{"id":10254,"date":"2015-08-24T19:30:00","date_gmt":"2015-08-24T17:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=10254"},"modified":"2015-08-24T14:30:57","modified_gmt":"2015-08-24T12:30:57","slug":"kam-frike-mos-e-humbas-dhe-une-te-fejuarin-si-te-veproj","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2015\/08\/kam-frike-mos-e-humbas-dhe-une-te-fejuarin-si-te-veproj\/","title":{"rendered":"Kam frik\u00eb mos e humbas dhe un\u00eb t\u00eb fejuarin, si t\u00eb veproj?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>&#8211; Para kat\u00ebr muajve nj\u00eb shoqja ime m\u00eb prezanton t\u00eb dashurin e saj. Dhe pas k\u00ebtij prezantimi biseduam p\u00ebr gjys\u00ebm or\u00eb t\u00eb tre. T\u00eb them t\u00eb drejt\u00ebn ai s\u2019m\u00eb la p\u00ebrshtypjen fare t\u00eb mir\u00eb. Ishte shum\u00eb llafazan dhe fliste e fliste pa pushim. N\u00eb fakt, nuk m\u00eb drejtohej mua, por fliste n\u00eb p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsi. Por pas nj\u00eb jave ata u ndan\u00eb dhe shoqja ime p\u00ebsoi nj\u00eb tronditje shum\u00eb t\u00eb madhe. Dhe tronditja i vazhdon akoma. T\u00eb them t\u00eb drejt\u00ebn, edhe un\u00eb pas k\u00ebsaj u trondita shum\u00eb dhe s\u2019m\u00eb hiqet nga mendja kjo q\u00eb i ndodhi shoqes. Po sikur t\u00eb m\u00eb l\u00ebr\u00eb edhe mua i fejuari? Ai habitet nga k\u00ebto mendimet e mia, por nga dita n\u00eb dit\u00eb jam keq. Kam ankth dhe m\u00eb merret fryma tmerr\u00ebsisht kur mendoj p\u00ebr at\u00eb \u00e7ift. Un\u00eb t\u00eb fejuarin tim e dua mbi \u00e7do gj\u00eb n\u00eb bot\u00eb dhe nuk dua ta humbas. M\u00eb ndihmoni t\u2019i heq nga truri k\u00ebto mendime se po \u00e7mendem fare. Kam marr\u00eb edhe ila\u00e7e kundr ankthit&#8230; Ju lutem!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em><u>Dr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist:<\/u><\/em><\/strong> &#8211; E gjitha kjo p\u00ebrkthehet: frik\u00eb se mos kjo gj\u00eb m\u00eb ndodh dhe mua(!). A e shikon moj vajz\u00eb se \u00e7\u2019t\u00eb \u201cpunon\u201d obsesioni?! T\u00eb b\u00ebn at\u00eb q\u00eb s\u2019ta pret mendja, aq m\u00eb tep\u00ebr kur nuk e njeh at\u00eb dhe \u201cp\u00ebrfshihesh\u201d kot, pra, si\u00e7 thot\u00eb populli, t\u00eb fut n\u00eb \u201cpun\u00eb\u201d pa pasur pun\u00eb. Ti je e fejuar e i ke t\u00eb gjitha gj\u00ebrat mir\u00eb e bukur me t\u00eb fejuarin t\u00ebnd dhe vet\u00ebm sepse shoqja jote e dashur \u00ebsht\u00eb zhg\u00ebnjyer tani nga ai i dashuri \u201cllafazan\u201d ti e ke v\u00ebn\u00eb veten n\u00eb rol t\u00eb saj dhe vuan e \u201ctronditur\u201d shum\u00eb p\u00ebr di\u00e7ka q\u00eb jo vet\u00ebm nuk ka lidhje me ty. Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb mendoj se as ajo vet\u00eb se besoj q\u00eb t\u00eb jet\u00eb e tronditur apo e m\u00ebrzitur kaq, pasi i ka dh\u00ebn\u00eb problemit nj\u00eb far\u00eb zgjidhje duke ecur bashk\u00eb me jet\u00ebn, me sfidat dhe prurjet e saj. Sa shum\u00eb q\u00eb e dashke ti at\u00eb shoqe! Dhe, sa shum\u00eb q\u00eb ajo t\u2019i \u201ctransferoka\u201d (\u201cngecka\u201d) hallet e saj, me siguri, pa dashje, n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb pand\u00ebrgjegjshme&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Mos u \u00e7udit: k\u00ebshtu si ty m\u00eb ka ndodhur