{"id":10323,"date":"2015-08-31T17:00:15","date_gmt":"2015-08-31T15:00:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=10323"},"modified":"2015-08-31T13:03:33","modified_gmt":"2015-08-31T11:03:33","slug":"keshillat-kryesore-qe-terapistet-e-cifteve-u-thone-klienteve-te-tyre","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2015\/08\/keshillat-kryesore-qe-terapistet-e-cifteve-u-thone-klienteve-te-tyre\/","title":{"rendered":"K\u00ebshillat kryesore q\u00eb terapist\u00ebt e \u00e7ifteve u thon\u00eb klient\u00ebve t\u00eb tyre"},"content":{"rendered":"

Shum\u00eb \u00e7ifte e kan\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u2019i drejtohen terapistit t\u00eb \u00e7iftit p\u00ebr t\u00eb zgjidhur problemet e tyre. N\u00eb fakt duhet shum\u00eb kuraj\u00eb t\u00eb rr\u00ebfesh gjith\u00eb sekretet e lidhjes t\u00ebnde para nj\u00eb t\u00eb huaji. Pastaj mund t\u00eb keni frik\u00eb mos dukeni si t\u00eb pashpres\u00eb derisa jeni b\u00ebr\u00eb p\u00ebr psikolog…Po sikur t\u00eb filloni t\u00eb b\u00ebni si histerik\u00eb n\u00eb syt\u00eb e tij? P\u00ebr t\u2019ju kursyer sadopak vajtjen tek terapist\u00ebt, ne kemi marr\u00eb mendimin e tyre se \u00e7far\u00eb k\u00ebshillash iu japin m\u00eb shpesh \u00e7ifteve q\u00eb shkojn\u00eb tek ta. M\u00eb pas zgjidheni vet\u00eb n\u00ebse do t\u2019i vini n\u00eb zbatim apo jo, ose n\u00ebse preferoni t\u00eb shkoni ta takoni drejtp\u00ebrdrejt (gj\u00eb q\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb edhe kaq e tmerrshme). \u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

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K\u00ebshilla 1: Mos ndiqni rrjedh\u00ebn<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cN\u00eb koh\u00ebn ton\u00eb t\u00eb bombarduar me teknologjin\u00eb e lart\u00eb, me munges\u00ebn e koh\u00ebs dhe stresin, martesa \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb sesa ka qen\u00eb m\u00eb par\u00eb. Un\u00eb e di nga martesa ime dhe ajo e klient\u00ebve t\u00eb mi se, n\u00ebse ndjekim rrjedh\u00ebn, ajo do t\u00eb na shpjer\u00eb larg nj\u00ebri-tjetrit. \u00c7iftet q\u00eb jan\u00eb v\u00ebrtet t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur me mar\u00ebdh\u00ebnien e tyre m\u00ebsojn\u00eb si t\u00eb krijojn\u00eb rrjedh\u00ebn e tyre dhe hapi i par\u00eb q\u00eb duhet b\u00ebr\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb gjesh gjithmon\u00eb koh\u00eb p\u00ebr tjetrin, q\u00eb t\u00eb kujdesesh p\u00ebr lidhjen emocionale dhe seksuale. Ne u themi klient\u00ebve, ose t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb u vjen t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb natyrshme, por q\u00eb i \u00e7on n\u00eb largim, ose t\u00eb m\u00ebsojn\u00eb disa aft\u00ebsi p\u00ebr lidhjen, q\u00eb do t\u2019i b\u00ebjn\u00eb t\u2019i rikthehen nj\u00eb lidhjeje t\u00eb sh\u00ebndetshme dhe t\u00eb ekuilibruar\u201d, thot\u00eb nj\u00eb psikolog amerikan, autor i librit \u201cNga salloni n\u00eb dhom\u00ebn e gjumit: Guid\u00eb p\u00ebr \u00e7iftet moderne p\u00ebr nj\u00eb intimitet dhe seks t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqsh\u00ebm\u201d.<\/p>\n

