb po mbaja emrin e n\u00ebn\u00ebs s\u00eb tyre, se ajo ishte zonj\u00eb grua. Aty pastaj plasi sherri dhe mbaj mend n\u00ebn\u00ebn q\u00eb m\u00eb mori te dhoma e saj dhe e trembur m\u00eb pyeste se \u00e7far\u00eb kisha q\u00eb sillesha ashtu. I thash\u00eb se doja ta nd\u00ebrroja emrin tim, por ajo nuk m\u00eb kuptonte e direkt ma kthehu:
\n\u201cKjo \u00ebsht\u00eb e pamundur, do t\u00eb ishte nj\u00eb ofendim i r\u00ebnd\u00eb p\u00ebr baban\u00eb t\u00ebnd nga ana jote\u201d.
\nPas asaj bisede me maman\u00eb time, nuk e hapa m\u00eb goj\u00ebn, e kisha t\u00eb kot\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb flisja, por u mbylla n\u00eb veten time dhe nuk doja as t\u00eb haja, as t\u00eb pija, doja vet\u00ebm t\u00eb rrija e mbyllur n\u00eb dhom\u00eb dhe t\u00eb flija; m\u00eb dukej sikur nuk ngopesha me gjum\u00eb. Gjith\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb situat\u00eb mamaja ime e diskutoi me babin dhe ai u m\u00ebrzit shum\u00eb sepse e para gj\u00eb q\u00eb mendoi ishte se un\u00eb nuk e doja emrin tim ngaq\u00eb ishte i vjet\u00ebr. Kjo ishte nj\u00ebra nga arsyet, por jo m\u00eb kryesorja. Edhe pse emrin e kisha Merushe, shoqet m\u00eb th\u00ebrrisnin Meri dhe ky nuk p\u00ebrb\u00ebnte ndonj\u00eb problem t\u00eb madh. Babi im m\u00eb tha:
\n\u201cJam dakord q\u00eb ti ta nd\u00ebrrosh emrin, k\u00ebshtu nuk ke p\u00ebr t\u2019u ndjer\u00eb e ofenduar nga shoq\u00ebria\u201d.
\nU mundova t\u2019ua shpjegoja arsyen, se gjyshja m\u00eb dilte \u00e7do dit\u00eb n\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrr, por ata nuk m\u00eb besonin, babi u ndje shum\u00eb i ofenduar, pasi mendoi se kjo k\u00ebrkes\u00eb e imja ishte nj\u00eb tek\u00eb e mosh\u00ebs. Babi im u interesua n\u00eb gjendjen civile dhe me d\u00ebshir\u00ebn time ai m\u00eb vendosi emrin \u201cMeri\u201d, shkurtimin e emrit Merushe, por dita q\u00eb kam nd\u00ebrruar emrin ka qen\u00eb edhe dita m\u00eb e keqe p\u00ebr mua. Gjyshja e vdekur m\u00eb doli n\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrr duke m\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb se b\u00ebra gabimin m\u00eb t\u00eb madh t\u00eb jet\u00ebs, se kudo n\u00ebp\u00ebr bot\u00eb trash\u00ebgohen emrat e familjar\u00ebve, \u201cnd\u00ebrsa ti je nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb e keqe, q\u00eb do qash gjith\u00eb jet\u00ebn p\u00ebr fatin t\u00ebnd\u201d, m\u00eb tha. E tmerruar b\u00ebrtita n\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrr dhe t\u00eb gjith\u00eb erdh\u00ebn n\u00eb dhom\u00ebn time. Mezi e mblodha mendjen, zemra m\u00eb rrihte me shpejt\u00ebsi. Vet\u00ebm at\u00eb dit\u00eb prind\u00ebrit e mi e kuptuan se un\u00eb nuk po tallesha p\u00ebr at\u00eb q\u00eb isha duke p\u00ebrjetuar, t\u00eb gjith\u00eb u b\u00ebn\u00eb merak p\u00ebr mua dhe dit\u00ebn tjet\u00ebr m\u00eb prenotuan takim te nj\u00eb psikologe. Kam gati dy jav\u00eb q\u00eb ndjek seancat me t\u00eb, por nuk kam asnj\u00eb lloj p\u00ebrmir\u00ebsimi. Psikologia m\u00eb thot\u00eb se ka t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb me nd\u00ebrgjegjen time dhe asgj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, \u00ebsht\u00eb thjesht fakti q\u00eb mua m\u00eb rri n\u00eb mendje ideja se mbaj emrin e nj\u00eb t\u00eb vdekuri dhe kjo, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb