<\/p>\n
T\u00eb jetosh n\u00eb \u00e7ift dhe t\u00eb mos grindesh, \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur, megjith\u00ebse thuhet se nuk u shp\u00ebton dot z\u00ebnkave bashk\u00ebshortore. Ne mund t\u00eb m\u00ebsojm\u00eb t\u00eb diskutojm\u00eb edhe p\u00ebr subjekte q\u00eb na nxehin, pa e l\u00ebnduar tjetrin, pa qen\u00eb i dhunsh\u00ebm dhe, mbi t\u00eb gjitha, pa hedhur balt\u00eb mbi dashurin\u00eb. Ja, \u00e7far\u00eb k\u00ebshillon specialistja jon\u00eb…<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n – D\u00ebgjojm\u00eb shpesh s\u00eb z\u00ebnkat jan\u00eb normale, bile t\u00eb mira p\u00ebr nj\u00eb \u00e7ift. \u00c7far\u00eb mendoni ju?<\/strong><\/p>\n – Ne investojm\u00eb shum\u00eb koh\u00eb dhe energji n\u00eb nj\u00eb lidhje dashurore. I zbulojm\u00eb tjetrit intimitetin ton\u00eb, ndajm\u00eb bashk\u00eb jet\u00ebn e p\u00ebrditshme, gj\u00eb q\u00eb krijon momente t\u00eb shumta f\u00ebrkimi dhe acarimi t\u00eb mundsh\u00ebm, por n\u00eb asnj\u00eb rast z\u00ebnkat nuk jan\u00eb t\u00eb detyrueshme. Ato gjithashtu nuk jan\u00eb nj\u00eb shenj\u00eb se \u00e7ifti shkon mir\u00eb, ose se pasioni \u00ebsht\u00eb i paprekur, bile e p\u00ebrkeq\u00ebsojn\u00eb jet\u00ebn n\u00eb \u00e7ift. N\u00ebse p\u00ebrs\u00ebriten, ato t\u00eb shtyjn\u00eb ta konsiderosh tjetrin si armik dhe jo m\u00eb si mik e shok. Bile ka raste kur nj\u00ebri nga partner\u00ebt k\u00ebrkon arsye p\u00ebr t\u2019u z\u00ebn\u00eb vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb sherr, apo p\u00ebr t\u00eb l\u00ebnduar tjetrin.<\/p>\n – Shpesh z\u00ebnka nis nga nj\u00eb pik\u00eb e caktuar, p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrfunduar n\u00eb nj\u00eb rrebesh kritikash. Pse ndodh kjo?<\/strong><\/p>\n – Shum\u00eb shpesh, z\u00ebnka nuk ka lidhje me situat\u00ebn n\u00eb \u00e7ift. P\u00ebr shembull, burri grindet me gruan sepse ajo ka mbajtur nj\u00eb q\u00ebndrim q\u00eb atij nuk i ka p\u00eblqyer. N\u00eb fakt, problemi i v\u00ebrtet\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb se ai mund t\u00eb ndjehet i zhg\u00ebnjyer seksualisht n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb moment, sepse gjendja nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e mir\u00eb mes t\u00eb dyve, por k\u00ebt\u00eb, ai e ka t\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb ta thot\u00eb. Z\u00ebnkat jan\u00eb shpesh kristalizimi i disa zhg\u00ebnjimeve (q\u00eb mund t\u00eb mos ken\u00eb lidhje me \u00e7iftin), i gj\u00ebrave t\u00eb path\u00ebna. Prova e k\u00ebsaj \u00ebsht\u00eb se grindemi m\u00eb rrall\u00eb gjat\u00eb pushimeve, kur jemi larg stresit dhe jet\u00ebs s\u00eb p\u00ebrditshme. Problemi tjet\u00ebr \u00ebsht\u00eb aspekti grumbullues i konflikteve. Shpesh nxjerrim n\u00eb shesh subjektin e z\u00ebnk\u00ebs s\u00eb fundit dhe grumbullojm\u00eb k\u00ebshtu qortimet, me d\u00ebshir\u00ebn p\u00ebr t\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb gjith\u00e7ka kemi brenda.