<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Psikolog\u00ebt Ron\ndhe Ori Brafman, pohojn\u00eb: Jan\u00eb gjithsej 5 faktor\u00eb kryesor\u00eb (pes\u00eb rrethana), n\u00eb\nsaje t\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebve ne t\u00ebrhiqemi apo na t\u00ebrheq dikush dhe biem n\u00eb dashuri. Ja,\ncil\u00ebt jan\u00eb ata…<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Faktori i par\u00eb: Predispozita<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u00eb rast se ju\njeni t\u00eb predispozuar (d\u00ebshironi) p\u00ebr t’u shoq\u00ebruar me dik\u00eb, personi ku do ta\np\u00ebrqendroni v\u00ebmendjen do t’ju p\u00ebrgjigjet pothuajse gjithmon\u00eb me t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn d\u00ebshir\u00eb\ne gatishm\u00ebri. E till\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb natyra njer\u00ebzore: Hapjes s\u00eb shpirtit t\u00ebnd, ashtu\nsikurse edhe mbylljes n\u00eb vetvete, t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt do t’i p\u00ebrgjigjen me t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn\nmonedh\u00eb. T\u00eb ashtuquajturat \u201cgra gjahtare\u201d, q\u00eb shigjetojn\u00eb duke p\u00ebrdorur\nlloj-lloj marifetesh p\u00ebr t’ua marr\u00eb mendjen meshkujve, p\u00ebr t’i b\u00ebr\u00eb burrat p\u00ebr\nvete, nuk ekzistojn\u00eb; truket e tyre s’jan\u00eb ve\u00e7se mite dhe p\u00ebrralla\u2026 R\u00ebnd\u00ebsi ka q\u00eb\nti t’ia hap\u00ebsh dikujt dyert e shpirtit t\u00ebnd. Po e b\u00ebre k\u00ebt\u00eb, atje do t\u00eb hyj\u00eb\ndikush patjet\u00ebr. Kjo, sigurisht, nuk do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se ti do t’i hapesh t\u00eb parit\nperson q\u00eb do t\u00eb ndesh\u00ebsh n\u00eb rrug\u00eb. Ki parasysh se edhe hapja e tepruar mund t\u00eb\nmerret p\u00ebr mendjeleht\u00ebsi dhe ta tremb\u00eb, por nj\u00eb buz\u00ebqeshje, nj\u00eb p\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje,\nnj\u00eb shaka e leht\u00eb, jan\u00eb n\u00eb gjendje t’i tregojn\u00eb tjetrit se edhe ju jeni njeri,\nkeni ndjenja, pra, jan\u00eb n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb shtojn\u00eb te tjetri pik\u00eb n\u00eb favorin tuaj\u2026 \u201cK\u00ebshtu\nzhduket pengesa q\u00eb i ndalon njer\u00ebzit t\u00eb hyjn\u00eb n\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie mes tyre dhe kjo i\nndihmon t\u00eb gjejn\u00eb gjuh\u00ebn e p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt\u201d, shkruajn\u00eb n\u00eb librin e tyre t\u00eb ri\npsikolog\u00ebt Rom dhe Ori Brafman. Kur ju tregoni se jeni i hapur, bashk\u00ebbiseduesi\ne pret k\u00ebt\u00eb me mir\u00ebnjohje, madje nuk ka druajtje t’ju hapet edhe ai juve.\nPastaj, m\u00eb tutje, n\u00eb kushte t\u00eb caktuara, ju mund “t’i qepeni” nj\u00ebri-tjetrit,\nmadje edhe t\u00eb dashuroheni. Shanset jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdha p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb, kur kufiri i\ndruajtjes reciproke kap\u00ebrcehet shpejt. Normalisht, nj\u00eb njeriu i duhen t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn\ndisa jav\u00eb, madje edhe muaj p\u00ebr t’i hapur zemr\u00ebn edhe nj\u00eb t\u00eb njohuri, por ky\nafat mund t\u00eb shkurtohet\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Faktori i dyt\u00eb: Fqinj\u00ebsia<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Nuk ka asgj\u00eb\nsensacionale n\u00eb faktin q\u00eb njer\u00ebzit para s\u00eb gjithash dashurohen kur m\u00ebsojn\u00eb n\u00eb\nnj\u00eb klas\u00eb, kur jan\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb kurs, kur jan\u00eb fqinj\u00eb n\u00eb lagje apo koleg\u00eb n\u00eb pun\u00eb,\ndometh\u00ebn\u00eb, kur e shohin nj\u00ebri-tjetrin shpesh, \u00e7do dit\u00eb. \u201cN\u00eb rast se n\u00eb nj\u00eb\nmbr\u00ebmje vall\u00ebzimi t\u00eb klas\u00ebs, kursit apo qendr\u00ebs s\u00eb pun\u00ebs dikush ju p\u00eblqen,\nshtojn\u00eb psikolog\u00ebt, at\u00ebhere nuk ka asgj\u00eb t\u00eb keqe q\u00eb t’i afroheni atij njeriu,\nt\u00eb shkoni dhe t\u00eb rrini pran\u00eb tij\u201d. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00ebqind her\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb sesa t’i\nbuz\u00ebqeshni apo t\u00eb shigjetoni me v\u00ebshtrime nga njeri cep i sall\u00ebs te tjetri.