{"id":1796,"date":"2014-07-25T16:38:14","date_gmt":"2014-07-25T16:38:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=1796"},"modified":"2014-07-25T16:38:14","modified_gmt":"2014-07-25T16:38:14","slug":"jam-bere-per-te-vrare-veten","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2014\/07\/jam-bere-per-te-vrare-veten\/","title":{"rendered":"Jam b\u00ebr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb vrar\u00eb veten&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>&#8211; I dashur Dr. Demiri, n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb m\u00eb shohin \u00e7uditsh\u00ebm, m\u00eb rrin\u00eb larg dhe s\u2019m\u00eb p\u00ebrfillin. S\u2019e kuptoj sjelljen e tyre ndaj meje, m\u00eb duket se m\u00eb v\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb loj\u00eb, sikur m\u00eb kan\u00eb nxjerr\u00eb namin p\u00ebr budallaqe. Si tip jam serioze dhe e urt\u00eb, por ndjej q\u00eb m\u00eb p\u00ebrbuzin dhe sinqerisht, jam b\u00ebr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb vrar\u00eb veten. Ndihem shum\u00eb keq dhe m\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb shpifur shkolla. S\u2019kam mb\u00ebshtetje dhe s\u2019e kuptoj pse sillen k\u00ebshtu pik\u00ebrisht me mua. Ku q\u00ebndron problemi? Si t\u00eb sillem me k\u00ebta njer\u00ebz t\u00eb ligj? Mos jam budallaqe me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb? P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje nga Jeta. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Dr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist:<\/em><\/strong> &#8211; E nderuar Jeta, po e filloj k\u00ebt\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje me fjal\u00ebt tuaja t\u00eb fundit: \u201cSi t\u00eb sillem me k\u00ebta njer\u00ebz t\u00eb ligj? Mos jam budallaqe me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb?\u201d. Nga letra jote dal n\u00eb p\u00ebrfundimin se ti vuan nga 3 fobi: 1. Dismorfobi, q\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb parehati me veten, dometh\u00ebn\u00eb, q\u00eb s\u2019t\u00eb p\u00eblqen vetja. 2. Fobi sociale, q\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb ankth e siklet kur je p\u00ebrball\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve dhe 3. Alienofobi, q\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb, frik\u00eb se mos \u00e7mendesh ose se mos je e till\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb pra nj\u00eb lajm i keq kjo q\u00eb po t\u00eb them un\u00eb se, sadopak q\u00eb t\u00eb jen\u00eb, t\u00eb tria s\u00eb bashku b\u00ebhen shum\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb lajm i mir\u00eb se t\u00eb trija k\u00ebto, ashtu si \u00e7do lloj fobie, jan\u00eb sjellje t\u00eb m\u00ebsuara, n\u00eb saje t\u00eb ngacmuesve specifik\u00eb dhe ashtu si\u00e7 jan\u00eb m\u00ebsuar, po ashtu \u00e7m\u00ebsohen, por vet\u00ebm me an\u00eb t\u00eb psikoterapis\u00eb dhe hipnoterapis\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb lajm i mir\u00eb ky tjetri se ti, pavar\u00ebsisht se ta di shpirti se \u00e7far\u00eb heq, aq sa thua se je b\u00ebr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb vrar\u00eb veten, m\u00eb n\u00eb fund, u drejtove te psikologu, aty ku duhej q\u00eb t\u00eb trokisje me koh\u00eb e vakt, por si\u00e7 thot\u00eb populli, mos thuaj asnj\u00ebher\u00eb se \u00ebsht\u00eb von\u00eb, aq m\u00eb tep\u00ebr n\u00eb rastin t\u00ebnd q\u00eb je e re dhe jet\u00ebn e ke p\u00ebrpara, aq m\u00eb tep\u00ebr se pasi t\u00eb \u00e7lirohesh nga k\u00ebto fobi, do ta g\u00ebzosh m\u00eb shum\u00eb at\u00eb. Un\u00eb doja t\u00eb t\u00eb thoja \u201ct\u00eb lumt\u00eb\u201d p\u00ebr nj\u00eb gj\u00eb, se pavar\u00ebsisht nga ankthi, druajtja e sikleti q\u00eb ke ndjer\u00eb, ti shkoll\u00ebn nuk e ke l\u00ebn\u00eb, pavar\u00ebsisht se thua se t\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb \u201cshpifur\u201d. Pra, n\u00eb nj\u00ebfar\u00eb m\u00ebnyre, ti ke ecur, nuk je futur n\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb do ta quaja \u201czona e rehatis\u00eb s\u00eb keqe\u201d duke u mbyllur n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb \u201crehat\u201d. Ti, pra, e ke shkelur dhimbjen dhe, edhe pse si mbi ferra, ke ecur dhe p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb ke merita. Vuajtjet e tua nuk t\u2019i di askush, as familjar\u00ebt e as t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt, vet\u00ebm ti vet\u00eb, ai q\u00eb i ka kaluar si ti dhe ne psikolog\u00ebt. N\u00eb fakt, ankthi e fobia sociale \u00ebsht\u00eb lloji m\u00eb i trajtuesh\u00ebm i \u00e7rregullimeve t\u00eb ankthit, por e keqja \u00ebsht\u00eb se rreth 80 % e njer\u00ebzve q\u00eb i kan\u00eb k\u00ebto vuajtje, nuk paraqiten p\u00ebr ndihm\u00eb te psikologu pasi u vjen zor, turp, ose shkojn\u00eb te doktor\u00ebt e tjer\u00eb duke shpikur s\u00ebmundje me mendjen e tyre. Ndodh q\u00eb mjek\u00ebt i fal\u00ebnderojn\u00eb p\u00ebr parat\u00eb dhe u thon\u00eb: \u201cG\u00ebzohu q\u00eb nuk ke asgj\u00eb&#8230;\u201d e ata mund t\u00eb mendojn\u00eb: \u201cT\u00eb pakt\u00ebn t\u00eb kisha gjetur di\u00e7ka, me gjith\u00eb ato para q\u00eb pagova!\u201d. Pastaj, \u201cjo, jo, m\u00eb mir\u00eb k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb s\u2019qenkam s\u00ebmur\u00eb, por&#8230; \u00e7\u2019duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebj?\u201d. Kur k\u00ebta klient\u00eb paraqiten te psikologu, ai n\u00eb fillim b\u00ebn testet p\u00ebr t\u00eb par\u00eb llojin e shqet\u00ebsimeve, shkall\u00ebn e ankthit e t\u00eb deprimimit dhe n\u00eb p\u00ebrfundim t\u00eb seanc\u00ebs s\u00eb par\u00eb, pas disa pyetjesh e p\u00ebrgjigjesh e informon klientin realisht se \u00e7far\u00eb ka, \u00e7far\u00eb lloj psikoterapie i duhet, si dhe mund t\u00eb pajis\u00eb me nj\u00eb lib\u00ebr n\u00eb shqip p\u00ebr ankthin, i cili do t\u00eb jet\u00eb si ai teksti m\u00ebsimor, si nj\u00eb \u201cguid\u00eb\u201d e cila do t\u2019i sh\u00ebrbej\u00eb vet\u00ebndihm\u00ebs. N\u00eb seancat e para, klienti nuk e beson se do t\u00eb vij\u00eb nj\u00eb dit\u00eb kur ai nuk do t\u00eb ket\u00eb m\u00eb asnj\u00ebher\u00eb \u00e7rregullime t\u00eb tilla, por edhe kur e beson k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb, ajo dit\u00eb i duket tep\u00ebr e larg\u00ebt. Dua t\u2019i porosis psikoterapist\u00ebt e rinj se kur ne punojm\u00eb me klient\u00ebt, hyjn\u00eb n\u00eb veprim e nd\u00ebrveprim dy t\u00eb vet\u00ebdijshmet dhe dy t\u00eb pavet\u00ebdijshmet tona, prandaj gjithmon\u00eb e pavet\u00ebdijshmja e klient\u00ebve, na sulmon ne psikoterapist\u00ebt n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet vet\u00ebdijes s\u00eb tyre.<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb arsyeja pse edhe psikoterapist\u00ebve m\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb n\u00eb bot\u00eb u ikin klient\u00ebt m\u00eb par\u00eb se t\u00eb jen\u00eb sh\u00ebruar, pasi ose kujtojn\u00eb se ia \u201chodh\u00ebn\u201d, ose humbin besimin te psikoterapia q\u00eb nuk i jep rezultatet aq t\u00eb shpejta. Prandaj duhet k\u00ebshilluar klienti q\u00eb t\u00eb jet\u00eb bashk\u00ebpunues deri n\u00eb fund t\u00eb terapis\u00eb, si dhe t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb edhe ndonj\u00eb seanc\u00eb p\u00ebrforcuese pasi i ka mbaruar sesionet e nevojshme sipas literatur\u00ebs shkencore. Duke e studiuar me holl\u00ebsi rastin t\u00ebnd, Jeta, arrij t\u00eb kuptoj se ti ke nj\u00eb vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsim shum\u00eb t\u00eb ulur dhe p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb, nuk ta kan\u00eb fajin t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt t\u00eb cil\u00ebt ti i quan t\u00eb gjith\u00eb t\u00eb ligj. Kur nuk na ec\u00ebn me t\u00eb gjith\u00eb, t\u00eb mos harrojm\u00eb se 50 % t\u00eb asaj q\u00eb nuk shkon, e kemi ne vet\u00eb. Anj\u00ebher\u00eb mos e l\u00ebr gjendjen t\u00ebnde shpirt\u00ebrore n\u00eb duart e t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve, pasi \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eblloj sikur \u201cf\u00ebmij\u00ebn\u201d t\u00ebnd t\u00eb brendsh\u00ebm ta l\u00ebsh n\u00eb rrug\u00eb e t\u00eb ta masakrojn\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt. Sipas librit \u201cMjetet\u201d, te kapitulli \u201cAutoriteti