– P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje psikolog Jashari. Kam nj\u00eb pyetje. Si mendoni ju, shtimi i numrit t\u00eb divorceve n\u00eb shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb shqiptare \u00ebsht\u00eb shenj\u00eb e emancipimit t\u00eb femr\u00ebs shqiptare, q\u00eb nuk pranon me determinimin mbi baz\u00ebn e gjinis\u00eb apo nj\u00eb defekt social me pasoja t\u00eb r\u00ebnda financiare sidomos p\u00ebr femr\u00ebn q\u00eb p\u00ebrballet me v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsi t\u00eb m\u00ebdha pas divorcit? Fatjoni.
\nDr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist: – I nderuar Fatjon, divorcet nuk do t\u00eb pak\u00ebsohen, madje ato mund t\u00eb shtohen, p\u00ebrderisa mjaft njer\u00ebz vendosin p\u00ebr martes\u00ebn me nxitim ose si pa mend. K\u00ebt\u00eb e them sepse v\u00ebrej ende fenomene t\u00eb \u00e7uditshme si martesa me shkuesi, martesa me llogari, pra, p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsisht pa dashuri e pa nj\u00eb njohje t\u00eb thell\u00eb ku martesa t\u00eb vij\u00eb pasi t\u00eb jen\u00eb dh\u00ebn\u00eb jo pak \u201cprova\u201d. Edhe numri i fejesave, si nj\u00eb periudh\u00eb q\u00eb duhet t\u00eb tregoj\u00eb n\u00ebse dy veta duhet t\u00eb shkojn\u00eb n\u00eb martes\u00eb ose jo, \u00ebsht\u00eb pak\u00ebsuar shum\u00eb. Po shfaqen edhe fenomene t\u00eb \u00e7uditshme si ato t\u00eb bashk\u00ebjetes\u00ebs, t\u00eb cilat m\u00eb par\u00eb ishin t\u00eb pak\u00ebta. V\u00ebrtet divorcet kan\u00eb lidhje edhe me t\u00eb drejtat dhe lirit\u00eb e njeriut, ama, n\u00eb jo pak raste, shkaku i tyre duhet k\u00ebrkuar te martesat e pastudiuara mir\u00eb. Fatkeq\u00ebsisht, njeriut i bie t\u00eb vendos\u00eb p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb \u00e7\u00ebshtje aq shum\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme nga e cila varet 90 % e lumturis\u00eb, n\u00eb nj\u00eb mosh\u00eb ende t\u00eb papjekur e pa p\u00ebrvoj\u00ebn jet\u00ebsore, pra, duke qen\u00eb gati \u201cadoleshent\u201d. M\u00eb duket se edhe vonesat e martesava duke menduar se \u201cka koh\u00eb\u201d ose \u201cle t\u00eb shijoj edhe ca koh\u00eb beqarin\u00eb\u201d, t\u00eb kujtojn\u00eb ata t\u00eb cil\u00ebt nuk z\u00ebn\u00eb vend me koh\u00eb n\u00eb \u201cautobusin e martes\u00ebs\u201d, por nxitojn\u00eb q\u00eb ta kapin at\u00eb e pastaj pranojn\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb rrin\u00eb edhe n\u00eb k\u00ebmb\u00eb. Anglez\u00ebt kan\u00eb nj\u00eb shprehje t\u00eb bukur: \u201cMos u marto me at\u00eb i cili nuk qesh, kur ti mendon se duhet t\u00eb qesh\u00eb\u201d, por edhe m\u00eb t\u00eb bukur i kemi ne shqiptar\u00ebt kur themi se \u201cditen e martes\u00ebs ose t\u00eb mbyllet, ose t\u00eb \u00e7ilet dera\u201d. Ndaj, n\u00ebse do nj\u00eb martes\u00eb t\u00eb suksesshme, martohu me nj\u00eb mikun\/miken t\u00ebnde. Por ka edhe