Un\u00eb q\u00eb ju shkruaj d\u00ebshiroj t\u00eb mbetem anonime. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ju shkruaj nga burgu i femrave, <\/p>\n\n\n\n
ku prej gjasht\u00eb vjet\u00ebsh po shlyej d\u00ebnimin p\u00ebr vrasjen e bashk\u00ebshortit tim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Edhe pas kaq koh\u00ebsh, e pyes veten se pse arrita deri n\u00eb at\u00eb pik\u00eb dhe nuk munda t\u00eb gjeja nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb arratisjeje, nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019u larguar me tim bir pa i b\u00ebr\u00eb keq askujt… Me sa duket, pas aq shum\u00eb vjet abuzimesh, ndjenjat dhe logjika ime ishin zhdukur p\u00ebrgjithmon\u00eb. Nuk e vrisja m\u00eb mendjen p\u00ebr asgj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, doja vet\u00ebm q\u00eb t\u00eb mos vuaja… Them me vete se dhuna q\u00eb burri im ushtronte te djali yn\u00eb, Sokoli m\u00eb kishte b\u00ebr\u00eb t\u00eb bija n\u00eb depresion dhe t\u00eb mos logjikoja.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ai ishte n\u00eb krevat\nme mua, kur pash\u00eb nj\u00eb thik\u00eb posht\u00eb. E kishte p\u00ebrdorur p\u00ebr t\u00eb q\u00ebruar nj\u00eb moll\u00eb.\nZgjata dor\u00ebn dhe e mora n\u00eb duart q\u00eb po m\u00eb dridheshin. E shtr\u00ebngova fort,\nnd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb as frym\u00eb nuk po merrja. E shihja dhe mendoja q\u00eb ai ishte shkaku i\ndhimbjeve t\u00eb mia dhe q\u00eb n\u00eb ato momente mund ta hiqja qafe. Dhe n\u00ebse e hiqja\nqafe, do t\u00eb isha e lir\u00eb. U l\u00ebshova si bish\u00eb drejt tij dhe ia ngula thik\u00ebn drejt\ne n\u00eb gjoks. Ai nisi t\u00eb p\u00ebrp\u00eblitej dhe t\u00eb l\u00ebshonte pasthirrma. Nj\u00eb moment, m\u00eb\ntha \u201cm\u00eb fal\u201d, por ishte shum\u00eb von\u00eb. Ato ishin fjal\u00ebt e tij t\u00eb fundit…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jeta nuk ka qen\u00eb e\nthjesht\u00eb p\u00ebr mua edhe m\u00eb par\u00eb. Jam rritur n\u00eb nj\u00eb fshat t\u00eb humbur. Isha e\nkat\u00ebrta e n\u00ebnt\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebve. Prind\u00ebrit e mi ishin kooperativist\u00eb dhe ne jetonim n\u00eb\nnj\u00eb sht\u00ebpi shum\u00eb t\u00eb vog\u00ebl. N\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 11 vje\u00e7are u shk\u00ebputa p\u00ebr pak nga shkolla\np\u00ebr t\u00eb ndihmuar familjen, por e kuptova q\u00eb doja t\u00eb m\u00ebsoja, t\u00eb b\u00ebhesha njeri i\nditur dhe t\u00eb mos p\u00ebrfundoja si prind\u00ebrit e mi, ndaj u ktheva s\u00ebrish n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb,\npor ishim shum\u00eb t\u00eb varf\u00ebr p\u00ebr ta p\u00ebrballuar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me ardhjen e\ndemokracis\u00eb, emigrova p\u00ebr n\u00eb Itali. Aty nisa t\u00eb b\u00ebja fillimisht pun\u00eb t\u00eb\nthjeshta, derisa p\u00ebrfundova n\u00eb nj\u00eb klub nate, ku k\u00ebrceja e zhveshur. N\u00eb fillim\nkisha turp, por ata paguanin shum\u00eb mir\u00eb. Me rrog\u00ebn e nj\u00eb nate, mund ta mbushja\nsht\u00ebpin\u00eb k\u00ebtu n\u00eb Shqip\u00ebri p\u00ebr nj\u00eb muaj. Ndihesha mir\u00eb dhe e fuqishme. Mendova\nse m\u00eb kishte ardhur rasti n\u00eb dor\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb ndihmuar familjen, ndaj edhe punova\nderisa b\u00ebra nj\u00eb dor\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb parash. M\u00eb pas, vendosa t\u00eb kthehesha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bleva nj\u00eb sht\u00ebpi m\u00eb\nt\u00eb madhe p\u00ebr familjen, k\u00ebsaj here n\u00eb qytet. Doja t\u2019i kthehesha shkoll\u00ebs, por\nishte von\u00eb, ndon\u00ebse isha vet\u00ebm nj\u00ebzet e pes\u00eb vje\u00e7e. Thjesht, nuk mundesha. