K\u00ebto 4 sjellje paralajm\u00ebrojn\u00eb divorcin<\/p>\n
Keni qen\u00eb ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb n\u00eb mes t\u00eb nj\u00eb debati t\u00eb nxeht\u00eb dhe papritur, personi tjet\u00ebr nxjerr telefonin e fillon t\u00eb d\u00ebrgoj\u00eb sms? N\u00ebse p\u00ebrgjigjja \u00ebsht\u00eb \u201cpo\u201d dhe kjo ju ndodh vazhdimisht, ne shpresojm\u00eb q\u00eb personi tjet\u00ebr t\u00eb mos jet\u00eb partneri\/ja juaj. Kjo sjellje, nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb e njohur p\u00ebr t\u2019i dredhuar p\u00ebrgjigjes, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb nga kat\u00ebr reagimet q\u00eb Xhon Gotmani, psikolog i universitetit t\u00eb Uashingtonit, ka identifikuar si nj\u00eb shenj\u00eb e pagabueshme se di\u00e7ka nuk shkon mir\u00eb n\u00eb lidhjen e nj\u00eb \u00e7ifti t\u00eb martuar…<\/p>\n
Studimi
\nKur Gotmani dhe psikologu i universitetit t\u00eb Kalifornis\u00eb, Robert Levenson, vinin re k\u00ebt\u00eb sjellje, s\u00eb bashku me tre sjellje t\u00eb tjera: p\u00ebrbuzja, kriticizmi dhe marrja e pozitave mbrojt\u00ebse dhe i masnin se sa shpesh ndodhnin ato brenda 15 minutave bised\u00eb, ata zbuluan se mund t\u00eb parashikonin me nj\u00eb sakt\u00ebsi t\u00eb madhe se cilat martesa do t\u00eb p\u00ebrfundonin n\u00eb divorc. Kur psikolog\u00ebt u b\u00ebnin m\u00eb pas pyetje \u00e7ifteve se sa t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur ishin n\u00eb lidhje dhe sa shpesh e kishin menduar divorcin, ata mund t\u00eb parashikonin se cilat martesa do t\u00eb p\u00ebrfundonin n\u00eb divorc me nj\u00eb sakt\u00ebsi 93%. K\u00ebto shifra q\u00eb vijn\u00eb nga nj\u00eb studim 14 vje\u00e7ar i b\u00ebr\u00eb me 79 \u00e7ifte t\u00eb martuara q\u00eb jetonin n\u00eb SHBA (21 nga t\u00eb cilat u divorcuan gjat\u00eb k\u00ebsaj periudhe), kishin nj\u00eb sakt\u00ebsi aq t\u00eb habitshme sa i shtyn\u00eb studiuesit t\u2019i quanin k\u00ebto sjellje: \u201ckat\u00ebr kalor\u00ebsit e apokalipsit\u201d.
\nNd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb studimi fillestar, rezultatet e t\u00eb cilit u publikuan n\u00eb vitin 2002, ishte i vog\u00ebl dhe i p\u00ebrqendruar n\u00eb nj\u00eb popullsi specifike, nj\u00eb dhjet\u00ebvje\u00e7ar k\u00ebrkimesh p\u00ebr martes\u00ebn dhe divorcin ka theksuar edhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb iden\u00eb se divorci \u00ebsht\u00eb i shoq\u00ebruar me sjellje t\u00eb caktuara negative. P\u00ebr shembull, n\u00eb nj\u00eb studim t\u00eb koh\u00ebve t\u00eb fundit, t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb me 373 \u00e7ifte, shkenc\u00ebtar\u00ebt kan\u00eb zbuluar se partner\u00ebt q\u00eb i b\u00ebrtisnin nj\u00ebri-tjetrit, q\u00eb tregonin p\u00ebrbuzje kundrejt tjetrit, apo u b\u00ebnin bisht bisedave n\u00eb lidhje me nj\u00eb problem brenda vitit t\u00eb par\u00eb t\u00eb martes\u00ebs, kishin m\u00eb shum\u00eb gjas\u00eb t\u00eb divorcoheshin brenda 16 vjet\u00ebve t\u00eb ardhsh\u00ebm. At\u00ebher\u00eb, cilat jan\u00eb k\u00ebto sjellje \u201capokaliptike\u201d dhe si shfaqen ato n\u00eb nj\u00eb lidhje?<\/p>\n
1. P\u00ebrbuzja
