{"id":3575,"date":"2014-09-24T20:22:15","date_gmt":"2014-09-24T20:22:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=3575"},"modified":"2014-09-24T20:23:30","modified_gmt":"2014-09-24T20:23:30","slug":"si-te-kapercesh-8-etapat-me-te-veshtira-te-jetes-ne-cift","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2014\/09\/si-te-kapercesh-8-etapat-me-te-veshtira-te-jetes-ne-cift\/","title":{"rendered":"Si t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcesh 8 etapat m\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtira t\u00eb jet\u00ebs n\u00eb \u00e7ift"},"content":{"rendered":"

T\u00eb gjitha p\u00ebrrallat q\u00eb ne njohim, mbarojn\u00eb me fraz\u00ebn \u201cU martuan dhe jetuan t\u00eb lumtur p\u00ebrgjithmon\u00eb…\u201d. Gabimi i tyre \u00ebsht\u00eb se krijojn\u00eb nj\u00eb vizion shum\u00eb t\u00eb thjesht\u00ebzuar t\u00eb dashuris\u00eb. Askush nuk na kishte th\u00ebn\u00eb se n\u00eb lidhje, duhet t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcesh disa etapa. Jeta n\u00eb \u00e7ift, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb e leht\u00eb. Ka evenimente q\u00eb p\u00ebrmbysin jet\u00ebn e t\u00eb dashuruarve, si lindja e nj\u00eb f\u00ebmije, bashk\u00ebjetesa, etj. Pas k\u00ebtyre etapave fshihen momente t\u00eb lumtura dhe v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsi q\u00eb nuk mendoje se do t\u2019i hasje n\u00eb jet\u00eb. Ashtu si thon\u00eb psikolog\u00ebt, b\u00ebhet fjal\u00eb p\u00ebr sprova zjarri q\u00eb duhen kap\u00ebrcyer n\u00eb \u00e7ift. Gj\u00ebja pozitive \u00ebsht\u00eb se, n\u00ebse arrin t\u2019i kap\u00ebrcesh k\u00ebto sprova, mund t\u00eb dal\u00ebsh m\u00eb i fort\u00eb dhe m\u00eb i dashuruar prej tyre… Ja cilat jan\u00eb ato:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Etapa e 3 vjet\u00ebve<\/strong>
\n\u201cDashuria zgjat 3 vjet\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb titulli i librit t\u00eb shkrimtarit francez Frederik Begbede, q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb edhe film. Libri flet p\u00ebr historin\u00eb e trishtuar t\u00eb shkrimtarit me ish-t\u00eb dashur\u00ebn e vet, An\u00ebn. M\u00ebrzia dhe rutina qen\u00eb shkat\u00ebrrimtare p\u00ebr lidhjen e tij.
\n\u00c7far\u00eb ndodh: Para k\u00ebsaj date t\u00eb famshme (pak a shum\u00eb), dy partner\u00ebt jetojn\u00eb periudh\u00ebn e shkrirjes te nj\u00ebri-tjetri: Mendojn\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn gj\u00eb, kan\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtat projekte, bile edhe duan t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtat gj\u00ebra. Vet\u00ebm se pas 3 vjet\u00ebsh, realiteti troket n\u00eb der\u00ebn e tyre dhe ata fillojn\u00eb t\u00eb zbulojn\u00eb plot gj\u00ebra befasuese: Ai nuk di t\u00eb kujdeset p\u00ebr veten, ajo flet shum\u00eb, etj, etj. Me nj\u00eb fjal\u00eb, kuptojm\u00eb se e kemi idealizuar pak tjetrin dhe, n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb stad, ekzistojn\u00eb dy rreziqe:
\n– Ose p\u00ebrpiqesh ta ndryshosh tjetrin, p\u00ebr ta b\u00ebr\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrkryer, pra, ekspozohesh ndaj f\u00ebrkimeve…
\n– Ose p\u00ebrpiqesh t\u00eb ruash k\u00ebt\u00eb imazh ideal, duke adoptuar strategjin\u00eb e evitimit. Anashkalon at\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb nervikos, grumbullon mllef p\u00ebrbrenda n\u00eb heshtje…
\nK\u00ebshillat e psikologut p\u00ebr t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcyer k\u00ebt\u00eb etap\u00eb:
\n– S\u00eb pari, duhet dal\u00eb nga politika e strucit: P\u00ebrballesh me at\u00eb q\u00eb kishe \u00ebnd\u00ebrruar dhe realitetin.
\n– Ai (ajo) nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb si\u00e7 e mendonit? N\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u00eb frik\u00ebsohemi, e shohim k\u00ebt\u00eb si nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb zbuluar (m\u00eb n\u00eb fund) partnerin ton\u00eb, ashtu si\u00e7 \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb realitet.
\n– Flasim s\u00eb bashku. Nuk hezitojm\u00eb t\u00eb theksojm\u00eb rastet kur ai\/ajo na kan\u00eb befasuar dhe jo gjithmon\u00eb n\u00eb sensin e keq! Objektivi yn\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb \u00e7dramatizojm\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb zbulim dhe t\u00eb sigurojm\u00eb njeri-tjetrin reciprokisht. Me nj\u00eb fjal\u00eb, un\u00eb nuk jam i vetmi\/e vetmja q\u00eb ndjej nj\u00eb ndryshim!
\n– M\u00eb par\u00eb, q\u00eb ta p\u00eblqenim nj\u00ebri-tjetrin, mbase kemi fshehur disa aspekte t\u00eb temperamentit ose jet\u00ebs son\u00eb. Kjo etap\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb rast i mir\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019u sjell\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb autentike dhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb mbajtur marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie \u201ct\u00eb v\u00ebrteta\u201d dhe pa g\u00ebnjeshtra. Rilidhim marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet me shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb q\u00eb kishim para se t\u00eb binim n\u00eb dashuri, p\u00ebr shembull, me ata shok\u00eb\/shoqe q\u00eb nuk i kemi par\u00eb q\u00eb prej 3 vjet\u00ebsh!<\/p>\n