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nisa t\u00eb punoja n\u00eb\nnj\u00eb librari. M\u00eb p\u00eblqente aty, sepse kisha mund\u00ebsi t\u00eb lexoja libra. Aty njoha\nedhe Kriston. Ai vinte p\u00ebr t\u00eb bler\u00eb libra teknik\u00eb, pasi ishte inxhinier.\nNdon\u00ebse ishte dyzet vje\u00e7, m\u00eb p\u00eblqeu menj\u00ebher\u00eb. Ishte i sjellsh\u00ebm dhe shum\u00eb i\nqet\u00eb. Pastaj, kishte nj\u00eb pamje shum\u00eb miq\u00ebsore, q\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebnte ta doje. Mora vesh\nq\u00eb ishte i ndar\u00eb nga gruaja dhe q\u00eb n\u00eb qytet nuk g\u00ebzonte reputacion t\u00eb mir\u00eb, por\nkur m\u00eb k\u00ebrkoi t\u00eb dilja ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb me t\u00eb, nuk hezitova, por i thash\u00eb \u201cpo\u201d. M\u00eb\ntregoi se puna i p\u00eblqente, por q\u00eb shum\u00eb shpejt do t\u00eb transferohej n\u00eb kryeqytet.\nKjo m\u00eb m\u00ebrziti pak, por ai m\u00eb premtoi se do t\u00eb m\u00eb merrte me vete. Pas disa\nmujash u nis, por nuk kaluan shum\u00eb koh\u00eb dhe m\u00eb solli nj\u00eb let\u00ebr. Aty m\u00eb\nshkruante se ishte dashuruar pas meje dhe se donte q\u00eb un\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebhesha gruaja e\ntij. Erdhi n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00eb k\u00ebrkuar dor\u00ebn. Mamaja dhe babai nuk e p\u00eblqyen\np\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb mosh\u00ebs, por ai ishte n\u00eb gjendje dhe kjo gj\u00eb u shkonte atyre p\u00ebr\nshtat. K\u00ebshtu, un\u00eb u fejova dhe shum\u00eb shpejt, u martova. M\u00eb pas, nisa t\u00eb jetoja\nme Kriston n\u00eb Tiran\u00eb. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kishim nj\u00eb sht\u00ebpi\nt\u00eb madhe dhe shum\u00eb t\u00eb bukur. Ai m\u00eb prezantoi me koleg\u00ebt, me miqt\u00eb dhe t\u00eb gjith\u00eb m\u00eb donin. Edhe me fqinj\u00ebt u\nmiq\u00ebsova shum\u00eb dhe nisa t\u00eb kisha hyrje-dalje t\u00eb shpeshta. Kristoja fitonte\nshum\u00eb me aktivitetin e tij privat, gj\u00eb q\u00eb m\u00eb b\u00ebri t\u00eb isha bujare me t\u00eb gjith\u00eb. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
M\u00eb n\u00eb fund, po b\u00ebja\nnj\u00eb jet\u00eb t\u00eb qet\u00eb dhe t\u00eb rehatshme. Nuk isha e dashuruar n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb pasionante\npas Kristos, por ishim t\u00eb lumtur. Kat\u00ebr muaj pasi u martuam, un\u00eb mbeta\nshtatz\u00ebn\u00eb. Ai m\u00eb kishte th\u00ebn\u00eb se q\u00eb pas martes\u00ebs s\u00eb par\u00eb, ku gruaja e tij nuk\nb\u00ebnte dot f\u00ebmij\u00eb arsye p\u00ebr t\u00eb cil\u00ebn u ndan\u00eb, kishte hequr dor\u00eb nga ideja e t\u00eb\nqenit baba. Ndoshta ndaj dhe n\u00eb fillim tregohej shum\u00eb indiferent para faktit q\u00eb\nun\u00eb isha shtatz\u00ebn\u00eb, por shum\u00eb shpejt nd\u00ebrroi mendje. Me lindjen e djalit ton\u00eb,\nSokolit, problemet