– I dashur psikolog, kam nj\u00eb problem shum\u00eb serioz q\u00eb s\u2019do t\u00eb guxoja kurr\u00eb t\u2019jua thoja ball\u00ebp\u00ebrball\u00eb. Kur isha adoleshente, u fejova dhe u ndava. Tani jam 22 vje\u00e7e dhe kam frik\u00eb t\u00eb kem nj\u00eb lidhje ose t\u00eb fejohem. Kalova n\u00eb traum\u00eb, si nj\u00eb lloj p\u00ebrdhunimi, se nuk e doja at\u00eb njeri dhe tani jam b\u00ebr\u00eb tip i mbyllur. M\u00eb vjen zor ta them, por m\u00eb t\u00ebrheq e nj\u00ebjta gjini, kam frik\u00eb nga meshkujt, kam frik\u00eb t\u00eb mendoj p\u00ebr seksin e jo m\u00eb ta b\u00ebj at\u00eb. Tmerrohem nga mendimi se p\u00ebrse s\u2019i dua meshkujt. Nuk kam qen\u00eb kurr\u00eb e dashuruar…
\nDr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist: – E dashur 22 vje\u00e7are, po t\u00eb flas si bij\u00ebs sime sepse m\u00eb vjen keq q\u00eb ti t\u00eb kesh aq shum\u00eb nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr psikoterapi e t\u00eb mos guxosh p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrfituar nga fenomeni m\u00eb i bukur e natyror, nga rr\u00ebfimi i vetes, k\u00ebshillimi psikoteraupetik dhe reflektimet mbi jet\u00ebn. Po pse, si\u00e7 thua ti, nuk do t\u00eb guxoje t\u00eb ma thoje kurr\u00eb ball\u00ebp\u00ebrball\u00eb nj\u00eb problem kaq \u201cserioz\u201d? Ky nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb ndonj\u00eb turp. Nuk ishte faji yt q\u00eb p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb nj\u00eb traume nga fejesa jote n\u00eb adoleshenc\u00eb, kalove nj\u00eb periudh\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb, u ndjeve gati si e p\u00ebrdhunuar dhe tani je b\u00ebr\u00eb e mbyllur, nuk guxon m\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb takosh ndonj\u00eb djal\u00eb, e ke marr\u00eb frik\u00eb seksin, ndoshta edhe ke kaluar gati n\u00eb fobi nga meshkujt, apo m\u00eb e pakta \u00ebsht\u00eb se ke kaluar n\u00eb nj\u00eb gjendje negativizmi ndaj tyre. Turpi e brengat e tua shtohen kur ti mendon (n\u00eb fakt, t\u00eb duket) sikur t\u00eb t\u00ebrheq e nj\u00ebjta gjini(!). Do t\u00eb d\u00ebshiroja t\u00eb t\u00eb bindja se kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb ndjesi \u201cmashtruese\u201d, nj\u00eb \u201cmarifet\u201d q\u00eb na e krijojn\u00eb frik\u00ebrat e ankthi pas traumave q\u00eb ne p\u00ebsojm\u00eb n\u00eb jet\u00eb, pra, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb lloj ndjesie fallco ose ashtu si\u00e7 e thon\u00eb fetar\u00ebt, nj\u00eb ide q\u00eb ta kujton \u201cshejtani\u201d, por q\u00eb t\u00eb jep edhe ndjesit\u00eb fallco, madje nj\u00ebfar\u00eb k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsie e qet\u00ebsie si p\u00ebr t\u00eb t\u00eb bindur se ti je lesbike kur nuk je, as nuk mund t\u00eb jesh, se nuk je \u201cgatuar\u201d e till\u00eb. Vepron pra psikosmatikja, duke manipuluar me faktin q\u00eb \u00e7do njeri \u00ebsht\u00eb sadopak dyseksual. \u00cbsht\u00eb pik\u00ebrisht dyseksualiteti pa t\u00eb cilin njeriu nuk do t\u00eb quhej normal, ai q\u00eb i tremb shum\u00eb djem t\u00eb rinj duke kujtuar se mos jan\u00eb homo, ose shum\u00eb vajza t\u00eb reja, q\u00eb kujtojn\u00eb se mos jan\u00eb lesbike. T\u00eb gjith\u00eb ata q\u00eb e kan\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj frike, kur vijn\u00eb tek un\u00eb e b\u00ebjn\u00eb testin, rezultojn\u00eb se jan\u00eb 100 % t\u00eb rregullt dhe vet\u00eb kund\u00ebrshtia psikologjike tregon se homoseksualiteti nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb aspak n\u00eb natyr\u00ebn apo