{"id":10102,"date":"2015-07-28T17:30:47","date_gmt":"2015-07-28T15:30:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/?p=10102"},"modified":"2015-07-28T12:46:45","modified_gmt":"2015-07-28T10:46:45","slug":"vjehrra-po-ma-ben-jeten-ferr","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/2015\/07\/vjehrra-po-ma-ben-jeten-ferr\/","title":{"rendered":"Vjehrra po ma b\u00ebn jet\u00ebn ferr!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>&#8211; P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje doktor. Problemi im, n\u00eb shikim t\u00eb par\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i r\u00ebnd\u00eb, por mua ma r\u00ebndon jet\u00ebn deri n\u00eb nj\u00eb pik\u00eb t\u00eb padurueshme. Jam 31 vje\u00e7e, e martuar dhe n\u00ebn\u00eb e dy vajzave t\u00eb vogla 6 dhe 1 vje\u00e7e. Jetoj me burrin dhe prind\u00ebrit e tij, t\u00eb cil\u00ebt ma b\u00ebjn\u00eb jet\u00ebn ferr, sidomos e \u00ebma e cila \u00ebsht\u00eb tip dominant, pretendon se gjith\u00e7ka e b\u00ebn m\u00eb mir\u00eb se un\u00eb dhe thjesht, jeton jet\u00ebn time, duke nisur nga f\u00ebmij\u00ebt e deri te gj\u00ebrat m\u00eb t\u00eb vogla. Un\u00eb jam e arsimuar, jam n\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie pune, si tip jam e qet\u00eb dhe e ndrojtur, urrej shamatat dhe k\u00ebshtu, pas shtat\u00eb vitesh martes\u00eb, jam b\u00ebr\u00eb rob i asaj sht\u00ebpie dhe njeriut kryesor n\u00eb t\u00eb: vjehrr\u00ebs. Problemi q\u00eb dua t\u00eb parashtroj un\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb se pas shtat\u00eb vitesh martes\u00eb, ndjehem shum\u00eb e lodhur dhe marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet me burrin kan\u00eb shkuar deri n\u00eb divorc. Kam r\u00ebn\u00eb shum\u00eb psikikisht, gjith\u00e7ka m\u00eb duket e zez\u00eb, burri m\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb larguar (jo se ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb kemi pasur ndonj\u00eb dashuri t\u00eb flakt\u00eb) dhe tani nuk na lidh m\u00eb asgj\u00eb. Un\u00eb thjesht nuk dua m\u00eb ta kaloj jet\u00ebn n\u00eb ferr p\u00ebr t\u00eb. Vuaj shum\u00eb dhe kam nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr dashuri. Ndoshta e teproj me k\u00ebrkimin e dashuris\u00eb, por kam filluar t\u00eb mendoj se askush nuk m\u00eb do, t\u00eb pyes veten se pse mua nuk m\u00eb do askush, as bashk\u00ebshorti e as njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb m\u00eb rrethojn\u00eb. Kam filluar ta urrej veten se pse jam e till\u00eb. Ndoshta po t\u00eb isha m\u00eb gazmore e m\u00eb e hapur me njer\u00ebzit, do t\u00eb m\u00eb donin. Me k\u00ebto vite q\u00eb kam, nuk m\u00eb ka aspak hije t\u00eb merrem me k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra dhe turp\u00ebrohem nga kjo, por ja q\u00eb un\u00eb vuaj nga ky fakt dhe m\u00eb vjen p\u00ebshtir\u00eb nga vetja. Shpesh ndjehem p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebse p\u00ebr lumturin\u00eb e t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve, kujdesem p\u00ebr ta, por jam shum\u00eb e d\u00ebshp\u00ebruar nga ky fakt, se njer\u00ebzit mir\u00ebsin\u00eb ma marrin p\u00ebr dob\u00ebsi, m\u00eb kan\u00eb shkelur dhe ofenduar ata q\u00eb m\u00eb s\u00eb shumti i kam ndihmuar. M\u00eb p\u00ebrpara nuk kam lejuar k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra t\u00eb m\u00eb prekin dhe duke e ditur natyr\u00ebn