<\/p>\n – Pik\u00ebrisht, th\u00ebnia e k\u00ebtyre gj\u00ebrave nuk na b\u00ebn mir\u00eb? <\/strong><\/p>\n – T\u00eb flas\u00ebsh \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb sesa ta mbash di\u00e7ka p\u00ebrbrenda, por p\u00ebrse t\u00eb pres\u00ebsh sa gj\u00ebrat t\u00eb fryhen shum\u00eb p\u00ebr ta b\u00ebr\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb? M\u00eb mir\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebsosh t\u2019i thuash gj\u00ebrat ndryshe, n\u00eb moment dhe, mbi t\u00eb gjitha, me mir\u00ebsjellje, sepse gjat\u00eb z\u00ebnkave mund ta l\u00ebndosh tjetrin. Sa her\u00eb ju thoni m\u00eb shum\u00eb gj\u00ebra sesa do t\u00eb donit dhe m\u00eb pas pendoheni? Z\u00ebnkat na rr\u00ebmbejn\u00eb dhe k\u00ebshtu, ndodh shpesh q\u00eb personit q\u00eb duam m\u00eb shum\u00eb n\u00eb bot\u00eb, t\u2019i flasim me t\u00eb keq, pa respekt. Vet\u00ebm se dhuna verbale, fizike apo psikologjike e vret \u00e7iftin, her\u00ebt ose von\u00eb dhe nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur t\u2019i rezistosh k\u00ebsaj. Ka fjal\u00eb dhe gjeste q\u00eb nuk harrohen kurr\u00eb. N\u00ebse k\u00ebto z\u00ebnka nuk e vrasin \u00e7iftin, sepse partner\u00ebt vendosin t\u00eb rrin\u00eb bashk\u00eb, ato vrasin dashurin\u00eb.<\/p>\n – Ekzistojn\u00eb z\u00ebnkat \u201ce mira\u201d?<\/strong><\/p>\n – Nuk besoj. Duke filluar nga momenti q\u00eb ka pasur nj\u00eb grindje, mes \u00e7iftit vendoset dhuna e ndjenjat negative dhe nj\u00ebri nga t\u00eb dy mbetet i l\u00ebnduar. Nj\u00eb z\u00ebnk\u00eb \u00abe mir\u00eb\u00bb do t\u00eb ishte n\u00eb realitet nj\u00eb diskutim i mir\u00eb. Ky i fundit mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb mjaft i gjall\u00eb, por gjithmon\u00eb duke respektuar tjetrin. Kur kalojm\u00eb n\u00eb stadin e zem\u00ebrimit, thirrjeve, t\u00eb qarave, fyerjeve, k\u00ebrc\u00ebnimeve, ose edhe m\u00eb keq, t\u00eb ngritjes s\u00eb dor\u00ebs, kjo b\u00ebhet p\u00ebr t\u00eb impresionuar tjetrin, ose p\u00ebr ta manipuluar, p\u00ebr t\u2019i imponuar pik\u00ebv\u00ebshtrimin ton\u00eb. E till\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb z\u00ebnka; nuk i l\u00eb tjetrit mund\u00ebsin\u00eb t\u00eb shpreh\u00eb mendimet e veta.<\/p>\n – Nganj\u00ebher\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb ta evitosh grindjen. Si t\u2019ia arrish k\u00ebsaj?<\/strong><\/p>\n – Duhen dy vet\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u2019u z\u00ebn\u00eb. N\u00ebse nuk i duroni grindjet, at\u00ebher\u00eb b\u00ebjuni bisht atyre! Asgj\u00eb nuk ju pengon t\u00eb thoni \u00abstop, do t\u00eb nxehemi po vazhduam k\u00ebshtu. Un\u00eb t\u00eb dua, nuk dua ta b\u00ebj k\u00ebt\u00eb. Po dal t\u00eb marr pak aj\u00ebr, flasim m\u00eb von\u00eb me qet\u00ebsi\u00bb. M\u00eb pas, merreni shtruar p\u00ebr t\u00eb analizuar subjektin n\u00eb fjal\u00eb dhe p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00ebsuar se \u00e7far\u00eb ju shtyn n\u00eb grindje. \u00cbsht\u00eb nj\u00eb metod\u00eb e