n\u00eb qenien e tyre, por vet\u00ebm te mendimet, pra, \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka t\u00eb cil\u00ebn ata s\u2019mund ta ken\u00eb edhe sikur ta d\u00ebshirojn\u00eb, pasi si\u00e7 thash\u00eb, nuk jan\u00eb gatuar t\u00eb till\u00eb. Homofobiku ka frik\u00eb edhe ta mendoj\u00eb homoseksualizmin, edhe pse mund t\u2019i duket sikur e d\u00ebshiron. K\u00ebshtu ka ndodhur edhe me ty vajz\u00eb; ti je fejuar e vog\u00ebl, pra, adoleshente dhe romantizmit e ndjenjave t\u00eb tua t\u00eb brishta (si tr\u00ebndafili kur \u00e7el) i \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigjur i fejuari gati me p\u00ebrdhunim. K\u00ebshtu ndodh ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb sepse jeta neve shpesh na sulmon, porse p\u00ebrvojat e para, shum\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebqija jan\u00eb shpeshher\u00eb shum\u00eb traumatizuese, deri n\u00eb at\u00eb shkall\u00eb sa njeriu mund t\u00eb kaloj\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb kund\u00ebrt\u00ebn e asaj q\u00eb ka d\u00ebshiruar, pasi vet\u00eb reaksioni i ndjenj\u00ebs b\u00ebhet i till\u00eb sa t\u00eb duket sikur gjith\u00eb fatkeq\u00ebsin\u00eb ta shkaktoi ajo q\u00eb ti d\u00ebshiron, pra, martesa apo seksi.
\n– Zhan Zhak Rusoi u martua me nj\u00eb grua shum\u00eb t\u00eb zgjuar t\u00eb cil\u00ebn ai e d\u00ebshiroi shum\u00eb, por ajo e braktisi dhe ai, i l\u00ebnduar thell\u00eb e me shpirtin cop\u00eb, filloi t\u00eb urrente zgjuarsin\u00eb e femrave, si t\u00eb ishte ai shkaku dhe u martua me nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr grua e cila iu duk se nuk ishte e till\u00eb, por e urt\u00eb dhe e paqt\u00eb, pa pretendime, grua q\u00eb s\u2019do ta braktiste kurr\u00eb. Por, kur kuptoi se ajo nuk dinte t\u00eb num\u00ebronte dhe as nuk mbante mend em\u00ebrtimet e dit\u00ebve, muajve etj. u lemeris fare edhe m\u00eb keq dhe gjith\u00eb bukuria e saj iu zbeh, i mori inat t\u00eb gjitha femrat dhe kujtoi se mos ishte homoseksual.
\nK\u00ebshtu po ndodh edhe me ty vajz\u00eb, pasi pas \u00e7do traume, njeriu p\u00ebson nj\u00eb r\u00ebnie shpirt\u00ebrore, nj\u00eb zhg\u00ebnjim dhe vjen nj\u00eb dit\u00eb q\u00eb \u201cdialogun\u201d e b\u00ebn vet\u00ebm me veten, m\u00eb sakt\u00eb, ngjarjet e \u201cpahijshme\u201d ia rr\u00ebfen vet\u00ebm vetes, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u2019ia rr\u00ebfente psikologut dhe dal\u00ebngadal\u00eb, n\u00eb monologun si n\u00eb nj\u00eb \u201cmorg\u201d, i mbyll mendimet pozitive tek ato \u201codat e err\u00ebta\u201d t\u00eb shpirtit, shtres\u00ebzon deri n\u00eb tavan mendimet negative q\u00eb fillojn\u00eb me pyetjet: \u201cPo sikur?\u201d e \u201cpse?\u201d pa fund dhe ndjehesh vet\u00ebm si nj\u00eb e d\u00ebshtuar. N\u00eb k\u00ebto raste, ne faj\u00ebsojm\u00eb e vet\u00ebfaj\u00ebsohemi dhe pranojm\u00eb \u201cfaktet\u201d se s\u2019mund t\u00eb jemi ne as t\u00eb lumturit e as t\u00eb duhurit. Kjo gjendje shoq\u00ebrohet me brenga pa fund e strese, pasi ne psikolog\u00ebt themi se na shkaktojn\u00eb stres nuk jan\u00eb ndodhit\u00eb n\u00eb vetvete, por mendimet tona p\u00ebr ndodhit\u00eb. Dhe fillojn\u00eb e shohim veten me \u201csyze t\u00eb err\u00ebta\u201d aq sa edhe kur flejm\u00eb, i ndjejm\u00eb qepallat t\u00eb r\u00ebnduara. Dhe kjo, jo p\u00ebr faktin se n\u00eb jet\u00eb nuk ndodhin gj\u00ebra q\u00eb na b\u00ebjn\u00eb t\u00eb lumtur, por sepse vet\u00eb ne ua mbyllim dyert gj\u00ebrave t\u00eb bukura nga frika se mos na futen t\u00eb \u201ck\u00ebqijat\u201d.