i brendsh\u00ebm\u201d ti duhet ta shoh\u00ebsh veten \u201clart\u201d dhe t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt si \u201cn\u00ebn\u201d, posht\u00eb teje, jo p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb fodulle, mendjemadhe, por p\u00ebr t\u2019u ndjer\u00eb vetvetja, k\u00ebshtu q\u00eb frika e hija e ngrirjes nuk do t\u00eb t\u00eb sikletosin. Edhe n\u00eb librat fetar\u00eb, shkruhet: \u201cPer\u00ebndia mbi t\u00eb gjith\u00eb, pastaj vijn\u00eb prind\u00ebrit, pastaj ti vet\u00eb, e t\u00eb gjith\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt \u201cn\u00ebn\u201d, kushdoqofshin ata\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Gjat\u00eb seancave me psikoterapi, do t\u00eb b\u00ebhen edhe disa ushtrime para pasqyr\u00ebs dhe ushtrime t\u00eb tjera me vlera sugjestionuese, si dhe p\u00ebr rritjen e vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsimit. Do t\u00eb m\u00ebsosh se si t\u00eb p\u00ebrdor\u00ebsh bukur fjal\u00ebt dhe humorin, p\u00ebr t\u00eb mos u p\u00ebrplasur pa nevoj\u00eb me t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt e p\u00ebr t\u00eb mos u b\u00ebr\u00eb lexuese e keqe e mendjes s\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve. Askush nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i p\u00ebrsosur, t\u00eb gjith\u00eb kemi pluset, por edhe dob\u00ebsit\u00eb tona, porse ti duke i menduar tep\u00ebr disa t\u00eb meta \u201cnormale\u201d, i ke zmadhuar ato duksh\u00ebm me mendime obsesive dhe nuk beson se t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt nuk kan\u00eb pun\u00eb me to e as nuk ka p\u00ebrse t\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebr\u00e7mojn\u00eb. Ti do t\u00eb m\u00ebsosh se nuk ke p\u00ebrse t\u2019i atribuosh t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt me arsye t\u00eb gabuara dhe se duke ndryshuar ti, edhe ata do t\u00eb b\u00ebhen m\u00eb t\u00eb sjellsh\u00ebm e m\u00eb t\u00eb kujdessh\u00ebm me ty. Disa edhe mund t\u00eb mendojn\u00eb keq p\u00ebr ty, por ti nuk ke p\u00ebrse t\u00eb shqet\u00ebsohesh, kjo ndodh me t\u00eb gjith\u00eb e ti duhet t\u00eb kuptosh se kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb pun\u00eb p\u00ebr ta. Hiqe, pra, at\u00eb \u201clup\u00ebn zmadhuese\u201d dhe fillo t\u00eb tregosh ndaj tyre dashuri aktive, duke qen\u00eb m\u00eb e afruar, fal\u00ebnderuese. Ndryshimet pozitive fillojn\u00eb te vetja me ato q\u00eb jan\u00eb ndjenja e mendime pozitive rreth vetes. Pak e nga pak, duke arritur rezultate m\u00eb t\u00eb mira, do t\u00eb dal\u00ebsh nga ky rreth vicioz, ashtu si\u00e7 ndodh gjithmon\u00eb me ata q\u00eb i n\u00ebnshtrohen psikoterapis\u00eb. Do t\u00eb jesh po ti q\u00eb do t\u00eb d\u00ebgjohesh me respekt e dashuri duke shprehur mendimet e preferencat e tua. Por, si\u00e7 ka th\u00ebn\u00eb \u00c7ehovi: \u201cRespekto veten, t\u00eb t\u00eb respektojn\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt\u201d. K\u00ebshtu, duke mos qen\u00eb aq shum\u00eb e p\u00ebrqendruar te vetja, do t\u00eb jesh m\u00eb e lirshme me t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt, sikur t\u00eb kesh gjetur \u00e7el\u00ebsin q\u00eb t\u00eb nxjerr nga ky lloj \u201cburgu\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8211; I dashur Dr. Demiri, n\u00eb shkoll\u00eb m\u00eb shohin \u00e7uditsh\u00ebm, m\u00eb rrin\u00eb larg dhe s\u2019m\u00eb p\u00ebrfillin. S\u2019e kuptoj sjelljen e tyre ndaj meje, m\u00eb duket se m\u00eb v\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb loj\u00eb, sikur m\u00eb kan\u00eb nxjerr\u00eb namin p\u00ebr budallaqe. Si tip jam serioze dhe e urt\u00eb, por ndjej q\u00eb m\u00eb p\u00ebrbuzin dhe sinqerisht, jam b\u00ebr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1796","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1796","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1796"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1796\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1796"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1796"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1796"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}