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K\u00ebshilla 2. Kushtojini v\u00ebmendje problemeve q\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebriten shpesh<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201c\u00c7iftet zakonisht b\u00ebjn\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtat grindje, me variacione leht\u00ebsisht t\u00eb ndryshme, gjithmon\u00eb e gjithmon\u00eb. Kjo ka t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb me p\u00ebrpjekjet p\u00ebr t\u00eb sh\u00ebruar plag\u00eb t\u00eb vjetra, q\u00eb shpesh e kan\u00eb burimin tek familja e origjin\u00ebs nga vjen personi. \u00c7iftet n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb pand\u00ebrgjegjshme p\u00ebrs\u00ebrisin t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtin model, duke shpresuar se k\u00ebsaj radhe zgjidhja do t\u00eb jet\u00eb ndryshe dhe ata do t\u00eb shp\u00ebtojn\u00eb prej vuajtjes. Kur fillon ta kuptosh k\u00ebt\u00eb model, at\u00ebher\u00eb lind mund\u00ebsia p\u00ebr sh\u00ebrimin e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb dhe rritjen brenda \u00e7iftit. Un\u00eb shpesh u them klient\u00ebve se krijimi i nj\u00eb lidhjeje t\u00eb fuqishme me partnerin nuk vjen menj\u00ebher\u00eb, si n\u00ebp\u00ebr filma. \u00c7iftet e sh\u00ebndetsh\u00ebm b\u00ebjn\u00eb veprime t\u00eb p\u00ebrditshme dhe p\u00ebrpiqen ta l\u00ebn\u00eb nj\u00ebri-tjetrin p\u00ebr disa momente \u00e7do dit\u00eb n\u00eb bot\u00ebn e tyre t\u00eb brendshme\u201d, thot\u00eb nj\u00eb terapist nga Beverli Hillsi.<\/p>\n

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K\u00ebshilla 3: Ju keni nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr af\u00ebrsi dhe intimitet<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cFjal\u00ebt \u201caf\u00ebrsi\u201d dhe \u201cintimitet\u201d shpesh p\u00ebrdoren n\u00eb vend t\u00eb nj\u00ebra-tjetr\u00ebs, por ato jan\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshme. Af\u00ebrsia ka lidhje me rehatin\u00eb, ta ndjesh veten mir\u00eb, pa ankthe, pa frik\u00ebra, familjare. Af\u00ebrsia \u00ebsht\u00eb e nevojshme n\u00eb gjith\u00eb lidhjet, megjithat\u00eb, af\u00ebrsia pa intimitetin \u00ebsht\u00eb thjesht sikur ke b\u00ebr\u00eb nj\u00eb kontrat\u00eb t\u00eb path\u00ebn\u00eb p\u00ebr ta kaluar jet\u00ebn dhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb vdekur s\u00eb bashku. Intimiteti ka lidhje me marrjen nd\u00ebr sy t\u00eb rrezkut, risit\u00eb, spontaneitetin dhe ankthin e lart\u00eb. Intimiteti do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se ke nj\u00eb mar\u00ebdh\u00ebnie me partnerin, nd\u00ebrsa af\u00ebrsia do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se je i lidhur me mendimet e tjetrit. Edhe intimiteti nuk mund t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb vet\u00ebm pa af\u00ebrsin\u00eb, duhet nj\u00eb p\u00ebrzierje e t\u00eb dyjave\u201d, thot\u00eb nj\u00eb terapist familjeje dhe \u00e7ifti.<\/p>\n

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K\u00ebshilla 4: Vini n\u00eb vend t\u00eb par\u00eb dhembshurin\u00eb<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cT\u00eb gjitha \u00e7iftet kan\u00eb mosmarr\u00ebveshje dhe nganj\u00ebher\u00eb, edhe padashur, i shkaktojn\u00eb dhimbje nj\u00ebri-tjetrit. Kur kjo ndodh, \u00ebsht\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme t\u00eb kesh n\u00eb mendje se nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb ndarja, por pajtimi ai q\u00eb ka r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi. N\u00ebse partner\u00ebt m\u00ebsojn\u00eb t\u2019i afrohen nj\u00ebri-tjetrit me dhembshuri dhe mir\u00ebkuptim, kjo mund t\u2019i ndihmoj\u00eb t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcejn\u00eb edhe situatat e humbjes s\u00eb p\u00ebrkohshme t\u00eb lidhjes dhe t\u00eb forcoj\u00eb mar\u00ebdh\u00ebnien. Pro\u00e7esi i angazhimit t\u00eb partnerit dhe b\u00ebrja e p\u00ebrpjekjeve p\u00ebr t\u00eb riparuar seriozisht lidhjen do t\u2019ju ndihmoj\u00eb t\u00eb nd\u00ebrtoni ura q\u00eb do ta forcojn\u00eb lidhjen me kalimin e koh\u00ebs\u201d, thot\u00eb terapisti.<\/p>\n

