– P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje! Jam nj\u00eb grua e martuar prej vitesh. Tani, un\u00eb e bashk\u00ebshorti im jemi rreth t\u00eb gjasht\u00ebdhjetave dhe un\u00eb jam shum\u00eb e shqet\u00ebsuar pasi ai m\u00eb k\u00ebrkon marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie intime shum\u00eb shpesh, p\u00ebrdit\u00eb, ose edhe dy her\u00eb n\u00eb dit\u00eb… Ai ka edhe d\u00ebshir\u00eb t\u00eb flas\u00eb p\u00ebr seksin, por un\u00eb e kam difekt pranimin e k\u00ebtyre gj\u00ebrave… M\u00eb ka z\u00ebn\u00eb halli me t\u00eb. \u00c7\u2019t\u00eb b\u00ebj?
\nDr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klini\u00e7ist: – Do t\u00eb flas me ty, zonj\u00eb, me sinqeritet dhe hapur… Dhe, ndrysho mendimet e mos u zem\u00ebro nga p\u00ebrgjigjja ime. Ti po na qahesh n\u00eb letr\u00ebn t\u00ebnde p\u00ebr nj\u00eb \u201chall\u201d t\u00eb cilin do t\u00eb donin ta kishin mbi 90 % e grave. Pra, ti qenke me fat dhe e privilegjuar q\u00eb paske nj\u00eb burr\u00eb potent e q\u00eb k\u00ebrkon marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie \u00e7do dit\u00eb, pra nj\u00eb 60 vje\u00e7ar q\u00eb ndihet si 30 vje\u00e7ar. Pyet po t\u00eb duash andrologun e nderuar Evi Danin se sa gra i \u00e7ojn\u00eb burrat e tyre tek ai p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrmir\u00ebsuar sadopak potenc\u00ebn… Potenca seksuale \u00ebsht\u00eb e \u00e7muar p\u00ebr \u00e7iftin dhe me sa duket, yt shoq nuk ka abuzuar me alkool, duhan etj. dhe i lumt\u00eb q\u00eb i ka ruajtur aft\u00ebsit\u00eb \u201crinore\u201d (duhet th\u00ebn\u00eb djaloshare) pasi dihet se sh\u00ebndeti seksual \u00ebsht\u00eb pjes\u00eb p\u00ebrb\u00ebr\u00ebse e sh\u00ebndetit t\u00ebr\u00ebsor, madje ndikon direkt n\u00eb sh\u00ebndetin dhe n\u00eb t\u00ebr\u00eb mir\u00ebqenien shpirt\u00ebrore t\u00eb njeriut. Sa \u00e7udi! Ty t\u00eb duket ky fakt si di\u00e7ka e tepruar, n\u00eb mos si di\u00e7ka e sh\u00ebmtuar, kurse mua m\u00eb duket gj\u00eb e bukur potenca e burrit t\u00ebnd. N\u00eb qoft\u00eb se ai flet rreth erotizmit, edhe kjo duhet par\u00eb se mos ai ka pamjaftueshm\u00ebri (mosplot\u00ebsim) nga ana jote, pasi dihet se i \u201curituri\u201d k\u00ebrkon! Ti edhe vet\u00eb n\u00eb fund t\u00eb letr\u00ebs del se e ke kuptuar deri diku q\u00eb e ke difekt pranimin e k\u00ebtyre gj\u00ebrave. Jam \u00e7uditur edhe un\u00eb… Kam lexuar n\u00eb nj\u00eb lib\u00ebr fetar se n\u00ebse burri k\u00ebrkon marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie dhe gruaja e tij nuk i p\u00ebrgjigjet, at\u00eb grua t\u00ebr\u00eb nat\u00ebn e mallkojn\u00eb deri edhe melek\u00ebt (engj\u00ebjt) e vet! Imagjino, engj\u00ebjt q\u00eb kan\u00eb p\u00ebr detyr\u00eb mbrojtjen e robit nga t\u00eb k\u00ebqijat, zem\u00ebrohen nga q\u00ebndrimi refuzues (i pajustifikuar) ndaj bashk\u00ebshortit!
