Un\u00eb jam fem\u00ebr!
Jam fem\u00ebr dhe ndjej frik\u00ebn q\u00eb, p\u00ebr hir t\u00eb s\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00ebs, dua ta besoj se rrjedh prej brisht\u00ebsis\u00eb s\u00eb natyr\u00ebs fem\u00ebrore dhe nuk dua ta shoh aspak si frik\u00eb timen. Dua t\u00eb besoj se, frika ime \u00ebsht\u00eb frika e t\u00eb gjitha grave n\u00eb bot\u00eb, q\u00eb kan\u00eb ndjer\u00eb nj\u00eb her\u00eb t\u00eb vetme apo vijojn\u00eb ta ndjejn\u00eb kur jeta i p\u00ebrball me sfida t\u00eb v\u00ebshtira.
Un\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb se nuk ndjej frik\u00eb. Veshur me nj\u00eb buz\u00ebqeshje q\u00eb ngjall ndoshta trishtim p\u00ebr ata q\u00eb din\u00eb t\u00eb lexojn\u00eb p\u00ebrtej makiazhit, por forc\u00eb p\u00ebr sip\u00ebrfaq\u00ebsor\u00ebt, e filloj dhe e mbaroj dit\u00ebn mekanikisht me t\u00eb metat, d\u00ebshtimet, sukseset dhe triumfet n\u00eb pun\u00eb, por mekanikisht.
Ajo frika ime e madhe vjen, nxjerr krye, sa her\u00eb nisem p\u00ebr n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi. Sapo kujtoj q\u00eb askush nuk m\u00eb pret, shtr\u00ebngoj edhe m\u00eb fort dor\u00ebn e f\u00ebmij\u00ebve t\u00eb mi.
\u00cbsht\u00eb e ftoht\u00eb vetmia, t\u00eb vret, dhe nuk t\u00eb vret me nj\u00eb t\u00eb q\u00eblluar, por t\u00eb vret duke t\u00eb zhveshur t\u00eb gjitha forcat, \u00e7ast pas \u00e7asti, dit\u00eb pas dite, koh\u00eb pas kohe.
Ti nuk vdes n\u00eb nj\u00eb dit\u00eb, ti jep shpirt \u00e7do dit\u00eb dhe pafuqish\u00ebm zvarritesh p\u00ebr pak rezistenc\u00eb.
Ndjej frik\u00eb, frik\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb vetmi t\u00eb p\u00ebrjetshme. Femrat jan\u00eb t\u00eb forta thon\u00eb, por ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb nuk duhet t\u00eb jemi t\u00eb forta, as sfiduese as triumfatore, ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb duam vet\u00ebm n\u00eb dob\u00ebsin\u00eb ton\u00eb, n\u00eb at\u00eb paaft\u00ebsin\u00eb ton\u00eb dhe n\u00eb d\u00ebshtimin ton\u00eb t\u00eb natysh\u00ebm, dikush t\u00eb na buz\u00ebqesh\u00eb, dikush t\u00eb na doj\u00eb, dikush t\u00eb na p\u00ebrqafoj\u00eb dhe t\u00eb thot\u00eb: prano d\u00ebshtimin, shkrihu n\u00eb faj, qaj, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb turp t\u00eb jesh e thyer.
Njer\u00ebzit kan\u00eb natyr\u00eb t\u00eb l\u00ebngshme, ngrijn\u00eb dh\u00eb shkrijn\u00eb sipas situatave. T\u00eb jesh i ngurt\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb\u00a0 \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb koma e p\u00ebrjetshme.
T\u00eb ngrish dhe t\u00eb shkrish \u00ebsht\u00eb njer\u00ebzore, gjithmon\u00eb e ngrir\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb e frikshme.
Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb s\u00eb un\u00eb nuk ndjej frik\u00eb\u00a0 kur ul kok\u00ebn mbi jast\u00ebk dhe nuk duhet t\u00eb kem nj\u00eb krah q\u00eb t\u00eb thot\u00eb: l\u00ebri \u00ebndrrat t\u00eb lira, jemi bashk\u00eb tani e p\u00ebrgjithmon\u00eb.