\nP\u00ebrbuzja, nj\u00eb p\u00ebrzierje zem\u00ebrimi dhe neverie, \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e keqe p\u00ebr lidhjen sesa thjesht zhg\u00ebnjimi apo negativiteti. Kjo do t\u00eb thot\u00eb ta shoh\u00ebsh partnerin\/en jo si t\u00eb barabart\u00eb, por n\u00eb nj\u00eb shkall\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb ul\u00ebt se veten. Vet\u00ebm kjo sjellje, shkroi Gotmani n\u00eb revist\u00ebn \u201cBusiness Insider\u201d, \u00ebsht\u00eb \u201cputhja e vdekjes\u201d p\u00ebr nj\u00eb lidhje. Le t\u00eb marrim nj\u00eb z\u00ebnk\u00eb t\u00eb zakonshme q\u00eb ndodh n\u00eb \u00e7ift si, p\u00ebr shembull, blerja e ushqimeve. Kur partneri vjen n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi dhe ju kuptoni se ai ka bler\u00eb qep\u00eb t\u00eb njoma n\u00eb vend t\u00eb qep\u00ebve t\u00eb thata, e d\u00ebgjoni kur ai shpjegon se jeni ju q\u00eb nuk i keni th\u00ebn\u00eb se \u00e7\u2019lloj qep\u00ebsh donit? Pasi e mendoni k\u00ebt\u00eb dhe, kur e kuptoni se mbase ai ka t\u00eb drejt\u00eb, k\u00ebrkoni falje, apo jo? Apo merrni nj\u00eb q\u00ebndrim dhe mendoni me vete \u201cCili idiot nuk e kupton se kur i thua t\u00eb blej\u00eb nj\u00eb kilogram\u00eb qep\u00eb, duhen bler\u00eb t\u00eb thata?\u201d.
\nP\u00ebrbuzja, n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast, tregon se ju e b\u00ebni veshin t\u00eb shurdh\u00ebr ndaj nevojave dhe emocioneve t\u00eb partnerit. N\u00ebse ju e ndieni vazhdimisht veten m\u00eb t\u00eb zgjuar, m\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb, ose m\u00eb t\u00eb ndjesh\u00ebm sesa tjetri, jo vet\u00ebm nuk i shihni si t\u00eb vlefshme mendimet e tij\/saj, por, \u00e7\u2018\u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishmja, nuk doni ta vini veten n\u00eb vend t\u00eb tij p\u00ebr ta par\u00eb situat\u00ebn nga pik\u00ebv\u00ebshtrimi i tij\/saj. <\/p>\n
2. Kriticizmi
\nAshtu si p\u00ebrbuzja, kriticizmi p\u00ebrfshin faktin q\u00eb nj\u00eb veprim t\u00eb tjetrit (di\u00e7ka q\u00eb ai\/ajo ka b\u00ebr\u00eb) ta p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsosh si nj\u00eb tipar t\u00eb karakterit t\u00eb tij\/saj. Le t\u00eb themi, p\u00ebr shembull, se partneri ka nj\u00eb zakon t\u00eb keq q\u00eb ta l\u00ebr\u00eb tasin ku ka ngr\u00ebn\u00eb drith\u00ebrat gjithkund n\u00ebp\u00ebr sht\u00ebpi. N\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast: ju prisni sa ai\/ajo t\u00eb vij\u00eb n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi dhe me mir\u00ebsjellje i sugjeroni q\u00eb ai\/ajo t\u00eb v\u00ebr\u00eb tasin ku ka ngr\u00ebn\u00eb drith\u00ebrat n\u00eb lavaman, apo mendoni me vete \u201cPse jam lidhur me k\u00ebt\u00eb njeri q\u00eb e l\u00eb tasin n\u00ebp\u00ebr sht\u00ebpi?\u201d.
\nMe kalimin e koh\u00ebs, k\u00ebto pak\u00ebnaq\u00ebsi t\u00eb vogla grumbullohen, duke ju shtyr\u00eb t\u00eb keni ndjenja m\u00eb t\u00eb err\u00ebta, si indinjat\u00eb dhe p\u00ebrbuzje. <\/p>\n
3. Marrja e pozitave mbrojt\u00ebse
\nN\u00ebse ju vazhdimisht luani rolin e viktim\u00ebs n\u00eb z\u00ebnkat me partnerin\/en, mund t\u00eb jeni fajtor se merrni pozita mbrojt\u00ebse. P\u00ebr shembull, keni vajtur von\u00eb n\u00eb dasm\u00ebn e nj\u00eb kush\u00ebriri. Jeni ju i pari\/e para q\u00eb thoni \u201cNuk ishte faji im!\u201d, kur arrini atje? Apo e mendoni pak para se t\u00eb akuzoni personin tjet\u00ebr, duke e kuptuar se mbase ju nuk duhet t\u00eb kishit b\u00ebr\u00eb dush nj\u00eb or\u00eb rresht, kur kishit vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb or\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019u b\u00ebr\u00eb gati?