2. Etapa e 7 vjet\u00ebve<\/strong>
\nN\u00eb filmin francez \u201c7 vjet martes\u00eb\u201d, Odrit dhe Alenit, lidhja e tyre u duket e m\u00ebrzitshme. Para se rutina t\u2019u shkat\u00ebrroj\u00eb lidhjen, ata vendosin t\u00eb konsultohen me nj\u00eb seksolog.
\n\u00c7far\u00eb ndodh: Kjo etap\u00eb mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb, n\u00ebse nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb kap\u00ebrcyer si duhet etapa e 3 vjet\u00ebve (kalimi nga shkrirja, n\u00eb diferencim). N\u00ebse ke b\u00ebr\u00eb rolin e strucit p\u00ebr vite me radh\u00eb, vjen nj\u00eb moment kur nuk mund t\u00eb shtiresh, kur je i detyruar t\u00eb pranosh se situata nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb tamam si m\u00eb par\u00eb… Nj\u00ebkoh\u00ebsisht, v\u00ebm\u00eb re q\u00eb pasioni ia ka l\u00ebn\u00eb vendin di\u00e7kaje tjet\u00ebr, q\u00eb shkakton m\u00eb pak drith\u00ebrima n\u00eb zem\u00ebr dhe duart m\u00eb pak t\u00eb lag\u00ebshta kur d\u00ebgjojm\u00eb \u00e7el\u00ebsin n\u00eb vrim\u00ebn e der\u00ebs… Po sikur dashuria t\u2019ia kishte l\u00ebn\u00eb vendin nj\u00eb lidhjeje t\u00eb thjesht\u00eb? Fillon paniku, sepse ne i kemi dh\u00ebn\u00eb fjal\u00ebn nj\u00ebri-tjetrit q\u00eb t\u00eb jemi t\u00eb dashuruar gjith\u00eb jet\u00ebn…
\nK\u00ebshillat e psikologut p\u00ebr t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcyer k\u00ebt\u00eb etap\u00eb:
\n– Duhet pasur kujdes q\u00eb t\u00eb mos b\u00ebjm\u00eb gabim n\u00eb diagnostikim: Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb fundi i dashuris\u00eb, por shpesh, vet\u00ebm fundi i pasionit! Dhe, aq m\u00eb mir\u00eb, sepse n\u00ebse vazhdojn\u00eb gjat\u00eb, drith\u00ebrimat i b\u00ebjn\u00eb keq zemr\u00ebs… Duhet kuptuar se dashuria transformohet me kalimin e viteve, q\u00eb merr nj\u00eb form\u00eb ndryshe, sepse p\u00ebrballet me realitetin dhe b\u00ebhet… reale.
\n– Dalim nga skema sipas t\u00eb cil\u00ebs nga nj\u00ebra an\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb pasioni dhe nga tjetra, m\u00ebrzia. Rutin\u00eb quhet edhe krijimi i zakoneve n\u00eb \u00e7ift dhe kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e keqe. Ajo q\u00eb ka r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi \u00ebsht\u00eb q\u00eb, her\u00eb pas here, t\u00eb dal\u00ebsh prej rutin\u00ebs, p\u00ebr t\u00eb pasur m\u00eb pas k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsin\u00eb e rikthimit n\u00eb t\u00eb.
\n– Duhen krijuar n\u00eb \u00e7ift momentet e \u201cshkrirjes\u201d. Kjo af\u00ebrsi mund t\u00eb b\u00ebhet n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet seksit, por jo vet\u00ebm kaq. Mund t\u00eb rigjejm\u00eb e riforcojm\u00eb intimitetin duke m\u00ebsuar si ta prekim njeri-tjetrin, duke folur p\u00ebr momentet e bukura, duke evokuar ato q\u00eb kemi kaluar s\u00eb bashku.<\/p>\n