nis\u00ebn t\u00eb dilnin n\u00eb pah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nuk do ta harroj\ndit\u00ebn kur e pash\u00eb p\u00ebr her\u00eb t\u00eb par\u00eb Kriston t\u00eb nxehej. Ai ishte z\u00ebn\u00eb me dik\u00eb n\u00eb\npun\u00eb. Kur u fut n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi, nuk po i hapej dera e dhom\u00ebs son\u00eb t\u00eb gjumit. E\nshembi me k\u00ebmb\u00eb. Q\u00eb nga ai moment, pata nj\u00eb ndjesi t\u00eb keqe p\u00ebr t\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Edhe dashuria dhe\nlumturia p\u00ebr djalin kishte nisur t\u2019i ndryshonte. N\u00eb fillim, rrinte shpesh me\nt\u00eb, por kur Sokoli nisi t\u00eb rritej, po b\u00ebhej f\u00ebmij\u00eb i l\u00ebvizsh\u00ebm. P\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb, burri\nim e rrihte shpesh, madje aq shum\u00eb, sa i linte shenja t\u00eb kuqe n\u00ebp\u00ebr trup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nis\u00ebm t\u00eb grindeshim\np\u00ebr djalin. Un\u00eb i thosha se nuk do ta lejoja ta prekte djalin me dor\u00eb, por kjo\ne b\u00ebri at\u00eb t\u00eb dhunsh\u00ebm ndaj meje.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her\u00ebn e par\u00eb q\u00eb m\u00eb\nrrahu, u grind\u00ebm keq. Ai m\u00eb gjuajti aq fort, sa rash\u00eb n\u00eb krevat dhe ky i fundit\nu thye. N\u00eb at\u00eb koh\u00eb nuk e dija, por isha nj\u00eb muajshe shtatz\u00ebn\u00eb. Pash\u00eb q\u00eb m\u00eb\nkishte nisur hemorragjia. Kur shkova n\u00eb spital, m\u00eb than\u00eb se kisha humbur\nf\u00ebmij\u00ebn. Pavar\u00ebsisht shum\u00eb gj\u00ebrave, un\u00eb dhe Kristoja donim s\u00ebrish nj\u00eb v\u00eblla apo\nmot\u00ebr p\u00ebr Sokolin, vet\u00ebm se un\u00eb isha e shkat\u00ebrruar, t\u00ebr\u00ebsisht e mbaruar si\nnjeri. Nuk ndjeja asgj\u00eb m\u00eb. Nuk mendoja p\u00ebr gj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, p\u00ebrve\u00e7se p\u00ebr djalin\ntim, q\u00eb doja ta mbroja me \u00e7do kusht. Doja t\u00eb shp\u00ebtoja, por nuk mundesha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pavar\u00ebsisht asaj q\u00eb\nndieja, nuk shkoja dot n\u00eb polici. Sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb kalonte koha, aq m\u00eb e palumtur\nndihesha. I vetmi person q\u00eb e dinte \u00e7\u2019jet\u00eb po b\u00ebja ishte doktoresha ku un\u00eb\nshkoja t\u00eb vizitohesha. Ajo m\u00eb mjekonte t\u00eb nxirat dhe shenjat e rrahjes, k\u00ebshtu\nq\u00eb nuk mund t\u2019i fshihja dot asgj\u00eb. Ajo nuk i tregoi askujt, por mua m\u00eb thoshte\ngjithnj\u00eb se duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebja di\u00e7ka p\u00ebr veten dhe p\u00ebr Sokolin. P\u00ebrpiqej t\u00eb m\u00eb\nbindte q\u00eb t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn t\u00eb largohesha nga ajo sht\u00ebpi, por Kristoja qe dinak. Ai e\nnuhati q\u00eb un\u00eb kisha folur me doktoresh\u00ebn p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb, ndaj dhe m\u00eb premtoi se\nnuk do t\u00eb vinte m\u00eb dor\u00eb tek un\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Un\u00eb isha e\nd\u00ebrrmuar, shum\u00eb e lodhur, por vendosa t\u2019i besoja dhe q\u00ebndrova. Doja ta provonim\nedhe nj\u00eb her\u00eb jet\u00ebn s\u00eb bashku, p\u00ebr hir t\u00eb djalit, Sokolit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nd\u00ebrsa koha\nkalonte, ai rikthehej gjithnj\u00eb e m\u00eb shum\u00eb n\u00eb karakterin e tij. M\u00eb kishte\nndaluar q\u00eb t\u00eb shihja prind\u00ebrit e mi. M\u00eb kishte marr\u00eb shum\u00eb malli p\u00ebr ta, sepse\nkisha koh\u00eb pa i takuar, por nuk mundesha dot. Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb, kisha v\u00ebn\u00eb re se po\nb\u00ebhesha e vetmuar dhe vuaja nga depresioni. Nj\u00eb m\u00ebngjes, pas nj\u00eb grindjeje me\nKriston nisa t\u00eb dridhesha fort, pa e kontrolluar fare gjendjen. Sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb\nqaja dhe dridhesha, aq m\u00eb shum\u00eb inatosej dhe nxehej Kristo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ai m\u00eb rrihte fort,\nderisa un\u00eb u rr\u00ebzova p\u00ebrtok\u00eb, u mblodha si nj\u00eb grusht dhe i b\u00ebrtita:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDua vet\u00ebm t\u00eb\nlargohem prej teje!\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ai m\u2019u afrua dhe m\u00eb\ntha n\u00eb vesh se n\u00ebse do t\u00eb guxoja ta lija ndonj\u00eb dit\u00eb, at\u00ebher\u00eb ai do t\u00eb m\u00eb\nvriste.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At\u00eb nat\u00eb, ai u\np\u00ebrpoq t\u00eb b\u00ebnte dashuri me mua, nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb un\u00eb ndieja dhimbje n\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb\ntrupin. Q\u00ebndroja gjith\u00eb koh\u00ebs si e ngrir\u00eb. Pasi mbaroi, m\u00eb q\u00eblloi s\u00ebrish me\nshpull\u00eb, duke m\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb se isha e padobishme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
E keqja ishte se\nnuk kisha me k\u00eb t\u00eb flisja, por po e kuptoja se n\u00ebse nuk b\u00ebja ndonj\u00eb gj\u00eb,\nat\u00ebhere ai mund t\u00eb m\u00eb vriste mua s\u00eb bashku me Sokolin. Isha e tmerruar, e\nfrik\u00ebsuar dhe e shkat\u00ebrruar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
T\u00eb nes\u00ebrmen, pas\nnj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr z\u00ebnke q\u00eb pat\u00ebm, un\u00eb vendosa t\u00eb b\u00ebja at\u00eb q\u00eb b\u00ebra. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Prita derisa ai\nfjeti. P\u00ebrpara se t\u00eb fliste kishte ngr\u00ebn\u00eb nj\u00eb moll\u00eb n\u00eb krevat. Thik\u00ebn e kishte\nl\u00ebn\u00eb posht\u00eb. E ku mund ta b\u00ebja dot un\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb n\u00eb kushte normale? Ja\nq\u00eb ai m\u00eb kishte shnd\u00ebrruar n\u00eb gjys\u00ebm njeri e gjys\u00ebm kafsh\u00eb. Nuk mendoja p\u00ebr\nasgj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, ve\u00e7se si ta hiqja qafe. Kur i ngula thik\u00ebn m\u2019u kujtuan shpullat,\nrrahjet, shkelmat dhe ul\u00ebrimat q\u00eb kishin dal\u00eb prej atij njeriu. M\u00eb pas, u\nmpiva.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pas gjys\u00ebm ore,\nshkova n\u00eb banjo dhe nisa t\u00eb laja duart q\u00eb m\u2019i kishte mbuluar gjaku. M\u00eb pas,\nprita sa agoi pak. B\u00ebra gati valixhet, mora djalin dhe u nisa drejt sht\u00ebpis\u00eb s\u00eb\nprind\u00ebrve t\u00eb mi, por nd\u00ebrsa po prisja autobusin, nisa t\u00eb dridhesha. Un\u00eb nuk e\nb\u00ebja dot at\u00eb gj\u00eb. Policia do t\u00eb vinte ta k\u00ebrkonte, do ta gjente dhe do t\u00eb ishte\nakoma m\u00eb keq