\nNjeriu nuk duhet t\u00eb mbyllet si k\u00ebrmilli n\u00eb guack\u00ebn e vet pasi jeta \u00ebsht\u00eb e mbushur plot me gj\u00ebra t\u00eb bukura dhe neve do na duket jeta e \u201cerr\u00ebt\u201d n\u00ebse nuk guxojm\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb dalim e ta shohim. Kjo ndodh sepse na kan\u00eb mbetur n\u00eb mendje t\u00eb hidhurat, si ndonj\u00eb kock\u00eb e patretur n\u00eb stomak dhe na dhemb aq shum\u00eb duke l\u00ebn\u00eb t\u00eb tilla gjurm\u00eb sa na duket sikur mendimet e zymta zvarriten rreth nesh si anakond\u00eb. N\u00eb k\u00ebto raste, duhet patjet\u00ebr pak \u201cacid\u201d natyror psikoterapeutik q\u00eb t\u2019i shkrij\u00eb pa l\u00ebn\u00eb gjurm\u00eb k\u00ebto skelete traumash t\u00eb padurueshme e aq t\u00eb hidhura. Vet\u00ebm veshet e mi e din\u00eb se \u00e7far\u00eb kan\u00eb d\u00ebgjuar nga mij\u00ebra klient\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebve u \u00ebsht\u00eb rregulluar m\u00eb pas jeta e c\u00ebnuar n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet psikoterapis\u00eb. Njeriu duhet t\u00eb kuptoj\u00eb se ka nj\u00eb ndryshim t\u00eb madh n\u00eb mes t\u00eb \u00e7asteve t\u00eb k\u00ebndshme dhe atyre t\u00eb dhimbshme, i cili lidhet me termat dhe memorizimin. Ato t\u00eb bukurat p\u00ebrjetohen me shpirt e me zem\u00ebr, nd\u00ebrsa ato t\u00eb hidhurat mbeten si t\u00eb shtres\u00ebzuara n\u00eb hap\u00ebsirat e rrudhave t\u00eb trurit; kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb edhe arsyeja pse e nj\u00ebjta l\u00ebnges\u00eb na \u201cvret\u201d edhe me kalimin e koh\u00ebs, madje edhe at\u00ebher\u00eb kur kujtojn\u00eb se e kemi harruar.
\nPrandaj un\u00eb u them klient\u00ebve q\u00eb n\u00eb seanc\u00ebn e par\u00eb se do t\u00eb hapim \u201cdyer e dritare\u201d t\u00eb \u201cmagazinave\u201d t\u00eb kujtes\u00ebs, jo vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u2019i ajrosur, por edhe p\u00ebr t\u2019i sistemuar, sepse duke heshtur vjen nj\u00eb moment q\u00eb nuk e di m\u00eb se kush je m\u00eb e ku duhet vajtur. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
– I dashur psikolog, kam nj\u00eb problem shum\u00eb serioz q\u00eb s\u2019do t\u00eb guxoja kurr\u00eb t\u2019jua thoja ball\u00ebp\u00ebrball\u00eb. Kur isha adoleshente, u fejova dhe u ndava. Tani jam 22 vje\u00e7e dhe kam frik\u00eb t\u00eb kem nj\u00eb lidhje ose t\u00eb fejohem. Kalova n\u00eb traum\u00eb, si nj\u00eb lloj p\u00ebrdhunimi, se nuk e doja at\u00eb njeri dhe tani jam […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10506","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10506","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10506"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10506\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10506"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10506"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10506"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}