3. Lindja e nj\u00eb f\u00ebmije<\/strong>
\nFilmi francez \u201cNj\u00eb ngjarje e lumtur\u201d, v\u00eb n\u00eb sken\u00eb nj\u00eb \u00e7ift q\u00eb p\u00ebrballet me v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsit\u00eb q\u00eb krijon sjellja n\u00eb jet\u00eb e nj\u00eb f\u00ebmije. Ja, fraza e filmit q\u00eb i p\u00ebrmbledh t\u00eb gjitha (flet n\u00ebna p\u00ebr t\u00eb bij\u00ebn): \u201cAjo m\u00eb shtyu t\u00eb mbyllesha n\u00eb vetvete, m\u00eb b\u00ebri t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcej gjith\u00eb kufijt\u00eb e mi, m\u00eb p\u00ebrballi me absoluten… Ajo m\u00eb theu, m\u00eb transformoi. Pse askush nuk m\u00eb tha gj\u00eb? Pse nuk flitet p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb?\u201d
\n\u00c7far\u00eb ndodh: E kemi shpresuar, \u00ebnd\u00ebrruar, pritur dhe, ja ku \u00ebsht\u00eb! Megjith\u00ebse vet\u00ebm 50 centimetra, ai trondit struktur\u00ebn e \u00e7iftit, t\u00eb cilit i sjell nj\u00eb lumturi t\u00eb pakrahasueshme. Megjithat\u00eb, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb gjith\u00e7ka fush\u00eb me lule kur gjendemi t\u00eb tre n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi. Bebja p\u00ebrfaq\u00ebson nj\u00eb t\u00eb tret\u00ebn e \u00e7iftit, q\u00eb do t\u00eb harxhoj\u00eb gjith\u00eb energjin\u00eb fizike dhe psikike t\u00eb prind\u00ebrve t\u00eb vet. Nga \u00e7ift, kalojm\u00eb n\u00eb familje; nga burr\u00eb e grua, kalojm\u00eb n\u00eb baba e mama. Kjo e fundit p\u00ebrjeton shpesh n\u00eb momentin e lindjes ndjesi shum\u00eb t\u00eb af\u00ebrta me dashurin\u00eb me shikim t\u00eb par\u00eb, edhe p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb oksitocin\u00ebs (hormonit t\u00eb dashuris\u00eb) q\u00eb sekretohet gjat\u00eb lindjes. Megjith\u00ebse kufijt\u00eb mes rolit t\u00eb n\u00ebn\u00ebs dhe babait nuk jan\u00eb m\u00eb aq t\u00eb prera sa m\u00eb par\u00eb, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb e leht\u00eb p\u00ebr baballar\u00ebt t\u00eb gjejn\u00eb vendin e tyre n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb histori t\u00eb re dashurie dhe shkrirjeje.
\nK\u00ebshillat e psikologut p\u00ebr ta p\u00ebrjetuar sa m\u00eb mir\u00eb lindjen e nj\u00eb f\u00ebmije:
\n– Kujdes nga etiketat q\u00eb u v\u00ebm\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb pand\u00ebrgjegjshme f\u00ebmij\u00ebve q\u00eb do t\u00eb lindim, t\u00eb tilla si \u201cbebja e shansit t\u00eb fundit\u201d, apo \u201cbebja q\u00eb do t\u00eb shp\u00ebtoj\u00eb martes\u00ebn\u201d, t\u00eb destinuara p\u00ebr t\u00eb sh\u00ebruar plag\u00ebt e nj\u00eb \u00e7ifti dhe q\u00eb rrall\u00eb e kryejn\u00eb misionin q\u00eb u caktohet…
\n– Autorizojini vetes edhe emocionet negative: T\u00eb ngrihesh nat\u00ebn \u00ebsht\u00eb e lodhshme, mund t\u00eb kesh frik\u00eb se nuk do t\u2019ia dal\u00ebsh mban\u00eb, nuk e imagjinoje se do t\u00eb ishte \u201ck\u00ebshtu\u201d. Nuk ekziston nj\u00eb m\u00ebm\u00ebsi e at\u00ebsi e p\u00ebrkryer dhe mos e faj\u00ebsoni veten pse ndjeheni t\u00eb zhg\u00ebnjyer, t\u00eb lodhur dhe n\u00eb ankth.
\n– Duke kujtuar se nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb mir\u00eb t\u00eb ankohesh, prind\u00ebrit kan\u00eb secili tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb mos i shprehin ankthet e tyre, q\u00eb zmadhohen nga p\u00ebrshtypja se je i vetmi q\u00eb i p\u00ebrjeton ato. N\u00ebse i tregoni nj\u00ebri-tjetrit frik\u00ebrat dhe d\u00ebshtimet, mund ta qet\u00ebsoni njeri-tjetrin reciprokisht.
\n– \u00cbsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme t\u00eb jesh i kujdessh\u00ebm ndaj sinjaleve t\u00eb alarmit q\u00eb tregojn\u00eb se jeni duke e l\u00ebn\u00eb pas dore \u00e7iftin. P\u00ebr shembull, n\u00ebse e keni t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb shk\u00ebputeni nga f\u00ebmija qoft\u00eb edhe p\u00ebr nj\u00eb mbr\u00ebmje t\u00eb vetme, kjo duhet t\u2019ju nxis\u00eb t\u00eb rivler\u00ebsoni vendin e f\u00ebmij\u00ebs dhe \u00e7iftit n\u00eb familje.
\n– B\u00ebjini vetes pyetjet e duhura dhe m\u00ebsoni t\u00eb kuptoni edhe t\u00eb path\u00ebnat e q\u00ebndrimeve tuaja. Pyeteni veten, p\u00ebr shembull, se pse keni frik\u00eb t\u00eb flisni me tjetrin. Cilat biseda mundoheni t\u00eb evitoni duke folur vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr f\u00ebmij\u00ebn?<\/p>\n