\nAf\u00ebrsia fizike luan n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb mes nj\u00eb rol shum\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsish\u00ebm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Faktori i tret\u00eb: “Rezonanca”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u00cbsht\u00eb e\n\u00e7uditshme, por sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb bindemi se i p\u00eblqejm\u00eb dikujt, aq m\u00eb tep\u00ebr ai njeri\nna p\u00eblqen neve. N\u00eb shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb e tij ne e ndjejm\u00eb veten t\u00eb sigurt\u00eb dhe t\u00eb qet\u00eb. E\ndim\u00eb se ai do ta na e “ushqej\u00eb” bised\u00ebn e do t\u00eb qesh\u00eb me shakat\u00eb\ntona, prandaj i besojm\u00eb dhe kjo sjell patjet\u00ebr nj\u00eb afrim emocional me t\u00eb.\nPik\u00ebrisht k\u00ebt\u00eb fenomen, Romi dhe Ori Brafman e quajt\u00ebn rezonanc\u00eb shpirt\u00ebrore. \u201cRezonanca,\nshpjegojn\u00eb ata, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb lloj “infektimi\u201d me an\u00eb t\u00eb ndjenjave”. N\u00eb\nndjenjat tuaja, madje edhe n\u00eb mendimet tuaja, lind nj\u00ebfar\u00eb sinkronizimi dhe, n\u00eb\nrast se ju, bie fjala, filloni t\u00eb flisni p\u00ebr di\u00e7ka, “i infektuari” e\ndi se si do t\u00eb p\u00ebrfundoj\u00eb ajo bised\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb po ai fenomen; p\u00ebr ndjenjat e\nsinqerta, njer\u00ebzit t\u00eb shp\u00ebrblejn\u00eb me t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn monedh\u00eb. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Faktori i kat\u00ebrt: Ngjashm\u00ebria<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb gj\u00ebra\nt\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebta t\u00eb keni me nj\u00eb njeri, si, bie fjala, interesa t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebta,\ngusto t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00eb p\u00ebr problemet e artit, shije t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00eb p\u00ebr muzik\u00ebn, let\u00ebrsin\u00eb\nose sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb zakone t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebta t\u00eb keni me nj\u00ebri-tjetrin (bie fjala, t\u00eb\ndy keni deshir\u00eb t\u00eb pini nga nj\u00eb kafe n\u00eb m\u00ebngjes apo t\u00eb sh\u00ebtitni pasdite), aq m\u00eb\nshum\u00eb shanse t\u00eb natyrshme ka q\u00eb ju t\u00eb t\u00ebrhiqni nj\u00ebri-tjetrin. Kjo nuk ndodh\nvet\u00ebm p\u00ebr faktin se hobet e p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebta jan\u00eb nj\u00eb “sebeb” p\u00ebr t’u\ntakuar, p\u00ebr t\u00eb biseduar, etj. Edhe n\u00eb rastet kur ju e njihni prej koh\u00ebsh nj\u00ebri-tjetrin,\npor merrni vesh se ju p\u00eblqen t\u00eb shikoni t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebt filma, pik\u00ebrisht ky fakt\nmund t\u00eb shnd\u00ebrrohet n\u00eb nj\u00eb faktor vendimtar p\u00ebr t\u00eb kaluar n\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie t\u00eb\nreja, m\u00eb intime. T\u00eb gjith\u00eb ne, pohojn\u00eb psikolog\u00ebt anglez\u00eb, k\u00ebrkojm\u00eb t\u00eb\np\u00ebrshtatemi n\u00eb nj\u00eb grup njer\u00ebzish me t\u00eb cil\u00ebt mund t\u00eb kemi interesa t\u00eb\np\u00ebrbashk\u00ebta dhe pjes\u00ebtar\u00ebt e k\u00ebtij grupi i duken nj\u00ebri-tjetrit m\u00eb interesant\u00eb e\nm\u00eb simpatike sesa t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt, n\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha drejtimet. Ky “mekaniz\u00ebm”\n\u00ebsht\u00eb ngulitur aq shum\u00eb te ne t\u00eb gjith\u00eb gjat\u00eb evolucionit njer\u00ebzor, saq\u00eb dy\nnjer\u00ebz mund t\u00eb bien n\u00eb dashuri me njeri-tjetrin edhe n\u00eb rast se zbulojn\u00eb fare\nrast\u00ebsisht ndonj\u00eb tem\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt p\u00ebr bised\u00eb\u2026 Pik\u00ebrisht p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb arsye, edhe n\u00eb rrethanat e\nndonj\u00eb njohjeje t\u00eb rast\u00ebsishme, kur fillojm\u00eb bised\u00ebn n\u00eb autobus, p\u00ebr shembull,\ne pyesim bashk\u00ebbiseduesin n\u00eb radh\u00eb t\u00eb par\u00eb se \u00e7far\u00eb i p\u00eblqen m\u00eb shum\u00eb dhe\n\u00e7’q\u00ebndrim