N\u00eb at\u00eb shtrat, nuk do ndjej m\u00eb ngroht\u00ebsin\u00eb e nj\u00eb q\u00ebnie q\u00eb pranon t\u00eb m\u00eb mbroj\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb se sa prej t\u00eb ftohtit t\u00eb acart\u00eb t\u00eb dimrit, prej ndjenjave t\u00eb acarta t\u00eb nj\u00eb bote t\u00eb eg\u00ebr q\u00eb k\u00ebrkon t\u00eb t\u00eb shtyj\u00eb n\u00eb em\u00ebr t\u00eb ekzistenc\u00ebs s\u00eb saj.\u00a0
N\u00eb t\u00eb tilla \u00e7aste, m\u00eb duhet t\u00eb gjej forc\u00ebn dh\u00eb t\u00eb mbyll syt\u00eb, t\u00eb mos ndjej d\u00ebshir\u00ebn dhe t\u00eb mos kem instikt, t\u00eb mos kem \u00ebndrra dhe t\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqem ti mbijetoj err\u00ebsir\u00ebs s\u00eb nat\u00ebs, ftoht\u00ebsis\u00eb dhe pabesis\u00eb s\u00eb saj.
Dhe kur m\u00ebngjesi vjen, kam frik\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb zgjohem e t\u00eb dal ec\u00ebjakeve t\u00eb bot\u00ebs, e till\u00eb bot\u00eb e ftoht\u00eb, e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb p\u00ebr mbijetes\u00eb, t\u00eb dal e t\u00eb mos kem varur mbi qaf\u00eb shallin e dashuris\u00eb q\u00eb do doja, at\u00eb shall q\u00eb dikush ma mori, ma grisi e ma p\u00ebrdhosi, dhe tani kam vet\u00ebm shenja plag\u00ebsh mbi qaf\u00eb, mbi trup, mbi shpirt.
Kthej syt\u00eb dhe shoh barr\u00ebn mbi kurriz. A e kam un\u00eb forc\u00ebn e duhur t\u2019ja dal me to?
Jan\u00eb femra edhe ato. A do mund\u00ebm un\u00eb t\u2019ju jap modelin q\u00eb dua, por jo modelin q\u00eb jam?
Ndjej se nuk jam mjaftuesh\u00ebm, por a do mund t\u00eb b\u00ebj mbi at\u00eb q\u00eb jam, aq sa v\u00ebrtet\u00eb duhet?
Mendojn\u00eb se un\u00eb nuk kam frik\u00eb?
Jeta \u00ebsht\u00eb plot sfida dhe sfida m\u00eb e madhe \u00ebsht\u00eb nd\u00ebrtimi i bot\u00ebs s\u00eb tyr\u00eb p\u00ebrtej kapacitetit prind\u00ebror. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo q\u00eb \u00e7dokush d\u00ebshiron, e jo vet\u00ebm d\u00ebshiron, por\u00a0 e nis dit\u00ebn por edhe jet\u00ebn rreth t\u00eb vetmit q\u00ebllim, p\u00ebrsosm\u00ebris\u00eb s\u00eb krijesave q\u00eb pafajsisht erdh\u00ebn n\u00eb jet\u00eb.
Si nj\u00eb thup\u00ebr e lagur dridhem sa her\u00eb mendoj se nj\u00eb mision t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb (q\u00eb nuk dua ta besoj t\u00eb pamundur), kam marr\u00eb mbi supe.
Duhet t\u00eb p\u00ebr\u00e7oj siguri kur edhe vet\u00eb ndjej dyshim.
Ky \u00ebsht\u00eb realitet i sajuar keq, shum\u00eb keq. K\u00ebrkojm\u00eb me nxitim t\u00eb nd\u00ebrtojm\u00eb t\u00eb ardhmen, kur e tashmja e as e shkuara nuk na kan\u00eb nd\u00ebrtuar dot. Pastaj ti gjen mij\u00ebra arsye p\u00ebr t\u00eb vijuar por nuk bind vet\u00ebn q\u00eb vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb arsye mjafton p\u00ebr t\u00eb hequr dor\u00eb. E pastaj ik\u00ebn dhe ik\u00ebn drejt drejtimeve t\u00eb kund\u00ebrta.
