<\/p>\n
– P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje! Ju kam shkruar edhe nj\u00eb her\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, por po ju shkruaj s\u00ebrish, pasi kam nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje nga psikologu juaj. Jam nj\u00eb grua e martuar me nj\u00eb jet\u00eb martesore shum\u00eb t\u00eb rregullt. Burrin e kam 55 vje\u00e7 dhe mendoj se n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb mosh\u00eb njeriu \u00ebsht\u00eb i pjekur dhe duhet t\u00eb ket\u00eb prioritete familjare, por m\u00eb shqet\u00ebson shum\u00eb fakti q\u00eb k\u00ebrkon marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie shum\u00eb shpesh. Ndoshta un\u00eb e gjykoj k\u00ebshtu. P\u00ebrdit\u00eb ose edhe dy her\u00eb n\u00eb dit\u00eb m\u00eb k\u00ebrkon marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie dhe m\u00eb tep\u00ebr jam shqet\u00ebsuar se n\u00eb Facebook flet me t\u00eb panjohura rreth erotizmit, qoft\u00eb me femra dhe me meshkuj. M\u00eb thot\u00eb se kalon koh\u00ebn. A duhet t\u00eb shqet\u00ebsohem p\u00ebr k\u00ebto probleme (n\u00eb fakt, po lajthis), apo e kam un\u00eb difekt pranimin e k\u00ebtyre gj\u00ebrave? <\/strong><\/p>\n Dr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist:<\/u><\/em><\/strong> – Oh, moj zonj\u00eb, t\u2019u shtoft\u00eb jeta, \u00e7\u2019m\u00eb ke b\u00ebr\u00eb t\u00eb qesh, por edhe t\u00eb \u00e7uditem! A e di pse? Se n\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u00eb g\u00ebzohesh q\u00eb ke nj\u00eb burr\u00eb besnik dhe potent, ti thua n\u00eb fund t\u00eb letr\u00ebs se \u201cpo lajthis\u201d sepse t\u00eb duket e papranueshme, por edhe e pakuptueshme pse burri yt 55 vje\u00e7ar t\u00eb k\u00ebrkon seks p\u00ebrdit\u00eb. Nuk thon\u00eb kot se 40 vje\u00e7 fillon jeta dhe n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 50 vje\u00e7are e pas ndjehet edhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb nj\u00eb si \u201cadoleshenc\u00eb e dyt\u00eb\u201d, sidomos nga meshkujt. \u201c\u00c7eljet\u201d e vjesht\u00ebs jan\u00eb t\u00eb bukura, v\u00ebrtet t\u00eb bukura dhe ato duhen jetuar e shijuar. Edhe femrat, pas menopauz\u00ebs, normalisht, jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb \u00e7liruara, m\u00eb t\u00eb qeta dhe \u201cshp\u00ebrthyese\u201d n\u00eb krevat. Mir\u00ebpo, ja se \u00e7far\u00eb na thua ti: \u201cN\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb mosh\u00eb njeriu \u00ebsht\u00eb i \u201cpjekur\u201d dhe duhet t\u00eb ket\u00eb prioritete familjare\u201d dhe ju shqet\u00ebson shum\u00eb fakti q\u00eb burri ju k\u00ebrkon seks shpesh. M\u00eb vjen t\u2019ju them me humor: \u201cU djegsh inshallah moj e \u201cpjekur\u201d q\u00eb tani e quan jet\u00ebn seksuale si di\u00e7ka t\u00eb \u201cpapjekur\u201d jo serioze, kur duhet t\u00eb ndodh\u00eb e kund\u00ebrta! Tani, gj\u00ebrat e krevatit jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb qeta e m\u00eb t\u00eb bukura, t\u00eb k\u00ebndshme, pse jo me \u201cart\u201d t\u00eb ve\u00e7ant\u00eb, sepse femra \u00e7lirohet nga frik\u00ebrat e shumta si ajo e shtatzanis\u00eb dhe meshkujt, nga telashet e sht\u00ebpis\u00eb e t\u00eb rritjes s\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebve etj.