\nBesoj se m\u00eb kuptove e nuk je vet\u00ebm ti sepse fatkeq\u00ebsisht, k\u00ebtu te ne, sapo fillon periudha e menopauz\u00ebs, grat\u00eb kan\u00eb nj\u00eb psikologji mjaft negative duke menduar \u201ctani iku\u201d, gjith\u00e7ka kaq ishte, iku vapa me gushtin), kaq e pati, s\u2019ka m\u00eb lezet se jemi \u201cgjyshe\u201d tani etj. etj. Kushedi se \u00e7far\u00eb u thot\u00eb truri grave n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb mosh\u00eb, por shpesh u thot\u00eb gj\u00ebrat jo t\u00eb duhura e penguese p\u00ebr seksin kur n\u00eb Franc\u00eb, p\u00ebr shembull, femra n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 60 vje\u00e7are ndihet si e rilindur e si n\u00eb nj\u00eb \u201cadoleshenc\u00eb\u201d t\u00eb dyt\u00eb. D\u00ebshirat dhe aft\u00ebsit\u00eb seksuale jan\u00eb si fizkultura dhe sporti, t\u00eb cilat po i le, t\u00eb lan\u00eb, ndaj them pra, si lum ata q\u00eb i ruajn\u00eb ato deri n\u00eb pleq\u00ebrin\u00eb e thell\u00eb!
\n– K\u00ebtu nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb problemi edhe aq te meshkujt, por m\u00eb shum\u00eb te femrat t\u00eb cilat, si pa e kuptuar disa b\u00ebhen neglizhente, t\u00eb tjerat vuajn\u00eb nga mosbesimi te vetja dhe n\u00ebn\u00e7mimi i aft\u00ebsive vetjake seksuale. Disa gra nuk arrijn\u00eb n\u00eb orgaz\u00ebm pik\u00ebrisht nga mungesa e vet\u00ebbesimit, ose disa burra nuk kan\u00eb suksesin e duhur vet\u00ebm sepse i pengojn\u00eb emocionet negative t\u00eb femrave nga frika e mosuksesit. Optimizmi dhe besimi i bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebve te vetja e te nj\u00ebri-tjetri ndikon shum\u00eb n\u00eb normalizimin e jet\u00ebs seksuale. Si kudo, edhe n\u00eb fushen e seksit, njeriu duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebhet \u201cmjek\u201d i vetes e n\u00eb pamund\u00ebsi p\u00ebr ta arritur k\u00ebt\u00eb, duhet k\u00ebrkuar ndihm\u00eb pa turp e ndroje te psikologu.
\nBashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt duhet t\u2019i njohin dhe t\u2019i respektojn\u00eb faktor\u00ebt optimal\u00eb psikologjik\u00eb, fiziologjik\u00eb, social\u00eb dhe etik\u00eb q\u00eb ndikojn\u00eb n\u00eb normalizimin e jet\u00ebs bashk\u00ebshortore e seksuale. K\u00ebtu m\u00eb shum\u00eb se kudo nuk duhet nervozizmi e supozimet, por mir\u00ebkuptimi reciprok, maturia dhe vet\u00ebp\u00ebrmbajtja n\u00eb bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebsi. N\u00eb pun\u00ebn time shum\u00ebvje\u00e7are si studiues dhe profesor i psikologjis\u00eb, kam b\u00ebr\u00eb mjaft anketa me t\u00eb rinj e t\u00eb reja t\u00eb moshave t\u00eb rritura, kryesisht t\u00eb moshave rinore, t\u00eb fejuar, t\u00eb porsamartuar, madje edhe me njer\u00ebz t\u00eb cil\u00ebt kan\u00eb vite n\u00eb martes\u00eb. N\u00eb to, t\u00ebrheq v\u00ebm\u00ebndjen fakti se shumica nuk kan\u00eb disa koncepte t\u00eb qarta p\u00ebr dashurin\u00eb dhe ndjenjat e larta n\u00eb jet\u00ebn bashk\u00ebshortore e ca m\u00eb pak p\u00ebr vler\u00ebn dhe r\u00ebnd\u00ebsin\u00eb e kultur\u00ebs s\u00eb jet\u00ebs seksuale n\u00eb martes\u00eb. Megjithat\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb pozitiv fakti se shumica vler\u00ebsojn\u00eb mir\u00ebkuptimin reciprok si kusht t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsish\u00ebm p\u00ebr q\u00ebndrueshm\u00ebrin\u00eb e martes\u00ebs, ndon\u00ebse pyetjes se si arrihet ai, shumica nuk din\u00eb si t\u2019i p\u00ebrgjigjen, madje nj\u00eb pjes\u00eb e shohin at\u00eb si \u00e7\u00ebshtje t\u00eb shk\u00ebputur nga rrjedha e jet\u00ebs seksuale. Ndaj lumturin\u00eb e arritur duhet ta dish si ta ruash. Mir\u00ebkuptimi reciprok luan rol t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsish\u00ebm n\u00eb jet\u00ebn bashk\u00ebshortore. Sigurisht, dy njer\u00ebz q\u00eb martohen kan\u00eb plot veti t\u00eb mira p\u00ebr t\u00eb cilat jan\u00eb p\u00eblqyer, por kan\u00eb edhe an\u00ebt e tyre negative. Dihet se t\u00eb dy nuk mund t\u2019i ken\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebllojta gjendjet afektive, ndjenjat, mendimet etj., por p\u00ebr kalimin e tyre vlejn\u00eb urt\u00ebsia e maturia, q\u00eb jan\u00eb bekim i Zotit, por edhe dhurata q\u00eb robi i b\u00ebn vetes.
\nJeta familjare \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb proces jet\u00ebsor i nd\u00ebrlikuar. Jo gjithmon\u00eb ndjenjat dhe mendimet e t\u00eb dy pal\u00ebve p\u00ebrputhen. Kur ato p\u00ebrputhen, martesa, formimi i familjes b\u00ebhen v\u00ebrtet nj\u00eb ngjarje e g\u00ebzuar dhe e lumtur e jet\u00ebs. Sidoqoft\u00eb bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt edhe pse mund t\u00eb ken\u00eb mjaft tipare t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebta p\u00ebrs\u00ebri k\u00ebta mbeten dy njer\u00ebz t\u00eb ndryshem, porse kur jan\u00eb dhe njer\u00ebz t\u00eb kulturuar, p\u00ebrpiqen t\u00eb afrohen sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb e p\u00ebrs\u00ebri mbeten dy njer\u00ebz t\u00eb ndrysh\u00ebm q\u00eb bashk\u00ebjetojn\u00eb. Si rezultat ndodhin edhe situata t\u00eb tilla kur ndjenjave dhe mendimeve t\u00eb njer\u00ebs pal\u00eb, nuk i p\u00ebrgjigjet pala tjet\u00ebr, si\u00e7 \u00ebsht\u00eb rasti juaj. Mundet q\u00eb bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt t\u00eb ken\u00eb edhe disnivel kulturor dhe edukativ. N\u00eb k\u00ebto raste nuk mund t\u00eb mos ket\u00eb edhe konflikte e p\u00ebrjetime t\u00eb cilat lidhen me ndryshimet n\u00eb karaktere, n\u00eb mosh\u00eb, sh\u00ebndet ose n\u00eb idealet jet\u00ebsore t\u00eb cilat mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshme e p\u00ebr pasoj\u00eb lind \u201clufta\u201d midis ndjenj\u00ebs dhe arsyes.