\nT\u00eb pranosh p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsin\u00eb p\u00ebr rolin q\u00eb ke n\u00eb nj\u00eb situat\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb pak e bezdisshme, por kjo shpesh pengon shkall\u00ebzimin e nj\u00eb situate t\u00eb keqe, thot\u00eb Gotmani. Ai ka zbuluar k\u00ebt\u00eb p\u00ebr \u00e7iftet q\u00eb divorcohen brenda viteve t\u00eb para t\u00eb martes\u00ebs (kur edhe nivelet e divorcit jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb larta). \u201cHyrja n\u00eb nj\u00eb periudh\u00eb negativiteti \u00ebsht\u00eb si t\u00eb shkel\u00ebsh n\u00eb tok\u00eb thith\u00ebse. \u00cbsht\u00eb e leht\u00eb t\u00eb hysh, por e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb dal\u00ebsh\u201d, thot\u00eb ai. <\/p>\n
4. U b\u00ebni bisht p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsive
\nJu e kuptoni kur nj\u00eb z\u00ebnk\u00eb ka gjas\u00eb t\u00eb filloj\u00eb. Mund t\u00eb ndjeni zemr\u00ebn q\u00eb ju rreh m\u00eb shpejt dhe z\u00ebrin q\u00eb ngrihet paksa. Por, n\u00eb momentin q\u00eb gjakrat nxehen, ju nxirrni telefonin, largoheni, apo thjesht e injoroni partnerin? Bllokimi i nj\u00eb bisede, apo z\u00ebnke mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb di\u00e7ka po aq negative p\u00ebr nj\u00eb lidhje, sa edhe p\u00ebrbuzja, sepse kjo pengon rregullimin e nj\u00eb problemi t\u00eb fshehur. Ne e dim\u00eb, t\u00eb grindesh me partnerin \u00ebsht\u00eb e kund\u00ebrta e asaj q\u00eb t\u2019ia kalosh mir\u00eb me t\u00eb. Megjithat\u00eb, k\u00ebto situata t\u00eb p\u00ebrkohshme dhe t\u00eb sikletshme jan\u00eb shpesh vendi nga ku fillon t\u00eb kuptosh gj\u00ebra n\u00eb lidhje me sjelljen t\u00ebnde dhe nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb zgjidhur probleme q\u00eb d\u00ebmtojn\u00eb lidhjen.<\/p>\n
Mos bini n\u00eb panik
\n\u00cbsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme t\u00eb keni parasyh se t\u00eb shfaq\u00ebsh me raste ndonj\u00eb nga k\u00ebto sjellje (ose edhe t\u00eb gjitha), \u00ebsht\u00eb krejt\u00ebsisht normale. Problemet fillojn\u00eb kur ato shfaqen aq shpesh sa z\u00ebvend\u00ebsojn\u00eb nd\u00ebrveprimet pozitive me partnerin. Edhe fakti i thjesht\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb pranoni se po b\u00ebni di\u00e7ka q\u00eb d\u00ebmton lidhjen \u00ebsht\u00eb hapi i par\u00eb p\u00ebr ta luftuar k\u00ebt\u00eb sjellje n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb aktive. N\u00ebse zbuloni si t\u00eb evitoni k\u00ebt\u00eb sjellje, ose ta z\u00ebvend\u00ebsoni at\u00eb me nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr m\u00eb pozitive, ju do ta forconi lidhjen tuaj. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
K\u00ebto 4 sjellje paralajm\u00ebrojn\u00eb divorcin Keni qen\u00eb ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb n\u00eb mes t\u00eb nj\u00eb debati t\u00eb nxeht\u00eb dhe papritur, personi tjet\u00ebr nxjerr telefonin e fillon t\u00eb d\u00ebrgoj\u00eb sms? N\u00ebse p\u00ebrgjigjja \u00ebsht\u00eb \u201cpo\u201d dhe kjo ju ndodh vazhdimisht, ne shpresojm\u00eb q\u00eb personi tjet\u00ebr t\u00eb mos jet\u00eb partneri\/ja juaj. Kjo sjellje, nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb e njohur p\u00ebr t\u2019i dredhuar p\u00ebrgjigjes, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13015","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-intimitet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13015","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13015"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13015\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13015"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13015"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13015"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}