t\u00eb tjera t\u00eb \u00e7muara si p\u00ebr shembull n\u00eb Dib\u00ebr thon\u00eb: \u201ccop\u00ebs shihni an\u00ebn e cuc\u00ebs shihi nan\u00ebn\u201d, etj. Kurbeti ka rolin e vet t\u00eb keq pasi vajzat thon\u00eb \u201cik\u00ebn p\u00ebllumbat e mbet\u00ebn shkrumbet\u201d, pra, nuk ke me k\u00eb t\u00eb martohesh. Edhe fenomene t\u00eb tjera si alkooli, bixhozi e droga jan\u00eb \u201csulmuese\u201d t\u00eb martesave. Lidhjet jasht\u00ebmartesore jan\u00eb p\u00ebrhapur shum\u00eb edhe p\u00ebr shkaqe t\u00eb uris\u00eb seksuale, pasi numri i meshkujve \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb i pak\u00ebt se ai i femrave, p\u00ebr ca arsye q\u00eb dihen. Dhuna n\u00eb familje dhe keqtrajtimet jan\u00eb nj\u00eb problem tjet\u00ebr. Kam shpjeguar te nj\u00eb lib\u00ebr i imi nj\u00eb fenemomen q\u00eb quhet pigmalioniz\u00ebm (nga lasht\u00ebsia: Pigmalioni i \u201cdashuruar\u201d me statujat \u201cperfekte\u201d nuk gjente n\u00eb realitet t\u00eb till\u00eb fem\u00ebr dhe mbeti i padashuruar). Sot po d\u00ebmton shum\u00eb edhe interneti. Diku lexova se si t\u00eb rinjt\u00eb japoez\u00eb, p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb zhvillimit t\u00eb teknologjis\u00eb kan\u00eb filluar t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb gjithnj\u00eb e m\u00eb pak seks, sepse at\u00eb po e b\u00ebjn\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyra virtuale n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet internetit. Fjala tradhti bashk\u00ebshortore ting\u00ebllon si e r\u00ebnd\u00eb, por megjithat\u00eb nj\u00eb nd\u00ebr shkaqet e divorceve jan\u00eb edhe tradhtit\u00eb bashk\u00ebshortore. K\u00ebto ndodhin p\u00ebr arsye t\u00eb shumta jo vet\u00ebm nga burrat, por edhe nga grat\u00eb. Sido q\u00eb grat\u00eb jan\u00eb m\u00eb besnike e m\u00eb t\u00eb interesuara p\u00ebr ta ruajtur familjen e martes\u00ebn, p\u00ebrs\u00ebri veprojn\u00eb edhe tek ato jo vet\u00ebm nevoja p\u00ebr ngroht\u00ebsi e vler\u00ebsim, por ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb edhe nj\u00eb si d\u00ebshir\u00eb instinktive p\u00ebr t\u00eb \u201cprovuar\u201d veten sesa \u201c\u00e7mohet\u201d e si nj\u00eb lloj kureshtjeje p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb p\u00ebr \u201cvete\u201d nj\u00eb njeri t\u00eb d\u00ebgjuar biznesmen, artist, shkrimtar etj. Jeta seksuale jo normale n\u00eb martes\u00eb ose mania p\u00ebr t\u00eb provuar gjendje t\u00eb reja emocionale; m\u00ebrzia, trishtimi, zhg\u00ebnjimi, n\u00eb disa raste inati ose d\u00ebshira p\u00ebr t\u2019u hakmarr\u00eb ndaj parnterit si \u201cshp\u00ebrblim\u201d p\u00ebr zhg\u00ebnjimin ose sjelljen jomorale; keqtrajtimi i nj\u00ebrit bashk\u00ebshort nga tjetri etj. K\u00ebto jan\u00eb edhe shkaqet m\u00eb t\u00eb shpesha t\u00eb tradhtive pasi grat\u00eb shohin te burri i aft\u00eb, nj\u00eb si \u201cmbrojt\u00ebs\u201d t\u00eb tyre.