njer\u00ebzore kam pritur e p\u00ebrgatitur keqb\u00ebrjen e njer\u00ebzve. Puna \u00ebsht\u00eb se tani jam b\u00ebr\u00eb cop\u00eb-cop\u00eb. Si ta quaj k\u00ebt\u00eb gjendje dhe si ta luftoj? Si t\u00eb b\u00ebhem e pavarur nga dashuria ose mosdashuria e t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve? Si t\u00eb p\u00ebrmbushem dhe t\u00eb vrapoj pas \u00ebndrrave t\u00eb mia e jo t\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve? M\u00eb s\u00eb shumti, ajo q\u00eb m\u00eb b\u00ebn t\u00eb vuaj \u00ebsht\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnia me bashk\u00ebshortin. Si ta kthej dashurin\u00eb ndaj vetes (p\u00ebrher\u00eb kam pasur problem me k\u00ebt\u00eb gj\u00eb) e sidomos at\u00eb t\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebs brenda vetes, vet\u00ebbesimin, vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsimin dhe t\u2019u iki atyre fazave depresive t\u00eb p\u00ebrziera me ankth q\u00eb i kam kaluar disa her\u00eb n\u00eb jet\u00eb? Lash\u00eb edhe shum\u00eb pa shkruar, por n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb gjendje konfuze dhe e frustruar si\u00e7 jam, as q\u00eb mundem m\u00eb. Ju p\u00ebrsh\u00ebndes shum\u00eb dhe shpresoj te p\u00ebrgjigjja juaj.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em><u>Dr. Jashar Demiri, psikolog klinicist:<\/u><\/em><\/strong> &#8211; Q\u00eb t\u00eb mos b\u00ebhem si \u201cbuk\u00eb e p\u00ebrditshme\u201d (e p\u00ebrjavshme) un\u00eb preferova t\u2019ia jap letr\u00ebn tuaj p\u00ebr p\u00ebrgjigje zonjush\u00ebs Euglena Nako, pasi p\u00ebrve\u00e7se \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb doktoresh\u00eb e zgjuar, ajo b\u00ebn edhe studime t\u00eb thelluara n\u00eb fush\u00ebn e psikogjis\u00eb, pra, do t\u00eb jet\u00eb psikologia klinike, psikoterapiste e s\u00eb ardhmes. Ndiqeni at\u00eb dhe pas p\u00ebrgjigjes s\u00eb saj do t\u00eb jeni e mir\u00ebpritur p\u00ebr t\u00eb diskutuar me q\u00ebllim q\u00eb t\u00eb parandalojm\u00eb depresionin, at\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb cilin ju thoni: \u201cPo thyhem dhe jam b\u00ebr\u00eb cop\u00eb-cop\u00eb&#8230;\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; E nderuara zonj\u00eb, quhem Euglena&#8230; Do t\u00eb doja t\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebshilloja si shoqe, si motr\u00ebn time, pasi qenkemi edhe moshatare. Nuk dua t\u00eb humbasim koh\u00eb duke u marr\u00eb me t\u00eb kaluar\u00ebn t\u00ebnde, me faktin q\u00eb mund t\u00eb kesh b\u00ebr\u00eb zgjedhje t\u00eb gabuar p\u00ebrsa i p\u00ebrket martes\u00ebs. Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb q\u00eb vitet kalojn\u00eb, ti e sheh t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb jet\u00ebn me at\u00eb sjellje p\u00ebrul\u00ebsie e pasigurie dhe del e qart\u00eb se shp\u00ebrblimi q\u00eb t\u00eb jepet nuk p\u00ebrputhet me at\u00eb q\u00eb ti meriton. Si\u00e7 e thua ti, n\u00eb at\u00eb sht\u00ebpi po jeton si ndonj\u00eb \u201crobinj\u00eb\u201d dhe vjehrra po ta b\u00ebn jet\u00ebn ferr! E pra, e thot\u00eb populli se edhe durimi e ka nj\u00eb kufi, pasi jep e mos merr nuk shtyhet sepse vuajtja e dhimbjet shtohen. Nj\u00eb shoqja ime, Antoneta nga Elbasani nj\u00eb dit\u00eb m\u00eb tha: \u201cSipas Tolstoit, lumturia vjen kur u sh\u00ebrben t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve, por mua m\u00eb ka