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K\u00ebshilla 5: P\u00ebrdoreni zem\u00ebrimin p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrmir\u00ebsuar lidhjen<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cGj\u00ebja kryesore q\u00eb un\u00eb u them klient\u00ebve \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrdorin zem\u00ebrimin p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb ndryshime pozitive, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb ta lejojn\u00eb at\u00eb t\u00eb krijoj\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsi n\u00eb lidhje, apo n\u00eb jet\u00eb. Kur zem\u00ebrohesh, pyete veten se \u00e7far\u00eb nuk shkon, \u00e7far\u00eb duhet ndryshuar dhe \u00e7far\u00eb hapash duhet t\u00eb nd\u00ebrmarr\u00ebsh p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb k\u00ebto ndryshime. Vet\u00ebm mos q\u00ebndroni t\u00eb zem\u00ebruar me personin tjet\u00ebr, apo situat\u00ebn, sepse kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb konstruktive, thjesht do t\u2019ju b\u00ebj\u00eb t\u00eb q\u00ebndroni n\u00eb vend num\u00ebro\u201d, thot\u00eb autorja e librit \u201c\u00c7far\u00eb ndodh me mua? Si ta ndaloj egoizmin t\u00eb shkat\u00ebrroj\u00eb lidhjen\u201d.<\/p>\n

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K\u00ebshilla 6: Ju mund ta falni partnerin<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cN\u00ebse ka nj\u00eb gj\u00eb q\u00eb dallon \u00e7iftet e suksessh\u00ebm, \u00ebsht\u00eb aft\u00ebsia e secilit partner t\u00eb falin nj\u00ebri-tjetrin. Falja na lejon t\u00eb pranojm\u00eb veten dhe partnerin si qenie njer\u00ebzore, t\u00eb cilat, megjith\u00eb p\u00ebrpjekjet e mira, b\u00ebjn\u00eb gabime dhe nuk jan\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrkryera. Na lejon t\u00eb hedhim v\u00ebshtrimin p\u00ebrtej problemve t\u00eb pad\u00ebshiruara dhe t\u00eb shohim qenien njer\u00ebzore jo t\u00eb p\u00ebrkryer q\u00eb kemi p\u00ebrball\u00eb, t\u00eb cilit do t\u2019i vlente m\u00eb shum\u00eb nj\u00eb p\u00ebrqafim, ose fjal\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb, sesa nj\u00eb shikim i zem\u00ebruar. Kjo gj\u00eb, disa njer\u00ebzve u vjen natyrsh\u00ebm, nd\u00ebrsa t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt mund ta m\u00ebsojn\u00eb. K\u00ebshtu pra, n\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u00eb thuash fjal\u00eb t\u00eb ashpra p\u00ebr partnerin, t\u00eb tipit: \u201cSi u tregua kaq budalla?, ose \u201cNuk do ta kishim k\u00ebt\u00eb problem, n\u00ebse ai\/ajo nuk do t\u00eb kishte b\u00ebr\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb mir\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrdorim faljen\u201d, thot\u00eb terapisti.<\/p>\n