4. Bashk\u00ebjetesa<\/strong>
\nN\u00eb filmin \u201cNj\u00eb jet\u00eb dyshe\u201d p\u00ebrshkruhet jeta e nj\u00eb \u00e7ifti q\u00eb prej dit\u00ebs s\u00eb takimit dhe tregon se si, ajo q\u00eb na p\u00eblqente te tjetri, duke jetuar me t\u00eb, kthehet n\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb na largon prej partnerit\/es…
\n\u00c7far\u00eb ndodh: Ju \u00ebnd\u00ebrroni t\u2019i keni fur\u00e7at e dh\u00ebmb\u00ebve n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn got\u00eb, dy emrat tuaj n\u00eb kutin\u00eb postare. Jetesa e p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt \u00ebsht\u00eb shpesh angazhimi i par\u00eb i nj\u00eb \u00e7ifti, etapa q\u00eb e kthen lidhjen nga di\u00e7ka e rast\u00ebsishme, n\u00eb vullnet p\u00ebr t\u2019u afirmuar. Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb m\u00eb par\u00eb shiheshit vet\u00ebm n\u00eb disa momente t\u00eb zgjedhura (q\u00eb ishin edhe m\u00eb t\u00eb mirat), tashm\u00eb jeni n\u00eb m\u00ebshir\u00ebn e jet\u00ebs s\u00eb p\u00ebrditshme, t\u00eb ndryshimeve t\u00eb humorit reciprok. Nuk mund t\u00eb g\u00ebnjejm\u00eb m\u00eb veten dhe tjetrin: Zakonet dhe manit\u00eb tona dalin n\u00eb shesh dhe ndryshimet b\u00ebhen t\u00eb dukshme.
\nK\u00ebshillat e psikologut p\u00ebr t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcyer k\u00ebt\u00eb etap\u00eb:
\n– B\u00ebjm\u00eb nj\u00eb p\u00ebrzgjedhje mes gj\u00ebrave q\u00eb na acarojn\u00eb. M\u00ebsojm\u00eb t\u00eb tolerojm\u00eb dhe bile t\u00eb qeshim me disa nga defektet e tij (pasta e dh\u00ebmb\u00ebve, rregullimi i gj\u00ebrave, kapaku i tualetit…) t\u00eb lidhura me zakonet e gjith\u00ebsecilit. K\u00ebto minikonflikte krijojn\u00eb nj\u00eb lloj \u201cacarimi t\u00eb mir\u00eb\u201d pa pasoja, bile i japin ngjyr\u00eb \u00e7iftit!
\n– Tregohemi t\u00eb hapur ndaj propozimit t\u00eb tjetrit, edhe sikur t\u00eb mos jet\u00eb ekzakt\u00ebsisht ai q\u00eb prisnim.
\n– Ruajm\u00eb ekuilibrin e \u00e7muar sipas t\u00eb cilit 1+1=3, ti, un\u00eb dhe \u00e7ifti. P\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb arsye, i rezistojm\u00eb tundimit p\u00ebr t\u2019u mbyllur n\u00eb vetvete dhe nuk b\u00ebjm\u00eb gabimin p\u00ebr t\u00eb shk\u00ebputur lidhjet me rrjetin shoq\u00ebror, familjar, etj. N\u00ebse \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur, krijojm\u00eb nj\u00eb hap\u00ebsir\u00eb ku secili t\u00eb merret me pun\u00ebt e veta.
\n– N\u00ebse \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur, krijojm\u00eb nj\u00eb fole neutrale, dometh\u00ebn\u00eb, t\u00eb krijuar nga vet\u00eb \u00e7ifti, pa nd\u00ebrhyrjen dhe ndikimin e familjeve respektive.<\/p>\n

