{"id":21346,"date":"2019-03-05T21:00:17","date_gmt":"2019-03-05T20:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=21346"},"modified":"2019-03-05T18:55:41","modified_gmt":"2019-03-05T17:55:41","slug":"%ef%bb%bfcfare-ndodh-pas-divorcit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2019\/03\/%ef%bb%bfcfare-ndodh-pas-divorcit\/","title":{"rendered":"\ufeff\u00c7far\u00eb ndodh pas divorcit?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Psikolog\u00ebt shpjegojn\u00eb se shum\u00eb gra e p\u00ebrjetojn\u00eb divorcin si vdekjen e dikujt, sepse n\u00eb realitet \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb vdekje emocionale dhe mund t\u00eb karakterizohet nga periudha zem\u00ebrimi, ankthi dhe humbjeje q\u00eb mund t\u00eb zgjasin p\u00ebr muaj t\u00eb t\u00ebr\u00eb, bile edhe p\u00ebr vite t\u00eb t\u00ebra. N\u00eb shkrimin e m\u00ebposht\u00ebm, ekspert\u00ebt dhe disa grave q\u00eb e kan\u00eb vuajtur k\u00ebt\u00eb eksperienc\u00eb, do t\u2019ju ndihmojn\u00eb t\u00eb kuptoni si mund t\u00eb p\u00ebrballohet kjo situat\u00eb. Nuk duam ta merrni martes\u00ebn me frik\u00eb, por t\u00eb kuptoni se divorci nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka q\u00eb kalohet leht\u00eb…<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faza e par\u00eb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ndihesh e d\u00ebrrmuar<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shumica e grave t\u00eb\ndivorcuara pranojn\u00eb se gjat\u00eb koh\u00ebs q\u00eb ishin t\u00eb martuara e \u00e7onin n\u00ebp\u00ebr mend\nndarjen, megjith\u00ebse nuk e pranonin n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb nd\u00ebrgjegjshme. Pik\u00ebrisht n\u00eb momentet\nkur u thua t\u00eb af\u00ebrmve t\u00eb tu lajmin e keq dhe fillon procedurat e divorcit n\u00eb\ngjykat\u00eb, at\u00ebhere fillon t\u00eb nd\u00ebgjegj\u00ebsohesh p\u00ebr at\u00eb q\u00eb po ndodh dhe fillon t\u00eb ndjesh\ndhimbjen e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb. Ka raste kur, p\u00ebrderisa asnj\u00ebri nuk e ka shqiptuar fjal\u00ebn\ndivorc, ti e mohon dhe mendon se gj\u00ebrat nuk jan\u00eb kaq keq, se kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb\nfaz\u00eb kalimtare dhe se t\u00eb gjitha \u00e7iftet kan\u00eb problemet e tyre. Brenda vetes ti e\ndi q\u00eb lidhja po merr fund, por mundohesh ta injorosh k\u00ebt\u00eb mendim. Shum\u00eb gra e\nkonsiderojn\u00eb divorcin si nj\u00eb d\u00ebshtim dhe p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb arsye, e mohojn\u00eb p\u00ebr vite t\u00eb\nt\u00ebra at\u00eb q\u00eb duket qart\u00eb, megjith\u00ebse mund t\u00eb ishin m\u00eb t\u00eb lumtura n\u00ebse do ta p\u00ebrballonin\njet\u00ebn vet\u00ebm. Kur \u00ebsht\u00eb burri ai q\u00eb vendos p\u00ebr ndarjen ose n\u00eb momentin kur duhet\npranuar se gj\u00ebrat nuk mund t\u00eb vazhdojn\u00eb m\u00eb n\u00eb at\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb, ato hyjn\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb\ngjendje shoku.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faza e dyt\u00eb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