mir\u00eb t\u2019i shkruash ato q\u00eb ke p\u00ebr t\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb. Skena e grindjes \u00ebsht\u00eb e vetmja ku askush nuk m\u00ebson tekstin, por q\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00eb din\u00eb ta luajn\u00eb p\u00ebrmend\u00ebsh. P\u00ebrkundrazi, un\u00eb mendoj se duhet m\u00ebsuar teksti. Kur keni di\u00e7ka p\u00ebr t\u2019i th\u00ebn\u00eb dikujt, shkruajeni, p\u00ebr t\u2019i b\u00ebr\u00eb fjal\u00ebt tuaja sa m\u00eb t\u00eb lidhura me faktet, sa m\u00eb t\u00eb ndershme q\u00eb mundeni. Pastaj thuajani, por duke u q\u00ebndruar gjithmon\u00eb besnik fakteve. Kurr\u00eb mos u grindni me sms apo email. K\u00ebshtu mund t\u00eb lindin keqkuptime, nervozizma ose keqinterpretime dhe, l\u00ebm\u00eb edhe gjurm\u00eb t\u00eb shkruara, gj\u00ebja m\u00eb e keqe n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb mes. Gj\u00ebrat, tjetrit i duhen th\u00ebn\u00eb vet\u00ebm ball\u00eb p\u00ebr ball\u00eb.<\/p>\n – Shumica e z\u00ebnkave n\u00eb \u00e7ift p\u00ebrs\u00ebriten, pasi rishfaqen t\u00eb nj\u00ebjtat subjekte. Si t\u00eb dal\u00ebsh nga kjo situat\u00eb?<\/strong><\/p>\n – Pasi ke zgjedhur nj\u00eb njeri, duhet pranuar ai ashtu si \u00ebsht\u00eb. Njer\u00ebzit nuk ndryshojn\u00eb. V\u00ebshtir\u00ebsia q\u00ebndron n\u00eb faktin se e marrim \u00e7iftin si t\u00eb mir\u00ebqen\u00eb dhe tjetrin, si pjes\u00ebn q\u00eb na plot\u00ebson. Ne nuk mund ta qortojm\u00eb tjetrin p\u00ebr origjin\u00ebn, opinionet, familjen dhe fen\u00eb e tij… pra, se \u00ebsht\u00eb ai q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb. N\u00eb parim, ai nuk ju ka tradhtuar, ju e dinit q\u00eb n\u00eb fillim se kush ishte. Pyetja e duhur q\u00eb duhet t\u2019i b\u00ebni vetes \u00ebsht\u00eb pse ju bezdis nj\u00eb q\u00ebndrim i till\u00eb. Le t\u00eb marrim shembullin e nj\u00eb gruaje q\u00eb mendon se bashk\u00ebshorti i saj kalon shum\u00eb koh\u00eb duke b\u00ebr\u00eb sport. A \u00ebsht\u00eb v\u00ebrtet fakti se b\u00ebn sport, ai q\u00eb e bezdis apo fakti se gjat\u00eb k\u00ebsaj kohe ajo \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi? Apo ngaq\u00eb ka nj\u00eb vajz\u00eb t\u00eb bukur n\u00eb sall\u00ebn e palestr\u00ebs? Apo ajo \u00ebsht\u00eb pak xheloze, sepse ajo vet\u00eb nuk b\u00ebn sport? Duke ditur k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra, mund t\u00eb diskutosh me tjetrin dhe m\u00eb pas, gjith\u00e7ka mund t\u00eb negociohet. Nuk mund ta zgjidh\u00ebsh gjith\u00e7ka me nj\u00eb diskutim, por mund t\u00eb merren vendime, me objektiva, afate. M\u00eb pas mund t\u00eb kthesh faqe, t\u00eb p\u00ebrqafosh tjetrin, t\u2019i thuash q\u00eb e do dhe t\u00eb kalosh n\u00eb di\u00e7ka tjet\u00ebr.<\/p>\n – \u00c7far\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebsh kur ndjen q\u00eb diskutimi \u00ebsht\u00eb pa krye?