<\/p>\n N\u00eb nj\u00eb konferenc\u00eb nd\u00ebrkomb\u00ebtare me psikoterapistet, psikanalistja e shquar franceze Fransua Dolto, m\u00eb ka th\u00ebn\u00eb se femrat franceze, n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 60 vje\u00e7are e m\u00eb pas, ndihen krejt t\u00eb \u00e7liruara e t\u00eb \u201clul\u00ebzuara\u201d si tr\u00ebndafilat q\u00eb \u00e7elin dhe rip\u00ebrjetojn\u00eb nj\u00eb pranver\u00eb ndryshe, nj\u00eb rini t\u00eb dyt\u00eb, t\u00eb bukur! \u201cPo te ju?\u201d, m\u00eb pyeti ajo. M\u00eb vinte q\u00eb t\u2019i thoja se te ne shumica e femrave n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb mosh\u00eb veshin ndonj\u00eb robd\u00ebshamb\u00ebr si nj\u00eb thes dhe kthehen n\u00eb \u201cn\u00ebnoke\u201d, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb ta kompensojn\u00eb r\u00ebnien e bukuris\u00eb me veshje, sjellje e mendime pozitive. Ato e mendojn\u00eb veten vet\u00ebm si plaka e gjyshe.<\/p>\n Tani q\u00eb po shkruaj, pash\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb gazet\u00eb nj\u00eb foto t\u00eb Sharon Stoun, e cila drejt t\u00eb gjasht\u00ebdhjetave, ka nj\u00eb trup si prej atleteje dhe po mendoja se sa gjynah q\u00eb grave tona n\u00eb Shqip\u00ebri, sapo fillon menopauza, me mendjen e tyre u duket se tani gjith\u00e7ka \u201cmbaroi\u201d dhe duhet q\u00eb ato vet\u00ebm t\u2019u sh\u00ebrbejn\u00eb kalamajve t\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebve, t\u00eb pastrojn\u00eb, gatuajn\u00eb dhe kaq. N\u00eb fakt, \u00e7do mosh\u00eb ka bukurin\u00eb e vet dhe ashtu si \u00e7do stin\u00eb q\u00eb ka\u00a0 lulet e veta, po ashtu s\u2019duhet t\u00eb ket\u00eb asnj\u00eb mosh\u00eb pa dashuri e pa seks… aq sa mundeni, madje edhe n\u00eb mosh\u00eb t\u00eb thyer. A t\u00eb t\u00eb them dhe nj\u00eb fjal\u00eb \u201cn\u00eb vesh\u201d? Ushqeje e furnizoje burrin sepse i \u201curituri\u201d k\u00ebrkon, larg qoft\u00eb, edhe jasht\u00eb sht\u00ebpis\u00eb dhe ec e \u201cgjeje\u201d. Ti zonj\u00eb duhet t\u00eb lexosh libra dhe t\u00eb kuptosh se sa t\u00eb nevojsh\u00ebm e ka seksin burri sidomos n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn drejt t\u00eb gjasht\u00ebdhjetave, por edhe m\u00eb pas, madje ca m\u00eb shum\u00eb. Ndaj ti, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u2019i p\u00ebrgjigjesh e ai t\u00eb gjej\u00eb \u201cgjith\u00e7ka\u201d te ti, e m\u00ebrzit veten kot e ndoshta e refuzon. Diku n\u00eb nj\u00eb lib\u00ebr fetar kam lexuar se n\u00ebse burri \u201ck\u00ebrkon\u201d dhe bashk\u00ebshortja ia refuzon intimitetin, gjith\u00eb nat\u00ebn at\u00eb e mallkojn\u00eb deri edhe melek\u00ebt e vet, dometh\u00ebn\u00eb, engj\u00ebjt q\u00eb Zoti ia ka caktuar asaj p\u00ebr ta mbrojtur! \u00c7far\u00eb th\u00ebnieje brilante dhe me shum\u00eb kuptim!<\/p>\n Pra, ti, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u00eb g\u00ebzohesh p\u00ebr burrin t\u00ebnd, e sheh at\u00eb si nj\u00eb \u201cmonst\u00ebr\u201d apo si \u201cmaniak seksual\u201d, prandaj edhe e ke hak nj\u00eb \u201cdush\u201d t\u00eb ftoht\u00eb. Meqen\u00ebse shumica e klient\u00ebve t\u00eb mi gjat\u00eb seancave duan t\u00eb din\u00eb edhe se sa e si jan\u00eb normat e jet\u00ebs intime, un\u00eb po jap disa shpjegime p\u00ebr ju dhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb gjith\u00eb lexuesit, edhe pse receta k\u00ebtu nuk ka.