ndodhur lumturia ndryshe: un\u00eb e dua shum\u00eb veten e jet\u00ebn time dhe p\u00ebrpiqem q\u00eb t\u00eb jem sa m\u00eb mir\u00eb me veten se vet\u00ebm k\u00ebshtu do t\u00eb mund t\u2019i ndihmoj edhe ata q\u00eb m\u00eb rrethojn\u00eb&#8230; Vet\u00ebkuptohet se sikur un\u00eb t\u00eb bie n\u00eb depresion, qoft\u00eb edhe p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb njer\u00ebzve t\u00eb burrit, ata jo vet\u00ebm q\u00eb s\u2019do t\u00eb ndjeheshin fajtor\u00eb, por mund t\u00eb m\u00eb faj\u00ebsonin mua si t\u00eb \u201cdob\u00ebt\u201d e t\u00eb pap\u00ebrshtatshme p\u00ebr ta&#8230;\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>M\u00eb b\u00ebri aq shum\u00eb p\u00ebrshtypje kjo q\u00eb m\u00eb tha Neta, saq\u00eb do t\u00eb t\u00eb lutesha edhe ty q\u00eb ta analizoje at\u00eb. Tani le ta analizojm\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb letr\u00ebn t\u00ebnde disi m\u00eb \u201cim\u00ebt\u201d. Si\u00e7 del nga letra, ti je nj\u00eb grua me vlera, por martesa do q\u00eb t\u00eb jesh edhe nj\u00eb manaxhuese e mir\u00eb. Ti m\u00eb shum\u00eb i ke kaluar problemet n\u00eb heshtje duke pritur q\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt t\u2019i kuptojn\u00eb vet\u00eb. Duhet t\u2019i njoh\u00ebsh e t\u2019i mbrosh t\u00eb drejtat e tua. Duhet t\u00eb jesh fem\u00ebr e vendosur dhe jo si ai tr\u00ebndafili q\u00eb e mbulojn\u00eb mizat. Duhet t\u2019i bisedosh t\u00eb gjitha shtruar me bashk\u00ebshortin dhe ai t\u00eb jet\u00eb mbrojt\u00ebsi e mb\u00ebshtet\u00ebsi yt kryesor. Me prind\u00ebrit e vet le t\u00eb merret kryesisht ai. N\u00ebse ai s\u2019e luan k\u00ebt\u00eb rol, at\u00ebher\u00eb ti vet\u00eb duhet t\u2019ua v\u00ebsh atyre \u201ckufirin te thana\u201d, si\u00e7 thot\u00eb populli. Jeta jote \u00ebsht\u00eb e jotja dhe askush nuk ka t\u00eb drejt\u00eb t\u00eb ta c\u00ebnoj\u00eb at\u00eb. E drejta p\u00ebr t\u00eb t\u00eb l\u00ebn\u00eb rehat, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb e drejt\u00eb universale. Pasi t\u00eb jen\u00eb konsumuar t\u00eb gjitha mjetet tuaja potenciale p\u00ebr t\u2019u rregulluar brenda p\u00ebr brenda, duhet t\u00eb k\u00ebrkoni edhe ndihm\u00eb nga jasht\u00eb. Por kujdes k\u00ebtu, kur them \u201cnga jasht\u00eb\u201d, nuk kam parasysh njer\u00ebzit tuaj, pasi n\u00eb k\u00ebto raste ata nuk mund t\u00eb gjykojn\u00eb duke qen\u00eb t\u00eb qet\u00eb e t\u00eb paansh\u00ebm, ata do t\u2019ia b\u00ebnin \u201cshto uj\u00eb e shto miell\u201d si te telenovelat, n\u00eb mos mund t\u00eb dilte ndonj\u00eb \u201ccub\u201d i cili n\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u00eb vinte vetullat, do t\u00eb nxirrte syt\u00eb. Me \u201cndihm\u00eb nga jasht\u00eb\u201d, kam parasysh psikologun i cili jo vet\u00ebm q\u00eb njeh ndjenjat e bot\u00ebn t\u00ebnde shpirt\u00ebrore, por \u00ebsht\u00eb edhe sociolog, pra, \u201cdeg\u00ebt\u201d q\u00eb krijojn\u00eb bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebsin\u00eb tuaj do t\u2019i \u201ckrasit\u00eb\u201d e afroj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb t\u00eb pandar\u00eb, n\u00eb mos vjen divorci. Divorcin un\u00eb nuk e shoh si ndonj\u00eb fatalitet, por si nj\u00eb zgjidhje t\u00eb pranueshme, pasi t\u00eb jen\u00eb konsumuar t\u00eb gjitha \u201cmjetet\u201d psikologjike e rrug\u00ebt paq\u00ebsore.