<\/strong><\/p>\n – Mund t\u00eb b\u00ebsh nj\u00eb pauz\u00eb, t\u2019i thuash vetes se jeni shum\u00eb t\u00eb nervozuar, t\u00eb paaft\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb d\u00ebgjuar tjetrin e p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrparuar dhe mund t\u00eb fiksoni nj\u00eb takim tjet\u00ebr p\u00ebr t\u00eb folur p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb. Por kujdes, duhet q\u00eb diskutimi t\u00eb mb\u00ebshtetet mbi nj\u00eb subjekt real, jo mbi nj\u00eb qortim. Shum\u00eb shpesh subjekti \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsues. P\u00ebr shembull, n\u00ebse ju i thoni bashk\u00ebshortit se ju ka ardhur n\u00eb maj\u00eb t\u00eb hund\u00ebs q\u00eb mamaja e tij fut hund\u00ebt, kjo do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se juve ju duket se ajo fut hund\u00ebt. Tjet\u00ebr gj\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u2019i k\u00ebrkosh atij t\u00eb mos i tregoj\u00eb asaj z\u00ebnkat tuaja. Edhe n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb rast, duhet par\u00eb m\u00eb larg. \u00cbsht\u00eb mamaja e tij q\u00eb fut hund\u00ebt, apo \u00ebsht\u00eb ai q\u00eb ende nuk e ka prer\u00eb kordonin e k\u00ebrthiz\u00ebs me t\u00eb?<\/p>\n – A mund t\u00eb jetohet v\u00ebrtet n\u00eb \u00e7ift pa u grindur?<\/strong><\/p>\n – Ka shum\u00eb \u00e7ifte q\u00eb nuk grinden kurr\u00eb dhe shkojn\u00eb shum\u00eb mir\u00eb. Z\u00ebnka \u00ebsht\u00eb thjesht nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb gj\u00ebrat dhe k\u00ebto \u00e7ifte refuzojn\u00eb t\u2019i thon\u00eb gj\u00ebrat n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb. S\u00eb bashku mund t\u00eb vendosim t\u00eb mos grindemi. N\u00ebse vendosim t\u00eb ndajm\u00eb me tjetrin vite t\u00eb bukura, ia vlen t\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqemi t\u00eb mos i prishim jet\u00ebn nj\u00ebri-tjetrit dhe ta trajtojm\u00eb tjetrin si shokun\/shoqen ton\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00eb.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 10 k\u00ebshilla p\u00ebr t\u00eb evituar z\u00ebnkat<\/strong><\/p>\n – Kujtohuni q\u00eb ju e doni bashk\u00ebshortin\/en tuaj, pra, ai\/ajo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb armiku juaj q\u00eb duhet luftuar me \u00e7do kusht.<\/p>\n – Thuajini gj\u00ebrat n\u00eb moment dhe but\u00ebsisht. Evitoni l\u00ebndimin e tjetrit, aq m\u00eb tep\u00ebr q\u00eb di\u00e7ka e till\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb joproduktive.<\/p>\n – Mos e akuzoni tjetrin, as mos p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsoni. Ka nj\u00eb ndryshim mes t\u00eb th\u00ebnit \u00abti nuk i rregullon kurr\u00eb \u00e7orapet e tua\u00bb dhe \u00abI ke l\u00ebn\u00eb \u00e7orapet e tua n\u00eb dhom\u00eb. Mund t\u2019i rregullosh, t\u00eb lutem?\u00bb.<\/p>\n – N\u00ebse ndjeni se rritet zem\u00ebrimi, dilni nga dhoma dhe b\u00ebni nj\u00eb sht\u00ebtitje. \u00cbsht\u00eb m\u00ebnyra m\u00eb e mir\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb evituar konfliktin.