Isha e vog\u00ebl, por ky nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb justifikim.
Justifikimet n\u00eb jet\u00eb jan\u00eb p\u00ebr p\u00ebrtac\u00ebrin\u00eb. Mbase ishte fati. Por \u00e7r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi ka kjo.
E b\u00ebra, nuk zhb\u00ebhet. Harro thon\u00eb, por kur t\u00eb k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb t\u00eb harrosh, harrojn\u00eb s\u00eb po t\u00eb k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb t\u00eb harrosh pik\u00ebrisht JET\u00cbN T\u00cbNDE. At\u00eb q\u00eb ti je, por edhe at\u00eb q\u00eb ti ishe ndoshta edhe at\u00eb q\u00eb do jesh.
Sepse e shkuara, e tashmja dhe e ardhmja nuk jan\u00eb vet\u00ebm tre koh\u00eb zgjedhore, por zinxhir t\u00eb nj\u00eb jete. Ajo q\u00eb ishte dhe shkoi, patjet\u00ebr q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb ty ende, sado koha dhe \u00e7far\u00ebdo tjet\u00ebr ta zbeh\u00eb, nuk ndodh kurr\u00ebsesi t\u00eb kthehet n\u00eb pluhur. E ardhmja \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo q\u00eb ne shkruajm\u00eb \u00e7do dit\u00eb dhe nuk vjen me nj\u00eb shkop magjik, me kismet \u00e7far\u00eb sjell e nes\u00ebrmja.
Njeriu jeton n\u00eb tre koh\u00eb, por nuk jeton tre jet\u00eb, jeton nj\u00eb dhe vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb.
Nuk jam tretur e gjitha sado kam harruar t\u00eb kaluar\u00ebn e as nuk do mund t\u00eb tret\u00ebm e gjitha edhe n\u00ebse jetoj me shekuj.
Jeta \u00ebsht\u00eb udh\u00eb e cila nuk b\u00ebhet dy her\u00eb, por hapat e saj, sado t\u00eb larg\u00ebt t\u00eb jen\u00eb, jan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb, jan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb nga ti.
Kam n\u00eb brend\u00ebsin\u00eb time disa parime, parime q\u00eb i thej \u00e7do dit\u00eb por i ngjis prap \u00e7do nat\u00eb, me shpres\u00ebn q\u00eb nuk \u00e7alojn\u00eb k\u00ebmb\u00ebsh aq shum\u00eb sa t\u00eb mos pranojn\u00eb cop\u00ebzat e tyre e t\u00eb bashk\u00ebq\u00ebndrojn\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebri.
Kam edhe un\u00eb disa parime q\u00eb m\u00eb l\u00ebn\u00eb e m\u00eb zhduken sa her\u00eb ndihem e dob\u00ebt dhe e shpartalluar, por n\u00eb fund t\u00eb fundit jam fem\u00ebr, n\u00eb fund t\u00eb fundit jam grua, dhe nj\u00eb grua \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebrcaktuar t\u00eb jet\u00eb n\u00ebn\u00eb sepse \u00ebsht\u00eb e brisht\u00eb.
Nj\u00eb grua \u00ebsht\u00eb grua se qan, qesh, triumfon, dor\u00ebzohet, thyhet dhe ngjitet prap. \u00cbsht\u00eb aq e fort\u00eb sa edhe e dob\u00ebt, aq e ngurt\u00eb sa dhe e l\u00ebngshme, \u00ebsht\u00eb aq bosh sa dhe e motivuar.
Ja, t\u00eb gjitha k\u00ebto jan\u00eb n\u00eb mua.
Ja, t\u00eb gjitha k\u00ebto jan\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb fem\u00ebr.
Qesh \u00e7do dit\u00eb por edhe qaj, e n\u00eb at\u00eb buz\u00ebqeshjen time t\u00eb zbeht\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqem t\u00eb p\u00ebr\u00e7oj siguri, por nuk ndjej jo, madje ndonj\u00ebh\u00ebr\u00eb m\u00eb duket sikur po vdes.