dhe mua&#8230; Haha dhe ja po ta tregoj. Duke q\u00ebn\u00eb un\u00eb isha v\u00ebllai i par\u00eb, z\u00ebre se i kam rritur vet\u00eb v\u00ebllez\u00ebrit pas meje dhe ndjeja p\u00ebr ta aq shum\u00eb dhembshuri e p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsi, po aq sa p\u00ebr f\u00ebmij\u00ebt e mij. Nj\u00eb nat\u00eb, v\u00ebllai im m\u00eb lajm\u00ebroi p\u00ebr nj\u00eb problem t\u00eb tijin dhe un\u00eb vajta me nxitim. Ai m\u2019i shpjegoi t\u00eb gjitha, pastaj ai h\u00ebngri dark\u00eb me oreks dhe ra t\u00eb flej\u00eb \u201ctull\u00eb\u201d! Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb mua as buka s\u2019m\u00eb hahej e as gjumi nuk po m\u00eb zinte duke menduar p\u00ebr t\u00eb. Por duke d\u00ebgjuar g\u00ebrrhitjet e tij dhe po m\u00eb vinte si \u201cinat\u201d e zili pse ai flinte e mua s\u2019po m\u00eb zinte gjumi p\u00ebr problemin e tij. Pra, m\u2019u b\u00eb \u201cobsesion\u201d apo ndoshta ai dhash\u00eb problemit r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi m\u00eb tep\u00ebr sesa duhej. Doja t\u00eb \u00e7lirohesha dhe ia thash\u00eb v\u00ebllait t\u00eb nes\u00ebrmen si \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur q\u00eb ma \u201cngece\u201d mua hallin t\u00ebnd dhe h\u00ebngre e fjete me qejf kurse un\u00eb&#8230; \u201c Ah, po\u00a0 tha ai m\u00eb vjen keq p\u00ebr ty, por isha aq i lodhur i uritur e i m\u00ebrzitur sa nuk po duroja dot m\u00eb dhe ty t\u00eb ndjeja aty pran\u00eb si engj\u00ebllin tim mbrojt\u00ebs, si at\u00eb shp\u00ebtimtarin q\u00eb nuk ik\u00ebn pa ta \u201chequr\u201d \u201clitarin nga fyti\u201d. Kjo q\u00eb ai tha, m\u2019u b\u00eb edhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb obsesion aq sa lash\u00eb gjith\u00eb pun\u00ebt e mia duke u marr\u00eb me t\u00eb tijat. Jo vet\u00ebm kaq, por fjal\u00ebt e tij m\u00eb b\u00ebn\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb ndihesha si n\u00eb faj dhe po veproja, jo vet\u00ebm si nj\u00eb baba i dyt\u00eb shum\u00eb i dhimbsh\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u00eb, por edhe si roje \u201cvigjilente\u201d q\u00eb as \u201cmiza\u201d t\u00eb mos e prekte m\u00eb at\u00eb. Kan\u00eb kaluar kaq vite dhe m\u00eb vjen habi sesi ndodhi kjo gj\u00eb, aq sa, me siguri, v\u00ebllai vuajtjet e veta i ka harruar (jam i bindur p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb, sepse e kam \u201ctestuar\u201d) kurse ato t\u00eb mijat as nuk i di e as nuk mund t\u2019ia tregoj se do t\u2019i dukeshin me siguri \u201cqesharake\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>E shikon, pra, se obsesioni kap edhe profesor\u00eb si un\u00eb me nj\u00eb \u201cbarr\u00eb\u201d mend e me gjith\u00eb ato libra e mij\u00ebra leksione t\u00eb shkruara?! Pavar\u00ebsisht se k\u00ebtu kemi t\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb me nj\u00eb obsesion t\u00eb mir\u00eb e me veti tep\u00ebr t\u00eb \u00e7muara njer\u00ebzore, por nj\u00ebqind her\u00eb e kam th\u00ebn\u00eb e p\u00ebrs\u00ebri po ta them se nuk duhet t\u00eb jemi shum\u00eb t\u00eb mbindjesh\u00ebm e p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebs p\u00ebr problemet e t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve se e mira tep\u00ebr \u00ebsht\u00eb e keqja e s\u00eb mir\u00ebs. Me t\u00eb drejt\u00eb habitet edhe i fejuari yt sesi ti ndihesh e till\u00eb&#8230; me t\u00eb drejt\u00eb ti quan fiksime t\u00eb kota e megjithat\u00eb ke marr\u00eb ila\u00e7e sesi p\u00ebrballon dot vuajtjet e ankthin.