T\u00eb duket sikur ke d\u00ebshtuar n\u00eb gjith\u00e7ka<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kur kalon faz\u00ebn e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb\nfillestare, fillon realiteti i ri, i cili provokon te shum\u00eb gra t\u00eb divorcuara\nnj\u00eb ndjesi d\u00ebshtimi, sepse ia v\u00ebn\u00eb fajin vetes p\u00ebr at\u00eb ka ndodhur. Ato mendojn\u00eb\nse po t\u00eb ishin p\u00ebrpjekur m\u00eb shum\u00eb, nuk do t\u00eb ishin ndar\u00eb. Nj\u00eb 28 vje\u00e7are e\ndinte q\u00eb kishte b\u00ebr\u00eb gj\u00ebn\u00eb e duhur q\u00eb ishte ndar\u00eb, megjithat\u00eb, p\u00ebrs\u00ebri ndihej\nfajtore: \u201cNuk mendoja vet\u00ebm se kisha d\u00ebshtuar n\u00eb martes\u00ebn time, por q\u00eb kisha d\u00ebshtuar\nedhe si njeri. Si kisha mundur t\u00eb martohesha me nj\u00eb burr\u00eb kaq t\u00eb pap\u00ebrshtatsh\u00ebm\np\u00ebr mua? Si e kisha b\u00ebr\u00eb nj\u00eb gabim kaq t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00eb? Edhe sot e faj\u00ebsoj veten se pse\nnuk u tregova m\u00eb e zonja\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kur \u00ebsht\u00eb burri ai\nq\u00eb b\u00ebn hapin e par\u00eb drejt divorcit, ndjesis\u00eb s\u00eb d\u00ebshtimit i shtohet edhe\nndjenja e vet\u00ebp\u00ebr\u00e7mimit. Shumica e grave q\u00eb braktisen nga burrat e tyre, kan\u00eb\nnj\u00eb vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsim shum\u00eb t\u00eb ul\u00ebt: Ndihen inferiore para t\u00eb tjerave, t\u00eb pasigurta\ndhe mendojn\u00eb se nuk do t\u00eb jen\u00eb t\u00eb afta t\u00eb dashurojn\u00eb asnj\u00eb burr\u00eb tjet\u00ebr. Faj\u00ebsojn\u00eb\nveten, mendojn\u00eb se e kan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb gjith\u00e7ka keq… P\u00ebr fat t\u00eb mir\u00eb, shumica e grave\ne kap\u00ebrcejn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb faz\u00eb dhe fillojn\u00eb t\u00eb mendojn\u00eb gj\u00ebra pozitive, sepse n\u00eb fund t\u00eb\nfundit, divorci u jep mund\u00ebsin\u00eb t\u00eb kujdesen m\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebr veten dhe t\u00eb rifitojn\u00eb\nvet\u00ebvler\u00ebsimin e pavar\u00ebsin\u00eb e tyre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faza e tret\u00eb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zem\u00ebrohesh me gjith\u00eb bot\u00ebn<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb \u00e7udi q\u00eb\ngruaja t\u00eb zem\u00ebrohet me burrin nga i cili po divorcohet, por shpesh ky zem\u00ebrim p\u00ebrhapet\nedhe n\u00eb fusha t\u00eb tjera t\u00eb jet\u00ebs s\u00eb saj. \u201cNuk ke durim me miqt\u00eb dhe t\u00eb af\u00ebrmit,\nbile edhe me \u00e7iftet e tjera, martesa e t\u00eb cil\u00ebve duket e lumtur. I ke zili ata\ndhe nis t\u00eb ushqesh m\u00ebrin\u00eb ndaj tyre\u201d, shpjegon nj\u00eb e divorcuar 34 vje\u00e7are.\nPsikolog\u00ebt thon\u00eb se kur nj\u00eb grua ndahet nga i shoqi, ajo zem\u00ebrohet me t\u00eb dhe me\ngjith\u00eb bot\u00ebn, sepse ndihet sikur e kan\u00eb mashtruar. \u201cPasi u ndava nga im shoq, isha\ne irrituar gjat\u00eb gjith\u00eb koh\u00ebs. N\u00eb makin\u00eb nxehesha n\u00ebse dikush para meje m\u00eb\nbllokonte rrug\u00ebn ose ecte shum\u00eb ngadal\u00eb, grindesha me miqt\u00eb p\u00ebr hi\u00e7gj\u00eb dhe u\nthoja t\u00eb mos m\u00eb bezdisnin me ankesat e tyre… Me nj\u00eb fjal\u00eb, p\u00ebr disa muaj sillesha\nshum\u00eb keq, sepse megjith\u00ebse t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve u vjen keq p\u00ebr ty, ata nuk arrijn\u00eb ta\nkuptojn\u00eb v\u00ebrtet gjith\u00eb trishtimin t\u00ebnd\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reagimi i par\u00eb pozitiv<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ndjen sikur ke hequr nj\u00eb barr\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00eb<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u00eb nj\u00eb moment t\u00eb\ncaktuar pas ndarjes, ndodh di\u00e7ka e \u00e7uditshme: N\u00eb mes t\u00eb trishtimit dhe zem\u00ebrimit,\nshum\u00eb gra fillojn\u00eb t\u00eb ndjejn\u00eb nj\u00eb lloj leht\u00ebsimi. Kur nuk je e lumtur n\u00eb martes\u00ebn\nt\u00ebnde, t\u00eb duket sikur ke nj\u00eb re t\u00eb zez\u00eb mbi kok\u00eb, por kur fillon t\u00eb pranosh\nrealitetin, kjo pesh\u00eb zhduket dhe ndihesh e aft\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb e lumtur p\u00ebrs\u00ebri.