Lidhjet sentimentale jan\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtira edhe pa shtuar ne problemet tona personale, si reagimet, dyshimet dhe frik\u00ebrat sekrete. Mir\u00eb do t\u00eb ishte t\u2019i njihnim ato, t\u00eb dinim se \u00e7far\u00eb i shkakton, p\u00ebr t\u2019i p\u00ebrballuar m\u00eb mir\u00eb, q\u00eb t\u00eb kemi sukses n\u00eb lidhje. Mishel\u00eb Skin, psikologe dhe autore e librit \u201cM\u00eb dashuro, mos m\u00eb l\u00ebr: Si t\u00eb p\u00ebrballosh frik\u00ebn e braktisjes dhe t\u00eb nd\u00ebrtosh lidhje jet\u00ebgjat\u00eb dhe me dashuri\u201d ka studiuar frik\u00ebn e lidhjeve n\u00eb librin e saj, si edhe i ka trajtuar ato te pacient\u00ebt e saj. M\u00eb posht\u00eb, ajo na tregon pes\u00eb nga frik\u00ebrat m\u00eb t\u00eb zakonshme n\u00eb lidhje, q\u00eb t\u00eb mund t\u2019i identifikoni dhe t\u00eb evitoni ndikimin e tyre n\u00eb jet\u00ebn tuaj. \u201cSecila nga k\u00ebto frik\u00ebra mund t\u00eb shkaktoj\u00eb sjellje specifike dhe t\u00eb d\u00ebmshme q\u00eb sabotojn\u00eb lidhjet tuaja, edhe kur ju p\u00ebrpiqeni t\u2019i ruani ato\u201d, thot\u00eb Skini. \u201cHapi i par\u00eb drejt ndryshimit \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u2019i identifikoni e kuptoni k\u00ebto frika dhe sjelljet e lidhura me to\u201d. Ato mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb tuajat, ose t\u00eb partnerit dhe n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast ju mund t\u00eb ndihmoni duke u treguar t\u00eb kujdesshme q\u00eb t\u00eb mos i prekni pikat e dob\u00ebta, ndaj t\u00eb cilave ai \u00ebsht\u00eb i ndjesh\u00ebm…<\/p>\n
Frika num\u00ebr 1. \u201cAi do t\u00eb m\u00eb l\u00ebr\u00eb\u201d
\nSipas Skinit, njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb kan\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb frik\u00eb, kan\u00eb tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb:
\n– Rrin\u00eb ngjitur pas partnerit.
\n– Fillojn\u00eb debatet n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb nd\u00ebrgjegjshme, ose t\u00eb pand\u00ebrgjegjshme p\u00ebr t\u00eb testuar lidhjen (kjo mund t\u00eb kthehet n\u00eb nj\u00eb profeci q\u00eb p\u00ebrmbushet vet\u00eb; ata kan\u00eb tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb grinden aq shpesh, sa n\u00eb fund tjetri me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb i braktis).
\n– T\u00eb lidhen me njer\u00ebz q\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00ebfar\u00eb m\u00ebnyre nuk jan\u00eb t\u00eb disponuesh\u00ebm.
\n– Evitojn\u00eb fare lidhjet, q\u00eb t\u00eb evitojn\u00eb braktisjet.<\/p>\n
Frika num\u00ebr 2. \u201cDo t\u00eb m\u00eb l\u00ebndoj\u00eb\u201d
\n\u201cN\u00ebse jeni rritur n\u00eb nj\u00eb mjedis ku nuk u besonit njer\u00ebzve t\u00eb af\u00ebrt me ju, nuk ndjeheshit t\u00eb sigurt, ose abuzohej me ju, ka gjasa t\u00eb keni frik\u00eb se mos ju l\u00ebndojn\u00eb\u201d, thot\u00eb Skini. Ajo shton se njer\u00ebzit me k\u00ebt\u00eb frik\u00eb shpesh ndjehen si viktima n\u00eb lidhjen e tyre dhe ndjehen sikur t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt i shfryt\u00ebzojn\u00eb, ose do t\u2019i shfryt\u00ebzojn\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb ardhmen. Njer\u00ebzit me k\u00ebt\u00eb frik\u00eb kan\u00eb tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb:
\n– Jen\u00eb shum\u00eb vigjilent\u00eb, vazhdimisht n\u00eb ruajtje t\u00eb ndonj\u00eb shenje tradhtie apo abuzimi.