<\/p>\n<p>Ky lloj ankthi dihet se kap njer\u00ebzit me ndjenja t\u00eb larta p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsie, me shum\u00eb seder e dinjitet, q\u00eb jan\u00eb t\u00eb mbindjesh\u00ebm ndaj \u00e7do gj\u00ebje t\u00eb pad\u00ebshiruar q\u00eb d\u00ebgjojn\u00eb, apo p\u00ebrjetojn\u00eb duke u ndjer\u00eb p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebs edhe pse t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt nuk e kan\u00eb e ansj\u00ebher\u00eb hallin aq t\u00eb madh sa ua tregojn\u00eb ndoshta dhe me \u201cart\u201d sepse shkarkohen (si n\u00eb rastin e v\u00ebllait tim). Kjo n\u00eb fakt \u00ebsht\u00eb veti e \u00e7muar njer\u00ebzore q\u00eb t\u2019u gjendesh e t\u2019i ndihmosh njer\u00ebzit, por jo deri n\u00eb at\u00eb shkall\u00eb sa ta vuash p\u00ebr ta. Pra, \u00ebsht\u00eb lajm i mir\u00eb q\u00eb ti vajz\u00eb ke k\u00ebto veti t\u00eb bukura, k\u00ebto cil\u00ebsi t\u00eb larta p\u00ebr shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb q\u00eb ndihesh \u201cp\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebse\u201d p\u00ebr gjendjen e t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve, por \u00ebsht\u00eb \u201clajm\u201d i keq q\u00eb ti k\u00ebto cil\u00ebsi i ke \u201ctep\u00ebr\u201d q\u00eb do t\u00eb thot\u00eb mbi \u201cnormalen\u201d dhe lajmi tjet\u00ebr mjaft i keq, \u00ebsht\u00eb se ti ke vajtur drejt tek \u201cila\u00e7et\u201d e \u201cfarmak-farmacis\u00eb\u201d tek \u201cdrogat\u201d gjum\u00ebv\u00ebn\u00ebse kur \u00ebsht\u00eb psikoterapia ajo mrekullia q\u00eb b\u00ebn \u201cmagjirat\u201d e bukura, kur k\u00ebto gj\u00ebndje dihet se nuk jan\u00eb asnj\u00eb lloj \u201cs\u00ebmundje\u201d, por rezultat i m\u00ebnyrave t\u00eb gabuara e katastrofizuese t\u00eb t\u00eb menduarit. Ah, si veprojn\u00eb shpeshher\u00eb k\u00ebta psikiatret tan\u00eb tek t\u00eb ci\u00eblt ju shkoni si ajo \u201cbreshka\u201d tek \u201cnallbani\u201d! Ata veprojn\u00eb nj\u00eblloj sikur themi se p\u00ebr t\u00eb vrar\u00eb nj\u00eb zog \u201cgjuajn\u00eb\u201d me top&#8230; Kur dihet se ila\u00e7et t\u00eb v\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb gjum\u00eb e t\u00eb \u201cp\u00ebrjashtojn\u00eb\u201d nga mendimet, t\u00eb keqijat apo t\u00eb mira, por vet\u00ebm p\u00ebrkoh\u00ebsisht, pra, nuk t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb q\u00eb ti t\u00eb ndryshosh m\u00ebnyrat e t\u00eb menduarit. Pa m\u00eb thuaj: a ka \u201cila\u00e7\u201c q\u00eb ta sh\u00ebroj\u00eb xhelozin\u00eb? P\u00ebr ta kuptuar se \u00e7far\u00eb ndodh psikologjikisht me ju po ju shpjegoj se \u00e7\u2018\u00ebsht\u00eb \u201ct\u00eb folurit fobik\u201d me vete? T\u00eb folurit me vete \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb menduarit, t\u00eb krahasuarit, v\u00ebnia e vetes n\u00eb role t\u00eb ndryshme. M\u00ebnyra sesi ju e b\u00ebni k\u00ebt\u00eb ka shum\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi e luan shum\u00eb rol n\u00eb jet\u00ebn tuaj, pasi shpeshher\u00eb ju b\u00ebn q\u00eb t\u00eb aktivizohet nj\u00eb si \u201cbuton\u201d paniku