\n\u201cNj\u00eb muaj pas ndarjes fillova t\u00eb ndihesha m\u00eb e lir\u00eb. E kuptova se kisha m\u00eb shum\u00eb\nkoh\u00eb p\u00ebr veten dhe nuk kisha pse t\u2019i jepja llogari askujt \u00e7far\u00eb b\u00ebja e ku\nshkoja\u201d, thot\u00eb nj\u00eb 30 vje\u00e7are. Divorci shpesh i jep fund nj\u00eb situat\u00eb t\u00eb pak\u00ebndshme,\nsi p\u00ebr shembull pabesis\u00eb, konfliktit ose dhun\u00ebs n\u00eb familje dhe n\u00eb k\u00ebto raste, p\u00ebrjetohet\nsi nj\u00eb leht\u00ebsim, si nj\u00eb ndjesi qet\u00ebsie dhe paqeje.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reagimi i dyt\u00eb pozitiv<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Po tani?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kur nj\u00eb \u00e7ift ndahet,\nka mund\u00ebsi q\u00eb nj\u00ebri prej partner\u00ebve t\u00eb vuaj\u00eb nga nj\u00eb kriz\u00eb identiteti. Ai nuk ka\npasur thjesht nj\u00eb ndarje sentimentale, por ndryshon edhe m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn e jetes\u00ebs, miqt\u00eb…\nP\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb arsye, \u00ebsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme q\u00eb pas nj\u00eb divorci t\u00eb b\u00ebsh ndryshime n\u00eb jet\u00ebn\nt\u00ebnde, t\u00eb zbulosh vende t\u00eb reja, t\u00eb njoh\u00ebsh persona t\u00eb rinj. Fjala \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb\nkrijosh nj\u00eb rrjet t\u00eb ri shoq\u00ebror n\u00eb t\u00eb cilin ti nuk do t\u00eb etiketohesh m\u00eb si \u201cgruaja\ne filanit\u201d. Kjo k\u00ebrkon p\u00ebrpjekje dhe mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb stresuese, por ka edhe an\u00ebn e\nvet pozitive. Ja si thot\u00eb nj\u00eb psikologe: \u201cN\u00eb terapit\u00eb e mia u them grave se nuk\nduhet ta konsiderojn\u00eb veten si nj\u00eb moll\u00eb, por si nj\u00eb portokall. Ky frut ka shum\u00eb\nthela: Nj\u00ebri \u00ebsht\u00eb partneri, tjetri-familja, tjetri-puna, tjetri-miqt\u00eb, tjetri-pasionet\ne tua. Kur nj\u00eb thel\u00eb d\u00ebmtohet, mund t\u00eb mb\u00ebshtetemi te t\u00eb tjerat\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reagimi i tret\u00eb pozitiv<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fillon t\u00eb mendosh se ekzistojn\u00eb edhe burra t\u00eb tjer\u00eb…<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kur ke qen\u00eb e\nlidhur me nj\u00eb burr\u00eb p\u00ebr shum\u00eb koh\u00eb dhe ke menduar se ai do t\u00eb ishte i vetmi\nburr\u00eb n\u00eb jet\u00ebn t\u00ebnde, e ke t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebsh dashuri me dik\u00eb tjet\u00ebr. N\u00eb k\u00ebto\nraste vlen shprehja popullore: \u201cKur digjesh nga qum\u00ebshti, i fryn edhe kosit\u201d.\nTi, ke frik\u00eb t\u00eb lidhesh me dik\u00eb. Disa gra bien n\u00eb kurthin e shprehjes \u201ckurr\u00eb m\u00eb\u201d\ndhe kjo situat\u00eb mund t\u00eb zgjas\u00eb p\u00ebr shum\u00eb koh\u00eb, derisa nj\u00eb dit\u00eb ndjehen p\u00ebrs\u00ebri\njosh\u00ebse dhe u p\u00eblqen shum\u00eb dikush.