5. Dramat e jet\u00ebs<\/strong>
\nN\u00eb filmi \u201cLufta u shpall\u201d flitet p\u00ebr nj\u00eb \u00e7ift q\u00eb p\u00ebrballet me sprov\u00ebn m\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb, at\u00eb t\u00eb s\u00ebmundjes s\u00eb djalit t\u00eb tyre t\u00eb vog\u00ebl…
\n\u00c7far\u00eb ndodh: S\u00ebmundje, vdekje… Jeta n\u00eb \u00e7ift nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb lum\u00eb i gjat\u00eb, i qet\u00eb dhe nganj\u00ebher\u00eb sprovohet nga ngjarjet e v\u00ebshtira q\u00eb jan\u00eb pjes\u00eb e jet\u00ebs, duke i dh\u00ebn\u00eb kuptim shprehjes \u201cN\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb dhe n\u00eb t\u00eb keqe\u201d. N\u00eb let\u00ebr kjo duket e thjesht\u00eb, por n\u00eb fakt, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb k\u00ebshtu. Megjithat\u00eb, p\u00ebrtej dhimbjes s\u00eb madhe q\u00eb shoq\u00ebron k\u00ebt\u00eb etap\u00eb, ajo mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb p\u00ebr \u00e7iftin burim i nj\u00eb hapi t\u00eb madh drejt autenticitetit, intimitetit dhe mir\u00ebkuptimit.
\nK\u00ebshillat e psikologut p\u00ebr t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcyer k\u00ebt\u00eb etap\u00eb:
\n– Angazhohuni p\u00ebrs\u00ebri… Nd\u00ebrtimi i nj\u00eb \u00e7ifti kalon n\u00ebp\u00ebr dy elemente: D\u00ebshira, q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb e rast\u00ebsishme dhe e l\u00ebvizshme e vullneti p\u00ebr t\u00eb krijuar nj\u00eb \u00e7ift. Dramat e jet\u00ebs v\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb prov\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00ebn. Mbetet t\u00eb riafirmohet zgjedhja e t\u00eb qenit s\u00eb bashku, vullnetit p\u00ebr t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcyer sprovat.
\n– T\u00eb duash, supozon nj\u00eb form\u00eb braktisjeje dhe t\u00eb dish t\u00eb k\u00ebrkosh ndihm\u00eb, b\u00ebn pjes\u00eb n\u00eb procesin e evolucionit t\u00eb \u00e7iftit. Ne kemi tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb mendojm\u00eb se tjetri duhet ta kuptoj\u00eb kur kemi nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb. Por, t\u2019i shprehesh partnerit\/es se ke nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb akt dob\u00ebsie, p\u00ebrkundrazi, kjo eviton shum\u00eb keqkuptime…
\n– Megjithat\u00eb, kujdes! Nuk duhet pritur gjith\u00e7ka nga partneri, pasi k\u00ebshtu rrezikon t\u00eb vonosh sh\u00ebrimin dhe ta ngarkosh tjetrin me nj\u00eb barr\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019u mbajtur. Mb\u00ebshtetja e ofruar n\u00eb \u00e7ift duhet shoq\u00ebruar me nj\u00eb p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsi individuale.
\n– Kujdes se mos shk\u00ebmbeni vend me partnerin. N\u00ebse ju keni nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb rr\u00ebfeheni tek ai\/ajo, kjo nuk do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se ai ka nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn gj\u00eb!
\n– P\u00ebrball\u00eb nj\u00eb sprove \u00ebsht\u00eb thelb\u00ebsore t\u00eb kuptohet se strategjit\u00eb p\u00ebrball\u00eb dhimbjes nuk jan\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjta. Heshtja, t\u00eb qar\u00ebt, agresiviteti, izolimi, secili ka mekanizmat e vet t\u00eb mbrojtjes. Nuk ka m\u00ebnyr\u00eb \u201ct\u00eb mir\u00eb\u201d p\u00ebr t\u00eb reaguar, vet\u00ebm individ\u00eb q\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb \u00e7\u2018\u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur p\u00ebr t\u00eb mposhtur dhimbjen e tyre<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Nd\u00ebrrimi i sht\u00ebpis\u00eb<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    N\u00eb filmin \u201cDasma rebele\u201d, Frank dhe Ejpr\u00ebll Uiler p\u00ebrb\u00ebjn\u00eb nj\u00eb \u00e7ift t\u00eb q\u00ebndruesh\u00ebm dhe origjinal. Ata nd\u00ebrrojn\u00eb sht\u00ebpi dhe shkojn\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb banuar n\u00eb rrethinat e pasura t\u00eb Amerik\u00ebs t\u00eb viteve \u201950, gj\u00eb q\u00eb do t\u00eb sjell\u00eb n\u00eb jet\u00ebn e tyre ndryshime e p\u00ebrmbysje q\u00eb as i imagjinonin m\u00eb par\u00eb…<\/p>\n

