{"id":10218,"date":"2015-08-13T15:30:28","date_gmt":"2015-08-13T13:30:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=10218"},"modified":"2015-08-13T13:37:03","modified_gmt":"2015-08-13T11:37:03","slug":"per-te-pasur-nje-martese-te-lumtur","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2015\/08\/per-te-pasur-nje-martese-te-lumtur\/","title":{"rendered":"P\u00ebr t\u00eb pasur nj\u00eb martes\u00eb t\u00eb lumtur…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Megjith\u00ebse n\u00eb dit\u00ebt tona numri i martesave \u00ebsht\u00eb ulur, psikolog\u00ebt thon\u00eb se martesa \u00ebsht\u00eb gj\u00ebja m\u00eb e mir\u00eb q\u00eb mund t\u00eb b\u00ebni p\u00ebr veten tuaj. N\u00eb gazet\u00ebn \u201cNju Jork Tajms\u201d, koh\u00ebt e fundit u publikua ky konkluzion: \u201cMartesa i b\u00ebn njer\u00ebzit m\u00eb t\u00eb lumtur dhe m\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur me jet\u00ebn e tyre, ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht gjat\u00eb periudhave m\u00eb stresante t\u00eb jet\u00ebs, si kriza e mosh\u00ebs s\u00eb mesme\u201d. Por, si mund t\u00eb kesh nj\u00eb martes\u00eb t\u00eb suksesshme? Ne pyet\u00ebm Piter Pirsonin, terapist \u00e7iftesh dhe bashk\u00ebthemelues i Institutit t\u00eb \u00c7ifteve n\u00eb Menlo Park, Kaliforni dhe, ja p\u00ebrgjigjja e tij:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

S\u00eb pari, duhet t\u00eb ekzistoj\u00eb ajo q\u00eb quhet kimi<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cKimia nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb gjith\u00e7ka, por n\u00ebse ajo nuk ekziston, \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb z\u00ebvend\u00ebsohet. N\u00ebse kimia ekziston m\u00eb shum\u00eb te nj\u00ebri prej partner\u00ebve, prap\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcehet. \u00cbsht\u00eb shum\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb krijosh pasionin, kur ai nuk ekziston q\u00eb n\u00eb fillim. N\u00ebse un\u00eb do t\u00eb isha i aft\u00eb ta b\u00ebja pasionin t\u00eb lindte aty ku ai nuk ekziston, do t\u00eb isha m\u00eb i pasur se Bill Gejtsi\u201d. Por, sipas Pirsonit, nuk b\u00ebhet fjal\u00eb vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr kimi seksuale. Nj\u00eb rol t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsish\u00ebm luan edhe kimia tjet\u00ebr, ajo q\u00eb ndjen kur je pran\u00eb personit tjet\u00ebr. Nga eksperienca e tij, kur njer\u00ebzit kan\u00eb lidhje jasht\u00ebmartesore, ky nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb thjesht epsh, por edhe m\u00ebnyra si ndjehesh pran\u00eb atij personi. Kuptimi i saj \u00ebsht\u00eb shpjguar m\u00eb mir\u00eb nga psikologu kanadez, Erik Bern. N\u00eb teorin\u00eb e tij t\u00eb viteve \u201950 dhe \u201960, Berni shpjegon se \u00e7do person ka tre \u201cego\u201d t\u00eb ndryshme:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Prindi: Ajo q\u00eb t\u00eb kan\u00eb m\u00ebsuar prind\u00ebrit.<\/li>\n
  2. F\u00ebmija: Ajo q\u00eb ke ndjer\u00eb n\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebri.<\/li>\n
  3. I rrituri: \u00c7far\u00eb ke m\u00ebsuar.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Kur dy njer\u00ebz jan\u00eb t\u00eb pajtuesh\u00ebm me nj\u00ebri-tjetrin, ata kuptohen mir\u00eb n\u00eb \u00e7do nivel. Pirsoni na dha disa pyetje p\u00eb t\u00eb kuptuar pajtueshm\u00ebrin\u00eb n\u00eb \u00e7do nivel:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Prindi: A keni vlera dhe parime t\u00eb nj\u00ebjta p\u00ebr bot\u00ebn?<\/li>\n
    2. F\u00ebmija: Zbaviteni s\u00eb bashku? Mund t\u00eb jeni spontan\u00eb? Mendoni se partneri juaj \u00ebsht\u00eb seksi? Ju p\u00eblqen t\u00eb udh\u00ebtoni s\u00eb bashku?<\/li>\n
    3. I rrituri: Mendoni se partneri juaj \u00ebsht\u00eb inteligjent? P\u00ebrb\u00ebni nj\u00eb ekip t\u00eb mir\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb zgjidhur problemet?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Idealja do t\u00eb ishte t\u00eb kishin p\u00ebrgjigje pozitive t\u00eb gjitha k\u00ebto pyetje, por kjo, v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb arrihet. Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb, Pirsoni thot\u00eb se njer\u00ebzit shpesh \u201clidhen s\u00eb bashku p\u00ebr t\u00eb ekuilibruar nj\u00ebri-tjetrin\u201d. Nj\u00ebri nga partner\u00ebt mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb zbavit\u00ebs dhe aventurier, nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb tjetri merr p\u00ebrsip\u00ebr rolin e p\u00ebrkujdesjes dhe \u00ebsht\u00eb i p\u00ebrgjegjsh\u00ebm. Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb ndarja e roleve \u00ebsht\u00eb e mir\u00eb p\u00ebr komedit\u00eb romantike, kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e till\u00eb p\u00ebr jet\u00ebn reale. \u201cKjo gj\u00eb funksionon derisa nj\u00ebri lodhet, thot\u00eb Pirsoni, derisa ai fillon t\u00eb b\u00ebrtas\u00eb: \u201cU lodha duke qen\u00eb i vetmi njeri i p\u00ebrgjegjsh\u00ebm n\u00eb \u00e7ift!\u201d.<\/p>\n