<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; Burri juaj duhet t\u00eb kuptoj\u00eb se ashtu si edhe ti, nga kjo lloj sjelljeje do t\u00eb dal\u00eb i d\u00ebmtuar edhe ai, edhe f\u00ebmij\u00ebt tuaj. Ai duhet t\u00eb dij\u00eb se si ta ruaj\u00eb martes\u00ebn dhe k\u00ebtu, si kudo thuhet: hyzmeti-k\u00ebsmeti. Gjykime t\u00eb tilla prej egoisti \u201cun\u00eb dhe s\u2019ka tjet\u00ebr(!)\u201d ndikojn\u00eb negativisht n\u00eb harmonin\u00eb bashk\u00ebshortore e mund t\u00eb \u00e7ojn\u00eb deri n\u00eb ftoht\u00ebsi seksuale. Sjellja prej egoisti dhe mungesa e gjakftoht\u00ebsis\u00eb e irritojn\u00eb dhe e ftohin partnerin seksual, sidomos seksin fem\u00ebr. N\u00eb raste t\u00eb tilla, \u00e7do lloj \u201cteknike\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb pa efektin e duhur, prandaj \u00ebsht\u00eb e nevojshme q\u00eb bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebt t\u00eb njohin reaksionet kryesore t\u00eb seksit tjet\u00ebr dhe t\u2019i respektojn\u00eb ato p\u00ebr t\u00eb shmangur spontanitetin dhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb forcuar harmonin\u00eb bashk\u00ebshortore. Ti je vet\u00eb p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebse p\u00ebr t\u00eb ruajtur at\u00eb q\u00eb ke e p\u00ebr ta p\u00ebrmir\u00ebsuar, n\u00eb mos pasojat do t\u00eb bien po mbi ty. Po t\u00eb tregoj di\u00e7ka: Isha me pushime n\u00eb plazh. N\u00eb kabin\u00ebn fqinje me ne pushonte nj\u00eb \u00e7ift i ri me t\u00eb cil\u00ebt u miq\u00ebsova shpejt. N\u00eb nj\u00eb moment sinqeriteti, gruaja e re m\u00eb tha: \u201cDoktoresh\u00eb Euglena, jam e shqet\u00ebsuar p\u00ebr di\u00e7ka, por se si m\u00eb vjen t\u2019jua them&#8230; Nuk kam m\u00eb tep\u00ebr se 5 vjet martes\u00eb. N\u00eb fillim, jeta intime me burrin m\u00eb jepte shum\u00eb k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsi. Ai \u00ebsht\u00eb plot potenc\u00eb dhe i kujdessh\u00ebm, por un\u00eb k\u00ebto dy-tre vjet\u00ebt e fundit se si jam b\u00ebr\u00eb: jeta intime sikur s\u2019m\u00eb t\u00ebrheq m\u00eb, megjith\u00ebse burrin e dua&#8230; D\u00ebshirat sa vjen e po m\u00eb shuhen. \u00c7\u2019t\u00eb jet\u00eb kjo r\u00ebnie kaq e shpejt\u00eb? M\u00eb duket sikur kam arritur n\u00eb ftoht\u00ebsi seksuale. Ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb mendoj se nuk kam ndonj\u00eb s\u00ebmundje, megjith\u00ebse kur shkojm\u00eb me pushime ose vijm\u00eb n\u00eb plazh d\u00ebshirat seksuale pothuajse m\u00eb rikthehen&#8230; \u00c7\u2019t\u00eb jet\u00eb kjo?\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cS\u2019ka ndonj\u00eb gj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019u shqet\u00ebsuar, i thash\u00eb. Me siguri, lodheni shum\u00eb te firma ose me pun\u00ebt sht\u00ebpiake\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJo, m\u00eb tha ajo, pun\u00ebn e kam t\u00eb mir\u00eb, jam laborante, kurse n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi m\u00eb ndihmon edhe vjehrra. Pastaj, nj\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00eb kam dhe nj\u00eb kunat beqar&#8230; Vet\u00ebm se me vjehrr\u00ebn&#8230; sido q\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqem, nuk shkojm\u00eb mir\u00eb. N\u00eb fakt, ajo n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi punon shum\u00eb, por se\u00e7 ka nj\u00eb frym\u00eb t\u00eb tepruar \u201ckomandimi\u201d p\u00ebr \u00e7do gj\u00eb. Shpesh ma prish p\u00ebr hi\u00e7gj\u00eb