p\u00ebr mua, ndaj dhe u ktheva e shkova n\u00eb komisariat. Duke qar\u00eb me t\u00eb\nmadhe, u thash\u00eb \u00e7far\u00eb kishte ndodhur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Polic\u00ebt m\u00eb mor\u00ebn n\u00eb\nmakin\u00ebn e tyre dhe shkuam n\u00eb sht\u00ebpin\u00eb ton\u00eb. Aty ata konfirmuan q\u00eb Kristoja\nkishte vdekur. N\u00eb ato momente u ndjeva faj, por nuk pata koh\u00eb t\u00eb \u00e7oja m\u00eb shum\u00eb\ngj\u00ebra n\u00ebp\u00ebr mendje, pasi m\u00eb prangos\u00ebn dhe m\u00eb fut\u00ebn n\u00eb qeli. Pas gjyqit, un\u00eb u\nshpalla fajtore p\u00ebr vrasjen e tim shoqi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
E di q\u00eb nuk kam\nb\u00ebr\u00eb di\u00e7ka t\u00eb mir\u00eb dhe q\u00eb e meritoj d\u00ebnimin, por nga ana tjet\u00ebr, mendoj se as\nkafsh\u00ebt nuk vuajn\u00eb ashtu si\u00e7 vuaja un\u00eb me Kriston. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e leht\u00eb t\u00eb durosh\ndhun\u00ebn fizike dhe psikologjike p\u00ebr vite t\u00eb t\u00ebra, aq m\u00eb tep\u00ebr kur ke edhe nj\u00eb\nf\u00ebmij\u00eb n\u00eb mes, jet\u00ebn e t\u00eb cilit d\u00ebshiron ta ruash m\u00eb shum\u00eb se t\u00ebnden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Un\u00eb nuk e\nkonsideroj veten me fat. Gjithnj\u00eb n\u00eb jet\u00eb jam p\u00ebrballur me situata jo fort t\u00eb\nk\u00ebndshme, ama ajo q\u00eb kam m\u00ebsuar \u00ebsht\u00eb se un\u00eb mund t\u2019ia dal mban\u00eb. K\u00ebshtu do t\u00eb\nndodh\u00eb edhe tani. Nuk kam ndonj\u00eb \u00ebnd\u00ebrr n\u00eb sirtar. Vet\u00ebm do t\u00eb pres sa t\u00eb\nmbaroj d\u00ebnimin dhe m\u00eb pas, t\u00eb p\u00ebrqafoj ashtu si duhet djalin tim. Gjith\u00e7ka q\u00eb\ndua, \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb jetoj dhe t\u00eb plakem me t\u00eb. E di q\u00eb do t\u00eb vij\u00eb ajo dit\u00eb, ashtu si\u00e7\nedhe do t\u00eb vij\u00eb dita kur ai do t\u00eb m\u00eb k\u00ebrkoj\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebsoj\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb t\u00eb\nv\u00ebrtet\u00ebn, por deri at\u00ebher\u00eb, ka koh\u00eb…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Un\u00eb q\u00eb ju shkruaj d\u00ebshiroj t\u00eb mbetem anonime. Ju shkruaj nga burgu i femrave, ku prej gjasht\u00eb vjet\u00ebsh po shlyej d\u00ebnimin p\u00ebr vrasjen e bashk\u00ebshortit tim. Edhe pas kaq koh\u00ebsh, e pyes veten se pse arrita deri n\u00eb at\u00eb pik\u00eb dhe nuk munda t\u00eb gjeja nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb arratisjeje, nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019u larguar me tim […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":21711,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[94],"tags":[249],"class_list":["post-22853","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-histori-nga-jeta","tag-histori"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22853","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22853"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22853\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/21711"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22853"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22853"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22853"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}