{"id":3174,"date":"2014-09-12T14:14:38","date_gmt":"2014-09-12T14:14:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=3174"},"modified":"2014-09-12T14:14:38","modified_gmt":"2014-09-12T14:14:38","slug":"ai-me-kritikon-per-cdo-gje","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2014\/09\/ai-me-kritikon-per-cdo-gje\/","title":{"rendered":"Ai m\u00eb kritikon p\u00ebr \u00e7do gj\u00eb"},"content":{"rendered":"

– Dr. Demiri, po b\u00ebj tre vjet q\u00eb jam e lidhur dhe, si\u00e7 ndodh shpesh, kur shuhet faza e pasionit, fillojn\u00eb t\u00eb dalin n\u00eb pah t\u00eb metat e personit q\u00eb ke n\u00eb krah. Nuk jam paragjykuese, un\u00eb e dashuroj, madje do t\u00eb isha shum\u00eb e lumtur n\u00ebse do t\u00eb isha m\u00eb e lirshme me t\u00eb. E them k\u00ebt\u00eb pasi kam filluar t\u00eb ndjej nj\u00eb lloj paragjykimi t\u00eb tij lidhur me mua. P\u00ebr shembull, kur jam pa tualet, apo jam s\u00ebmur\u00eb… Ai \u00ebsht\u00eb njeri q\u00eb e do gjith\u00e7ka perfekte; kurr\u00eb nuk hidhen letra nga makina, kurr\u00eb nuk lihet dhoma rr\u00ebmuj\u00eb, kurr\u00eb nuk lihen flok\u00ebt pa krehur, n\u00eb nj\u00eb koh\u00eb q\u00eb \u00e7do njeri, n\u00eb nj\u00eb periudh\u00eb t\u00eb caktuar t\u00eb dit\u00ebs, i ndodh t\u00eb jet\u00eb i shkujdesur. Ai m\u00eb jep shembullin e perfeksionit dhe kjo m\u00eb b\u00ebn t\u00eb ndihem inferiore. Edhe pse jam mjaft simpatike dhe p\u00ebrpiqem ta mbaj veten, duket sikur di\u00e7ka nuk shkon me mua. Jam b\u00ebr\u00eb e ngurt\u00eb. Ka shum\u00eb situata n\u00eb t\u00eb cilat nuk di t\u00eb reagoj natyrsh\u00ebm. Her\u00ebn e par\u00eb q\u00eb hipa n\u00eb shkall\u00ebt l\u00ebviz\u00ebse, isha me t\u00eb. Doja t\u2019i thoja, por heshta sepse ai s\u2019do t\u00eb dinte t\u00eb qeshte me k\u00ebt\u00eb shaka. M\u00eb duket sikur nuk jam vetvetja kur jam me t\u00eb. Un\u00eb dua dik\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb qesh\u00eb bashk\u00eb me mua kur t\u00eb rr\u00ebzohem dhe ta kthejm\u00eb n\u00eb humor, jo t\u00eb vihem n\u00eb siklet p\u00ebr \u00e7do gj\u00eb. Si duhet t\u00eb sillem me k\u00ebt\u00eb njeri? Mos ndoshta nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i duhuri?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist:<\/em><\/strong> – Jeta \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb \u201cm\u00ebsuese\u201d e rrept\u00eb, por gjithsesi, t\u00eb m\u00ebson. Ja se \u00e7\u2019ndodh; tani, pas 3 vitesh lidhje, fillojn\u00eb t\u00eb shuhen fazat e pasionit dhe dalin n\u00eb pah t\u00eb metat e atij \u201ctjetrit\u201d. Dhe tani ti vjen e m\u00eb pyet mua dhe shum\u00eb mir\u00eb b\u00ebn, por po t\u00eb m\u00eb pyesje mua q\u00eb n\u00eb fillim t\u00eb lidhjes, un\u00eb do t\u00eb thoja nj\u00eb shprehje angleze q\u00eb thot\u00eb: \u201cMos u marto me at\u00eb njeri i cili nuk qesh kur ti mendon se duhet t\u00eb qesh\u00eb\u201d. Porse, po t\u00eb ta thoja un\u00eb q\u00eb at\u00ebhere k\u00ebt\u00eb, ti me siguri do t\u00eb qeshje me mua, do t\u00eb thoje: \u201cUn\u00eb e dua at\u00eb dhe jam shum\u00eb e lumtur…\u201d. K\u00ebshtu ndodh, s\u2019ke faj. Kur njer\u00ebzit prezantohen n\u00eb fillim, ata fshehin me kujdes t\u00eb metat dhe \u201cprezantojn\u00eb\u201d vlerat, ndaj un\u00eb i jap shum\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi nj\u00eb th\u00ebnieje t\u00eb Tolstoit, i cili ka shkruar se \u201casgj\u00eb nuk i lidh e nuk i njeh njer\u00ebzit m\u00eb shum\u00eb sesa v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsit\u00eb e kaluara s\u00eb bashku\u201d. Prandaj t\u00eb thash\u00eb un\u00eb q\u00eb n\u00eb fillim se vet\u00eb jeta \u00ebsht\u00eb jo vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb m\u00ebsuese, por edhe nj\u00eb \u201cfilt\u00ebr\u201d prove. Dhe, \u00e7far\u00eb ka ndodhur me ty? Ti je lidhur me nj\u00eb njeri ndoshta shum\u00eb i mir\u00eb e shum\u00eb i zoti, por n\u00eb lidhje me ty, rezulton t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb… psikovampir! Psikovampir\u00eb quhen t\u00eb gjith\u00eb ata q\u00eb mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb njer\u00ebz shum\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb, madje shum\u00eb t\u00eb af\u00ebrm e t\u00eb dashur p\u00ebr ne, por q\u00eb padashje na i \u201cvjedhin\u201d energjit\u00eb. Ndoshta k\u00ebta mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb edhe vet\u00eb prind\u00ebrit tan\u00eb, q\u00eb na duan m\u00eb shum\u00eb sesa veten, por ja q\u00eb na i \u201cgrabitin\u201d energjit\u00eb me m\u00ebnyrat q\u00eb as ne, as ata nuk e kuptojn\u00eb, edhe pse veprojn\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb mir\u00ebn ton\u00eb. M\u00eb posht\u00eb, e nderuara zonj\u00eb, do t\u00eb p\u00ebrmend disa tipe \u201cpsikovapir\u00ebsh\u201d dhe ti do t\u00eb gjesh se ku futet i dashuri yt. Le t\u00eb fillojm\u00eb:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Psikovampiri \u201ckurth\u201d, i cili mbi\u00e7mon veten, i pabindur, despotik, narcist.<\/li>\n
  2. Psikovampiri \u201cpo, por\u201d, i cili e gjen gjithmon\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb q\u00eb s\u2019i p\u00eblqen, kund\u00ebrshtues.<\/li>\n
  3. Psikovampiri \u201cdepresiv\u201d, i cili t\u00eb ha shpirtin se vet\u00ebm qahet, t\u00eb lodh me \u201cg\u00ebrr\u2013v\u00ebrret\u201d dhe ankesat e tij, si ato \u201cku-ku\u201d q\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb qyqet, nj\u00eb njeri si lokomotiv\u00eb me avull…<\/li>\n
  4. Psikovampiri \u201cruajtja e trash\u00ebgimis\u00eb\u201d, i cili i urren ndryshimet dhe u qepet \u201cslogan\u00ebve\u201d.<\/li>\n
  5. Psikovampiri \u201cfrigorifer\u201d, i cili \u00ebsht\u00eb i ftoht\u00eb, d\u00ebgjon kalimthi, flet pak.<\/li>\n
  6. Psikovampiri \u201cinjorant\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb ai i cili, edhe s\u2019di, edhe t\u00eb m\u00ebson, ndaj ik\u00ebn i zbraz\u00ebt prej tij.<\/li>\n
  7. Psikovampiri \u201cHimalaja\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb ai i cili nuk k\u00ebnaqet kurr\u00eb me at\u00eb q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb arritur, ai q\u00eb injoron, torturon veten dhe t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt.<\/li>\n
  8. Psikovampiri \u201ci sjellsh\u00ebm\u201d, \u00ebsht\u00eb ai q\u00eb t\u00eb bezdis me \u201cxhentiles\u00ebn\u201d e tepruar, t\u00eb lodh…<\/li>\n
  9. Psikovampiri \u201chund\u00eb\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb ai q\u00eb i fut \u201chund\u00ebt\u201d kudo dhe fajin ua l\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve.<\/li>\n