      Kur kjo ndodh (ose idealisht, para se t\u00eb ndodh\u00eb), \u00e7ifti duhet t\u00eb kaloj\u00eb procesin e \u201cdiferencimit\u201d.<\/p>\n

      Gjat\u00eb k\u00ebsaj faze me shum\u00eb tension, partner\u00ebt duhet t\u00eb p\u00ebrballen me realitetin: \u201cNe jemi njer\u00ebz t\u00eb ndrysh\u00ebm. Ti je ndryshe nga ajo q\u00eb mendoja ose doja un\u00eb. Ne kemi ide t\u00eb ndryshme, ndjenja dhe interesa t\u00eb ndryshme\u201d.<\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      Diferencimi ka dy p\u00ebrb\u00ebr\u00ebs <\/em><\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Vet\u00ebdiferencimi<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        \u201cKjo \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo q\u00eb jam dhe kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo q\u00eb dua\u201d. Kjo arrihet me an\u00eb t\u00eb shtimit t\u00eb pjekuris\u00eb, dometh\u00ebn\u00eb, t\u00eb dish se \u00e7far\u00eb do, mendon, ndjen dhe d\u00ebshiron…<\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Diferencimi nga tjetri.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Kur ky proces \u00ebsht\u00eb i suksessh\u00ebm, partner\u00ebt kan\u00eb aft\u00ebsin\u00eb t\u00eb jet\u00eb t\u00eb ndar\u00eb nga nj\u00ebri-tjetri dhe t\u00eb bashkuar n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn koh\u00eb. Q\u00eb \u00e7ifti t\u2019i mbijetoj\u00eb procesit t\u00eb diferencimit, sekreti jan\u00eb p\u00ebrpjekjet q\u00eb duhet t\u00eb b\u00ebjn\u00eb t\u00eb dy partner\u00ebt.<\/p>\n

          Por, pavar\u00ebsisht nga k\u00ebto modele teorike, Pirsoni thot\u00eb se pajtueshm\u00ebria mes dy partner\u00ebve \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb nj\u00eb ndjesi, sesa di\u00e7ka q\u00eb ka t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb me arsyen. Ai na jep nj\u00eb test t\u00eb till\u00eb: \u201cN\u00ebse partneri\/ja \u00ebsht\u00eb larg jush p\u00ebr disa dit\u00eb dhe ju shihni n\u00ebp\u00ebr sht\u00ebpi nj\u00eb shall t\u00eb preferuar, nj\u00eb pal\u00eb k\u00ebpuc\u00eb, ose nj\u00eb objekt tjet\u00ebr t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsish\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u00eb, si e ndjeni veten? Ndjeni bezdi se tani duhet t\u00eb rregulloni gj\u00ebra q\u00eb tjetri i ka l\u00ebn\u00eb andej-k\u00ebt\u00ebj, apo ju sjell nd\u00ebrmend kujtime t\u00eb lumtura?\u201d.<\/p>\n

          P\u00ebrgjigjja e k\u00ebsaj pyetjeje ju jep shum\u00eb t\u00eb dh\u00ebna p\u00ebr t\u00eb kuptuar si shkoni me partnerin\/en…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

          Megjith\u00ebse n\u00eb dit\u00ebt tona numri i martesave \u00ebsht\u00eb ulur, psikolog\u00ebt thon\u00eb se martesa \u00ebsht\u00eb gj\u00ebja m\u00eb e mir\u00eb q\u00eb mund t\u00eb b\u00ebni p\u00ebr veten tuaj. N\u00eb gazet\u00ebn \u201cNju Jork Tajms\u201d, koh\u00ebt e fundit u publikua ky konkluzion: \u201cMartesa i b\u00ebn njer\u00ebzit m\u00eb t\u00eb lumtur dhe m\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur me jet\u00ebn e tyre, ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht gjat\u00eb periudhave […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10218","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10218","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10218"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10218\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10218"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10218"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10218"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}