Qaj shpesh, po, qaj, e sado m\u00eb kritikojn\u00eb s\u2019po tregon maturi, ndjej t\u00eb them se dhimbja nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka q\u00eb duhet mohuar, nj\u00ebriu q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb i gjall\u00eb ndjen, dhe dhimbja \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithashtu ndjenj\u00eb.
Qaj sepse t\u00eb till\u00eb kam tipin, shkrij dhe ngrij shum\u00eb shpesh. Her\u00eb si qiri i ndezur e her\u00eb si qiri i fikur marr form\u00ebn e l\u00ebngshme ose t\u00eb ngurt\u00eb.
Ndjej dhimbje, patjet\u00ebr q\u00eb ndjej. Ndryshe nuk do ndjeja se kam jetuar at\u00eb q\u00eb ka qen\u00eb jeta ime.
Qesh, qesh sepse mendoj se t\u00eb qesh\u00ebsh \u00ebsht\u00eb motivuese dhe ndjej momente q\u00eb do ja dal.
Nuk ngre flamujt me triumfin e nj\u00eb zgjedhjeje p\u00ebr nj\u00eb jet\u00eb vet\u00ebm, por n\u00ebn dhimbjen dhe frik\u00ebn time t\u00eb tejskajshme p\u00ebr t\u2019ja dal\u00eb, shpesh p\u00ebrpiqem t\u00eb mbledh grimca shprese, me nj\u00eb q\u00ebllim t\u00eb vet\u00ebm, q\u00eb kur t\u00eb plakem, t\u00eb mund t\u00eb ndjej krenari dhe shp\u00ebrblim n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet suksesit dhe arritjeve t\u00eb atyre t\u00eb dyjave, busull\u00ebs sime t\u00eb orientimit dhe q\u00ebllimeve t\u00eb mia t\u00eb vetme n\u00eb jet\u00eb.
Ndjej frik\u00eb sepse d\u00ebshiroj shum\u00eb edhe kur jam tmerr\u00ebsisht e thyer, q\u00eb kur t\u00eb shkoj 70 apo 80 vje\u00e7e, m\u00eb at\u00eb shkopin q\u00eb mban nj\u00eb plak\u00eb q\u00eb vuan prej tensioni e dh\u00ebmb\u00ebt i kan\u00eb r\u00ebn\u00eb, t\u00eb jem ulur n\u00eb nj\u00eb kolltuk dhe t\u00eb shoh emra suksesesh e harqe triumfesh p\u00ebr f\u00ebmij\u00ebt e mi, femrat mia q\u00eb solla n\u00eb jet\u00eb.
Me nj\u00eb synim t\u00eb till\u00eb do vijoj t\u00eb jetoj, duke harruar me mijra her\u00eb veten, por jo pa frik\u00eb, jo pa ndroj\u00eb, jo pa stepje.
I tremb\u00ebm jet\u00ebs, tmerr\u00ebsisht p\u00ebr to e aspak p\u00ebr vete, por mes frik\u00ebrave t\u00eb mia, do vijoj t\u00eb jetoj, mbi t\u00eb gjitha, me t\u00eb vetmin synim, q\u00eb ato t\u00eb dyja dikur, t\u00eb jen\u00eb pamja m\u00eb e bukur n\u00eb pasqyr\u00ebn e jet\u00ebs sime!
18:41
09.02.2023<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Un\u00eb jam fem\u00ebr!Jam fem\u00ebr dhe ndjej frik\u00ebn q\u00eb, p\u00ebr hir t\u00eb s\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00ebs, dua ta besoj se rrjedh prej brisht\u00ebsis\u00eb s\u00eb natyr\u00ebs fem\u00ebrore dhe nuk dua ta shoh aspak si frik\u00eb timen. Dua t\u00eb besoj se, frika ime \u00ebsht\u00eb frika e t\u00eb gjitha grave n\u00eb bot\u00eb, q\u00eb kan\u00eb ndjer\u00eb nj\u00eb her\u00eb t\u00eb vetme apo vijojn\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":29812,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,1356],"tags":[2321,3625],"class_list":["post-29811","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aktualitet","category-living","tag-femer","tag-tereza"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29811","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29811"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29811\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/29812"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29811"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29811"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29811"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}