<\/p>\n – Shpesh, njer\u00ebzit me potenc\u00eb seksuale t\u00eb ul\u00ebt shqet\u00ebsohen shum\u00eb duke kujtuar se jan\u00eb t\u00eb s\u00ebmur\u00eb, prandaj del e nevojshme t\u00eb japim disa shpjegime m\u00eb t\u00eb plota p\u00ebr potenc\u00ebn seksuale normale dhe \u201cnormat\u201d e jet\u00ebs seksuale. Potenca seksuale p\u00ebrcaktohet nga komponenti fizik i cili te burrat \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb i fort\u00eb sesa te grat\u00eb (gj\u00eb q\u00eb v\u00ebrehet edhe nga tendosja e organeve seksuale n\u00ebn presionin e sperm\u00ebs) dhe nga komponenti psikik, i cili p\u00ebrs\u00ebri te burrat \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb i fort\u00eb, si rezultat i veprimit t\u00eb hormoneve seksuale t\u00eb cilat sikur \u201cerotizojn\u00eb\u201d trurin. Megjithat\u00eb, potenca seksuale ka karakter t\u00eb theksuar individual sepse n\u00eb t\u00eb ndikojn\u00eb nj\u00eb s\u00ebr\u00eb faktor\u00ebsh, si: ve\u00e7orit\u00eb individuale, lodhja, ushqyeshm\u00ebria, mosha, gjendja e organizmit etj. Prandaj nuk mund t\u00eb caktohen norma mbi numrin e akteve seksuale ose si\u00e7 quhet ndryshe, \u201cnorma t\u00eb shpesht\u00ebsis\u00eb\u201d, p\u00ebrderisa ato jan\u00eb individuale dhe dallohen nga nj\u00eb diapazon i gjer\u00eb. Ekziston edhe nj\u00eb diagnoz\u00eb q\u00eb quhet var\u00ebsi nga seksi, q\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb, var\u00ebsi e tepruar e cila trajtohet me psikoterapi. M\u00eb s\u00eb shumti, k\u00ebt\u00eb e kam gjetur te ca meshkuj t\u00eb cil\u00ebt duke mos pasur suksese e k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsi t\u00eb plot\u00eb n\u00eb jet\u00ebn shoq\u00ebrore, p\u00ebrpiqen ta nivelojn\u00eb at\u00eb me \u201csukseset\u201d apo plot\u00ebsimet n\u00eb seks. Edhe pse kjo gjendje e tyre \u00ebsht\u00eb gati qesharake dhe mjerane, un\u00eb i trajtoj dhe i ndihmoj ata si fajtor\u00eb t\u00eb pafaj.<\/p>\n Ekziston edhe nj\u00ebfar\u00eb lidhjeje nd\u00ebrmjet mbipesh\u00ebs dhe pasionit seksual. Shpesh, sh\u00ebndoshja, te disa njer\u00ebz shoq\u00ebrohet me ulje t\u00eb pasionit seksual, ose e kund\u00ebrta, duke humbuar potenc\u00ebn seksuale, disa sh\u00ebndoshen. Pra, diapazoni i fuqis\u00eb s\u00eb pasionit seksual ka lidhje me shum\u00eb faktor\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb i ndryshuesh\u00ebm. Disa njer\u00ebz mendojn\u00eb se potenca seksuale \u00ebsht\u00eb i vetmi faktor q\u00eb p\u00ebrcakton forc\u00ebn e burrit. Ndoshta duke d\u00ebgjuar p\u00ebr \u201cb\u00ebmat\u201d seksuale nga njer\u00ebz q\u00eb u p\u00eblqen t\u00eb mburren p\u00ebr potenc\u00ebn e tyre, disa q\u00eb kan\u00eb potenc\u00eb t\u00eb ul\u00ebt ose mesatare shqet\u00ebsohen shum\u00eb e ndoshta bien n\u00eb depresion duke e kujtuar veten p\u00ebr t\u00eb s\u00ebmur\u00eb ose t\u00eb paaft\u00eb seksualisht. Prandaj \u00ebsht\u00eb mir\u00eb t\u00eb dihet nga \u00e7do njeri se potenca e tij seksuale ka lidhje me struktur\u00ebn biologjike e psikologjike t\u00eb organizmit, si dhe me disa faktor\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00eb, si: mosha, ushqimi, lodhja, gjendja