<\/p>\n – Mos e qortoni tjetrin pse \u00ebsht\u00eb ashtu si \u00ebsht\u00eb. Mos qortoni opinionet e tij, origjin\u00ebn, familjen, fizikun, fen\u00eb… por edhe f\u00ebmij\u00ebt, sidomos n\u00ebse nuk jan\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt.<\/p>\n – Pranojini gabimet tuaja. N\u00eb nj\u00eb moment qet\u00ebsie, bini dakord mbi faktin se faji gjithmon\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb i t\u00eb dyve. Kjo do t\u2019ju lejoj\u00eb, gjat\u00eb nj\u00eb z\u00ebnke, q\u00eb nj\u00ebri nga t\u00eb dy ta kujtoj\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb dhe t\u00eb qet\u00ebsoj\u00eb situat\u00ebn. Nuk ka kuptim t\u00eb duash me \u00e7do kusht t\u00eb provosh se ke t\u00eb drejt\u00eb. E r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm t\u00eb gjendet nj\u00eb zgjidhje p\u00ebr problemin.<\/p>\n – Mos u grindni n\u00eb publik, para t\u00eb af\u00ebrmve, miqve, f\u00ebmij\u00ebve. Kjo nuk do t\u00eb thot\u00eb se nuk duhet t\u00eb shpreh\u00ebsh se nuk je dakord me di\u00e7ka, por, t\u00eb mos tregosh respekt p\u00ebr tjetrin para njer\u00ebzve q\u00eb i do, \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e r\u00ebnd\u00eb.<\/p>\n – Mos fyeni, k\u00ebrc\u00ebnoni, apo ngrini dor\u00ebn. Respekti ndaj tjetrit tregohet n\u00eb shum\u00eb detaje.<\/p>\n – Jini t\u00eb ndersh\u00ebm ndaj vetes. Evitoni manipulimin, teatrot… Kur ndjeni se do t\u00eb filloni t\u00eb b\u00ebrtisni, qani, apo k\u00ebrc\u00ebnoni, thuajini vetes se po e teproni dhe se \u00e7ifti juaj nuk funksionon n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb.<\/p>\n – M\u00ebsoni t\u00eb k\u00ebrkoni falje. Ideale do t\u00eb ishte n\u00eb moment, p\u00ebrndryshe, m\u00eb von\u00eb, m\u00ebsoni t\u00eb thoni se keni gabuar, q\u00eb keni vajtur shum\u00eb larg, q\u00eb nuk e mendonit at\u00eb q\u00eb keni th\u00ebn\u00eb, q\u00eb ju vjen keq.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" T\u00eb jetosh n\u00eb \u00e7ift dhe t\u00eb mos grindesh, \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur, megjith\u00ebse thuhet se nuk u shp\u00ebton dot z\u00ebnkave bashk\u00ebshortore. Ne mund t\u00eb m\u00ebsojm\u00eb t\u00eb diskutojm\u00eb edhe p\u00ebr subjekte q\u00eb na nxehin, pa e l\u00ebnduar tjetrin, pa qen\u00eb i dhunsh\u00ebm dhe, mbi t\u00eb gjitha, pa hedhur balt\u00eb mbi dashurin\u00eb. Ja, \u00e7far\u00eb k\u00ebshillon specialistja jon\u00eb… […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[86],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10037","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psikologu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10037","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10037"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10037\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10037"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10037"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intervista.al\/web\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10037"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}