\n– Kur gj\u00ebrat shkojn\u00eb mir\u00eb, ose kur tjetri u b\u00ebn ndonj\u00eb gjest but\u00ebsie dhe \u00ebmb\u00eblsie, ata dyshojn\u00eb se di\u00e7ka fshihet pas k\u00ebsaj.
\n– Ata mundohen t\u2019ia b\u00ebjn\u00eb qejfin tjetrit n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb parandalojn\u00eb shp\u00ebrthimin dhe zem\u00ebrimin e tij.
\n– Evitojn\u00eb t\u2019u tregojn\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve pikat e tyre t\u00eb dob\u00ebta, sepse kan\u00eb frik\u00eb se ata do t\u2019i p\u00ebrdorin kund\u00ebr tyre.
\n– Evitojn\u00eb fare lidhjet sepse nuk mund t\u2019i z\u00ebn\u00eb bes\u00eb askujt.<\/p>\n
Frika num\u00ebr 3. \u201cAi nuk do t\u00eb jet\u00eb pran\u00eb meje kur t\u00eb kem nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb\u201d
\n\u201cKur t\u00eb mungon mb\u00ebshtetja emocionale, v\u00ebmendja, dashuria, udh\u00ebheqja ose mir\u00ebkuptimi gjat\u00eb rritjes, ka mund\u00ebsi t\u00eb kesh frik\u00eb se do t\u00eb mungojn\u00eb edhe n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn e rritur\u201d, thot\u00eb Skin. \u201cKjo frik\u00eb vjen me mendime t\u00eb tilla si \u201cNdjehem vet\u00ebm\u201d, ose \u201cNuk m\u00eb japin dashurin\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb cil\u00ebn kam nevoj\u00eb\u201d, ose \u201cUn\u00eb nuk kam ask\u00ebnd n\u00eb jet\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb kujdeset p\u00ebr mua\u201d. Njer\u00ebzit me k\u00ebt\u00eb frik\u00eb kan\u00eb tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb:
\n– Zem\u00ebrohen dhe t\u00eb jen\u00eb k\u00ebrkues kur nuk marrin at\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb cil\u00ebn kan\u00eb nevoj\u00eb.
\n– T\u2019u ven\u00eb pas njer\u00ebzve q\u00eb nuk shprehin emocionet e tyre.
\n– T\u00eb mos ua thon\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve pikat e tyre t\u00eb dob\u00ebta, sepse mendojn\u00eb se ata do t\u00eb zhg\u00ebnjehen nga p\u00ebrgjigjja e tyre (p\u00ebr shembull, munges\u00eb interesi).
\n– U mbajn\u00eb m\u00ebri t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve sepse nuk marrin dashurin\u00eb dhe mir\u00ebkuptimin p\u00ebr t\u00eb cilin kan\u00eb nevoj\u00eb.<\/p>\n
Frika num\u00ebr 4. \u201cNuk jam n\u00eb lart\u00ebsin\u00eb e duhur p\u00ebr t\u00eb\u201d
\nShum\u00eb njer\u00ebz luftojn\u00eb me ndjesin\u00eb \u201cse nuk vlejn\u00eb t\u2019i duan t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt\u201d, thot\u00eb Skini. Mendimet tuaja mund t\u00eb p\u00ebrqendrohen rreth ides\u00eb se, \u201csikur njer\u00ebzit t\u00eb m\u00eb njihnin v\u00ebrtet, do t\u00eb m\u00eb refuzonin\u201d, ose \u201cnuk ia vlen t\u00eb m\u00eb duash mua\u201d. Ju mund t\u00eb paraqisni nj\u00eb version fallco t\u00eb vetes, sepse nuk besoni se njer\u00ebzve mund t\u2019u p\u00eblqeni ashtu si jeni. Njer\u00ebzit me k\u00ebt\u00eb frik\u00eb kan\u00eb tendenc\u00eb:
\n– T\u2019u ven\u00eb pas njer\u00ebzve q\u00eb tregohen kritik\u00eb ndaj tyre.