    \u00c7far\u00eb ndodh: <\/em><\/strong>Nj\u00eb nd\u00ebrrim sht\u00ebpie, pavar\u00ebsisht n\u00ebse b\u00ebhet me apo pa d\u00ebshir\u00eb (i detyruar, p\u00ebr shembull, shkon p\u00ebr t\u00eb banuar n\u00eb nj\u00eb vend tjet\u00ebr) mund t\u00eb paraqes\u00eb nj\u00eb mund\u00ebsi p\u00ebr t\u00eb rigjall\u00ebruar \u00e7iftin, duke i sjell\u00eb nj\u00eb er\u00eb risie. Megjithat\u00eb, mos e n\u00ebnvler\u00ebsoni r\u00ebnd\u00ebsin\u00eb e nj\u00eb ndryshimi n\u00eb kuadrin e jet\u00ebs, sepse duke ndryshuar muret e sht\u00ebpis\u00eb, ndryshoni edhe rutin\u00ebn e jet\u00ebs s\u00eb p\u00ebrditshme.<\/p>\n

    K\u00ebshillat e psikologut: <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

    – Mos e mbivler\u00ebsoni k\u00ebt\u00eb ndryshim. Megjith\u00ebse ajo mund t\u2019i sjell\u00eb \u00e7iftit nj\u00eb doz\u00eb t\u00eb re risie dhe mund ta b\u00ebj\u00eb jet\u00ebn m\u00eb pikante, kujdes mos bini n\u00eb kurthin: \u201cGjith\u00e7ka do t\u00eb shkoj\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb kur t\u00eb kemi nj\u00eb sht\u00ebpi t\u00eb re\u201d. Ashtu si lindja e nj\u00eb f\u00ebmije nuk rregullon gjith\u00e7ka, edhe ndryshimi i sht\u00ebpis\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb riparoj\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha defektet e \u00e7iftit me nj\u00eb shkop magjik…<\/p>\n