lloj frike q\u00eb k\u00ebrkon edhe p\u00ebrkushtimin nga ana ime p\u00ebr ta harruar k\u00ebt\u00eb dhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb ecur n\u00eb jet\u00eb sikur nuk ka ndodhur asgj\u00eb. Ajo p\u00ebrpiqet t\u00eb m\u00eb shpjegoj\u00eb se t\u00eb gjitha familjet ngjallin t\u00eb dashurit e tyre t\u00eb vdekur dhe kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb tradit\u00eb q\u00eb nuk e ka vendosur familja ime, por edhe shum\u00eb t\u00eb tjera si brenda vendit, ashtu edhe jasht\u00eb.
\nVendosa t\u2019jua tregoja juve sikletin q\u00eb kam, me mendimin se ndoshta ndonj\u00eb person \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebrballur me t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtin problem q\u00eb po kaloj un\u00eb. N\u00ebse po, ju lutem, m\u00eb tregoni se si e keni kaluar ose m\u00eb jepni ndonj\u00eb k\u00ebshill\u00eb q\u00eb ju duket e p\u00ebrshtatshme p\u00ebr rastin tim. Jam n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn m\u00eb t\u00eb bukur t\u00eb jet\u00ebs sime dhe duhet t\u00eb mendoja p\u00ebr gj\u00ebra m\u00eb t\u00eb bukura q\u00eb kan\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb me jet\u00ebn e t\u00eb ardhmen time dhe jo t\u00eb vuaj p\u00ebr nj\u00eb fenomen si\u00e7 \u00ebsht\u00eb trash\u00ebgimi i nj\u00eb emri prej familjar\u00ebve t\u00eb mi. Ai p\u00ebr t\u00eb cil\u00ebn vuaj m\u00eb shum\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb dhe fakti se t\u00eb gjith\u00eb njer\u00ebzit e mi nga fisi i babit, mendojn\u00eb se un\u00eb thjesht nuk p\u00eblqej emrin, pasi jam n\u00eb nj\u00eb mosh\u00eb delikate dhe dua m\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00ebn p\u00ebr veten time. Ata s\u2019kan\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00eb kuptuar, as p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00eb besuar dhe p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb, m\u00eb vjen v\u00ebrtet shum\u00eb keq. Shpresoj q\u00eb hallat e mia ta lexojn\u00eb historin\u00eb time n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb gazet\u00eb, n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb q\u00eb ato t\u00eb reflektojn\u00eb p\u00ebr at\u00eb q\u00eb un\u00eb po kaloj sot.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Un\u00eb q\u00eb po ju shkruaj jam nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb 17 vje\u00e7are. Shpeshher\u00eb i kam lexuar historit\u00eb nga jeta q\u00eb botohen n\u00eb gazet\u00ebn tuaj, por asnj\u00ebra prej tyre nuk ngjason me historin\u00eb time. Vendosa q\u00eb un\u00eb t\u00eb tregoj problemin tim, q\u00eb ju miq t\u00eb k\u00ebsaj gazete t\u00eb m\u00eb ndihmoni duke m\u00eb treguar m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn se si mund ta […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[94],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-histori-nga-jeta"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3591","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3591"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3591\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3591"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3591"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3591"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}