\n– T\u00eb kritikojn\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt.
\n– T\u00eb fshehin natyr\u00ebn e tyre t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb.
\n– Ta ken\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb d\u00ebgjojn\u00eb kritikat e t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve.
\n– Ta ulin veten para t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve. <\/p>\n
Frika num\u00ebr 5. \u201cKam frik\u00eb nga d\u00ebshtimi\u201d
\n\u201cFrika m\u00eb e madhe finale q\u00eb mund t\u00eb rr\u00ebzoj\u00eb lidhjen tuaj vjen nga besimi se d\u00ebshtimi \u00ebsht\u00eb i paevituesh\u00ebm, ose ju nuk mund t\u00eb mateni me t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt t\u00eb ngjash\u00ebm me ju, sepse ju nuk jeni aq t\u00eb zgjuar, t\u00eb talentuar ose t\u00eb suksessh\u00ebm\u201d. Njer\u00ebzit me k\u00ebt\u00eb frik\u00eb kan\u00eb tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb:
\n– Lejojn\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt t\u2019i kritikojn\u00eb ose t\u00eb minimizojn\u00eb arritjet e tyre.
\n– Minimizojn\u00eb talentet dhe potencialin e tyre.
\n– Fshehin natyr\u00ebn e tyre t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb nga frika se jan\u00eb t\u00eb d\u00ebshtuar.
\n– Gjykojn\u00eb dhe kritikojn\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt.<\/p>\n
Ju duk i njohur ndonj\u00ebri prej k\u00ebtyre skenareve? N\u00ebse \u00ebsht\u00eb k\u00ebshtu, ndiqni k\u00ebshillat e Skinit:
\n1. Hapi i par\u00eb drejt ndryshimit \u00ebsht\u00eb identifikimi dhe njohja e situatave q\u00eb shkaktojn\u00eb frik\u00ebn tuaj. Vini re cilat momente t\u00eb ve\u00e7anta kan\u00eb tendenc\u00eb t\u00eb shkaktojn\u00eb k\u00ebto mendime negative.
\n2. Kini parasysh se eksperienca juaj e tanishme, s\u00eb bashku me mendimet dhe ndjenjat q\u00eb e nxisin at\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb duke ju transportuar n\u00eb t\u00eb shkuar\u00ebn tuaj dhe ju b\u00ebn q\u00eb ta shihni t\u00eb tashmen me lente shtremb\u00ebruese. Ju mund t\u00eb ndjeni emocione t\u00eb padurueshme, t\u00eb cilat do t\u00eb doni t\u2019i hiqni sa m\u00eb shpejt qafe. \u00c7el\u00ebsi \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebsoni t\u2019i toleroni k\u00ebto emocione, duke qen\u00eb t\u00eb nd\u00ebrgjegjsh\u00ebm p\u00ebr to dhe p\u00ebr situat\u00ebn tuaj t\u00eb tanishme. \u00cbsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme pra t\u00eb hidhni syt\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb kaluar\u00ebn dhe t\u00eb identifikoni situat\u00ebn origjinale q\u00eb ka l\u00ebn\u00eb gjurm\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdha te ju.
\n3. Kur ta gjeni veten n\u00eb momentin q\u00eb ndodh kjo situat\u00eb e padurueshme, mos veproni menj\u00ebher\u00eb, por l\u00ebrini emocionet t\u00eb kalojn\u00eb derisa t\u00eb qet\u00ebsoheni. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Lidhjet sentimentale jan\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtira edhe pa shtuar ne problemet tona personale, si reagimet, dyshimet dhe frik\u00ebrat sekrete. Mir\u00eb do t\u00eb ishte t\u2019i njihnim ato, t\u00eb dinim se \u00e7far\u00eb i shkakton, p\u00ebr t\u2019i p\u00ebrballuar m\u00eb mir\u00eb, q\u00eb t\u00eb kemi sukses n\u00eb lidhje. Mishel\u00eb Skin, psikologe dhe autore e librit \u201cM\u00eb dashuro, mos m\u00eb l\u00ebr: Si […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":10838,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10837","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10837"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10837\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10838"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}