dhe burri s\u2019di si t\u00eb veproj\u00eb e mban m\u00eb shum\u00eb an\u00ebn e saj. kjo m\u00eb ftoh me t\u00eb. Se si jetoj n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi me nj\u00eb lloj ndjenje frike e tensioni dhe nuk jam e qet\u00eb si k\u00ebtu. Ndoshta e paska t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb nj\u00eb grua q\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet seksuale t\u2019i shoh\u00eb t\u00eb lidhura ve\u00e7 me momentin, duke harruar se \u00e7far\u00eb i ka ndodhur m\u00eb par\u00eb&#8230;\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Un\u00eb bisedova me t\u00eb shoqin e saj dhe i shpjegova se jeta shpirt\u00ebrore e femr\u00ebs \u00ebsht\u00eb e lidhur ngusht\u00eb me fiziologjin\u00eb e jet\u00ebs seksuale dhe ndikon shum\u00eb mbi t\u00eb. E k\u00ebshillova q\u00eb mund\u00ebsisht t\u00eb k\u00ebrkonin apartament t\u00eb ve\u00e7ant\u00eb p\u00ebr banim sepse grindjet e shpeshta p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb vjehrr\u00ebs mund t\u00eb \u00e7ojn\u00eb n\u00eb humbje t\u00eb pakthyeshme t\u00eb d\u00ebshirave seksuale, dometh\u00ebn\u00eb, n\u00eb ftoht\u00ebsi seksuale, diagnoz\u00eb e cila sh\u00ebrohet me v\u00ebshtir\u00ebsi. Ashtu u b\u00eb dhe jeta bashk\u00ebshortore e seksuale e \u00e7iftit u p\u00ebrmir\u00ebsua shum\u00eb. U \u201cnd\u00ebrpre\u201d ai \u201cngacmuesi\u201d negativ q\u00eb po b\u00ebhej si \u201ckanceri\u201d i martes\u00ebs. Nga njohurit\u00eb, kultura dhe aft\u00ebsit\u00eb e bashk\u00ebshort\u00ebve varet shum\u00eb normalizimi i jet\u00ebs seksuale. Jo vet\u00ebm burri, por edhe gruaja duhet t\u2019i kushtoj\u00eb kujdes normalizimit t\u00eb jet\u00ebs seksuale pasi pasojat e anomalive bien shum\u00eb mbi t\u00eb. Prandaj, gruaja e sotme nuk duhet ta quaj\u00eb jet\u00ebn e vet dhe aktin seksual vet\u00ebm si nj\u00eb detyrim bashk\u00ebshortor, por t\u00eb kujtoj\u00eb se edhe ajo ka t\u00eb drejtat e saj, pasionin e saj seksual dhe k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsia duhet t\u00eb jet\u00eb reciproke. Rastin ta tregova p\u00ebr t\u2019u kuptuar m\u00eb mir\u00eb, por edhe sepse ndiej jo pak krenari q\u00eb shp\u00ebtova nj\u00eb martes\u00eb e cila do t\u2019u shtohej numrit t\u00eb madh t\u00eb \u201cmartesave t\u00eb vdekura\u201d ose divorceve. Je e ftuar p\u00ebr nj\u00eb konsult\u00eb falas.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8211; P\u00ebrsh\u00ebndetje doktor. Problemi im, n\u00eb shikim t\u00eb par\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i r\u00ebnd\u00eb, por mua ma r\u00ebndon jet\u00ebn deri n\u00eb nj\u00eb pik\u00eb t\u00eb padurueshme. Jam 31 vje\u00e7e, e martuar dhe n\u00ebn\u00eb e dy vajzave t\u00eb vogla 6 dhe 1 vje\u00e7e. Jetoj me burrin dhe prind\u00ebrit e tij, t\u00eb cil\u00ebt ma b\u00ebjn\u00eb jet\u00ebn ferr, sidomos e [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10102","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu","category-pyetje-pergjigje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10102","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10102"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10102\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10102"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10102"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10102"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}