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K\u00ebshilla 7: P\u00ebrq\u00ebndrojeni vemendjen tek vetja juaj p\u00ebr nj\u00eb jet\u00eb seksuale m\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cN\u00eb praktik\u00ebn time, shoh shum\u00eb \u00e7ifte q\u00eb dikur kishin nj\u00eb shkall\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb lart\u00eb t\u00eb interesit seksual dhe eksitimi p\u00ebr partnerin e tyre dhe tani mendojn\u00eb se di\u00e7ka e tmerrshme u ka ndodhur, sepse ata nuk e ndjejn\u00eb m\u00eb veten k\u00ebshtu. Nj\u00eb nga m\u00ebnyrat p\u00ebr t\u00eb rigjall\u00ebruar jet\u00ebn seksuale \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb gjesh koh\u00eb p\u00ebr vete, p\u00ebr t\u00eb reflektuar. N\u00ebse ke q\u00ebllim t\u00eb kesh m\u00eb shum\u00eb af\u00ebrsi seksuale me partnerin, kjo mund t\u00eb arrihet vet\u00ebm duke u p\u00ebrq\u00ebndruar m\u00eb shum\u00eb tek vetja. Disa njer\u00ebz jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb dh\u00ebn\u00eb pas seksit, p\u00ebr ar\u00ebsye hormonale, por, nga eksperienca ime, njer\u00ebzit kan\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb ndjehen mir\u00eb n\u00eb vetvete n\u00eb fillim, t\u00eb plot\u00ebsojn\u00eb nevojat e trupit t\u00eb tyre, ta pranojn\u00eb trupin e tyre ashtu si\u00e7 \u00ebsht\u00eb dhe t\u00eb ndjehen mir\u00eb me t\u00eb\u201d, thot\u00eb psikologia Ursula Hofman.<\/p>\n

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K\u00ebshilla 8: Jepini debateve koh\u00ebn dhe v\u00ebmendjen q\u00eb meritojn\u00eb<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cM\u00ebsoni si t\u00eb komunikoni kur vjen puna tek \u00e7\u00ebshtjet delikate dhe t\u00eb v\u00ebshtira. Kushtojini atyre gjith\u00eb kujdesin dhe v\u00ebmendjen q\u00eb meritojn\u00eb, duke zgjedhur koh\u00ebn, vendin e duhur dhe m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn si t\u2019i trajtosh ato me men\u00e7uri. Dijeni se mund t\u00eb b\u00ebni nj\u00eb pauz\u00eb kur situata nxehet shum\u00eb, vet\u00ebm p\u00ebrdorini ato vet\u00ebm kur duhet. Sigurohuni m\u00eb pas se do t\u2019i riktheheni \u00e7\u00ebshtjes dhe do t\u00eb merrni p\u00ebrsip\u00ebr p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsin\u00eb e p\u00ebrfundimit t\u00eb diskutimit, n\u00eb nj\u00eb moment q\u00eb e gjykoni t\u00eb duhur dhe nuk do ta lini at\u00eb t\u00eb varur. Cila \u00ebsht\u00eb koha dhe vendi i duhur p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb? T\u00eb mos keni rrotull f\u00ebmij\u00ebt, shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb, jo kur i jepni makin\u00ebs, sepse duhet ta keni v\u00ebmendjen 100% t\u00eb p\u00ebrq\u00ebndruar n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb diskutim dhe as n\u00eb shtrat n\u00eb fund t\u00eb dit\u00ebs, kur jeni shum\u00eb t\u00eb lodhur q\u00eb t\u00eb dy. Diskutoni ball\u00eb p\u00ebr ball\u00eb, n\u00eb nj\u00eb vend t\u00eb qet\u00eb, ku mund t\u00eb d\u00ebgjoni nj\u00ebri-tjetrin dhe t\u2019i kushtoni v\u00ebmendje mendimeve dhe ndjenjave tuaja\u201d.<\/p>\n

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Shum\u00eb \u00e7ifte e kan\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u2019i drejtohen terapistit t\u00eb \u00e7iftit p\u00ebr t\u00eb zgjidhur problemet e tyre. N\u00eb fakt duhet shum\u00eb kuraj\u00eb t\u00eb rr\u00ebfesh gjith\u00eb sekretet e lidhjes t\u00ebnde para nj\u00eb t\u00eb huaji. Pastaj mund t\u00eb keni frik\u00eb mos dukeni si t\u00eb pashpres\u00eb derisa jeni b\u00ebr\u00eb p\u00ebr psikolog…Po sikur t\u00eb filloni t\u00eb b\u00ebni si histerik\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10323","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10323","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10323"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10323\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10323"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10323"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10323"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}