shpirt\u00ebrore etj. Prandaj, me kalimin e mosh\u00ebs, denduria e akteve seksuale n\u00eb martes\u00eb bie. N\u00eb qoft\u00eb se gjat\u00eb muajve t\u00eb par\u00eb t\u00eb martes\u00ebs bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt mund t\u00eb praktikojn\u00eb 2-3 her\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie seksuale, me kalimin e viteve mund t\u00eb zbresin 2-3 her\u00eb n\u00eb jav\u00eb ose n\u00eb muaj, prandaj s\u2019mund t\u00eb flitet p\u00ebr norm\u00eb. K\u00ebshtu, n\u00eb qoft\u00eb se p\u00ebr nj\u00eb 25 vje\u00e7ar mund t\u00eb quhej norm\u00eb 3 kontakte n\u00eb jav\u00eb, nuk do t\u00eb ishte \u201cjasht\u00eb norme\u201d po qe se ai do t\u00eb mund t\u00eb b\u00ebnte m\u00eb pak ose m\u00eb shum\u00eb akte seksuale, deri n\u00eb 6-7 her\u00eb n\u00eb jav\u00eb. Megjithat\u00eb, p\u00ebr ilustrim, po p\u00ebrmendim t\u00eb dh\u00ebnat e shkenc\u00ebtarit amerikan A. Kinsej, i cili ka anketuar mij\u00ebra njer\u00ebz dhe ka nxjerr\u00eb nj\u00ebfar\u00eb mesatareje lidhur me dend\u00ebsin\u00eb e marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnieve seksuale sipas moshave:<\/p>\n – P\u00ebr moshat nga 21-25 vje\u00e7 af\u00ebrsisht 3 her\u00eb n\u00eb jav\u00eb;<\/p>\n – burrat n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 25-35 vje\u00e7 2 her\u00eb n\u00eb jav\u00eb;<\/p>\n – n\u00eb moshat rreth 45 vje\u00e7, mesatarisht, 1 her\u00eb n\u00eb jav\u00eb.<\/p>\n Por nuk ka asgj\u00eb t\u00eb keqe n\u00eb qoft\u00eb se nj\u00eb 55 vje\u00e7ar \u00ebsht\u00eb i aft\u00eb dhe 6-7 her\u00eb n\u00eb jav\u00eb, nd\u00ebrsa nj\u00eb 25 vje\u00e7ar, p\u00ebr 1-2 her\u00eb n\u00eb jav\u00eb. Shum\u00eb \u00e7ifte q\u00eb kam trajtuar me psikoterapi i preokupojn\u00eb nj\u00eb s\u00ebr\u00eb pyetjesh q\u00eb i p\u00ebrkasin higjien\u00ebs s\u00eb jet\u00ebs seksuale dhe kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb e natyrshme. Nga v\u00ebzhgimet del se ata, pas informacioneve q\u00eb marrin, i pastrojn\u00eb \u201cferrat\u201d dhe e shmangin \u201cmjegull\u00ebn\u201d e tabus\u00eb seksuale, p\u00ebr t\u00eb \u201cmbjell\u00eb\u201d n\u00eb \u00e7do stin\u00eb \u201clulet\u201d m\u00eb t\u00eb bukura t\u00eb dashuris\u00eb e t\u00eb seksit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" – P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje! Ju kam shkruar edhe nj\u00eb her\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, por po ju shkruaj s\u00ebrish, pasi kam nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje nga psikologu juaj. Jam nj\u00eb grua e martuar me nj\u00eb jet\u00eb martesore shum\u00eb t\u00eb rregullt. Burrin e kam 55 vje\u00e7 dhe mendoj se n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb mosh\u00eb njeriu \u00ebsht\u00eb i pjekur dhe duhet t\u00eb ket\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11704","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11704","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11704"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11704\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11704"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11704"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11704"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}