    – Nganj\u00ebher\u00eb nd\u00ebrrimi i sht\u00ebpis\u00eb b\u00ebhet me nxitjen e nj\u00ebrit prej partner\u00ebve, nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb tjetri, m\u00eb n\u00eb fund, jep p\u00eblqimin e vet me peng n\u00eb zem\u00ebr. N\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast, kujdes q\u00eb ai q\u00eb ka pranuar pa d\u00ebshir\u00eb ta mos e b\u00ebj\u00eb partnerin t\u00eb \u201cpaguaj\u00eb\u201d p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb vendim!<\/p>\n

    – Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb kishim krijuar nj\u00eb rutin\u00eb ose zakone funksionimi, ritualesh, nj\u00eb banes\u00eb e re b\u00ebn q\u00eb gj\u00ebrat t\u00eb fillojn\u00eb nga zeroja dhe i v\u00eb dy partner\u00ebt ball\u00eb p\u00ebr ball\u00eb. Premisat e k\u00ebsaj jete t\u00eb re jan\u00eb nj\u00eb mund\u00ebsi ideale p\u00ebr t\u00eb rigjetur veten, rip\u00ebrcaktuar vendin e \u00e7iftit n\u00eb familje, rregulluar organizmin e zakoneve n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb riforcohet (ose rigjehet) nj\u00eb form\u00eb intimiteti.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Zbulimi i nj\u00eb tradhtie<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      T\u00eb hesht\u00ebsh dhe ta fillosh ndryshimin n\u00eb heshtje, duke shpresuar n\u00eb nj\u00eb t\u00eb ardhme m\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb… \u00cbsht\u00eb ky q\u00ebndrimi q\u00eb zgjedh Gabriela n\u00eb filmin \u201cAta u martuan dhe b\u00ebn\u00eb shum\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb\u201d, kur zbulon tradhtin\u00eb e t\u00eb shoqit. Filmi eksploron me fines\u00eb tradhtin\u00eb, dashurin\u00eb dhe \u00e7iftin.<\/p>\n

      \u00c7far\u00eb ndodh: <\/em><\/strong>Zbulimi i nj\u00eb tradhtie \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb nj\u00eb t\u00ebrmet p\u00ebr \u00e7iftin. Plag\u00ebve t\u00eb egos s\u00eb partnerit t\u00eb tradhtuar i shtohet nj\u00eb zhg\u00ebnjim dhe nj\u00eb mosbesim kundrejt atij apo asaj q\u00eb ka hedhur posht\u00eb \u201ckontrat\u00ebn\u201d e besnik\u00ebris\u00eb. Sado e pakonceptueshme t\u00eb duket p\u00ebr momentin, kjo etap\u00eb mund t\u00eb p\u00ebrb\u00ebj\u00eb nj\u00eb shtys\u00eb q\u00eb \u00e7ifti t\u00eb funksionoj\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb.<\/p>\n

      K\u00ebshillat e psikologut:<\/strong><\/p>\n

      – Pasi kalon faza e zem\u00ebrimit, hapi i par\u00eb konsiston n\u00eb p\u00ebrpjekjen p\u00ebr t\u00eb analizuar situat\u00ebn dhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb kuptuar se \u00e7far\u00eb ka ndodhur q\u00eb e shtyu tjetrin t\u00eb tradhtoj\u00eb. N\u00ebse vini gishtin n\u00eb defektin q\u00eb shkaktoi tradhtin\u00eb, mund t\u00eb b\u00ebni nj\u00eb nisje t\u00eb re p\u00ebr \u00e7iftin.<\/p>\n

      – K\u00ebto reflektime t\u00eb b\u00ebra individualisht dhe n\u00eb \u00e7ift duhet t\u00eb shpien n\u00eb ndryshime, n\u00eb rregullimin e gabimeve dhe jo n\u00eb krijimin e m\u00ebrive dhe mbylljen n\u00eb vetvete. Konsultohuni me nj\u00eb terapeut, vendosni t\u00eb b\u00ebni nj\u00eb jav\u00eb pushimesh n\u00eb vit vet\u00ebm t\u00eb dy, ose nj\u00eb mbr\u00ebmje n\u00eb jav\u00eb…<\/p>\n