t\u00eb cilin e kupton se \u00ebsht\u00eb i kot\u00eb, por ec e hiqe, pasi t\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb si refleks i keq i kusht\u00ebzuar kronik. Kur ju i kushtoni shum\u00eb v\u00ebm\u00ebndje gj\u00ebrave q\u00eb nuk i d\u00ebshironi, ato marrin edhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb fuqi, pik\u00ebrisht se ju vet\u00eb i ndaloni i \u201cbllokoni\u201d e nuk i lini q\u00eb t\u00eb ikin, ashtu si ret\u00eb q\u00eb skan\u00eb pun\u00eb me ju. Pik\u00ebrisht kjo b\u00ebn q\u00eb t\u00eb folurit tuaj me vete t\u00eb jet\u00eb me shum\u00eb pyetje q\u00eb fillojn\u00eb me fjal\u00ebt \u201cpo sikur\u201d? Pse?\u00a0 P\u00ebrse? (pa fund) dhe n\u00eb k\u00ebto raste trupi juaj vazhdon ta d\u00ebgjoj\u00eb at\u00eb lloj t\u00eb \u201cfoluri\u201d dhe t\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigjet sikur t\u00eb jet\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb edhe pse nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb&#8230; Kjo do t\u00eb ishte gj\u00eb e bukur e do t\u00eb ju sillte shum\u00eb dobi sikur mendimet t\u00eb ishin realiste e pozitive, por e keqja \u00ebsht\u00eb se si\u00e7 thon\u00eb fetar\u00ebt \u201cshejtani\u201d si papushim t\u00eb p\u00ebshp\u00ebrit t\u00eb gjitha ato t\u00eb cilat ti i ke frik\u00eb apo neveri derisa t\u00eb t\u2019i b\u00ebj\u00eb obsesion ose t\u00eb t\u00eb shkaktoj\u00eb fobi. Prandaj e ka dhe emrin \u201ct\u00eb folurit fobik\u201d ose \u201cobsesiv\u201d me veten pasi \u00ebsht\u00eb ai lloj t\u00eb foluri i cili t\u00eb prish cil\u00ebsin\u00eb e jet\u00ebs dhe t\u00eb shkakton shum\u00eb ankth pasi ka 3 ve\u00e7ori \u00ebsht\u00eb: 1. Negativ, 2. Jo realist. 3. K\u00ebmb\u00ebngul\u00ebs (si tip \u201crrodhe\u201d). Klient\u00ebt e mi \u00e7uditen ose qeshin me lot\u00eb kur un\u00eb jua them se \u00e7far\u00eb ju thot\u00eb atyre ai \u201cz\u00eb\u201d i brendsh\u00ebm i keq, mendja e tyre, e \u201ckeqe\u201d por k\u00ebt\u00eb e b\u00ebj vet\u00ebm pasi zbuloj p\u00ebrse kan\u00eb ardhur, pasi pa treguar ata, ne nuk kemi sesi ta dijm\u00eb, prandaj askush nuk e dallon dot ankthin apo mendimet e ankthiozit ashtu si\u00e7 kujtojn\u00eb ata. Vet\u00ebm pasi ata \u00e7uditen s\u00eb \u201c\u00e7udituri\u201d i njohin se \u00e7\u2018jan\u00eb k\u00ebta lloj obsesionesh, ata dijn\u00eb sesi t\u2019i menaxhojn\u00eb ato dhe duke e humbur friken prej tyre edhe ata vet\u00eb humbasin. Klienteve q\u00eb vijn\u00eb p\u00ebr seanca un\u00eb ju jap dhe nj\u00eb manual me vete n\u00eb lidhje me to. Besoj se me kaq u kuptuam.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8211; Para kat\u00ebr muajve nj\u00eb shoqja ime m\u00eb prezanton t\u00eb dashurin e saj. Dhe pas k\u00ebtij prezantimi biseduam p\u00ebr gjys\u00ebm or\u00eb t\u00eb tre. T\u00eb them t\u00eb drejt\u00ebn ai s\u2019m\u00eb la p\u00ebrshtypjen fare t\u00eb mir\u00eb. Ishte shum\u00eb llafazan dhe fliste e fliste pa pushim. N\u00eb fakt, nuk m\u00eb drejtohej mua, por fliste n\u00eb p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsi. Por pas [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10254","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10254"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10254\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}