\n\u201cUn\u00eb i ndiej shum\u00eb prishjet e ekuilibrit familjar, shprehet nj\u00eb e anketuar. I dua aq shum\u00eb burrin dhe f\u00ebmij\u00ebt sa jam gati t\u00eb vet\u00ebmohohem p\u00ebr ta n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn m\u00eb sip\u00ebrore. Q\u00eb t\u00eb dashurosh duhet t\u00eb jap\u00ebsh di\u00e7ka t\u00eb madhe nga vetja. Dashuria e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb nuk njeh as mosh\u00eb, por kjo ndodh vet\u00ebm at\u00ebher\u00eb kur ti nuk je n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb dallosh k\u00eb do m\u00eb shum\u00eb: veten apo tjetrin…\u201d. K\u00ebsaj gruaje fisnike e t\u00eb kulturuar i kam b\u00ebr\u00eb nj\u00eb pyetje jo t\u00eb zakonshme e cila n\u00eb fillim sikur e befasoi at\u00eb. Pasi i tregova dy deg\u00eb gati t\u00eb shqyera, por m\u00eb pas t\u00eb afruara e si t\u00eb \u201csalduara\u201d te plaga, i thash\u00eb: \u201cMegjithat\u00eb, supozoni p\u00ebr nj\u00eb moment sikur bashk\u00ebshorti juaj ka shp\u00ebrdoruar besimin e dashurin\u00eb tuaj dhe \u00ebsht\u00eb lidhur me nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, dometh\u00ebn\u00eb, ju ka braktisur, ndon\u00ebse mund t\u00eb bashk\u00ebjetoj\u00eb me ju. A do ta falnit? A mund t\u00eb ndodh\u00eb si te k\u00ebto dy deg\u00ebt t\u00eb cilat pasi jan\u00eb afruar e ringjitur, nuk i pret as sopata k\u00ebtu?\u201d. \u201cFalja n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e leht\u00eb, megjithat\u00eb duhet\u201d, tha ajo. M\u00eb kujtohet se para disa vitesh rast\u00ebsisht kam par\u00eb nj\u00eb tablo shum\u00eb t\u00eb bukur t\u00eb nj\u00eb piktori t\u00eb huaj, me di\u00e7iture\u00ebn \u201cU kthye\u201d. Babai, pasi ka braktisur gruan e f\u00ebmij\u00ebt p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb nj\u00eb dashurie t\u00eb \u201cre\u201d e ndoshta t\u00eb nj\u00ebanshme, m\u00eb n\u00eb fund kthehet. Sigurisht, i zhg\u00ebnjyer, si\u00e7 ngjet zakonisht n\u00eb k\u00ebto raste. Kthehet, por i ndrojtur, i trup\u00ebruar dhe me nj\u00eb frik\u00eb n\u00eb zem\u00ebr. Duket shum\u00eb i penduar. N\u00eb duar mban ca dhurata p\u00ebr gruan e f\u00ebmij\u00ebt. Fytyra e tij ka marr\u00eb nj\u00eb pamje t\u00eb trishtuar dhe duket sikur pyet: \u201cA do t\u00eb m\u00eb falni?… Nuk desha, po… se si ngjau… Nuk do t\u2019ju braktis kurr\u00eb m\u00eb!\u201d. Por piktori ka vendosur ta d\u00ebnoj\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00eb at\u00eb. Gruaja dhe f\u00ebmij\u00ebt i kan\u00eb kthyer shpin\u00ebn t\u00eb irrituar. N\u00eb mur paraqiten kornizat me fotografit\u00eb e \u00e7iftit dal\u00eb pas martes\u00ebs, por portreti i \u201cburrit\u201d dhe bashk\u00ebshortja \u00ebsht\u00eb grisur… Jo kaq r\u00ebnd\u00eb!
\nPavar\u00ebsisht nga flirtet, dashuria shpesh ruhet dhe familja e b\u00ebn m\u00eb t\u00eb fort\u00eb martes\u00ebn, k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb e kam \u201cv\u00ebrtetuar\u201d vet\u00eb nga psikoterapit\u00eb e shumta me \u00e7iftet. Edhe me fe thuhet: \u201c\u00cbsht\u00eb shum\u00eb her\u00eb m\u00eb i mir\u00eb ai q\u00eb ka gabuar dhe \u00ebsht\u00eb penduar sesa ai q\u00eb s\u2019ka gabuar kurr\u00eb\u201d. Bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt q\u00eb e duan dhe e respektojn\u00eb nj\u00ebri-tjetrin, q\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqen ta b\u00ebjn\u00eb jet\u00ebn bashk\u00ebshortore interesante, t\u00eb larmishme e plot surpriza t\u00eb k\u00ebndshme dhe bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt e kulturuar duhet t\u00eb din\u00eb ta ruajn\u00eb bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebsin\u00eb. Njohja dhe shmangia e faktor\u00ebve q\u00eb d\u00ebmtojn\u00eb jet\u00ebn bashk\u00ebshortore ka gjithashtu r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi profilaktike p\u00ebr t\u00eb ruajtur bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebsin\u00eb dhe familjen. Prandaj \u00ebsht\u00eb me r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi p\u00ebr edukat\u00ebn seksuale futja e partner\u00ebve n\u00eb martes\u00eb me bindje dhe vendosm\u00ebri p\u00ebr t\u00eb ruajtur besnik\u00ebrin\u00eb bashk\u00ebshortore, gj\u00eb q\u00eb p\u00ebrb\u00ebn edhe idealin e martes\u00ebs. Madje edhe n\u00eb rast se bashk\u00ebshorti i pafajsh\u00ebm s\u00ebmuret, bashk\u00ebshorti tjet\u00ebr duhet t\u00eb vler\u00ebsoj\u00eb drejt situat\u00ebn pa harruar se ka detyrime njer\u00ebzore, morale e qytetare dhe keqtrajtimi apo braktisja bashk\u00ebshortore jan\u00eb t\u00eb pajustifikuara. Ngritja e vazhduar e kultur\u00ebs s\u00eb jet\u00ebs seksuale dhe e marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnieve bashk\u00ebshortore b\u00ebn t\u00eb mundur uljen e divorceve e n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb ndjeshme, t\u00eb rasteve t\u00eb lidhjeve seksuale jasht\u00eb martese. Prandaj problemet e jet\u00ebs s\u00eb rregullt familjare nd\u00ebrmjet bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebve duhet t\u00eb t\u00ebrheqin m\u00eb tep\u00ebr v\u00ebmendjen e specialist\u00ebve pedagog\u00eb, mjek\u00eb, sociolog\u00eb etj. me q\u00ebllim q\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrpunohen forma t\u00eb reja m\u00eb progresive t\u00eb jet\u00ebs s\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt t\u00eb partner\u00ebve t\u00eb bashk\u00ebmartuar. N\u00eb rast se gjat\u00eb lidhjeve seksuale jasht\u00eb martese lindin ndjenja t\u00eb forta dashurie, at\u00ebher\u00eb ato b\u00ebhen k\u00ebrc\u00ebnuese p\u00ebr martes\u00ebn, ndaj duhet vrapuar p\u00ebr te psikologu. Shum\u00eb autor\u00eb jan\u00eb t\u00eb mendimit se bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt duhet t\u2019i njohin shkaqet dhe rrethanat q\u00eb \u00e7ojn\u00eb n\u00eb lidhje seksuale jasht\u00eb martese, me q\u00ebllim q\u00eb t\u2019i shmangen k\u00ebtij fenomeni. Sipas disa psikolog\u00ebve e seksolog\u00ebve, mund t\u00eb p\u00ebrmenden si t\u00eb tilla: joshja nga nj\u00eb seks m\u00eb i bukur (sidomos kur bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt nuk e mbajn\u00eb veten); q\u00ebllimet sociale, dometh\u00ebn\u00eb lidhjet seksuale p\u00ebr nevoja ekonomike, pune ose karriere t\u00eb cilat quhen edhe kontakte socio-seksuale; mania e disa femrave p\u00ebr t\u00eb pasur \u201cfam\u00eb\u201d qoft\u00eb edhe me lakuriq\u00ebsin\u00eb e tyre, si\u00e7 ndodh edhe me artist\u00ebt e Hollivudit. Nj\u00eb postulat q\u00eb thot\u00eb se \u201cai q\u00eb nuk k\u00ebnaqet me at\u00eb q\u00eb ka, nuk do t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqet as me at\u00eb q\u00eb do t\u00eb donte t\u00eb kishte\u201d, gjen vend edhe k\u00ebtu. Martesa do krijuar me men\u00e7uri, po edhe do ruajtur e sh\u00ebruar, q\u00eb t\u00eb ket\u00eb jet\u00ebgjat\u00ebsi. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
– P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje psikolog Jashari. Kam nj\u00eb pyetje. Si mendoni ju, shtimi i numrit t\u00eb divorceve n\u00eb shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb shqiptare \u00ebsht\u00eb shenj\u00eb e emancipimit t\u00eb femr\u00ebs shqiptare, q\u00eb nuk pranon me determinimin mbi baz\u00ebn e gjinis\u00eb apo nj\u00eb defekt social me pasoja t\u00eb r\u00ebnda financiare sidomos p\u00ebr femr\u00ebn q\u00eb p\u00ebrballet me v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsi t\u00eb m\u00ebdha pas divorcit? Fatjoni. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10574","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10574","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10574"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10574\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10574"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10574"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10574"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}