\nPrandaj \u00ebsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme q\u00eb secili bashk\u00ebshort t\u00eb njoh\u00eb e t\u00eb kuptoj\u00eb partnerin dhe t\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqet me durim, but\u00ebsi e toleranc\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb arritur mir\u00ebkuptim reciprok, sidomos n\u00eb ato familje ku bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt kan\u00eb disnivel kuturor dhe ndryshime t\u00eb dukshme n\u00eb sfer\u00ebn seksuale. Mungesa e durimit dhe gjaknxeht\u00ebsia t\u00eb cilat shpesh jan\u00eb rezultat i mosnjohjes s\u00eb partnerit nga ana psikologjike dhe psikike, kan\u00eb pasoja negative t\u00eb cilat mund t\u00eb \u00e7ojn\u00eb deri n\u00eb konflikte, trauma psikike apo drama t\u00eb r\u00ebnda e t\u00eb dhimbshme familjare. Prandaj delikatesa, takti, sjellja e but\u00eb dhe e men\u00e7ur, \u00e7ilt\u00ebrsia etj. kan\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi t\u00eb madhe n\u00eb situatat e ndryshme t\u00eb jet\u00ebs bashk\u00ebshortore. K\u00ebshtu pra, e nderuar zonj\u00eb, mir\u00ebsjellja, durimi e mir\u00ebkuptimi reciprok parandalojn\u00eb konfliktet bashk\u00ebshortore dhe ndikojn\u00eb pozitivisht tek e gjith\u00eb jeta juaj. G\u00ebzoju p\u00ebr burrin q\u00eb ke e mos gjyko. Studimet e mia kan\u00eb treguar se mjaft bashk\u00ebshort\u00eb, edhe pse kan\u00eb pasur pak veti e mendime t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebta, me kalimin e koh\u00ebs jan\u00eb p\u00ebrshtatur. E r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme \u00ebsht\u00eb kur p\u00ebrshtatja b\u00ebhet duke marr\u00eb nga nj\u00ebri-tjetri vetit\u00eb e mira e duke u p\u00ebrpjekur p\u00ebr t\u00eb hequr t\u00eb metat. P\u00ebrshtatja luan rol t\u00eb madh edhe n\u00eb jet\u00ebn intime. Njer\u00ebzit e kulturuar e me vullnet kan\u00eb aft\u00ebsi t\u00eb mbajn\u00eb q\u00ebndrim kritik ndaj veprimeve t\u00eb tyre dhe t\u00eb p\u00ebrshtaten m\u00eb leht\u00eb. N\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebsia ruhet dhe b\u00ebhet m\u00eb e sh\u00ebndetshme. Tipe t\u00eb ndryshme partner\u00ebsh shpesh formojn\u00eb \u00e7ifte t\u00eb shk\u00eblqyera. K\u00ebt\u00eb uroj edhe p\u00ebr ju, e nderuara let\u00ebrshkruese, pasi mos harroni se keni jet\u00eb p\u00ebrpara… Po e mbyll k\u00ebt\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigjen time me nj\u00eb postulat: Atij q\u00eb i mungon but\u00ebsia, i mungojn\u00eb t\u00eb gjitha t\u00eb mirat! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
– P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje! Jam nj\u00eb grua e martuar prej vitesh. Tani, un\u00eb e bashk\u00ebshorti im jemi rreth t\u00eb gjasht\u00ebdhjetave dhe un\u00eb jam shum\u00eb e shqet\u00ebsuar pasi ai m\u00eb k\u00ebrkon marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie intime shum\u00eb shpesh, p\u00ebrdit\u00eb, ose edhe dy her\u00eb n\u00eb dit\u00eb… Ai ka edhe d\u00ebshir\u00eb t\u00eb flas\u00eb p\u00ebr seksin, por un\u00eb e kam difekt pranimin e k\u00ebtyre […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13071","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13071","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13071"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13071\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13071"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13071"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13071"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}