  10. Psikovampiri \u201cujk me l\u00ebkur\u00eb deleje\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb ai q\u00eb t\u00eb merr m\u00eb qaf\u00eb sepse nuk e dallon dot, pasi n\u00eb fillim t\u00eb duket shum\u00eb miq\u00ebsor e pastaj t\u00eb b\u00ebn \u201cgrop\u00ebn\u201d.<\/li>\n
  11. Psikovampiri \u201cnuk kam qen\u00eb un\u00eb\u201d, \u00ebsht\u00eb ai i cili kudo del pa u \u201clagur\u201d e si me kujdes ta \u201cngec\u201d topin n\u00eb rrjet\u00eb.<\/li>\n
  12. Psikovampiri \u201cekspert\u201d, \u00ebsht\u00eb ai i cili t\u00eb \u201cmbyt\u201d me k\u00ebshillat e tij edhe kur s\u2019ka \u201chaber\u201d fare.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    – E shikoni pra, jo pak, por plot 12 tipe \u201cpsikovampir\u00ebsh\u201d! Na ruajt\u00eb Zoti prej tyre! Por, q\u00eb t\u00eb na ruaj\u00eb Zoti, m\u00eb par\u00eb duhet t\u00eb ruhemi vet\u00eb dhe q\u00eb t\u00eb ruhemi, duhet t\u00eb dim\u00eb t\u2019i njohim, t\u2019i dallojm\u00eb si t\u00eb till\u00eb e m\u00eb pas t\u2019i shmangim si me kujdes, pasi ata mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb edhe familjar\u00ebt apo t\u00eb dashurit tan\u00eb. Desha t\u2019ju pyes, zonj\u00eb, se t\u00eb cil\u00ebt psikovampir\u00eb futet partneri juaj i cili me k\u00ebrkesat, k\u00ebshillat dhe \u201cperfeksionin\u201d e tij ju b\u00ebn t\u00eb ndjeheni gjithmon\u00eb e pavlefshme, inferiore dhe e gabuar, edhe pse jeni mjaft e zgjuar, e rregullt, simpatike? Psikovampiri mbetet psikovampir, ai nuk di t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb ndryshe, ai vet\u00ebm k\u00ebrkon \u201cviktimat\u201d e tij dhe i kthen ato n\u00eb qenie t\u00eb \u201czvet\u00ebnuara\u201d pasi si pa kuptuar, sundon e vet\u00ebvendos, aq sa mundet edhe t\u00eb t\u00eb \u201cmanipuloj\u00eb\u201d duke t\u2019u dukur njeri me \u201cvlera\u201d, me k\u00ebrkesa… Mir\u00ebpo, kush zvet\u00ebnohet p\u00ebr vite me radh\u00eb nga persona apo situata t\u00eb tilla, krijon te vetja boshll\u00ebk, pak\u00ebnaq\u00ebsi, pasiguri, r\u00ebnie t\u00eb vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsimit e ndoshta edhe depresion, zbrazje nga jeta, lodhje, munges\u00eb humori e shqet\u00ebsime psikosomatike. \u00c7do njeri mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb edhe psikovampir, edhe viktim\u00eb nj\u00ebkoh\u00ebsisht. Zakonisht, edhe vampiri, edhe viktima, kompensojn\u00eb boshll\u00ebqe n\u00eb vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsimin e tyre. Ndoshta ne me psikovampir\u00ebt jemi t\u00eb detyruar t\u00eb bashk\u00ebjetojm\u00eb, si\u00e7 \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebr shembull jeta me prind\u00ebrit, pasi prind\u00ebrit ne nuk i zgjedhim, ose me brezin e tret\u00eb vjeh\u00ebrr, vjehrr\u00eb etj. At\u00ebhere ka r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi q\u00eb t\u2019i njohim problemet dhe ne psikolog\u00ebt, q\u00eb n\u00eb seanc\u00ebn e par\u00eb, ju \u201cpajisim\u201d me nj\u00eb si \u201cpajisje\u201d t\u00eb padukshme q\u00eb as g\u00ebrr-v\u00ebrret e tyre t\u00eb mos dep\u00ebrtojn\u00eb te \u201cmagazina\u201d juaj dhe as acarimi apo pak\u00ebnaq\u00ebsia juaj, t\u00eb mos dep\u00ebrtojn\u00eb deri tek ata. K\u00ebto jan\u00eb disa teknika \u201cmbrojt\u00ebse\u201d q\u00eb nuk lejojm\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt t\u00eb na i grabitin energjit\u00eb dhe emocionet pozitive, si edhe disa postulate me vlera edukative e qet\u00ebsuese si p\u00ebr shembull: \u201cprindin e mir\u00eb duaje e respektoje\u201d, \u201cprindin jo t\u00eb mir\u00eb, duroje e leht\u00ebsoje\u201d. E nj\u00ebjta gj\u00eb nuk thuhet p\u00ebr burrin. Shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz m\u00eb pyesin mua nga ta dallojm\u00eb se ai tjetri \u00ebsht\u00eb psikovampir? Natyrisht, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb aq e leht\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb dallohen, sidomos disa tipe, si p\u00ebr shembull, psikovampiri ujk me l\u00ebkur\u00eb deleje. Megjithat\u00eb ka nj\u00eb \u201cmat\u00ebs\u201d, nj\u00eb metod\u00eb; p\u00ebr shembull, n\u00ebse largohesh nga tjetri i zbraz\u00ebt, i pak\u00ebnaqur, i lodhur, i futur n\u00eb dyshime e mendime ankthioze, do t\u00eb thot\u00eb q\u00eb t\u2019i ka \u201cvjedhur\u201d, nuk t\u00eb ka dh\u00ebn\u00eb energji, kurse po t\u00eb ndahemi nga nj\u00eb njeri i ditur, i qeshur, optimist, realist, mb\u00ebshtet\u00ebs, ndodh e kund\u00ebrta, ne largohemi plot energji e paqe. Ky \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb tregues si edhe \u201cprova\u201d, filtri i prov\u00ebs. P\u00ebr shembull, psikovampirin \u201cujk me l\u00ebkur\u00eb deleje\u201d, mir\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb q\u00eb ta njoh\u00ebsh nga p\u00ebrvoja e t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve q\u00eb t\u00eb mos b\u00ebhesh p\u00ebr t\u00eb \u201cviktima e radh\u00ebs\u201d, por n\u00ebse s\u2019e ke patur k\u00ebt\u00eb mund\u00ebsi, t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn kujto at\u00eb th\u00ebnien popullore se \u201cpo ma hodhe p\u00ebr her\u00eb t\u00eb par\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb faji yt, kurse po ma hodhe p\u00ebr her\u00eb t\u00eb dyt\u00eb, do t\u00eb jet\u00eb faji im\u201d. K\u00ebshtu, pra, pyetjes suaj se si t\u00eb silleni me k\u00ebt\u00eb njeri i cili ju ve n\u00eb siklet p\u00ebr \u00e7do gj\u00eb dhe a mos ndoshta nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i duhuri, un\u00eb do t\u2019i p\u00ebrgjigjesha sakt\u00eb vet\u00ebm n\u00ebse ju vini n\u00eb bashk\u00ebbisedim e t\u00eb b\u00ebnim disa teste, pasi t\u00eb dy, me pak ndryshime, mundet q\u00eb t\u00eb sinkronizoheni shum\u00eb bukur. N\u00ebse jo, do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se nuk jeni \u201cgatuar\u201d p\u00ebr nj\u00ebri-tjetrin, ndaj duhet t\u00eb ndaheni pa humbur koh\u00eb dhe n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb krejt paq\u00ebsore. E mira \u00ebsht\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb vini t\u00eb dy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    – Dr. Demiri, po b\u00ebj tre vjet q\u00eb jam e lidhur dhe, si\u00e7 ndodh shpesh, kur shuhet faza e pasionit, fillojn\u00eb t\u00eb dalin n\u00eb pah t\u00eb metat e personit q\u00eb ke n\u00eb krah. Nuk jam paragjykuese, un\u00eb e dashuroj, madje do t\u00eb isha shum\u00eb e lumtur n\u00ebse do t\u00eb isha m\u00eb e lirshme me t\u00eb. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3174"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3174\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}