mban n\u00eb nj\u00ebrin apo tjetrin rast. N\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb, ne, fare\ninstiktivisht, testojm\u00eb bashk\u00ebbiseduesin n\u00ebse kemi r\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb njeri q\u00eb na\np\u00ebrshtatet, apo jo. N\u00eb jet\u00eb ka patur shum\u00eb raste kur dy vet\u00eb, pik\u00ebrisht gjat\u00eb\nnj\u00eb udh\u00ebtimi, jan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb miq t\u00eb ngusht\u00eb, madje edhe jan\u00eb dashuruar\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Faktori i pest\u00eb: Rrethanat e jashtme<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ne kemi par\u00eb me\ndhjet\u00ebra filma, heronjt\u00eb e t\u00eb cil\u00ebve luftojn\u00eb s\u00eb bashku kund\u00ebr pushtuesve,\np\u00ebrballojn\u00eb s\u00eb bashku v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsit\u00eb e nj\u00eb cunani ose shp\u00ebtojn\u00eb bashkarisht bot\u00ebn\ndhe, m\u00eb n\u00eb fund, bien n\u00eb dashuri, martohen e jetojn\u00eb t\u00eb lumtur. K\u00ebto subjekte,\nnatyrisht, jan\u00eb trilluar nga autor\u00ebt, por situatat e jasht\u00ebzakonshme edhe n\u00eb\njet\u00ebn reale i bashkojn\u00eb njer\u00ebzit, madje edhe i detyrojn\u00eb t\u00eb dashurohen. Sa e sa\nraste ka kur njer\u00ebzit dashurohen pas ndonj\u00eb fatkeq\u00ebsie t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt. Ndodh\nshpesh, n\u00ebnvizojn\u00eb psikolog\u00ebt, q\u00eb shkak p\u00ebr t’u bashkuar dy njer\u00ebz b\u00ebhet nj\u00eb\nankes\u00eb e thjesht\u00eb p\u00ebr motin e keq, p\u00ebr nj\u00eb shef t\u00eb ashp\u00ebr, p\u00ebr s\u00ebmundjen e\nqenit ose p\u00ebr ndonj\u00eb hall tjet\u00ebr. N\u00eb rast se bashk\u00ebbiseduesi ka t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtin hall\nsi dhe ju, do t’ju puqen me leht\u00eb “pip\u00ebzat” dhe kjo, nga ana e vet,\ndo t\u00eb krijoj\u00eb kushtet p\u00ebr nj\u00eb simpati reciproke. K\u00ebrkimet e shumta kan\u00eb treguar\nse, sa m\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdha t\u00eb jen\u00eb hallet, sa m\u00eb t\u00eb nd\u00ebrlikuara t\u00eb jen\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsit\u00eb me\nt\u00eb cilat do t\u00eb ndesheni, aq m\u00eb t\u00eb thella do t\u00eb jen\u00eb ndjenjat emocionale dhe\nlidhjet q\u00eb do t\u00eb krijohen mbi baz\u00ebn e tyre. Edhe emocionet pozitive mund t\u00eb\nsjellin t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtin p\u00ebrfundim, shkruajn\u00eb psikolog\u00ebt, por \u00e7\u00ebshtja \u00ebsht\u00eb se, si\npasoj\u00eb e ve\u00e7antive psikologjike t\u00eb njeriut, ne tregohemi m\u00eb t\u00eb gatsh\u00ebm dhe m\u00eb\nsolidar\u00eb t\u00eb shk\u00ebmbejm\u00eb me nj\u00ebri-tjetrin pak\u00ebnaq\u00ebsit\u00eb sesa k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsit\u00eb. Po k\u00ebshtu\nreagojm\u00eb emocionalisht ndaj fatkeq\u00ebsive t\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve, m\u00eb leht\u00eb sesa ndaj\ng\u00ebzimeve t\u00eb tyre. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Psikolog\u00ebt Ron dhe Ori Brafman, pohojn\u00eb: Jan\u00eb gjithsej 5 faktor\u00eb kryesor\u00eb (pes\u00eb rrethana), n\u00eb saje t\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebve ne t\u00ebrhiqemi apo na t\u00ebrheq dikush dhe biem n\u00eb dashuri. Ja, cil\u00ebt jan\u00eb ata… Faktori i par\u00eb: Predispozita N\u00eb rast se ju jeni t\u00eb predispozuar (d\u00ebshironi) p\u00ebr t’u shoq\u00ebruar me dik\u00eb, personi ku do ta p\u00ebrqendroni v\u00ebmendjen […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":20513,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50],"tags":[1064,2314],"class_list":["post-21383","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-intimitet","tag-dashuria","tag-dashuro"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21383","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21383"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21383\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/20513"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21383"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21383"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21383"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}