      – Nj\u00eb tradhti mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb rast p\u00ebr t\u00eb rip\u00ebrcaktuar s\u00eb bashku pikat e kontrat\u00ebs s\u00eb heshtur q\u00eb ju lidh t\u00eb dyve. Disa \u00e7ifte mund t\u00eb zgjedhin, p\u00ebr shembull, t\u00eb jen\u00eb t\u00eb lir\u00eb seksualisht…<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Vet\u00ebm t\u00eb dy…<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        N\u00eb filmin francez \u201cTanguy\u201d, trajtohet me humor tema e \u201cf\u00ebmij\u00ebve\u201d 30 vje\u00e7ar\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebt e kan\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb ikin nga sht\u00ebpia e prind\u00ebrve dhe t\u00eb jen\u00eb t\u00eb pavarur… nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb k\u00ebta t\u00eb fundit, mezi e presin k\u00ebt\u00eb.<\/p>\n

        \u00c7far\u00eb ndodh: <\/em><\/strong>Shpeshher\u00eb, largimi i f\u00ebmij\u00ebve nga vatra familjare p\u00ebrkon edhe me daljen n\u00eb pension, e cila n\u00eb vetvete p\u00ebrb\u00ebn nj\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsi m\u00eb vete. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb e leht\u00eb p\u00ebr prind\u00ebrit t\u00eb p\u00ebrballen me k\u00ebt\u00eb faz\u00eb t\u00eb \u201cfoles\u00eb bosh\u201d, pasi dy partner\u00ebt gjenden tashm\u00eb vet\u00ebm dhe ball\u00eb p\u00ebr ball\u00eb me nj\u00ebri-tjetrin.<\/p>\n

        K\u00ebshillat e psikologut: <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

        – Rr\u00ebfejuni nj\u00ebri-tjetrit. K\u00ebto etapa jan\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb p\u00ebrmbys\u00ebse, burim pyetjesh dhe ankthesh. Kjo do t\u2019ju ndihmoj\u00eb t\u00eb kuptoni se nuk jeni i vetmi q\u00eb stresoheni, por edhe do t\u00eb evitoj\u00eb t\u00eb mos ua thoni ankthet tuaja f\u00ebmij\u00ebve, q\u00eb rrezikojn\u00eb t\u00eb ndjehen fajtor\u00eb p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb.<\/p>\n

        – Riinvestoni n\u00eb \u00e7iftin tuaj. N\u00ebse boshll\u00ebku i l\u00ebn\u00eb nga nisja e f\u00ebmij\u00ebve \u00ebsht\u00eb i madh, \u00ebsht\u00eb rasti t\u00eb pyesni veten se \u00e7far\u00eb vendi i keni l\u00ebn\u00eb \u00e7iftit gjat\u00eb gjith\u00eb k\u00ebsaj kohe. Po sikur, me d\u00ebshir\u00ebn p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb mir\u00eb, keni b\u00ebr\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebr f\u00ebmij\u00ebt, duke e l\u00ebn\u00eb pas dore \u00e7iftin?<\/p>\n

        – P\u00ebrfitoni nga kjo liri e re duke b\u00ebr\u00eb nj\u00eb aktivitet s\u00eb bashku (ecje, etj.) ose projekte t\u00eb reja (pushime, rinovim apo nd\u00ebrrim sht\u00ebpie…). Kjo etap\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebr disa \u00e7ifte nj\u00eb nisje e re dhe nj\u00eb afrim dashuror mes dy partner\u00ebve.<\/p>\n

         <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        T\u00eb gjitha p\u00ebrrallat q\u00eb ne njohim, mbarojn\u00eb me fraz\u00ebn \u201cU martuan dhe jetuan t\u00eb lumtur p\u00ebrgjithmon\u00eb…\u201d. Gabimi i tyre \u00ebsht\u00eb se krijojn\u00eb nj\u00eb vizion shum\u00eb t\u00eb thjesht\u00ebzuar t\u00eb dashuris\u00eb. Askush nuk na kishte th\u00ebn\u00eb se n\u00eb lidhje, duhet t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcesh disa etapa. Jeta n\u00eb \u00e7ift, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb e leht\u00eb. Ka evenimente q\u00eb p\u00ebrmbysin jet\u00ebn […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3575","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-intimitet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3575","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3575"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3575\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3575"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3575"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3575"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}