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Por, ka edhe gra t\u00eb\ncilave u ndodh krejt e kund\u00ebrta; ato kan\u00eb nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb ndjehen josh\u00ebse menj\u00ebher\u00eb,\nsi p\u00ebr t\u00eb afirmuar feminilitetin e tyre q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb c\u00ebnuar nga divorci. K\u00ebto gra b\u00ebjn\u00eb\ngabimin q\u00eb t\u00eb hidhen n\u00eb krah\u00ebt e t\u00eb parit q\u00eb u del p\u00ebrpara dhe rrezikojn\u00eb t\u00eb d\u00ebshtojn\u00eb\np\u00ebrs\u00ebri. Nj\u00eb var\u00ebsi e till\u00eb mund t\u2019i d\u00ebmtoj\u00eb ato mend\u00ebrisht dhe fizikisht, por\ngrat\u00eb q\u00eb nuk e kan\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb var\u00ebsi, disponojn\u00eb nj\u00eb nga arm\u00ebt m\u00eb t\u00eb fuqishme n\u00eb bot\u00ebn\ne lidhjeve dashurore: Tanim\u00eb e kan\u00eb t\u00eb qart\u00eb se cili tip burri \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb i p\u00ebrshtatsh\u00ebm\np\u00ebr to. N\u00eb fund t\u00eb fundit, nga eksperiencat e k\u00ebqija dhe nga gabimet, m\u00ebson. \u201cP\u00ebr\nmomentin, nuk e kam me nxitim t\u00eb martohem, thot\u00eb nj\u00eb 33 vje\u00e7are e divorcuar, por\ne di se nj\u00eb dit\u00eb do t\u00eb lidhem me nj\u00eb burr\u00eb dhe do t\u00eb krijoj familje. Tani ndihem\nshum\u00eb m\u00eb e p\u00ebrgatitur se m\u00eb par\u00eb dhe do t\u00eb martohem vet\u00ebm kur t\u00eb gjej njeriun e\nduhur.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rr\u00ebfimet e disa\ngrave t\u00eb divorcuara<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Xhesika Simpson, k\u00ebng\u00ebtare<\/strong>: \u201cNdihem\ne gjall\u00eb, e lir\u00eb. Tani mund t\u00eb b\u00ebj \u00e7\u2019t\u00eb dua dhe nuk kam pse t\u2019i jap llogari\naskujt; vet\u00ebm vetes sime\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nikol Kidman, aktore<\/strong>: \u201cMendoja\nse nuk do t\u00eb martohesha p\u00ebrs\u00ebri… Tani e di q\u00eb mund t\u00eb q\u00ebndrosh pran\u00eb dikujt\npa hequr dor\u00eb nga identiteti yt, ndryshe nga \u00e7\u2019mendoja m\u00eb par\u00eb.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Xhemi-Lin Sigler, aktore (\u201cSopranot\u201d).<\/strong> \u201cTani, n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 24 vje\u00e7are, jam p\u00ebrs\u00ebri beqare dhe kam m\u00ebsuar shum\u00eb gj\u00ebra\np\u00ebr veten time. Ky \u00ebsht\u00eb momenti p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00ebsuar kush \u00ebsht\u00eb Xhemi dhe \u00e7far\u00eb do\najo.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Psikolog\u00ebt shpjegojn\u00eb se shum\u00eb gra e p\u00ebrjetojn\u00eb divorcin si vdekjen e dikujt, sepse n\u00eb realitet \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb vdekje emocionale dhe mund t\u00eb karakterizohet nga periudha zem\u00ebrimi, ankthi dhe humbjeje q\u00eb mund t\u00eb zgjasin p\u00ebr muaj t\u00eb t\u00ebr\u00eb, bile edhe p\u00ebr vite t\u00eb t\u00ebra. N\u00eb shkrimin e m\u00ebposht\u00ebm, ekspert\u00ebt dhe disa grave q\u00eb e kan\u00eb vuajtur […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":21347,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50],"tags":[2303],"class_list":["post-21346","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-intimitet","tag-divorci"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21346","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21346"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21346\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/21347"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21346"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21346"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}